I actually agree with what your saying, but at the same time where I'm a stubborn person I'd rather just not speak to them, the bring nothing positive to my life, well my ex never, just she was always down, bringing me down to her level so my conclusion was cut contact and not hear from her.

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: Blog entries@ http://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com/

And I know where you are coming from too and that is the confusing part. It's about interpretering situations and the opposite actions you can take. Sometimes both seem logical, so that keeps me confused.

I always liked the conversations with my ex. Would I enjoy more? Yes. I even would like to sleep with her again. Not because she is the only fun girl to have sex with, because I decide that SHE in particular gives me a good feeling and a lot of fun. If she doesn't want that with me, why bother? Just go with the flow.

We need other people to make us smile and feel good.

That's fair enough, your ex made you smile that's good, I stopped smiling with mine, she was continuously upset, down and seemed depressed, looking for way too much attention, so that's where i think, do i want more conversations with her? My answer: Not really, because she stopped bringing good and the best out of me, instead tried bringing me down with her shit, and I've gone off negative women!

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And with that said you are better of this way. She was just beeing an emotional vampire. So the way you handled it is the only right way. She would just be a weight on your shoulders. And I don't need to tell you this, I know.

Every girl is unique. Every girl has a way about her that makes her different in every situation. I took several girls on dates to a park where I would feed some ducks with her. When I did this with my ex it was just hilarious. I would like to do it again sometime.

'I enjoyed your company feeding ducks a couple of months ago. I liked the way you almost decapitated one with a piece of bread, you horrible animal!Put on your coat and let's go feed some ducks'

It's something that I want to do with her just out of fun not because I need it. But it comes across needy. In a way you will alway be needy because you need other people to be happy. You ALWAYS care when you interact with another human beeing.

I like your way of thinking and agree with a lot, glad someone's on the same level as me.

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: Blog entries@ http://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com/

I just had a conversation going with my ex and it went well. We both had a good time. I told her that I wasn’t sure if I would want to invest more in having a friendship with her and it struck her hard. She almost cried. I told her that I still have feelings for her and that I know she still finds me very attractive because of the particular way she moves when I say stuff. I just didn’t care what I was saying to her.

She wanted to make an appointment so she could give me the stuff back she borrowed from me. I’ll see her on the 8th of June.
For me between now and the 8th of June is my opportunity to self development. It’s something I want to do for myself. Every single person around you and the way they are responding to you is a mirror that reflects who you are. I want to look in that mirror and feel accomplishment. I will be rewarded for who I am when my ex will laugh, will get excited or even kiss me. Everything she will do is a reflection of how well I did and that my efforts to be better paid off.

Again it’s just like a guitar. You pick it up, you put time and effort in playing it and you’ll be rewarded by a smooth played song. You can’t be fulfilled on your own. You need interaction with someone or something and put care into what you do. Everything and everyone around you is a tool a lesson to make yourself happy.

Like I said; I will be a bit disappointed when she doesn’t react the way I want her to. Next time I will try harder. It doesn’t affect the way I feel inside my heart, it will just motivate me to become better. It’s not about her or other girls. It’s about me being rewarded for my hard work and the positive feedback around me.

That's the reason I let go (in bold)

I wanted to better myself, be rewarded in my inner game, I'm often prepared for the worse and best these days, so I have a plan either way.

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: Blog entries@ http://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com/

That's perfect. You do it for your self and that is what it is all about.

I just talked to her and she told me that she isn't sure if she can do it; seeing eachother more and stuff. She needs to know what she feels and how it goes when I see her.

I will keep you posted on how things go. I'm excited to work on myself.

Well done man, don't let emotions grab you, be yourself and think of all the possibilities, along with how you will be happy. Hope all goes well!

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: Blog entries@ http://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com/

Thanks Chelios.. Good luck to you too..

Lodewijk? Girls that have problems always come to me to talk about their problems.

This is what you said;

you cannot convice woman with logic because from a psychological perspective they are emotional creatures which backward rationalize alot. If you try to get a message across with pure logic she might rationalize it to anything just to justify her own actions.

You also mentioned;

When someone is having a problem they want you to confirm their reality by telling them how bad it is and how much victim they are or they want you to tell ''it's ok'' so they can feed their own negative reality without taking action to change. if you are not reacting to their behavioural patterns or reality they tend to push you out of it ,
people want you to react negative so they can feel like a victim and do nothing - or they want you to react with '' it's ok '' so they get a feeling of acceptance and repeat their issue over and over because they identify with the problem - they want you to tell them it's ok to identify with it - they want you to tell them it's who they are.

So, you can't confirm, react negative or give them a feeling of acceptance but you also can't react logical. So what's left to say? Give her solutions to her problems is the same thing as being logical?

she sometimes does this,telling me all between us is a joke or talking about this guy to make me jealous,i know she is playing but it's fucking with my mind.sometimes she eventually does get a reaction from me and we start a fight.she said she does it just to spark the attraction,so it's not monotone.ok,it helps me become unreactive,but i don't like it. i don't know this i can't find out this for sure either
she called me a night ago telling me that i don't talk to her enough,etc but she can't force myself to be attracted to her.
So...i don't know how she got me,but next i started talking about the future with her,asking her what does she want(i know attraction killer).
I told myself that i'm gonna be more close to her after that call,but really-nothing changed(or maybe it got worse idk).she started creating fake fights+doesn't let me escalate sometimes.I can't be unreactive to that,i believe i should punish the behaviour.Whatever i'm gonna do,i guess she's gonna be the same person.

I keep wondering if the no contact rule is such a good thing. I understand she can't value what is still there, that she will probably miss me in the end, but there is also the chance that the feelings in her heart will fade by doing this. Women are emotional creatures and I wonder if I can push and pull her a bit.

4 days no contact and 1 day great contact getting her smiling, aroused. I think she needs a different approach. Her parents treat her like shit so she can use some loving, I think she has a fear of commitment and my fault was giving up my awesome manliness and she felled pressured so she left.

I think she is lonely and that she is recovering from the break-up and trying to go on with a different life while she is healing her wounds. She is trying to get by without any positive feelings right now. So what if I were the only moments in her life giving her positive feelings?

What do you guys think? Active role or passive

My honest opinion is, your relying on this situation too much, I know how you feel, I was the same not long ago. I bet she's on your mind alot? Thinking whether you should contact her or not? Hoping she contacts you, etc.

Passive approach man, let her come to you, let her miss you, if she don't, it shows what you need to know in my opinion.

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Been there, done it, oh and still doing it!

: Blog entries@ http://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com/

whenever i talk to girls i usually have a good way to enter and be part of the conversation. however, this shortly dies down and i have no understanding of carrying the conversation. im 16 right now so i guess some things i coud talk about wouldnt be relevant. apparently i tend to focus my attention about me, which is probably the worst thing i could do. so bro i hope you can help me on this

the reason i also ask is that im scared that im in a relationship and shell eventually find me boring and end the relationship.

You are right, Chelios. I will just let go now..

Thanks dude