Hey guys,

I'm in a quarter-life crisis. This is going to be really long but I need your guys help. Please, please don't flame me.

Lets start from the beginning. I think you need the whole story to accurately access my situation.

I have two wonderful parents that love me and a little brother that worships me. My family is low-upper class, however I was raised like I was from a lower class family. My parents were both extremely poor growing up and wanted me to earn everything myself. I never got an allowance, never was given money for the movies or anything like that. They refused to hire a gardener and made me landscape the front yard every two weeks since I was 10 years old.

My mother was very religious and made me go to church every week in addition to attending catholic school, kindergarten through my senior year of high school. Growing up I was chubby, shy, and redheaded. Needless to say, I wasn’t exactly the apple of anyone’s eye. Additionally, my parents discouraged me from ever hanging out with girls or having a girlfriend once I got to junior high.

I have always envisioned (key word “envisioned”) myself with very beautiful girls, and my freshman year of high school I thought everything would be different, and that I would be a ladies man. Wrong. I was just as shy and hang out with all of my guy friends. I was pretty much devastated when a fat, ugly girl invited me to the Sadie Hawkins dance. Looking back though, I don’t know why I was expecting anything else to happen.

Fast forward senior year I am literally the best athlete in school, just signed a scholarship to play baseball in college, and I still haven’t even kissed a girl yet.
I know all of the pretty girls on a first name basis, mainly through my “popular” guy friends. I listen everyday as all of my friends tell their wild sex stories and talk about what girl they want to bang next.

I graduate without kissing a single girl in my high school. Summer goes by, I go to a bunch of parties with my friends, nothing happens.

Before a party, my mindset is, “I am going to talk to as many girls as I can and be as crazy and fun as I can possibly be.”

When I arrive at a party, my mindset is, “Where is the bar, I need to drink so I look like I am doing something. Then I drink until the alcohol is gone, the party is over, or I am blacked out.”

I follow my guy friends around the party hoping that they will introduce me to a girl. When they do, I have no problem saying hello and can hold a conversation for a few minutes, flirting and what not. Then it always reaches this awkward point in the conversation where I am supposed to ask her do dance, say something sexual, or make a move on her. I can pick up signs on whether a girl is into me or not, but I NEVER EVER pull the trigger. I punish myself the entire way back home.

Then I arrive at college, thinking it is going to be some wild sex romp…same f ing story. I manage to finally hook up with 4-5 chicks when I am absolutely hammered and I actually had sex with two of them. I didn’t call them ever again.

Fast forward to today, I write this as my best friend (also my roommate) is having sex with his beautiful girlfriend and I can hear them. I have not hooked up with a girl since the new year and my grades, athletics, and physical and mental health. I’m constantly lying to my parents about money allocation, partying, and grades, and I am putting up a happy, carefree front around all of my friends and the people I meet. I recently joined one of the top frats on campus in an effort to meet more girls and be more attractive, but I am afraid neither of those things will happen.

I have read a lot of these forums, I have read the game and some other pickup books, even one geared specifically for college, I have witnessed many of my good friends successfully seduce very pretty girls, and I have a pretty good grasp on how to attract women, but I still cannot do it.

I am 6’2, I work out 3 days a week and have a very athletic body, I play division 1 baseball, I play guitar and sing well, I am very into art and music, I have a very high IQ (not that that matters to get girls), and I am constantly surrounded by beautiful women who hang out with my guy friends all the time. Most of these girls like me, and try to hook me up with their friends, but it seems like a neverending cycle of girls really “liking” me and trying to spin me off to one of their friends who would “love” me.

Lastly, I have very fair skin, red hair, and mild acne. I am extremely self conscious taking my shirt off by the pool or at the beach, because I literally don’t tan. Some people have suggested, in jest, that I die my hair, but I am seriously considering it.

I have reached rock bottom, and my problems with the opposite sex are invading every aspect of my life. My friends constantly pressure me to hook up with girls, and now my parents, who were so opposed to me having a girlfriend in college, now want me to find a girlfriend. And I agree with all of them, I believe the ability to attract women is a major part of defining success and power, which every human man longs for, and I have none of that.

Should I see a psychiatrist? Get prescribed? Go away and clear my head? Something else? I am totally lost and my life is a living hell. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Thanks from the bottom of my heart if you made it this far.

Sounds like you have more going for you than you realize. Probably just one or two fatal flaws that are keeping you from getting results.

Start tanning and get some proactive for the acne.
Girls love the guitar/singing thing... Use it to your advantage.
Not many 6s,7s, or 8's are gonna be impressed by a high IQ. But who cares about them anyway. You'd be surprised how many 9's and 10's think a smart guy is super sexy. They know that in today's society a smart man is more powerful than a physically strong man. Just don't go over the top and be a geek.

More importantly... BE FUCKING SEXUAL ALREADYYY!!!!
You absolutely have to get past the fear of saying something sexual or asking a girl to dance. Furthermore, if you cant say anything sexual then I'm certain your body language doesn't show a strong sexuality.

Bottom line: Confidence... Dating is just like baseball. The best players are those that are the most confident. You have to be confident. The hash truth is that until you gain some confidence you have absolutely no chance of hooking up with any quality girls (unless you slip her some roofies or something... j/k)

Go out and just talk to people bro. And I don't mean to partys with hot girls. I mean go out to the mall or walmart and just make a conversation with the cashier, man or woman. Just to be social. Drinking is fine, but getting fucked up until you black out is not helping your social skills at all. The alcohol masks your fears rather than you actually getting over them.

I'm no expert by the way. Just giving my 2cents. Hope this helps.

_________________
"Dream as if you'll live forever... live as if you'll die today." - James Dean

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery... None but ourselves can free our minds. - Bob Marley

Man, you've GOT to stop beating yourself up about this!

You're letting it get far bigger than it actually is, believe me.

Seriously when you close a girl, you'll be like "Is that it?!"

You should definitely not let this get to you, you're obviously a great smart guy, in great shape and had a loving upbringing.

I know it's difficult but instead of getting wasted and stressing the fuck out of yourself out about stuff (as if being fair complexion matters a shit!)

How abotu going out to one of these parties and ENJOYING yourself, seriously girls will come up to you. And how do you do the right thing?

I'd suggest taking it slow, just learn a few kiss closes from this forum and try one out the next time you're enjoying a girls company. But don't take it too seriously, just playful. Like you are teasing a buddy about his new shoes or something

Guarantee it mate, enjoy yourself!


Scamps
(fixing his hot-tub)

Wow, I need some prozac after reading that.

1) If your grades are starting to suffer, fix that first. You're at college for an education to better yourself for the future. Grow the hell up and top wasting YOUR time, the OPPORTUNITY that your scholarship provides, and YOUR PARENT'S money.

2) If your having issues with money, fix that next. If you're not willing to take responsibility for money issues, how do you think you'll be any different in a relationship? Go read one of Larry Winget's personal finance books and take responsibility for where your money goes.

3) I may be misinterpreting what you said, but it sounds a bit like your parents may have micromanaged you all though your growing years. If so, then yeah, that sucks. It also sucks that your parents denied you the needed interaction with girls while growing up, and now are wondering why you're not engaged yet. That said, it's still YOUR life, so if you want to change it badly enough, you CAN do it, as long as you realize this is going to take a lot of work.

4) Acne: Proactive my friend. Also, consider this: I had a bad patch of body acne on my back when I was growing up that hung around until I was 25. Acne meds didn't do anything. At that point, I saw a dermatologist about it. He put me on a course of antibiotics that cleared it up within a week (acne is just a skin infection, after all), and I never had issues with my back ever again. Worth checking in to...

5) If you're a natural red-head, don't dye your hair, it looks weird. Being fair-skinned like you, I know I'm never going to have a deep tan, but a little sun never hurts. Just don't sunburn yourself, as you'll pay for it later in life.

6) Something I've noticed is that all the red-heads I've known in life that are pretty successful have the whole "cocky-funny" thing down. Don't be a class-clown, as that is a DLV, but instead make fun of life's little moments. Read up on the current events, find some WTF moments, and script up some funny stories to entertain people with.

7) What HabitualJerk said about being sexual is golden (to paraphrase Van Wilder, I'm writing that down!). If you're following Mystery's formula, once a dame is in the Comfort stage with you, start with Kino. Touching helps awaken sexual feelings....if you don't believe me, just ask yourself how good you felt when a pretty girl hugs you.

8.) STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP ALREADY. Negativity is self-perpetuating....it will never stop unless you take action. Take responsibility for your flaws, sure, but don't dwell on them. Take a sledgehammer to that boulder of self-doubt you've been carrying around on your back all these years.

9) Start small. Do the Newbie Mission first (I'm doing that this evening at the mall), then work your way up little by little with your social skills. You didn't become a baseball star overnight, you had to work at it a little at time. Same thing applies here.

10) You're in the right place. We've been (and I am!) in the same place before, so we know you can overcome this. Keep posting.

Thanks for the replies.

The acne thing really isn't a big issue, I had it pretty bad in high school, went on prescription meds, and my face completely cleared up. I'm off the prescription now, but I get a few breakouts from time to time on my back, hence the me not wanting to take my shirt off.

I think you guys are right for beating myself up. I hold myself to a very high standard in everything I do, and I expect to be the best at it. That's why I am so frustrated with my current situation. For a long time I was only interested in 9's and 10's, because I deemed them the highest quality, I just had absolutely no clue how to get them, and I ignored all the 6's and 7's who were probably giving me signs that they were into me. I'm starting to realize now that maybe those 6's and 7's are a good place to start out and work my way up. At this point even being competent with women would be a huge burden off my chest.

I've gotten where I am today because of talent, but a lot more so because of hard work. I'm starting to realize that I haven't put a lot of hard work into attracting women. I just kind of expected it to happen. I think my social anxiety and fear of rejection have a lot to do with it, but I think I just need to understand that not every girl I meet is going to want to hook up with me, and take it in stride.

As far as the whole fair skinned, red head thing goes...I think you guys are right, I need to be comfortable in my own body and keep my natural hair. To clarify with my skin, I physically don't tan. I'm like Ron Weasley. I either turn red or I stay white. Maybe I should buy some self-tanner or something, but maybe I just need to accept me for me and go from there. I've just been made fun of a lot in my life for it so it's been really difficult getting in the mindset that tan, hot girls would actually be attracted to a "pale fucking firecrotch."

Where to go from here?

I liked the whole honesty approach, saying that I get nervous around cute girls, so maybe i'll go from there, although I fear that will just get me more comfortable talking to girls and get me some sympathy than what I am really after...

which brings me to a good point, what am I really after? Of course I wouldn't mind having steamy, hot sex with a supermodel, but at this point I would much rather have a girlfriend, someone who loves me and loves being around me.

I've got a pretty bad cold going right now, so I probably won't go out at all during this week, and my parents are coming down to visit for Mother's day, so I'll probably be spending time with them this weekend.

I'm going to go out next week for sure a few times, and I would love to use a few things i learned here? any more suggestions?

Check out this post I ran across on fastseduction.com

Ok so heres the backround story on my boy (might boost your confidence). He is 6'3, 160 pounds, pastey white, red hair, freckles everywhere, and got a new funny looking hair cut. Yesterday he ended his LTR that was 9 months and in that same day we chilled. He got with both the girls that were there, they were about 8s. He is a natural, the way he uses his words are hypnotic.

So he is my bestfriend and we finally get to hangout now (He hung with his gf every single day out of those 9 months)Now he would be an amazing wingman for me, and his being there gives me courage to aproach. However I have always done solo game and not so used to the wingman. In about 2 hours were going to chill with like 5 girls, any tips?

_________________
"Dream as if you'll live forever... live as if you'll die today." - James Dean

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery... None but ourselves can free our minds. - Bob Marley

hi mate,

im 6"3 ginger and have a scholarship through my tennis at a uni in england.i cant offer much advice im affraid, but two things.

- you need to get yourself a tan, i used to get pushed away a lot by girls just shunning me because i was a red head,- then i went to play in spain for a month, got a tan, its barely mentioned now! ( exept for my mates who cant resist a cheap shot

-your an athlete, so u know the is two ways to play any game, you either go out to win, or you go out to not loose.

if you go out to not lose, you very seldom win, thats what you have been doing with girls. You need to go out, and be ballsey about it, chat crap to the girls, but at least push them, go out to win, yes you may make some mistakes, but it will be even sweeter when you have the girl you want!

Stop feeling sorry for your self, and i hope it goes well for you