I am really not getting this! I need some advice here, because I really don't know what I am doing wrong and it is really hacking me off!

Ok, so here's the story. I picked up this girl the other day. This is in real life, not cyber-space. I met her in a store, chatted for about five minutes swapped numbers. - It was probably my best ever opening - she's was really in to me!

We chatted a couple of times on facebook. We picked up tonight and somehow I messed up what felt like a great open:

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Me: Nah, I was cruisin for sexy girls in pharmacy coats, but all I got was you. Gutted

Her: ah well you'll have to try harder then!

Me: Maybe I was in the wrong place, I hear *place* girls are a bit rough Maybe you can be my bodyguard next time I visit?

Her: :O rough?! That's just harsh...

Me: I don't know I reckon you've got a bit of the thug about you

Her: well you wouldn't wanna piss me off, especially when I'm drunk haha but I'm not a "thug"

Me: Aww, so you're a good girl then? How boring

Her: Pffft fine! Are you "rough" then?

Me: Only sometimes Enjoying the sunshine?

Her: Nope I'm sitting inside doing nothing... you?

Me: I'm going to a beach party in London with some friends, just looking for some shorts I'd invite you if I thought you were brave enough to come out in your bikini.

Her: You wouldn't invite me...

Me: To watch you limbo after a half dozen cocktails, for sure If you wanna come I'll ring my mate and see if she can get an extra ticket.

Her: aww that's sweet (kind of) but I'm okay I try not to go places practically naked with people I don't really know lol

Me: Haha, see I said you weren't the adventurous sort For the record though, I am very gentlemanly and would quite insist on your wearing a bathing suit at the very least

Her: hahah how very chivalric! My boyfriend-thing is pissing me off so it's tempting to go just to annoy him, but I won't lol

Me: Haha, he could have come too! If I had to look after you one more dope wouldn't make that much difference

Her: dope? that's nice... nah he's a bit of twat, you wouldn't want that lol

Me: Well in that case I shan't invite him to any future shindigs. You on the other hand are welcome at all events, semi-nude or not

Her: haha good choice! I'm much better, semi-nude or not

Me: If you say so, how do I know? He might have a lovely pair of man boobs - I'm a sucker for cleavage

Her: he looks fucking gooood topless but as you're male I doubt you'll agree... I don't think you go for the same things as I do lol

Me: You're probably right, I'm not so shallow I like funny girls, with big hearts and lots of ideas in their heads

Her: Awww I am shallow... as long as they're niceish and make me laugh I'm happy

Me: Haha, see that's why we wouldn't get on, I want an interesting partner to share adventures with, you want a dumb blonde

Her: :O that's really harsh... he happens to be blonde but that's just coincidence.... he's like the opposite of my type!

Me: Haha, I didn't say there was anything wrong with going for looks over personality - no one should judge you for what you find attractive, no one's opinion is more valid than anyone else's - unless you don't like robert pattinson. then you need to pipe down, he's gorg. Go on then tell me about your 'type'

Her: I don't choose looks over personality! they have to have both. I'm not really a fan of Rob, he looked better in Harry Potter! Dunno if he's tall enough, he has the right hair.. what colour are his eyes?

Me: Haha, I don't know I'm not a 12 year old girl lol. But looks AND personality, you must be a pretty amazing gf to set the bar so high

Her: damn straight! I'm awesome lol

Me: Hmm, I reckon you're about a 6/10. Lack of modesty and geeky job not helping you

Her: well you're about a 3/10 for not knowing how to talk to girls and coming across like a bit of a twat..

Me: Haha, that's 2 more than most people score me - yes, finally those 'talk to women' books are paying off

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Like I said I am beginning to seriously doubt that I can do this, can someone please give me some advice on what I'm doing wrong here. I'd really appreciate a few pointers.

I felt like this convo was going well, particularly as she's met me and so knows I'm doing a cocky-funny type thing, which often doesn't work when it's straight online chat.

Anyway, pointers please. And tips on what to do next.

Thanks guys

Except for her last line, I think she responds really well.
The thing with online gaming is that you never know what she is really thinking. Words only count for 8% of the message that someone transmits, the nonverbal part is the other 92%

I do notice that you have made her qualify all the time, which might have made her feel uncomfortable. Especially the "that's why we can never get along"-sentence can really backfire from my experience. Best is to keep it short and set up a day2 ASAP. How did you end this conversation?


Oh, and try not to use to many emoticons. Your message should be conveyed in the right way without any use of smileys to make sure that your target won't misinterpret it. This is why I messed up many times...

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I wouldn't have called her a 6/10. That looks like it was really what pissed her off. Also yeah, you seem to be qualifying her too much. Try to only do that a couple of times, as this idea of showering girls with negs doesn't really get you far.

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-Fortune favors the bold-

Thanks for the responses so far guys. The point about making her qualify a lot is really interesting. I always thought of it as just my sense of humour, but when I look at it I see what you mean. I will work on getting through the qualifying stage and work on comfort a bit more.

bits, the conversation ended where I left it here sadly. Any tips on getting back on track? I thought I might have to apologise, not something I usually do. How about this?:

"I'm sorry if you were actually offended by anything I said last night. I realise my sense of humour doesn't always translate online. Anyway, hope you have a good day. p.s. Would it help if I said you were at least a 7.2/10?"

Dr. Beat, yeah I think it was the 6/10 thing. I used to use this a lot and then let girls explain why they should be higher. It used to work well, but actually I think I used to go for like a 2/10 so that it was obviously for comic effect.

I cannot tell you what to do next for I do not know it myself.
Generally it's a good idea to not make a big deal out of it. Just start talking again.

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It's a thin line in my opinion. On one side, you can have a girl laughing but if they're ever so insecure, you may have her livid.

Next time, you can work the same bit but try to be a little less abrasive with the looks comment. If you've qualified her enough, maybe you should give her a little incite as to something you think is attractive about her.

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-Fortune favors the bold-

You talk too much about boobs, sex and all that.

A chick will flee if she feels like you really want to get in her pants. You need to use more compliments and basically you use waaay too much cockiness.

god no, don't do this. never apologize or take anything back. you can always just reinitiate with something new at a later date.

just curious, but why are you using so many smiley faces?

also, i'm not sure i like the opener. i kinda like the part about cruising for girls in pharmacy coats. but the second part is somewhat insulting. it's like you're trying too hard to be c&f and it's not really working.

can you tell me exactly what was said before you said that? it doesnt seem to be the exact start of the conversation because you seem to be responding to something by saying "nah"

Oh, that wasn't really an opener. I met her in a pharmacy store so it just sort of came from that. There were only a few messages before that to check I found the right person on facebook, etc. Nothing worth posting.
Yeah, that's what I think too. I just thought I might try it and see if it works as normally I just try and plough through. As for smiley faces, I don't know really. I think I'm a bit nervous about being so abrasive online so I use them to show I'm joking. If I was chatting in real life I would say the same things with a big grin on my face so I guess I'm just trying to convey that??
Not sure about this, what does everyone else think? I don't think I really mentioned sex or boobs particularly much. Also, I surely don't want to be using direct compliments so early do I?

oh ok, when you said you had a great opener, i thought you meant the line about the sexy girls in pharmacy coats... no, i dont think you "talked about boobs and sex too much" at all.

anyway, i think you're being too mean. you should be more playful and your teasing should be a tad less harsh. especially if you already have attraction, which you clearly do after you had such a good initial meeting. also, if girls regularly think youre too abrasive (you didn't say that was the case, but you did say that you are worried about coming off that way), then it's probably just a simple case of less cocky and more funny.

It is very difficult to convey your message correctly using smileys. If they don't know you that well, they can never be sure what you really mean and if you are joking or not. In this case you've put a smiley in almost every line so the girl can't tell the difference between a serious line and a joking one.

I used to use lots of smileys, which only 'worked' if I knew the person really well already. Nowadays, I've cut down on the smileys, and I try to use text only to get the message right. I do not need the smileys anymore to make her get that I'm joking around.
Also, in the case of smileys: Less is more. The less frequent you use them, the higher your esteemed value will be (if you try to hit on the 9s and 10s, they tend to be higher educated than average (at least, that tends to attract me more). Guys with lower education tend to t4lk like thiz , which isn't very high value to me)

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