Hey guys I am very motivated to solve this problem and beat the other guy in his own game, but how? Please help asap!
Update: I got her back, if you want to know how read this

Me and this girl have had for 2years and 1 month. This guy has known her for 7, the last 2 of which have been only by phone & MSN. She claims not to have seen him during those 2 months.
She told me she likes her 'best friend' who is secretely behind my back trying to steal her from me. He called her in tears because he misses her so much.
I know this because of what she told me about him.
E.g. "multiple times when I was down, he asked if he should come round my house to comfort me".
I have known this danger for a long time and always neglected him. Because I thought "if she goes out with that guy, she's not for me".

Two days ago she told me she likes him and she's been thinking about it for a long time. But she wants to try and stick with me.
I told her that if she likes him, maybe she should just go with him? She now thinks she should do that. She also asked if I'd be her 'friend' (basically moving me into the friend zone).

I am in no way up for this. She also wants to spend the day together as 'friends' today. But I think if I bow down to her, she will lose ALL attraction she has in me for good because I'd be acting as a loser. I am planning on telling her that we need some time apart and that I'll be spending the day with other friends.
This has a flipside, it might lead her to the arms of the other guy.

What do you guys think I should do? I can give more infomation, but tried to keep the post as short as possible. Please reply asap, the time is ticking in this vital situation

update in the situation:

She tried calling me 8x within 60 min. on my mobile. And even 3x on my main phone, even though she's apparently afraid to confront my family. She told me that yesterday.
She is also speaking to me on msn, whilst I'm offline. "I've been calling you hundreds of times sweetheart "

I didn't answer, I think this is my only shot to keep her wanting me.

Should I answer next time and tell her (again) I love her honesty in the situation, for telling me that she likes this other guy (which I alrdy have told her). But that she is hurting me too much, and she will have to give ME time on myself? Letting her control slip away.
Or would that be shooting myself in the foot, because it will lead her 100% straight to him? And should I therefore try and be with her as much as I can to win her back over (I have to show more 'emotions' apparently).

I will update this as much as I can, so u ppl know this topic poster is serious

PM ing me your thoughts if you don't want to post here is fine 2. I need all the opinions I can get.

well does she that you like her?? did you already say i love you etc, yet? maybe you waited too long, but that total emotional loser that shes got hanging around isnt gonna last long anyways, but since she might not be getting the emotional comfort from you, she might be lookin somewhere else for it, you gotta show some kinks in your armor, the more you act like superman 24.7, the more shes gonna get weirded out by you like your hiding something or whatever.... but i think you should say ... "listen, i liked you, your a great girl, but i dont think its gonna work out with the way things are going", shell prolly say i hope we can be friends etc. dont answer, shell come back to you hopefully dude, but get other peoples replies before you go ahead with mine

Hey Mackattack thank you for your reply, it gives me some ammo. And I think replying now can help give valuable information to future repliers.

To answer your first question if I have alrdy told her that I love her: Yes I have. I have told her that I will always remember her.

To comment on your second remark showing chinks in my armor/ showing emotions more: I have been doing it more and more. Read below that I actually kissed her in public as much and as good as I could, because that is one thing she thinks I should do more.

And to expand on that. Yesterday we met twice to talk about it. Once for 3 hours. in romantic settings at a lake with nice weather. And the second time also in romantic settings with fireworks. But she was acting all arrogant as if I had to win her over again. Saying "I am not your girlfriend anymore" (whilst sitting on my lap and having kissed me in front of a lot of people, showing her I'm not afraid to be emotional). So it is clear she still likes me I guess.

Shortly after that she started talking about this guy again. She said she really thinks she should see him. And would ONLY kissing him be ok?
I told her no way. (note my change of what she shud do with him, is it ok?) I told her to sever her contact with him once and for all or sever the contact with me once and for all. Before she said that "she could try and cut the contact" if I'd change (which I am and I think I've shown her). But this time she said the above, asif she had forgottten what she said earlier.
Then I said 'lets both go to our own homes and get some rest'. So that she couldn't end the night and have the control. And because I think the meeting was only getting more negative and actually destroying what I had built up.

update: she just phoned me twice again. And emailed me (we have each others passwords, she could read it if I opened it manually, but i read the email via source code )

Her email read: I wonder if you have told everyone at home not to pick up the phone (which is so). And how do I know if you'll meet up with me at 11am if you dont pick up the phone?
And texted me:
Let me know via my mobile if I should be there at 11 or not, because it seems you dont want to meet up anymore now... X

We didn't agree on seeing each other at 11am. We agreed she'd call me and then I'd let her know what I wanted 2 do. Which at the moment is not seeing her at all .

I'm going to phone her and tell her:
"That I liked her, and that the way things are going is too paintfull for me (showing her emotion) And that I need space. Also that I will not be joining her, and that she should try to enjoy the day. Because I will be going out with friends later on (which is true)" Note with no saying i love you at the end.

So she phoned me again, and this time I decided to tell her the above.

She said "ofcourse you'll have a great time, me not being there."...And at the very end of the 6min convo "I only saw the split up as temporarily". Then I said bye.

Does it sound asif she wants to get back together again?!

Ok, I'll not post another reply for this. But she just sent me long email. Stating that I convinced her yesterdayevening & today that she wants to get back with me.

What do I do now? Should I accept her straight away or not straight away. In any event I will not tell her to cut the contacts with that guy yet. Perhaps later when it's "ok" again.

Ok, she has sent me 3 emails since. Saying that she wants to be with me

I have replied:
What nice emails you sent me. I'd like to spend a very pleasant day with you today, but what if one of us changes our mind? And I have alrdy planned to see my friends.
I also think you can keep contact with whomever you choose. In the end I can only protect you by beeing the best possible boyfriend.


When I started this thread I was really, reallyyyyy not sure about her ever saying she wanted to be with only me. But by hard work and some good trains of thought & help of input from other girl friends I have. I guess I have managed to pull it off.

She will ofcourse not forget him like that. But I think that is only a matter of time now. And if she does want him, then it's over for good.
Also I plan on spending more time flirting with OTHER girls, since I have allowed her to speak to anyone she wants. Perhaps it will strenghen our bond. But it will certainly strenghten my social skills.

I'm pleased with the result. And I excuse my corniness to any people who have read this whole thing.

See ya

You remind me of myself back in the day.

You gotta see clearly man, this girl is way too flighty. She'll never respect you if you let her think about liking someone else. You did a good move by ignoring her, and you see it brought her back to you. But I'd say give this girl the boot, eventually she's gonna break your heart.

_________________
Mr. Cool.

silverkiller, thanks for the post.

I have thought about her doing it again in the future. It's true that a lot of people who have done it once will do it again.

But this is the very first time she has done it. And she was immediately put in place. I strongly believe that she therefore fist into the 1% of people who dont do it again.

She has reinforced my expectation by breaking contact with this guy on her own accord & telling me this later, which came as a total surprise to me. She also says she will feel guilty for the rest of her life.

Yes there is a chance that she will do it again, then I will definitely give her the boot once and for all.
If she doesn't, it means that our bond is stronger than ever before.

And anyway, I have defeated this boyfriendstealer loser, whilst the odds were in his favor. And that gives me great self confidence
Also if she were ever to do it again, I would be able to get her back again in the same way I wanted to

This is going to be my final post, because I don't want to spam the forum with upping this thread constantly.

I have developed this theory (after having gone through this). That every relationship breaks for the same reason, one of the two wants the other to change. Because noone is perfect and everyone wants the perfect man/woman.
When the other doesn't change in time, the other will begin looking for others. Even if he/she was in love with the first, because at this point this disappointment (other doesn't want to change) has dragged on for too long.

'Too late' is when one decides you are not the only one he/she might like. And begins 'liking' someone else.

What is essential in salvaging the relationship. Is how far he/she has gone in 'liking' this other person. Because if it has gone too far it will probably never be salvageable again.
I.e. If he/she has kissed this other person, the partner who was cheated on will be so angered that he will lose all motivation to want her back (and change).

But if it hasn't gone too far yet, so they have NOT kissed yet. It is always possible to salvage the relationship, by changing and showing it to the partner. If it is salvaged the relationship will be stronger than ever.