Yes, I know there are plenty in the community who don't agree with gaming taken girls, but look, it's already happening and she's actually been taking the lead in the situation more often than not.

Met this girl a week ago through a mutual friend while out dancing. Instant IOIs, lots of physical escalation, lots of laughing, end of the night #close by simply being direct and asking "When can I see you again?" so there'd be no confusion. Two days of frequent texting before she mentions (in passing, not even directly) a boyfriend. (I didn't know then, but do now, that she thought I already knew she was taken--she wears a promise ring from him that many mistake for a wedding band--and also that sometime that day our friend's husband told her, "So I hear [Goldeneye] is really into you," so she totally knew my intent). I didn't react at all to the boyfriend mention and continued texting (and in fact realized I shouldn't call because text was clearly a safer method for her).

For the next two days, we're texting all day long, from the time we wake up to well past when she's climbed into bed and shut the lights off (her guy works night shift). I'm doing future projections, keeping her laughing, keeping her curious, and DHVing a lot. She barely mentions the boyfriend. Occasionally I think to myself, "This is a bad idea," and I pull back and stop texting her. If too much time passes and I don't get in touch or reply, she texts me again until I do. I say she should come dancing again this weekend, but she says she should spend more time with her guy for a while. But then in a cute, shy sort of roundabout way, she says we should get together soon for coffee. I agree, more texting, now that she's comfortable talking to me I gradually turn up the sexual flirting. Suddenly she's changed her plans and will come dancing this weekend, and is super excited.

Coffee plan becomes lunch instead, and Friday we're texting all morning before we meet. We're flirting, she mentions in passing that her boyfriend is really out of shape (I'm quite fit), she's on an hour lunch from work but readily admits she's in no hurry to get back, and in fact stays much longer than she should. We split a pizza, I pick up the tab, she doesn't even pretend to argue. She's already texting me again before I've pulled out of the parking lot. I make a joke about fucking her and somehow this turns into her letting it slip that her guy is really terrible in bed. So of course I pull a, "Wow. I'm sure he does the best he can. If I had you to myself, I'd..."

That evening she's at home with the guy making dinner and we're chatting. I mention I'm touring art galleries and bar hopping downtown, she says she wants to come meet me. Two dates in one day. Immediately upon meeting me, she casually says she forgot to put her promise ring back on after doing dishes; I say nothing. We're together for hours, whirlwind DHV trip through really cool places, and I know the owners, the staff, and the patrons in each bar restaurant and gallery, acquaintances stop me on the sidewalk, and at one point my best friend even drives past and honks at us. She loves it--her guy is a total homebody introvert who detests anything cultural and never takes out or shows her off, meanwhile we're discovering we have the same favorite colors, the same design schemes in our houses, listen to the same music, love the same artists. She eagerly chats with all my friends, who all think we're together; I quickly correct each of them, and they all say "Well, you should be! Look at her! You're so cute together!" and of course we're holding hands and hanging on each other and slow dancing and I'm throwing a near-kiss into almost every interaction. On the way home, she texts saying thanks me for showing her such a great time all day long, and being a gentleman--paying for everything, making sure she's having a good time, opening doors for her--her guy doesn't do that. Asks me re: dancing the next day if I prefer skirt or pants--she's dressing for me now.

Yesterday I text that I can't wait to dance with her later. She says, "Even if I'm terrible?" (She's not.) I said, "I don't care. Just wanna hold onto you." She says she went out and bought a new outfit--"black, satin, clings to all the right parts." Oh, and she's literally counting the hours until we're together. Last night she and her friends come out. They ALL know she's taken, but she doesn't seem to care that we're wrapped around each other on the floor all night. I'm grabbing her, spanking her, biting her ears, kissing her neck. I grin and push her away, saying she got me too excited. She giggles, turns around, and grinds her ass all over my hard-on.

It gets late, her guy's off work and at home, and she should get back. I only try once to stop her--her girlfriends, however, are encouraging her to stay--they love seeing us having fun! Amazing. She can't, though, and I walk her to her car. She says she smells like a guy and will have to shower before she gets into bed so he doesn't ask questions.

Here's where I fucked up. I said we should have lunch again this week. She then--when not five minutes earlier, we were practically screwing in the middle of a crowd--abruptly said, "We can't do this anymore." I listened and did not argue. She revealed that she's already cheated on her guy once--a lengthy affair with a guy who was also taken, and she fell for him and he broke her heart. She and her boyfriend haven't recovered yet from that setback, and he already distrusts her. For some reason she told him we hung out Friday night (but not in detail, and not about lunch earlier) and he was not happy. She said we can't hang out one-on-one anymore, and she needs to work on her relationship, that he really loves her but simply doesn't show it in any of the ways she needs, or make her feel special, or satisfy her. (?!) She also tells a story that suggests, in a nutshell, that guilt from the last affair and a false sense of obligation over an illness he once had are the main reasons she's trying to make it work. I didn't argue and said it's great that she has someone who loves her and I'm glad that things will work for them. She said most of the time it's a mess, and thanked me for understanding, then asked if she could hug me, and held onto me for a long time. Then texted me several times on the way home that she had an amazing time. And two more times this morning before I woke up. She already can't stay away.

Am I right here?--I think I screwed up by suggestion a specific plan too far in advance, when what's kept things moving has been a combination of spontaneity and me making her unable to think about anything else until finally she came forward and took the first step. I should've just kissed her and said good night, and let things continue rolling without pressure or planning.

Clearly, though, she's not very happy with this guy at all, to the point where she's already gone far afield once and saying she wishes she were free most of the time. It sounds like he's leveraging several different guilt factors for all he can to keep her around, instead of actually figuring out what she needs and providing it. I guarantee she's been thinking about me all day. I purposely haven't responded to drag out her curiosity. I've been researching BF destroyers and found the Straw Man Technique. Can I recover by tastefully running that? It doesn't seem like it's too late.

Wow, and the second I clicked "submit" on that, she texted me again, referring to a really hot video I posted on Facebook today about sexy people making bad decisions together. She asked if I posted it for her, and if that's how I picture us. I said no and explained that I posted it for some friends who were at the club last night (they got themselves into a fucked-up triangle as well), and I said "Calm down, it's not always about you! Were you gonna yell at me, lol?" She replied, "No...I was gonna ask where I can sign up!"

It's gotten very dirty again. I guess I've answered my own question.

Hmm...things were great for a few hours, and I was running Straw Man and we were making good progress, then somehow things went in a different direction. We were texting until very late, long past her bedtime even though I kept attempting to send her to bed, and she was sharing lots of things with me, but her flirting was significantly lessened and was much less consistent and intense. She was suddenly saying things like, "Sounds like you had it all together till a married woman came along and ruined everything," and "I'm a bad tease," and "I'm actually not as experienced in bed as you would think," and "I'm nothing but trouble," and "Too bad that's never gonna happen," and "Sounds like wet dreams for you." But she was also saying, "You're one of the most complex men I've met," "I've never met anyone like you," "I'm still trying to figure you out," and "Some conclusions I make about you turn out to be wrong." Of course, she was also loopy from sleeping pills through much of the later part of this, and became increasingly silly and by the end was yelling odd things in caps and called me her "brother from another mother" then immediately sent "Ignore that, sorry. This medicine has got me nuts."

During the evening she asked how many other girls I'm seeing right now, because "If I was single I would tell you I don't play well with others. But I'm not, so..." and I told her I have dated around a ton but stopped recently (true) because I got tired of meeting shallow girls. She admired the choice and said several complimentary things after that, but that's also when the change happened and the flirting backed off.

I feel like I drifted myself into friend box territory because now to her I'm not as high value as I was when she thought I was actively sleeping around, even though she's supposedly unavailable for a real relationship. For the first time in this, I feel at a disadvantage, because for the last week I've known exactly where she stood and she's spent all her time wondering about me, but now she knows where I'm at and I've spent all night wondering about her. Am I being friend-boxed, or worse, am -I- being gamed now? I don't want to wind up in a position where she's just using me to get whatever validation she can without giving back anything real.

How do I turn this back around? I'm thinking about waiting for her to contact me tomorrow, then telling her I made a poor decision with her today and can't talk about anything sexual with her even hypothetically, then becoming busy and unavailable for a few days, and casually informing her that I've got a couple of dates with some girls I've met recently. (The girls are real and basically waiting for me to call them, and I've been busy with other stuff; if nothing else, I can use them now as pivots to stir up jealousy.) Good idea? Bad idea? Advice?

Anyone??? I'm bombing out and don't know where to go.