Long story short went on a date with this girl who is my coworker and through feedback from various sources i find that it was pretty ackward.She is pretty naive she is a hb8 and a very conserative girl. This was my first date ever I was so nervous I did not talk very much but we still had some good moments. Fast forward a couple days at work she completely ignores me but is checking me out and flirting with coworkers. Doesn't say hi or goodbye then later sends me a text "sorry for being so Anti-social today". I played cool tried to have good time with my coworkers ignoring her but she did not even say hi or goodbye.

Is this repairable?

Should i continue ignoring her or call her out on what she is doing?

Wow sounds like me a bit!!

When my boyfriend and I first started seeign each other, there was no doubt in my mind (or anyone elses for that matter) that he wanted me more than i wanted him. I loved this. Although I did like him, i really wasnt up for a relationship. We also worked together which made things a little awkward sometimes....

Because I knew he wanted me, I wanted to make him work for my affections and i also didnt see him as a challenge cos in my mind i alreayd had him whenever i wqanted him. When I ignored him, he would try leave me alone and give me space and act like it didnt bother him when i know it did. Soemtimes though it was like he couldnt handle it and wopuld try and make me laugh or give me the sad puppy dog eyes. This oftewn made me feel guilty after a while and if I'm honest, I felt that he was such a amazing guy that I wasnt good enough for him and couldnt give him what he needed and deserved. When I felt like talking to him, he would make me work for it a bit so it was like I had a challenge. I love a challenge.

The t6hing it really came down to - which made me want him suddenly as much as he wanted me was seeing him with another girl. we had both gone to this nightclub and he messaged me asking if i wanted to meet up. I was a bit drunk and felt like an ego boost so i said yes. As i was walking over to him, I saw this slutty looking girl draped all over him. to his credit, he didnt look very into her but I was SO jealous and asked him to dance with me. As we were dancing, he told me i looked sexy and thats when he had me. Seeing him with another girl made me realise that I was the right girl for him - what was he doing with her when he was supposed to have a crush on me???? We have now been together 2 years.

Sorry for the long post but I hope my story has helped you a little bit. I'm not saying this will happen to everyone but it happened to me.

Good luck!

That's crazy... So would you say he was in your "friendzone" before the whole jealousy thing occured?

Definitely. But there was always sexual tension between us so something was bound to happen.... Everyone we worked with and all our friends were so happy when we finally realised what they had known all along!

Thanks for the reply.

What do you mean sexual tension even though he was in your friend zone?

Also, sometimes, would you avoid contact (physical or eye contact)?

Well I knew he always wanted me and sometimes I fantasized about being with him - like what he would be like as a boyfriend and him hanging out and getting along with my friends and stuff. I must admit I did fantasize a little about him sexually because I did think he was attractive but at the time the thought of a boyfriend repulsed me a little which is why I didnt pursue those "boyfriend" images of him. But the sexual ones, i definitely could have pursued (like a ONS) had I not known for a fact that doing this would definitely ruin the friendship we had (as it has happened to me before - I am no longer friends with some of the guys I was really close friends with because on one drunken night we ended up getting a little bit too close if you know what I mean).

We would definitely avoid contact. When I felt like the tension was becoming too much or I felt like he was getting too close to me and that I was going to fall for him, I ran as fast as I could in the opposite direction. He would call my mobile and I wouldnt answer. He would call me at work and I would ask my colleagues to say I was on the phone to a client or in the bathroom or on a break. Anything I could think of to not talk to him. When I saw him, I would briefly say hello without even looking at him and then run away.

Hope this clears things up a bit for you!

My advice is too take the lose and stop worrying about her. It was your first date, you live you learn... work on making friends - more girls then guys - this will build your convosation skills and build comfort, I think the problem with some people is they bite more than they can chew instead of working it slow... then by doing that it kills your confidence...

First of all to Girlfriendofapua:

Your current boyfriend was never in your friend-zone. If you're fantasizing about him sexually, if you like him but are really worried about a relationship to the point that you don't want to talk to him, then he is definitely NOT in your friend-zone.

Friend-zone is what happens when two people know each other for years and years (typically but could happen sooner) where one person likes the other a LOT and the other has a very fixed view of how they see that individual.

To put it in black-and-white: It's like when a guy knows a girl for a long time; maybe she's kind of overweight and a bit of a tomboy. She's in the "friend-zone". One day she shows up - she's lost a ton of weight, she knows how to do her make-up, and she carries herself like a Lady. Suddenly she's shocked him out of the friendzone.

Same goes for girls. But in place of physical appearance the lack of attraction is toward the personality of the guy. She looks at him as a FRIEND. A non-sexual object. Kind of like a lamp. She can turn him on, but not the other way around. It is incredibly difficult for a guy to break out of the friendzone because he has to radically change his personality - which could either wreck the way the girl looks at him or shock her into a spark of attraction, depending on how he does it. But that attraction needs to be there.

What you mentioned about him being at a nightclub with another girl is a perfect example of pre-selection. He was with another girl; made you jealous, and suddenly you started to appreciate what you might lose. This would NEVER happen if he was in the friend-zone. Why? Because if he were in the friend-zone your honest thought would have been "Huh - well at least now he's found someone to be with."

Food for thought,

Q.