Hired Gun k-close
The gods of seduction and patron saints of guys trying to get nookie everywhere still throw me a bone every now and then. Each story of this sort is another step up Mount PUA. This would have been a great story if my comfort and phone game did not suck donkey balls, but hopefully some of you will still learn something from it.
I was hanging out with my friend Seb, a junior MM instructor. I was having the most interesting and fun covnersation that night. Seb was dropping one good tip after the other... Suffice to say I have enormous respect for that guy.
As we're enjoying our mischievious chat, a super hot shooter girl comes up to sell us shots. The gears start turning in my head, and it's on. I don't turn around to face her – I completely ignore her and keep chatting to Seb.
[SHB] Hey guys, having a good night?
[Ace – smiling] Do they teach you how to smile for this job?
[SHB – puzzled] Noooo....
[Ace] Shame, they probably should. I wouldn't rate your smile higher than 5 out of ten. (cheeky smile, kino on the elbow)
SHB laughs and smiles. I thought that was too much of a neg, but Ace's Cheeky Smile saves the day again. On we plough.
[Ace] Well, can we help you?
[SHB – still smiling] Either of you fancy a shot?
She has a bunch of flavors of those crappy shots that look like test-tubes. I look at the box she's holding in her hands. It's almost full.
[Ace] You're doing a terrible job selling those tonight! And your eyes have a mischievious gleam, what are you up to, kiddo? [I just plain love calling women 'kiddo'. Period]
The above line is, in my experience, fucking gold. If any of you have trouble transitioning from opening to teasing and A2, call the girl 'trouble', 'bad', 'naughty' or even 'evil'. It's even better if you find anything about them that you can bust her balls about: 'Oh oh... that haircut just screams I'M TROUBLE! You look like you're up to no good!'. If you can't think of anything, just comment on the 'gleam in her eyes', since she can't see that herself (you're probably thinking: Ace, you're an evil, evil asshole. I can only agree). This is my standard operating procedure, unless I can do something situational and go natural.
[SHB] Actually, this is my second box tonight.
Is she qualifying herself already? Transition to A3? Fuck me, that was fast!
[Ace] Hey, don't worry, you don't have to impress us. There's that evil gleam in your eyes, but I can tell you have a good energy around you. You walk around with that 'I am a bitch' face, but you are actually a friendly person.
[SHB] Sure thing! I'm a very open person. So are you guys! You're fun!
She's out of the salesman mode. This was going way too fast for me. It's shameful to admit at this point, but I completely blanked. So I wanted to send her away, not to make a tool out of myself in front of Seb.
[Ace] Alright, you better run along missy... (I put my arm around her to push her forward.)
And then something weird happened. As I'm putting my arm around her, puts hers around my waist and hugs me real tight. I took this as a double IOI.
I push her away.
[SHB] All right, fun meeting you guys, I'll see you around later.
She leans over to give me a kiss on the cheek. A gear shifts in my head.
[Ace] Left... (as she kisses my left cheek)... Right....(as she kisses my right cheek).... and middle.
I lean forward and pucker my lips. She goes for it.
This was literally five minutes from the moment she came in. I have no clue why she started qualifying herself, the A3 was lame as hell... right then, I should have known I blew it. She would get Buyer's remorse later on. But I felt sooooooo alpha... I saw Seb stare at me with his mouth open.
[Seb] Dude... we're not moving from this spot. Right now we are the coolest guys in the bar. We have so much social proof we could swim in it.
I talked to the shooter later on, we made out a little.
[Ace] Hey, I see you pretty much sold all your shots!
[SHB] All you gotta do is be friendly with people.
[Ace] That's soo... totally true... My philosophy for life, no word of lie. Oh my god, where have you been all my life?
[SHB] Partying around I guess!
[Ace] You're crazy! But I love that about you. You know what? Let's do something crazy right now.
[SHB – smiling] OK, what?
[Ace] We should totally... go to Vegas! We can get married...
[SHB] Yeah, in one of those crappy Las Vegas chapels! Yes!
[Ace] And then we will go to a casino... and lose all our money... and then we'll be forced to live in a white trash trailer park... but we'll be the happiest couple ever! Seriously, I can't wait, let's go!
I grab her by the hand (Ace's Standard Operating Procedure) and lead her to a quieter part of the club.
[Ace] Hold on, on second thought, I think we'd get divorced pretty fast. It would be serious fun, but I'm not sure how the kids would handle it. (deep breath, I was getting too into the role play) So what's a sweet little girl like yourself doing in a dump like this?
[SHB] Oh, this is actually my second job. Actually, I gotta clock out in a sec, I'm starting work at another club at 2am.
[Ace] Get out! What do you do there?
[SHB] I'm a dancer. To make it worse, I finish at 7am and I gotta get up at 10 tomorrow.
[Ace] Wow! You're an energy beast! You're really cool, we should hang out sometime. (long pause... she doesn't get me) How do we go about this?
[SHB – finally gets it] I could give you my number...
[Ace] Sweet, I'll save you under 'Energy Beast'
Scoooooore!
We have a bit more fluff talk. She tells me she's Scottish, we talk a bit about Edinburgh where she's from. I do my identity grounding routine.
[SHB] Listen, I gotta get going.
[Ace] I had better get back to my friends too. But before I let you go, I'll show you... something awesome (point to self). Close your eyes.
She does. I kiss her again.
[SHB - smiling] Good one. I'll see you around.
Sounds fantastic, doesn't it? Well... looking back at it, I regret going for the kiss that quick. The single text I got from her was very cold and mentioned a boyfriend. And the lame five to ten minutes of comfort I had with her was blatantly not enough to earn me at least a coffee.
Still – I have good memories from it. There's always something more that could have been done. Three interesting things routine, more DHV material – coming to think of it, I ran practically none. But sometimes you do all the right steps and things still don't work out. I personally want to believe she met the boyfriend after meeting me – that's better for both the lucky fucker (man I hate that guy!) and for my ego.
As an afterthought, I gotta tell my wings to take more body shots as opposed to just my 'ugly mug'. Oh well, here goes:
Any criticism/suggestions will be greatly appreciated.