Ok this is my first time posting.. Ok so i've been talking to this chick for a few months now. The first few months we were like a couple and we didn't want to move too fast cause we both came off serious relationships. As we continued i made prob. a few mistakes. As in giving too much, and playing the "nice" card. Yeah i know prob the wost thing i can do but what is done is done. She and i discussed our situation and she told me she likes me a lot but she feels as though she cannot start anything new with me cause her ex, which is trying to win her back, hasn't done anything wrong to her. She feels as though she should be neutral so she doesn't hurt anyone feelings. Meanwhile i walk her to class and she walks me to class. While departing we still give each other our goodbye kiss. It just confuses me. Recently a fellow member/friend of mine got me into the pick up artist. I learned some things and tried it out on this girl. To make a long story short i am stuck at this situation. She saw me on campus with a fraternity member and she texted me a few mins later. "So are you're joining that frat" I replied back "No..why jealous they'll take me away from you? She then replied back with "No you're weird now". I followed back with "Not as weird as you" .. She countered back with "Okkk" I thought i could of used some cocky funny which seemed to back fire... So like any other nice guy i texted her...obviously something is wrong..can we talk about it ( i said this cause i had no other idea on what to say cause she hasnt responded back) I am here to learn so shoot me some insight and comments.

Glad you understood your mistake.

Girls like guys who are a challenge. Remember, never be the first to discuss relationships with a girl! She will ask when she is ready. The fact that she told you she has her ex bf(what did he do wrong - prob same mistake u did - get serious really quick) is pursuing her, so she probably wanted you to know that. From this comment, she is letting you know gently that she doesn't want to get into a relationship with you. She is just being nice about it!


Kiss on the lips? cheek? She might just be holding on to you till she gets something better. You might think that yeah, she doesn't want to get into serious relationship because of the ex. Usually that is never the case if it has been several months.

You definitely blundered your text response. It's good that you have started with the forum. My suggestion is to go through 'The Game' - that book really helps. then you can come here and check out the endless stickies and see what you should have done. FYI... she asked you about the frat... why would u want to mention stealing me away bit... that is lame. it's not cocky or funny! it sounds like what an AFC would do.

I don't mean to be blunt about your mistakes. I am just trying to wake you up from the illusion who have going on in your head with this girl and see the reality for what it is. It is never too early to learn all this stuff. Good Luck!!!

Again, it seems like you know some of this already but just to throw my two cents in...

I ended up playing the total AFC card myself last night by being "too nice" and just coming off like a genuine "good guy". Im not sure how old you are, but it sounds like you are in college like myself, and I think this is a HUGE mistake us guys make when trying to pick up girls in the university, because I believe this is the main way they tell if we are a good time or just a needy case (in their eyes). I also think women feel considerably more anxiety than men do, and so when you come across as generally good and "real", as someone thats trying to be more serious and not just looking to have fun, this causes her to think too much and make excuses because it becomes such a difficult decision.

I think its interesting what you said about the frat member. I think some girls might even see joining a frat as a social sign in guys that show they are "not so smooth" and need these kind of organizations to get connected. Im joining a fraternity myself and last night I was chatting up this HB7 and she was asking about it, and while she didnt seem put down I could tell it wasnt helping my situation. She said stuff like I could never join a sorority and I dont know how guys could join a frat except for maybe this one, and stuff like that.

On the other hand, you could have even possibly used that to your advantage too, because her comment obviously shows shes somewhat interested in you or at least maintaining the relationship you have now, and joining a fraternity can also be a way to show that youre not gonna sit around forever and that youre making positive moves in college.
You could have said something like "Maybe. My friend just knows how to go have a good time."
Thats ambiguous as well as making her a little jealous.

Thank you for the input! Really appreciate it. As of right now. She has her mood swings. Meaning there would be days she would tell me how much she misses me and days when she doesnt talk or texts one word answers. I am going to take a few steps back and disappear, meaning i am not going to be chasing her. Maybe this would leave her thinking. Ive done this in the past with her and it worked until i let my guard down. Is there anything i should do specifically? Thank you in advance!