| Lots of people in the community wonder how they could raise their confidence and self esteem. Well in these series of posts I will tell you what self esteem actually is and how you can raise it. I will tell you where it comes from, how to get it, and how to permanently keep it. Inner game is tough shit and if you are looking for a quick fix look somewhere else. This is going to be a long post but I guarantee you youll learn things you never knew about Self Esteem.
First off, out of all the judgements we pass on ourself its not the judgements of others that matter but its the judgements we pass on OURSELVES because that judgement touches the very center of our existence. How we relate to ourselves affects how we relate to others. In other words if we dont love ourselves were gonna have a VERY hard time loving other people and Vice Versa. If we have a hard time trusting ourselves then where gonna have a really hard time trusting other people.
We first off need to realize that OUR life doesnt belong to others and were not here today to live up to someone elses expectations. The only expectations we should live up to are the expectations we set for ourselves. Today, the two biggest problems that people encounter are that of Low self esteem and the problem of self alienation. These are the two biggest reasons why people go into therapy in the first place and get help. People in therapy are not people who are more troubled or demoralized than people who are not in therapy. Rather, they have taken the responsibility to confront their problems while others live life thinking one day everythings gonna turn out all right. Reality check; If you dont do anything to try to make things all right then nothings going to change.
The greatest barrier to success in anything going from sports to business to work is not the lack of talent or ability but rather the fact that achievement and success above a certain level are outside our self- concept, our image of who we are, and what is appropriate to us. The greatest barrier to love is having a secret fear that we are un lovable. The greatest fear to happiness is the word less sense that happiness is not our proper destiny.
A person who feels undeserving of happiness and who feels unworthy of any joy or reward in life suffers from a self-esteem deficiancy. To have high self-esteem means to have the integrated sum of self-confidence and self-respect. Self-esteem is not an evaluation of particular successes or failures nor it is an evaluation in particular knowledge or skills.
Positive self-esteem is the experience that I am competent to live life and I am worhy of happiness. Poor self-esteem is the experience that one is innapropriate to life and that one is wrong. Not wrong about an issue but wrong as a PERSON. When we judge ourselves about successes and failures, ability to elicit love, admiration, and approval shows that we already have a problem in our self esteem because were judging ourselves negatively in the 1st place.
The people we are most likeley to admire are precisely those who manage to persevere in faithfulness to their own vision, without a good deal od positive reinforcement , without the understanding of others, their approval, or their applause. In other words the people we most look up to are the people who dont give a fuck about gaining others approval or getting their dissaproval.
When we see those people who possess a fundamental certainty or confidence about themselves that remains relatively untouched by the experiences of life, we sense that an unusual psychological achievement is involved. But in all of reality this is all an illusion.
People with high self-esteem get out of their comfort zones and take on the fears and challenges of life. People with low self-esteem seek the safety of the same old familiar and undemanding experiences thus staying in their comfort zones and not growing nor evolving to the next level. Self-esteem is a value that has to be earned and a value that has to be maintained.
Joy is the state of one not being at war nor with himself and nor with others. Relaxation implies that the individual is not holding him or herself and is not at war with who he or she is. Wheras chronic tension conveys some message of internal split, some form of self-denial or self-repeduation, and some aspect of the self being disowned or held on a very tight leash.
The first thing we do unconsciously when we meet a person is look to see if the person has high self-esteem. The way we respond depends not only on the persons level of self-esteem but that one of our won.
The kind of choices we make in our life determine the kind of self-esteem we possess. If we make good choices and good decisions we have a higher capability of possesing high self-esteem. If we make poor decisons and choices we have a high capabilioty of having very low self-esteem.
Self-confidence is not the conviction that we can never make a mistake or error. It is the conviction that we are able to think, judge, know and to correct our errors that we are genuineley committed to percieving and honoring reality to the fullest extent of our power. In other words self-confidence is not the ability to think we are going to do great at something but the ability a certainty to know that even if we fail well be alright and well get right back on track without any stbacks or delays.
Self-respect is having the experience that we are right as a person, right in our characteristic manners of acting. In other words, having the belief that we are good as a person. To be right as a person is a fit for happiness to be wrong is a fit for pain. To be worthy as a person is to be worthy of joy. To be unworthy is to be unworthy of the other.
Our self-respect suffers tremendously when we judge ourselves about our values whether conscious or unconscious, rational or irrational, consistent or contradictory, and life serving or life threatening. We are the only species that is able to form a judgement about what is right and bad for us to do and then proceed to do the exact opposite.
We as humans must act to achieve our goals and honor all of our actions we take in achieving them. To fight for attaining happiness we must consider ourselves worhty of happiness. If we turn our back on reality and facts we will not retain a sense of worthiness.
Part 2; Coming soon.
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CHAT