I have an ongoing "relationship" for about 2 years. I hesitate to call it a "relationship" because I was pure AFC when I met her, made every mistake possible, and she had all the power. We only officially dated for 4 months. Even so, we still have had sex once or twice a month for about 1 1/2 yrs.

I would like input from experienced guys, on how much AFC damage can be reversed ? Can you be a chode for a long time, lose status with a woman, and then reverse it ? Is it even worth doing, or is this just a drain on my mental energy ?

I am a middle aged dude and I don't go out except on weekends. I have become much more picky and I don't even go for the "doable" women anymore, and I think it may be because I have this long term FB woman in the back of my mind. Usually when I go out it is just to get out of the house.

I am not getting laid enough in general, and I have hurt pride knowing I was a fool for a long time. I also know that with the FB woman, I am basically an orbiter except that I do get sex occasionally. I don't think she sees me as significant, and tells me she is "seeing" someone, but then has sex with me anyway, and I leave afterwards.

My question is, can the AFC damage be undone with this woman ? Also, is it worth it ? This woman is not classically beautifull but sexually really does it for me. I sometimes wonder if I am a victim of "sunk cost bias" where I think about all the time we spent together and just plain comfort level. There have also been some bad times, but I mostly blame myself for being an AFC and not "handling my bitch" if you know what I mean. She can be feisty, throws tests, tries to lead, tries to get me to buy her stuff, etc. I don't fall for it anymore, but I seem to be stuck as just an orbiter. I am not even interested in monogamy, don't really believe in it anymore (neither does she, and she is bisexual).

I would say its oneitis, because for a while it definitely was, but I have now been with 5 other women in the past couple months. I have become judgemental and always find a flaw and stop calling them.

Any advice from experienced guys is appreciated.

Hi Brian..

I dont understand.. You are in a relationship or not? Is it open? I dont understand much your post..

But i guess the main question is "can """""afc"""" damage be undone?"

Notice the many " in afc.. Cause you need to stop using that word ..

When she meet you, she like you.. even though you were 'afc'.. Now, you are no longer afc? Well, you are still the same person as you was before. You just have improved alot.. In the lines of jelousy and being alpha, taking control ect.. But you are still you...

And so, the girl will still love you, like when you were afc.. But she will love you even more cause she can see you have improved alot.. You are no longer jelous over stupid stuff, you decide what resturant to go to.. You make the decisions ect..

IF it's like that.. Good for you!!

It's actually better to have been afc, then to never have been afc..

Also, this girl is still with you right? So what damage have you done?

OR has she left you? In that case, unless it was really special and really something.. If she didnt want you as AFC, she dont deserve you as ALPHA..