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Lodewijkp your relationship advice has been a good read so far. Just a quick one though, when you mention not being reactive (emotional) what context to you mean this in? can you give some specific examples or go into a little bit more detail for me. as i often hear not to be reactive, but cant understand how you cannot be emotonal as a human being
thanks
immaculate42 says enough..... You can experience emotions but it doesn't mean you have to express them.
Being emotional is not a weakness ... it's only when you express your emotions in a certain way which can effect your life in a negative way. As a kid when you have candy and i steal it you probably become angry and so forth. Same with reacting to people , you only react emotionally if you perceive them as value - reacting angry is a huge turnoff for most people, i've seen it in the club and on other locations. When you react angry on someones comment or neg ( like you want to punch them or just plain angry) you are expressing your emotions ; the problem is you are easily affected emotionally.
You are a threat in the enviroment ( the club as example ) because you want to start a fight and everyone notices it thus you endanger their state. People experience good emotions and now you are in their focus as a threat because you draw alot of attention. The good emotions other people are experiencing are now decreasing because they focus on a threat to the collective well being (
since they experience their own and other good emotions as value ).
You might entertain some dudes with your behaviour but most woman are turned off by it.
2.
The guy who shows his emotions thus revealing his psychological weakness is prone to be weeded out of existence from a evolutionary perspective , you have a possiblity guys will hammer you with stones but you can also ask for it by expressing without calibration and logic.
Men who are easily affected and can't control their emotions will lose control - some of them punch woman and so forth -
the reason why woman congruence test you is not only because they want to know if you being real and congruent ( not setting up a fake identity to impress ) but also if you can deal with a variety of emotions.
When you react to this other dude who is negging you ( you become angry etc) you perceive him as value because you care, when you treat someone who is of value ( in your perception).. .well ... how would woman perceive it / respond to it?
-- if someone is dominant in your RES wether negative or positive you are reacting, guys who are totally gay do not focus on woman thus woman are not in their RES and they are not assigning value to the object/person or interaction.... this is why alot of girls like to talk to gay dudes because most of them are emotionally unaffected when communicating with woman - this is also the reason why most girls are attracted to gay dudes because they can express themselfs and feel safe.
The most attractive feat in general is being social or being capable of dealing with social situations ( personally being rooted in yourself and knowing what you value is more important to me )because that's one of the human strengths - we developed as a social cohesive species.
Being the source of good emotions is one of the highest value when picking up woman ... you can be the biggest nerd you can be the biggest chode BUT if you are the source of good emotions and you are not reacting you probably could pickup a variety of woman straight away.
Static confidence ( confidence based on internal factors instead of external like other people ) or
core confidence + ability to spike emotions + being unreactive is just badass ...... you can compete with celebrities for woman when possessing these traits.
there is just one paradox here ..... When you are affected by others .. it's reactive ... but what if i express good emotions to other people ?
Well expressing alot of good emotions can also be a disadvantage because it can look like you are trying to convey or persuade someone thus it's also reactive because the person you are interacting with can rationalize you are trying to pick them up.....when im going out i also interacts with guys and girls im not attracted to, i actually talk to alot of guys - when your giving good emotions to anyone it's less likely people will think you are trying to pick them up. The more space you take up at one indivdual the more value you unconciously assign to this person because you got a reason to interact with them ....
''value - wether good emotions or attention ''
expressing ''bad'' emotions is a huge turnoff but expressing good emotions is a favorable trait as long you don't do it because other persons are putting you in state. When you are getting good emotions because a woman is giving you affirmation or attention you are also reactive.... you should express good emotions without someones permission - you should be enjoying yourself because you like yourself and not because someone is enjoying you.
It's ok to feel good emotions when interacting with woman there is nothing wrong with it and it's a bonus.
reacting vs unreacting ( conversation output vs input ) You have certain volumes or percentages in a interaction , somebody is always reacting more.
you could be reacting 80 % ... or 50 % ... maybe even less, if you are reacting 50 % and the other person is reacting 50 % thus it's equal you probably have 2 very enlightened individuals who are both the source of good emotions.
You don't have to be unreactive all the time you just don't want to be more reactive than the other person - and if you are reacting too much you can change the conversational input/output %.
be aware when you are reacting too much - because what happens very often is you react a few times and it becomes a repeative behavioural pattern , so be aware but don't be afraid to react.
in relationships it's very different.... i would react sometimes just because i would allow myself to do it. i would not react in relationships of 2 or 5 months... probably only in long existing relationships. The truth is you don't know people in a short period of time and from experience you sometimes don't know people after 6 months ... they could have put up these fake indentities because they perceive you as value and they want to impress you no matter what - she wants to look like the virgin mary just for your validation.
And when she doesn't value you anymore her real personality emerges, she does bad shit .. she cheats or something and you are like '' how could she so this to me '' . Don't react 100 % to person who you don't know , don't react 100 % to persons you have 6 month relationships with. When you are a open door people can manipulate you instead of you they are the ones who are taking control of your emotions ( most people are unconcious of it ) and she takes control of the relationship.
don't be a open door because you are in love , you had sex or you are having a 6 month relationship.
Don't engage woman (or people in general) who are reacting 100 % to you ... they want something from you - if you have a relationship with someone who is 100 % reactive you will become chode/AFCísh as well over a longer period of time, they say enviroment is a deciding factor regarding your behaviour and im certain enviroments are influencing you all the time.
Instead approach people who are not interested in you because that's probably their real personality - maybe even if they say fuck you or whatever. Woman who want dick are not trustworthy because woman are everywhere , woman who desperately need boyfriend need dick would go for everything... woman who value dick in general as their top priority are not trustworthy woman.
I do not like dick liking woman.. because i don't like dick - we don't share the same ideals.
I hook up with everyone... dating girls just because im doing research and i need reference experiences for writing my book + you have only one life and if you can get good sex you shouldn't have to turn away from that offer - just don't get into relationships with broken doorknobs like i do.[/u]
one last advice ... don't beat yourself when picking up girls , rather beat yourself up when you can't maintain a relationship. if you only pickup 10 % instead of 30 % it doesn't mean you are less capable of picking up woman - don't look at the result or number ... Look at the process and quality. pickup less garbage girls and alley cats, interact with garbage girls for the skills only.
CHAT
I see you have a very similar mind set as mine, except im younger and gained this knowledge through reading rather than experience. Not saying that i lack experience but acknowledging the fact that you are a wiser man