Hi guys,

Me and a girl I met at uni have been seeing each other for about a month now. The other day I was walking down the street with her and went to kiss her on the cheek and she pulled away and said she doesnt like affection in public. Ok, Im not like that, but Ill respect it.

Later she told me that it was also partly because she saw a guy she knows when I went to kiss her and doesnt want people to start asking questions about us!

I didnt understand why so I started asking and was getting a bit pissed off. She said that cos were not in a relationship then she doesnt want people to know.

I said that we are basically in a relationship and the the only difference is the way she is labeling it. (we see each other every day and spend more nights in each others beds than in our own, and are quite affectionate with each other......as long as no one else is there lol. She also wants me to meet her family and to go on festivals with her in the summer)

I also said that if she doesnt want people to know that she is seeing me then maybe she shouldnt see me and that Im not going be a little secret that she can have but not tell anyone about.

The she said that we are not in a relationship because she wouldnt care if I slept with other people ...Actually I think she would because she got quite upset and quiet when I said that I slept with another girl soon after meeting her. But at the time (when I slept with someone else) this girl Im seeing told me that she didnt want anything to happen between us because she likes this other guy which is why I slept with this other girl. Id already slept with the girl Im seeing the first day we met btw, and we are just like a couple (except in public) so I dont think there's any "friend zone" issues.

She kept tutting when I talked about it like I didnt have a right to be annoyed, and then kept saying that she doesnt want to argue as has an exam in a few days and needs to focus on that, which actually just pissed me off even more! I said that she needs to respect the fact that this has annoyed me as I have every right to be annoyed. But I said Ill try and forget about it until then as I know these exams are important for her...

Part of the reason she doesn't like the idea of being in a relationship with me is that she is finishing uni so going back to London, but Im staying here next year, so she doesn't think there is much point. Also though, when we first started seeing each other, she said that she still really liked another guy who she was seeing for 5 months but who didnt want a relationship with her...Im thinking she still likes this guys and doesnt want news to get back to him that she is seeing someone...could be wrong but is a real possibility.

So.....do I have a right to me annoyed with her?

Im tempted to just tell her that I dont want to see here anymore. I really do cos we get on so well, but I find it insulting if she wants to see me but doesnt want anyone to know and that she possibly still likes someone else.

Thanks
Jonny

She not telling you the truth. If a women likes a guy enouph she will make it work no matter what! Yes she prob does have feelings for you but she knows you will stick around and you are convenient.

What will happen? She will keep you around until she finds somone eles who she perceives is a better match for her. Dont try to make sens of it! Women think very diffrent then us men and you must understand that in order to make women fall deeply in love with you.

Men think more with the logical part of the brain were as women think more with the emotional and artistic part of the brain. Men are driven by Logic and women by emotions so what makes sens to you will not make sens to her.

What should you do? Tell her that you really like her but you no longer want to have a relationship in any way with her. Tell her you want a relationship as her boyfriend and you want to be the number one man in her life and since she doesnt want the same things you are going to end it before you begin to have strong feelings for her. Tell her you hope she finds somone who treats her amazing and who she cares about. End of story...dont blaber on just end it on that note, give her a hug and leave.

What will happen? well once of two things but 9/10 times 2# will happen:

1# She doesnt care and you both move on with your lifes (this rarley happens).

#2 She will say ok and act like she is fine with it...really what you have said completely will catch her off guard and the minute you leave she will feel a sens of loss, she will realize that you are now the one who has all the power, it will trigger her emotions (the part of the brain women think with) and she will start to feel really stupid for leting a good guy walk out on her.

Now dont contact her at all over a week or two and dont talk to her unless she contacts you...if she does contact you and she wants to have a relationship make it clear that she has to work! she has to show that she wants a relationship! you have done your part and she needs to know do hers.

Now if she doesnt contact you then dont worry...I would say end it but if you do want to see how she is then wait a couple weeks and when you do contact her dont be a total afc just make small talk and see how she feels about you...if she still seems to not care than just end things and move on.

great reply mate,

This is exactly what I was planning to do actually so its reassuring that you said it, and for the same reasons....I am expecting option 2 to happen, but that is not the reason Im doing it. I guess that's more of a bonus really lol.

Yer I think that if she wanted me enough then she would do anything to make it work and she would, if anything, want people to know that we are together. I think she must still like that other guy. I dont think her knowing that it can only last a few months before she leaves uni is a good excuse because as you said, girls think emotionally and so if she wanted me enough then this wouldnt matter.

I will ask her about if her liking this other guy is the reason and say that I don't want to see her cos I dont want to be second best. And Ill secretly hope that option 2 happens lol.

I dont think I would have instinctively done this a few months ago, but since watching half of the blueprint by Tyler and forcing myself to approach I have got many more girls and my inner game has gone way up. When I have inner game I instinctively make the right decisions as I know its not the end of the world if I lose a girl as can get more.

On a very slightly related subject....do you find it a bit shit that human behavior is so easily manipulated (like option 2 in your post: the reason that she could possibly realise her loss and want me more if I say I dont want to see her anymore while being second best guy is because it is shows that Im not going to put up with anything to keep her which implies that I can get other girls and so increases my value and therefore attractiveness)?

Thanks
Jonny

remember: a pua should always be willing to walk away. make sure she's always aware of that (and that there wont be any hard feelings)

Iv had second thoughts about this now....

By saying I dont want to see her anymore am I just ruining my chances of having a relationship with her? I mean if we keep seeing each other she could feel more strongly for me and be prepared to let us be "official". Weve been seeing each other a month which isnt that long.

Am I being stupid and letting pride get in the way by saying I dont want to see her unless she's definately over this other guy? Am I I just letting my ego get in the way?

Or do you think that guys should only bother trying to have relationships with girls that have no feeling for anyone else?
I mean obviously you dont want a gf that likes someone else, but what about when ur just starting seeing someone? Surely the best way to get them over an old bf is to keep seeing them so they start having stronger feeling for you instead?

Thanks
Jonny