Hi guys!

I have a question about a date I had with a girl (she was my 3rd kiss close and my first 2nd day game), my most important question is WHAT TO DO NEXT? The date was really a desaster comparing with its initial potential, here it is the report:


Friday:
- I met a HB 7.5 in a disco, danced with her, kissed her and got her number.
Sunday:
- Text game was fine, we arranged a date.
Wednsday:
- the date was in a pub-restaurant, which wasn't the best place to go..
- Mistake 1: I didn't move her to any other place
- Right: We talked about other places and said "we should go there" (even she told about going to Wales by her car!)
- Mistake 2: Kino scalation was not very good, sometimes it was too slow and as we were sitting on chairs (not a sofa) it was not 100% natural. Anyway we kissed several times and had my hand on her leg near the pussy by the end of the date, but it took nearly 2 hours when I'm sure it could have been done in 10 minutes.
- Right: I did multilevel communication, while we were talking about food holding eye contact with mouths few centimeters away from each other and kissed her the first time in the date while she was telling she didn't like tomatoes.
- Mistake 3: Conversation was quite plain, I tried to make it emotional relevant, but didn't always achieve that: I don't know if we connected enough.
- Mistake 4: I didn't use the irresistible asshole, tounge and chick romanticism or any other verbal attraction builder.
- She told me something like "Usually I'm polite, but not when the food is bad". Was it a subliminal message telling me she was just being polite in the date?
- She told me something like "You met me when I was drunk, but usually I'm shy about showing affection in public". Is it buyer remorse or antislut shield? My response was "who minds what others think?" and kiss her again.
- 2 hours after we met, she told that in that place they stop serving at that time (but it was not true), I told her I had a bottle wine at home that she had to taste (I wanted to use the "do you preffer white wine or red wine?" but she already told me she preffered red whine before) , but she said "it's a bad idea", I said "really? tomorrow you start working at 1pm!" but made another excuse..
- when we said goodbye we kissed again, this time rubbing our private parts; and then she said "Call u (or call me)" by nonverbal communication while walking away.
- When I arrived home I texted her asking if she arrived ok, and she responded quite fast saying yes and 2 kisses.


I left the date with a bad flavour.. because I'm aware of my mistakes and the huge potential of the date. I'm sure I could have f-closed her, and I feel like before the date I had "more value" than her and now she has "more value" than me. Anyway, my most important question is: What shall I do and when?
Is it a good idea to text her tomorrow to arrange a cinema+sushi date for monday? Or would it be better to do something crazy like traveling with her somewhere? How can I do the move to f-close her? Do you have any other comment about the date?

Dates:
They can go wrong. From the very beginning the pressure and the expectations are sky-high. And if it's not fun? Guess what, you're stuck.

It's almost always better to invite her over to "hang out" and tell her to dress casual because you can only hang for a few hours. It's much lower pressure, and you're already in private and room change away from your bed.

That said, you can still do damn well on a date, and it sounds like you did. I'll ignore what you did right, as you seem to have a good grasp on that, and I'll offer critique where I can.



The Kisses:
You say you kissed a lot here. I have to ask, who usually ended the kisses? There is big potential to build value and attraction here. If you're not already doing this, try to be the one who pulls away first. I have trouble with this, and will usually make myself rules like limiting the first kiss to a peck even if she's ready to full on make out. I've made the mistake of just kissing until she stops before, and although she'd always let me kiss her again, they got shorter and shorter. Key words there? "Let me." You want to be the one letting her kiss you as much as possible.

Kino:
Sounds like that was mostly an issue of your confidence? Not moving as boldly/quickly as you're pretty sure you could've looking back? Don't worry, that get's easier with time. Maybe run some kino routines like Style's evo phase-shift or some of the more touchy "do you believe in magic" and "trust excercises." I wouldn't use these as crutches, but they can help train your mind in how easy it is to touch a girl.

Conversation:
Not sure what you mean by trying to make it "emotionally relevant." We could give you more help here with more info on what the topics were. I know personally I'm a storyteller at heart so I do a lot of sharing stories from my own life (and make sure to tell them in DHV building ways.) I'm also information junkie so I naturally love to share "hey did you know?"s, which are often great value builders as long as you don't come off as a know-it-all. ;p

I was Drunk:
Don't let that phase you. I get that from girls all the time. It's a stock line. Has to be antislut, no way it's buyer's remorse. She's qualifying her behavior to you, that is always a good thing. Take it as an IOI.

It's a Bad Idea:
This is the only part of the night that I think you actually did anything wrong. You may have missed other opportunities, but I think this was your only actual mistake.

Telling her "really? tomorrow you start working at 1pm!" hurt you. You made an offer, she turned you down, and you went into "try to convince her" mode. You were basically qualifying the idea of spending the night with you, which is the same as qualifying yourself. It's a value lowering move.

The best thing would probably have been to put a false time constraint in the invite. Something like "but you better not keep me up late, I have a busy morning tomorrow." (Also gives a little value by showing you have important things to do.) That makes it much easier for her to say yes to the invite.

But since she turned down the invite, you should have mentally rolled off a little. The best response to any "it's a bad idea line" (from kissing, to coming over, to fucking) is almost always agreement, followed by implying that the next logical step is to ignore that fact. Maybe something like: "I know, right? I've got such an early/busy day tomorrow, but it's hard to let such a fun night end."



All-in-all, I wouldn't call this one a loss. You did a lot of things right and kept it open for more. Now that you've gone on a date, and it's established that you enjoy hanging out and will do more of it, I would definitely recommend something casual at your place as opposed to more "going out." Keep in mind that this will also be disco -> restaurant -> your place. You're in location 3 now, which can only help.

Charlatan, thanks for that constructive critique!

You are right there was a lot of presure, and I need a lot more practice to handle it correctly. Next time I'll use the time constraint and the "dress casual" line.


Kino:
Sure it was an issue of my confidence, I'll try some of the routines you say. i guess the more I do the more confident I'll be about that.

Conversation:
When I say "emotionally relevant" I mean telling stories descriving feelings in them, instead of only facts (actually I'm an extremaly rational person, so it's easy for me to explain detailed and very concrete facts but dificult to make the other person immerse in the story emotionally). Anyway I managed to do so some times in the conversation.
There were a lot of topics, for example when she asked me what did I do I told her:
Me: "I came to the UK to find a job, because I finished my degree in Spain and here there are much better oportunities and career development paths"
She "I really admire that, and your english is very good as well: what did you study?"
Me: "Telecommunication engineering"
She. "wow"
After some more conversation she found out it was a master degree, that english is my 3rd language, and that some day I want to create a company... so I guess I did right DHV with that because she discovered it: it wasn't me trying to impress her, but I should have done some answers to take the conversation off the path as well, and some cocky and funny comments to relax the situation, but I need more practice and calibration yet.
I guess I should have given her some compliment as well (something not obvious).

I was drunk
Ok, I'll take it as an IOI

It's a bad idea
I totally agree, I should have responded something like what you say. Actually I'm a "try to convince her" natural, jeje. Before learning game I even wrote letters to girls trying to convince them why they should go out with me. Obviously it didn't work: I don't know how I managed to have 2 girlfirneds in the past.

So next time that "It's a bad idea" appears I'll agree and then time constraint + "it's hard to let such a great night end"


Next step

Yestarday at 1pm I texted her: "how have u been? I know patients and specially doctors can be dificult to handle, but don't kill them if it's possible, and enjoy your last 2 night shifts" (some neutral jokes related with her job + demonstration that I was listening to her when she told me she had her last night sifhts). I decided not to try to arrange anything else until she answers this msg, but she has not answered yet. Is it normal? She used to answer messages few minutes after sending it before the date.


About the next setp, I agree, I'll do something casual at my place. I have in mind I could cook for her, because during the conversation I told her I like cooking. I could cook some spanish food for her, and inviting her in a casual way. Do u think it's a good idea?[/b]

I wouldn't worry too much about the text. I dated a PA for a while and while she was working the night shift I know she was almost never awake at one in the afternoon. Sure, it could be that she's lost interest but it could just as easily be that if you don't get a text until a couple hours after someone sends it you don't feel obligated to reply quickly. No reason to assume the worst.

If enough time passes that you need to text her again, I'm a huge fan of the twin line, even though it's pretty common by now. "I totally just saw your twin." And after she responds give her a story about how you saw some chick that looked just like her. (Lots of room to turn this into a neg, but not necessary.) Anything like that, a reason for texting her that doesn't actually focus on her, is a great way to rekindle conversation w/o showing too much interest.

Dinner sounds great, I don't know what the consensus on cooking is but it seems like a fine DHV to me. I would definitely lean towards a scenario where you're cooking for yourself and inviting her to join you rather than offering to cook for her.

Even better is "I'm cooking for a few friends" and would she like to join you. As long as you have friends who won't mind when you leave them to take her off to your room.

And yeah, little things like "dress casual" and "don't plan on a late night" always help. Sounds like you've got a good plan together. : )


One last thing. This girl is your first K-close and second day 2. It sounds like you're doing great, so be encouraged. But remember that if it doesn't work out, don't sweat it. If things don't go where you hope in a reasonable amount of time, always be ready to let her go and move on to the next one.