My gf has very low self esteem! she is a beautiful women! but her dad was emotionally abusive to her and her mother growing up so im guessing this is why she has this problem?

She tells me that she knows I wont cheat but that I will leave her for somone better looking ect ect (her father did this to her mother). I have told her that it wont happend and that I have sympathy for her situation but i shouldnt be punished for other people mistakes...I also tell her she has nothing to worry about.

The problem is that its not atractive at all! I want a confident women who knows she hot! shes very good looking but she doesnt think so and it makes me question "am i really to good for her" I know thats a horrible thought but when your gf keeps basicaly telling you that it makes you think wtf? lol

so what am I to do guys? we always talk about high value...I think my value is a little to high with her lol

No offense but this shows that you are not too good for her. I used to think like this myself but I too was wrong.

You are defining your value by the girl you are with, extrnal value. It is a weakness. (Dont worry most of us do it.) But you could do well to think about it.

I would say that instead of proving her right start helping her.

Show her the way you see her. Give her a value that is completely unrelated to the things she is insecure about. Looks etc etc.

Tell her how she makes you feel. The way that her personality fits completely with yours. How she compensates you. How this is more valuable than any other thing anyone else can give you. (Ok, that might be bullshit, I dont know.)

Anyway, you get the point. Show her value thta is specific to her and to her alone.

Stuff like, you are hot, is just crap because many people are. Intellingent, same there. Kind... Thats the same problem. Something that applies to her and is a core part of her personality...

At least thats what I would do.

And thank you for posting this question. I actually know what I have to do myself now. I humbly thank you.

Ezo

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I'm not trying to be a dick Ezo, but you're being a Pick Up Snob in my opinion.

bbardot: you just reminded me about porn

Yeah man but I already tell her how smart she is, how far she can go in life, ect ect...telling her that doesnt do anything.

My gf is gorgeous, intelligent, caring but she doesnt carry her self with much grace or spunk if you know what I mean??

You know when you see an atractive women who is out going, confident, and bubbly and it makes her that much more attractive? I mean she stand out in a room? well my gf would rather be at the back of the crowd...it upsets me because she hold her self back. I feel like im the opposite! I like to be loud and I walk in and am noticed because I make an effort to work a room...by the end of the night I know every one.

I really hate it! I think it's unatractive to think low of your self and talk your self down.

Imagine going to buy a car that you really wanted and really thought was an amazing car and when you get there the car dealer says to you "Yeah our cars ar ok...there not amazing and you could do better...in fact you will prob buy this car and then a year from now trade it in for a diffrent better car"...what would you do? still have the same feelings about that car or second guess your self?

Had this a lot in the past with girls, women want a lot of attention, well most do from my experience, I'm 21 and always been with older women by 2-3 years.

You've got to comfort her, she wants re-assurance, especially if it's a serious relationship, you should do it, it's not AFC.

As Ezo said, let her know she makes you feel good, she puts a smile on your face. It's inner game, she's downbeat because of her past, your the present, you can help change parts of her, but she needs to help herself along the way.

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Been there, done it, oh and still doing it!

: Blog entries@ http://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com/

Here's the problem. A girl that thinks she's worth crap is going to repeatedly ask herself why you're with her. The only thing that will make sense to her is that you must be worth crap, too. This will make for a really unhealthy relationship.

And if you do manage to "fix" her, don't be surprise if she doesn't want anything to do with that guy from the shitty part of her life anymore. You want a girl with confidence, go find one. Otherwise, you have to accept this girl for who she is NOW, not who she MIGHT be IF... You only have control over who you are, you have to focus on how YOU'RE going to cope with her shitiness and if it's worth YOUR time. Maybe you'll luck out and she'll want to change on her own and will stay with you.

minsok made a very important point: You won't be able to change her. Sure she can change, I'm not saying peopl don't change, but she has to be the one that wants to make the change for it to actually happen. Your only role in this is to be supportive and nudge her along the path, but she will have to do the walking. If this low self esteem is so irritating to you, then it might be a deal breaker and you better move on to a girl which doesn't show these traits.

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Drink me, make me feel real
Wet your beak in the stream
Game we're playing is life
Love is a two way dream

This has trouble written all over it. LSE girls are very tuff to be in a LTR with because of their messed up sense of self. As Minsok pointed out she will ultimately think that since she is damaged goods you but be also or have low status/self worth for being interested in her. It’s a pretty vicious circle. Is she LD or HD? Girls with low self-esteem and high sex drive are a nightmare for relationships as she will seek validation from anywhere she can get it, usually some other guys dick.

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~Carmo~

When you're in the sickhouse, you love your nurse. When you're all better, you don't want to see them anymore because they remind you of that time you were really sick and miserable.

It sounds like your relationship is "working". If she changes, she'll probably want something different.

I have a similar problem myself.

I think that really it depends on how she makes you feel.

Up until now I've only ever been with girls who have a balanced view of themselves, though I'm currently with somebody who has little to no self esteem whatsoever.

Dealbreaker? No, not yet but attraction towards her has dramatically decreased, which is a shame becuase essentially she is a good person and I was incredibly attracted to her at the beginning. I guess it's difficult to maintain interest when being around someone results in you getting a headache from constant DLVs and self-moans..

How is her behaviour?

What people don't realise alot of the time when they're with people who have low self esteem and bad opinions of themselves, is that eventually, they are going to make you feel down, because your in a "relationship" with them. It isn't worth it.

You don't deserve that. The girl I recently had one-itis with kept saying "Chel your too good for me, your going to meet a girl who worships the ground you walk on, you can do so much better" etc, truth is, why be brought down by someone else's negative and continuous attitude of their-self?

Now after help from on here and good people around me, I look back and think I'm glad I'm out of it, because whoever she goes with the same thing will happen, they will bring them down, you wont enjoy life around her, negativity around the corner, and her saying things on that vibe on a constant basis.

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Been there, done it, oh and still doing it!

: Blog entries@ http://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com/

Yes exactly!! When I first met her I was super attracted to her and thought of her as high value but now although I love her and love hanging out with her! she seems lower value.

Its weird but I find now that I seek validation from others to tell me how hot she is...its like being reassured that my gf is hot because she keeps telling me she isnt It makes me think....perhaps your not as good of a catch as I once thought?, or perhaps your not as good looking as I once thought? I always wonder "what do others guys think of my gf?" I know it shouldnt matter but I think every one wants to be with a high value person.

I want to be with the best! the hottest ec ect ect. I feel like if I left her I would regret it though because she really is my best friend! shes a really cool girl and I do find her really sex!

Iduno man this relationship shit is fucked! haha

p.s I have been with her for a year and a half so its not like its she a fling and we have been living togeather for the past 4 months. Most of the time I feel like she is the women I want to spend the rest of my life with but other times I get confused and second guess my self.

Indeed Hobbit she was, she was negative in 99% of ways. Even things like hanging up when she didn't hear what she wanted to in general conversation, may sound stupid, but when your in a "relationship" you don't need that, because it makes you feel awkward.

She's a female cousins best friend to, so I had to respect that and not go mad at her, because girls obviously talk.

I still miss the girl a bit (had like a 4 page post on here regarding the issue), but when I read other posts like this, makes me think, "is it really worth it?" Answer is definitely NO. You don't need or deserve to be brought down to a negative level, and constantly think "I wonder if she's going to get funny and moody with me lately", that's how I started to think, it played with my mind, but stubbornness made me get rid of it slowly.

So my advice would be, if a girl is bringing you down, on a regular, it isn't worth it, because I promise, it's going to have a bad influence not just on how you feel with the relationship, but your life, because a relationship is a big part of it.

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Been there, done it, oh and still doing it!

: Blog entries@ http://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com/

You are not alone. My girl has some huge self-esteem issues. It has definetly caused some problems. For me though, I try to keep things in perspective.

My girl is overall great to be with. I love her very much and we're engaged to be married. As great as she is though, she does have self-esteem issues. They can be a huge pain in the ass at times. But the thing to remember is that if they are not causing her to loose interest in you, the relationship is still okay. Also keep in mind that if you don't want to make things work with her, there are a ton of other guys who would love to get with her. I learned this part the hard way:

My girl and I first started dating about 5 years ago. After a year and a half, in a round about way, I started caring less for her. Granted, her self-esteem issues caused a lot of this problem, but I thought I could just simply replace her...How wrong I was. She started hanging out with her stupid friend and the flood-gates opened. A whole different side of her developed and she was hounded by men. She ended up fucking 3 different guys and sort of turned into a whore. Prior to this she was a loyal, caring girlfriend who wouldn't have ever done that stuff before.

My point is that I thought if a woman had self-esteem issues, then you just move on to the next. Perhaps a lot of you guys are good enough to secure another chick. After we broke up, I could never get with a girl that I wanted to. And my ex started to not seem so bad. So if you have any feeling for her at all, then you should do what you can to help her change.

It's true Hobbit. What made me see sense is all was good with her at the start, to reel me in, then I saw the real her, she started to bring me down, completely negative, said we can't be in a relationship, being a girl I've known for ages through family it brought me down as I had one-itis and I'll admit.

Seems she done me a favour, we did have great times since I have known her, but truth is even though I can think of her time after time, I have no worries about a girls attitude bringing me down.

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Been there, done it, oh and still doing it!

: Blog entries@ http://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com/