...wowie.

It's been a heck of a journey so far.

I've realized 75% of PUA jargon is indirectly worded loser-minded sass-talk, and the other 25% is a watered down version of 100% truth.

We are ALL "mPUAs" within; texts, jargons, words, BS, advertised booklets, and all other means of written communicative medium serve one purpose...


To annoy the living fuck out of Rune.



Everywhere I go, I strike conversation with people within my moment. Hot girl, random person, sales associate, janitor, security guard, hot girl, not-so-hot girl, vendor lady, hot girl, etc...

...and somehow, over the past while, I've desensitized myself. I no longer, how can I put it..."Give a fuck".

I don't give a fuck about rejection; people are merely a complex mass of atomic matter.

I don't give a fuck about how hot a girl is; underneath the makeup and flesh is oftentimes a behemoth of a monster. Man does not lie when he sayeth "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" (The "Girl" at work is trying to get me fired, whether it's pissing me off to anger, using any excuse to rat on my managers, and converting the rest of the associates against me. She convinces my co-workers not to assist me in my department, and I'm on the verge of a written dismissal, all because I tried to set a chick straight. What happened BEFORE is IRRELEVANT, but for moral-demonstration purposes, heed my words: Do not emotionally abuse women, EVER, unless you know what the fuck you are doing. It's literally playing with fire, and thanks to my stubborn "blinder" ignorance, I just cause a California forest fire in my own workplace).

Back to the outings.

I go to Whole Foods; I talk to everyone there. All the girls keep looking at me, and some giggle to their friends. I think nothing of it; apparently, either I'm too blind to see them, or...I'm just too hungry to care.

Nothing matters to me; I don't care if I get sex from a chick. It seems, every time I pursue it, it leaves me. I leave it be, it comes to me. I act on it, it leaves again.

Honestly, I get angry when girls do that "carrot and stick" bullshit. Not at them, but I get angry because I have no ide...ok, not "angry"...let's say "frustrated and annoyed".

I get annoyed when I have to play push and pull games. It's no fun for me. It never works to my favor. Either I'm missing something, or I have a blockage on my side.

...I'm thinking. I fucked up.

Now I'm not thinking. I'm back in the game.

Well (Bear with my stream of consciousness), I'm not dwelling on a problem. As we speak, my current sticking points, as I type this and stay in the moment, are some unknown social disorder I have, and my lack of social prowess. I am a fucking tree hermit; all brains, no tongue.



As of now, does someone have a signpost pointing in the direction I should go to become aware of what to do next, which is learn ALL facets of social interaction?

If there is a book, I'd love to read it. I have this weird, almost scary ability to dissect texts, and find the core meaning in Guinness-record time. (Did I mention I'm pursuing a career in Wall Street?)

Anyway, guys ... I need...a DIRECTION!

....where do I go?

Nervousness.

I'm a bit scared right now. I don't know why, but I'm scared.

...people are fucking evil man. You try to do the right thing, and others simply do not want to do the right thing.

The moment you do ONE wrong move, everyone swoops down on you like a killer hawk. Not even a THOUSAND right moves can correct one stupid transgression.

At the basic level, is that truly human nature? Do we seek to kill something for a minor disturbance in the flow of life?

...ah what the fuck do I care?
Yet, at the moment, I need the answer.

...I think I already have the answer, and my potential answer is that nobody knows any better. Or rather, we only know what we see and internalize. We cannot read another's mind, or source of being.

So when someone is hell bent on seeking revenge for a wrongdoing...

Shit man, I don't fucking know. The more I gain, the more problems hit me. 48 Laws of Power are starting to make sense now, and I'm seeing more fucked up shit by the minute.

Everyone is trying to attack me. They've all got their crosshairs pointed at me; nothing good I do is acknowledge, all the wrong moves I've done are held to heart, and used to destroy me.

It's as if society wants me dead. Yet, as I'm here, I feel a strong urge to continue forward. I feel like doing the right thing, in spite of the hatred. I feel like moving forward, step by step, obstacle over obstacle, until I win.

Yet, "the game" is supposed to be fun, spontaneous, and enjoyable.

Who is the culprit: Rune, or Enemy?

...The common factor is me. As of now, everything I've been doing is towards a brighter future. Something is holding me back...a fear.

A fear of something I'm not aware of. Perhaps a fear of success? Fear of hurting others? Fear of getting what I want?

...fear of putting myself above others...


I've always put my own needs aside for other people, but no one ever returns the favor. I don't expect a return, but I've been...taught...

I was taught to be self-sacrificing.
And self-sacrifice does not work.

...I now acknowledge that I must take care of my own needs first, before even CONSIDERING helping others. Why? Because from there, anything I do simply WORKS.

To think is to follow death.
To do is to honor life.

I will do.

I will do what works for Rune. If it does not work, I will not do it. If someone has a problem with it, sorry; it's your problem, not mine. You can solve it; I have my own to solve.

I do my own thing, and everyone else will follow by example.




Now, I've found a major sticking point: Putting myself aside for others. That will lead me to ruin. I will take care of myself first, THEN, if I have a bit, help those who DESERVE it.

I understand "assholes" now...they simply arent. They just do what works, and the thinkers and restrainers who question everything hate those who do what works.




...time to go.