Hey guys,

Basically I am at a point where I feel I'm not improving in pick up because I have deep entrenched fears of speaking. These fears have developed from having a stutter for most of my life. As a child, I could barely get one word out of my mouth. The first 4 year of school I never said ANYTHING in fact. It wasn't until about 3 to 4 years ago that I was finally able to overcome this stutter, however I am still afraid of speaking. Basically guys, I'm asking if there's anything I can do to overcome this problem.

Hey Brendan,

Like any fear, the fear of speaking can be overcome by facing it. You need to grab yourself from the balls and just do it. The easiest way is to start by talking to any random person. This can be anyone. Your cab driver, your barber, a shop assistant, a cashier, a random person on your bus stop etc...

I understand that it may not be easy at first, but as you keep doing it, you start to realize that its not that big of a deal and that your conversations will start to last longer. When you initiate conversation with another person they will be more at ease to continue it. If your fear is bigger than I imagine it is, you should start talking to people you know you will never meet again. Then as you get comfortable talking to them, move onto people you semi-know, then to people you know and lastly onto the HBs that you want to pick-up.

Set yourself goals. Do EVERYTHING you can to accomplish them. If you can't accomplish them, learn. make new goals. Move at your own speed. Fall down seven times, stand up eight.

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Thanks for the reply. Perhaps I should have discussed this in more detail. I have been through the stage of talking to random people etc. and I can very easily start a conversation with someone, even a hot girl. The problem is, though, that I hate doing it as I'm still fucking scared. Like I can face my fear, but it still never disappears.

Ahh I see. Is your problem more related to the fear of hearing the own sound of your voice and letting words come out of your mouth, or to the the actual words used( as in your afraid you'll say something stupid)? Know what I mean?

What I would recommend is for you to practice. Just get in front of a mirror and talk to yourself. If you live alone even better. Just talk to yourself throughout the day. Out loud. I do it all the time. Record your voice and listen to it until your absolutely familiar with it. Get familiar with your voice.

If however your fear goes beyond this advice; Is seeing a therapist an option for you? That might really help you overcome any really deep embedded fears that you might have.

Hope this helps more than my last post.

Oh and remember that everyone has, and will always have a certain degree of approach anxiety and fear of talking to strangers, especially attractive women. But I think you know this.

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I think you hit the nail on the head here. Thanks a lot for you advice. You've really helped clear this up for me. I know now what to do in order to eliminate this fear that is preventing me from being comfortable in social situations.

Just a cheeky consideration,
Perhaps, if you play guitar or even with a cd, just sing out loud with the music. You never know, could help.