After a one year LTR and an ongoing case of oneitis to follow I've set out to not only get over my oneitis but also get over being an AFC, develop natural game and get the point I can attempt to pickup any woman in any situation. My first goal is for the month of April to approach 60 women during the month at supermarkets, bookstores, etc. and express that I am attracted to them.

Day 1- I'm terrified of approaching beautiful women outside a bar or club situation where I am sober and the social norms make pickup unusual within given the environment. On top of that I have no idea how to game women in everyday situations.

My goal for the first ten approaches is nothing more than to say something about the woman's beauty in order to get over AA. It's very direct and about as forward as I can be. I'm not out for numbers or to carry on a conversation to start out. If it happens, great, but my goal is to get over my AA and show myself that my fears are unwarranted.

I wake up and know who my first target is. I go to a coffee shop and there is this attractive cashier and I figure I'll start the month with approaching her. More like just hitting on her. I order a coffee and she isn't at the cash register but rather prepares it. As she's handing me the drink, I say, "You know you have an amazing smile and it's a wonderful thing to see first thing in the morning." She smiles and says thank you and goes back to her job.

Prior to saying this I had already decided in my mind I wasn't going to do it. Mentally I had already pussed out, so I was a bit shocked to hear the words coming out of my mouth and I was on cloud nine for having the courage to follow through for the next few hours.

Then comes the afternoon. I'm mentally fucking myself about making the second approach and am trying to convince myself I can play catch up tomorrow. Then I remember to just show up to the situation and then I can decide to whether or not to bail.

I didn't know who my second target would be, but I knew I needed to pick up some things at Target and my mission was not to leave the store without making an approach. The whole way there I'm arguing with myself why I should and should not follow through with this, and how I can wait to do this tomorrow.

I get in the store, take a piss, and have mentally made a 85% decision to follow through. For me that's the beauty of deciding to just show up and then letting the decision be made.

I'm searching for a target and out of nowhere a customer rep approaches me and she is mildly attractive. She asks me if I need help with anything and I kinda pause because I know this can be it right here. So I stand there a moment with a stupid look on my face and say, "Oh sorry I was distracted by your beauty," She laughs and says I am too funny. Definitely blowing off me and the compliment off. I follow up with, "Where's your the music section?" She points me on my way. I'm not happy with the approach, but hey that's two for the day and proves to myself I can follow through in the face of fear. I have to keep telling myself approach 60 will resemble nothing like approach one and two and by taking action, I'm well on my way to getting over this oneitis, AA and being a AFC.

In both of these I know the approaches had a lot lacking. My goal was to get over my fear of approaching and expressing interest in women. What I found is that the toughest part of the approach was the mind game leading up to the approach. The approaches themselves were easy. Speaking to a woman is as easy as reading these words out loud. But it is all the mental tug of war leading up to the approach that is such a killer. I figure once I can get this calmed down and realize no woman is going to pull out a gun and shoot me for approaching her, I can work on my technique.

Finishing Day 1- Last night after Krav Maga, I got home and started feeling pretty depressed as I started thinking about my ex. My mind got on its hamster wheel and started running all shit I had done wrong in the relationship, how I could get her back and by the time I was done I was sitting there convinced my ex was probably out fucking some other guy and loving it. I felt worthless, rejected, inadequate and all around like shit. I've never felt such a lack of self esteem in any period of my life. I couldn't sit here doing this shit, so I decided to take a drive and try and realign my thinking. I started asking myself how could this whole situation make me a better person and stronger man? As I came up with answers, my mood started to lift and I got off the wheel.

I drove to a Sunflower Market to get a soda and half consciously to find a target to approach. It's about 9:30 and the place is dead. There's a cute store attendant, but she looks under age so I don't approach. I'm getting in line and in front of me is this cute brunette with two containers of ice cream and soy milk. I open my mouth and say,"Ice cream huh?" Lame opener but whatever I just want to open a girl I'd normally never say a word to. She says yeah or something or another. I ask her what kind and she says Glutten free. I ask her what that means and she gives me this drawn out explanation of what Glutten free means and how she is allergic to milk or something. I say cool and say how I've never had Glutten free and the conversation dies. As she's leaving she turns toward me smiles and says have a good night. As I leave I realize that her continuing to talk about the ice cream means I could have kept the conversation going and that her purposely turning before she left and telling me to have a good night, was an IOI.

One day down and I'm starting to get some confidence.

Day 2- Decide to hit a strip mall, go to yet another Target and approach a random girl rather than someone who works for the store and is paid to be nice to customers. Same mental brain fucking as day one. Trying to talk myself out of this, but it is not nearly as bad as day one. I walk into Target and have trouble finding any attractive women. I find one, but she is on the phone. Spot another girl and realize she's pregnant. I'm starting to lose nerve and AA is kicking in. I pick up a dollar drink and look for the most attractive cashier. Find one but she's not attractive. Nevertheless she has a unique name. I ask how her day is and make small talk and then tell her, her name is pretty in which she says thank you.

Ehh. Not strong but I count it as one approach. I decide to go for the second one. I go to the Sketcher outlet store. I'm immediately approached by a store clerk who is okay looking. She asks me if I need help in which I say, yeah I'm looking for boots. As she's showing me the boots I ask, "How old are you?" She looks like she may be under age. She says 18 and asks why. I say I wanted to make sure you aren't sixteen or something before I tell you you are attractive. We joke back and forth about how creepy that would be. I offer my hand introduce myself in which she gives me dap. Very weird, but whatever. She says if I need help to let her know. This is starting to get easier.

There's a Ross next door and I decided the Target approach wasn't strong enough so I need one more approach. I go into Ross and see a few targets to approach. I go to look at the clothes while I look for who to approach. Then I see a girl who is really pretty. I've already decided to use a more natural opener. I approach her and then puss out. I walk right by her go down another isle and then come back toward the entrance. Remorse is already setting in. As I'm walking down the isle toward the entrance she's moved and is now standing in my path. Remorse and regret are worse than rejection, so I make a decision to approach. I walk up, look her dead in her eyes, hold the eye contact intently and say, "This is a bit akward but I'd be kicking myself the whole day if I didn't come over and tell you, you are very attractive." She smiles and says thank you. I say something like, "Now I don't have to worry about kicking myself," and walk off. Later I realize I could have transitioned and tried to press the conversation, but for day two, I'm proud I found the courage. That was fucking hard to find the courage to do, but easy and silly to have made such a hard task.

I open the checkout attendant complimenting her jewelry and telling she has great taste, but I'm more doing it to get practice and just talking to women than to really open her.

Day 2 and I'm starting to think how I am going to transition from these openers. My confidence is coming back and my oneitis frame of mind comes and goes as I realize by Day 30 shit is going to be looking much better.

Any pointers or tips would be greatly appreciated.

Great posts, KMRip!

I have the same sticking point, so it's great to read these!

Great posts keep em coming!

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The only time you should look down on a person is when you are helping them get up.

Dude, this is awesome. It's great you worked through the AA and donkey punched it in the face.
I would always give a big smile and put my hand out to introduce myself after the initial opener. Before you approach imagine you have an amazing gift behind your back that she is going to fucking LOVE.
No girl is going to say "I'm sorry but I don't want any compliments today thank you."

I think as you start to relax into this your conversation is going to flow a lot more easily. Good job on going with a natural opener.

Congrats man, keep it up.

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- Scratch

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty

Awesome posts.. im going to try exactly what your doing in the next couple of weeks Keep them coming.

Thanks for all the encouragement guys. This forum makes me feel like I am not out there alone trying to learn this stuff.

Day 3- I decided to approach when I was not feeling my best. I got out of a meeting and was hungry and needed to take a piss. At the same time I had told myself I would approach two girls after the meeting was over. I started mentally trying to make excuses, but then decided if I could approach when I wasn't feeling my best, I'd do even better when I was feeling my best.

I go to a different Ross to approach after the approach from Day 2. I see a few targets that do not work for the store, but I'm not feeling the confidence. I go to a cashier and tell her she has pretty eyes. It's a weak approach given the one in Day 2, but I remind myself the goal is to get over AA and get used to expressing interest in women I find attractive. So I count it.

Then I go to a Starbucks. One of the cashiers has always been attractive to me, but I've never opened her. Sure enough she is working. We start talking about Easter and what she has planned for the day and I tell her, "You know I've been in here a lot of times and I just want to tell you, you have an amazing smile." She says thank you, I offer my hand and ask her name. We exchange names, she gives me my coffee and I'm on my way. In the future as I learn more about pick up, I can probably number close in the future.

After this approach and the Ross approach in Day 2, I'm starting to feel like I'm getting over a lot of the AA. I am starting to think I need to find some direct openers rather than just blurting out you are gorgeous. While that worked to get over my fear, I can't advance with this opener. After the approaches I start reading this forum and others to learn about direct openers.

Day 3- I know today is going to be tight for time as I have an Easter service to attend and a dinner after that, so I schedule to do my approaches after church and right before I go to dinner.

Before the first approach I'm in church and in every service there is a quick minute where the congregation shakes hands and greets those they are seated around. I shake a few hands and exchange smiles with a few people in the row in front of me and behind me. This one girl behind me was cute and we exchanged handshakes and names. But there was no way I was going to do an approach in church.

I get out of church and go to a Walgreens to see if there are any Targets. There's this girl walking in front of me as I'm coming out of an aisle. So I go up to here and say, "Excuse me miss, this may sound random, but I had to let you know you are very pretty." She says, "Hey you're that guy who was sitting in front of me in church." Damn! That threw me off and I really didn't recognize her. She says thank you for the compliment and then calls her mom over and introduces me to her mom who had joined her for Easter service. Now I'm feeling really awkward. I reintroduce myself and extend my hand. I ask if she goes to the church often in which she says yes. Then I say it was a really good sermon and she agrees. At that point I'm feeling pretty awkward since I'm trying to pick this girl up right after church, so I bail. She was cute though and responsive to having a conversation. I just really couldn't hang in there knowing I had just shook hands with her 20 minutes ago at church.

Approach two was at a Safeway. I really like the frame of excuse me miss this is a bit random, but... I see one target, but I'm having trouble judging her age and she's with a friend and I don't feel like complimenting her in a two on one situation. So I don't approach. I go through the store and see a girl who is cute. I approach her and say, "Excuse me miss, but I had to tell you you are very attractive." I pause to gauge her responsiveness and for a split second the look on her face was as if I just told her I hit her car. Then she forces a smile. The nonverbal communication let me know that I probably was going to face rejection if I tried to exchange names and a handshake so I bailed. I had no AA in approaching this woman. I felt very relaxed and delivered in a nonchalant way.

4 days and I'm starting to enjoy doing this. I also notice I'm much more personable and outgoing period. Before where I wouldn't talk to someone unless they talked to me, I'm going around starting conversations with everyone.

Oneitis is still present. My ex called me up last night and we talked for a good hour. At the same time I'm gaining confidence that there's much more out there for me than her, whereas before I had the mindset like I had missed the last boat out of the port when we broke up. Old feelings are coming back. Once again I'm starting to feel like the world is my oyster and every beautiful woman I see is a new opportunity to meet someone great.

Day 5- Only opened one girl and she was the attendant at the gas station. I opened her with, "This is a bit random, but you are very attractive." She just stared at me and smiled. I followed up with, "You are sitting there acting like you hear that all the time or something." She laughed and smiled and that was that.

Yesterday really sucked. My goal was to open two girls, but I only found the one. I saw other opportunities but the women were either married or not the greatest looking. I'm starting to feel less AA in my approaches, but find I'm just going through the motions. It's became easy to say the words, but I feel as if I'm not pushing the interactions or going after targets that really interest me. I want to get the sixty, but I don't want to open just anyone and everyone. I want this to be a challenge.

On top of that I want to open and transition. I'm finding it hard to know what to say after the initial opening.

Day 6- Was tough to really want to go out and approach. The whole, "This is random but you have are really attractive," or whatever is feeling really disingenuous. Still decided to do it. Got flipped off and got into a road rage match on my way to strip mall to do some approaches. By the time I went into an Old Navy I was in a bad frame. Good. I figured if I could do it now, it would make it easier to do under different circumstances. The store is dead, but I spot a clerk who is good looking. Instead of using the direct opener I make conversation asking her what type of shoes would go with a certain type of shirt. While talking I slip in that she has cute eyes. Cute eyes? Wasn't genius, but it was a shot. She shrugs it off and nonverbally dismisses me. Fuck.

There's a Body Works next door so I decide to hit that up. It's dead except for the store clerk. I tell her I need to buy a B-day present for my sister. This girl is really cute and has great energy, which makes the approach more realistic for me. She starts talking about what would make a good present and in the middle of the conversation I tell her she has a gorgeous smile. She smiles brightly, does some hair flipping and says thank you. Then I carry on in the conversation about what body spray is versus perfume and what lotion smells like what. I tell her I will be back later after I ask my sister her favorite scents. She says not once but twice I'll see you then. She is noticeably nervous as we start to part. Looking back I should have tried for more rapport and number closed, but I have gone from barely being able to overcome AA, to now recognizing the IOI's that let me know I could probably number close. I feel redeemed from day 5.

Day 7- I have a training in HR today. When I enter the class, it's all female. There's 3 girls that are cute. One of them makes eye contact with me as soon as I enter the room. I smile and she smiles and from there I know it's on. Previously I had decided not to approach any of the girls in the class as I don't want to add the pressure of running pickup while trying to appear professional, but that flies out the window with all the IOI's this girl throws throughout the class. During a break she talks about all the jobs that her company is offering and the class knows anyone needing a job they should check into her company. I ask if she has a business card. My intention is not for checking into the jobs, but a way to get in contact with her. She hands out 3 or 4 cards to members of the training. I go to lunch and come back and she is in the class alone working. Boom it's on. We start discussing each other's companies and in the middle of the conversation I interject that she has beautiful eyes. She says thank you, smiles and let's off half a dozen IOI's one of which is asking me if I am single. I say I am and ask the same of her. She says she is. I ask how she likes it and she starts talking about her single life. We flirt for the rest of class exchanging smiles and talk at break about our family, where we lived and a half dozen other mundane topics. I felt like shit the whole class and recognized that after number closing there were a dozen other things I could have been doing to build attraction. We exchanged numbers and alluded to the fact to meet up outside of class.

I'm really starting to dislike the whole "I know this is random but I had to tell you [insert compliment here]. My second approach was at a Ross. I saw a girl who looked good from behind. I went up to her and did the whole "I know this is random..." when she turned around it was as if time stopped and I was watching myself in the third person. This girl was not attractive (trying to be nice in describing it that way). I have to believe it came out in my nonverbals. She said thank you as she was turning her back on me. Part of it was that she was unattractive, the other part of it was that the phrase is starting to become rote.

I was thinking about what I've learned the last few days and have came to the conclusion, that in direct game, nonverbal communication is huge. If you are coming on that strong and fast, your nonverbal communication has to DHV and convey Alpha in order to build attraction and not have the compliments come off as DLV. I'm starting to recognize where my nonverbal communication needs work.

I can't say how amazing this whole experience has been to date. I have learned a shitload in seven days. All the sudden all the shit I read on the boards has real meaning to me. I used to try and read as much as possible and then go out and do the approaches, come back and read for another month and then go out two nights on a weekend and try the approaches. Doing a little reading and a little approaching everyday is getting me back to where I used to be. My social confidence has drastically improved in seven days and I have no problem approaching a woman I think is attractive.

You can definitely read some sort of something "evolving" as I keep reading these diaries!
Don't stop writing! When you are done, you will be able to look back and know you did something!
You're doing good!

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Lead
Independent
Vigorous
Eccentric

I think one word sums it up.

Nice read. I'm coming from a 10 yr split + oneitis. I agree on the hamster wheel syndrome it can be nasty shit if you can't cut it out.

I'm trying to focus on the thoughts that she held me back and pulled me down. I'm no longer a puppet on the string and I won't dance to her tune anymore.

Keep it up!

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Moving forward. 1 day at a time.

I Just wanted to offer some advice on this. One of the best ways to get a girls number is to go under the radar, that's where situational openers and opinion openers have come from, once you get a good conversation going and made her laugh a few times, it's a good IOI. I've used this close many times and works so well, "I've got to go and meet a few of my friends, but give me your number and we can go for a few drinks sometime".

I hope this helps.

Dude this is really good you are doing awesome well done!!

Wish I could say I was as brave as you, at the moment i'm doing so badly I need to get over this bloody AA!

Keep up the good work!

This is amazing, man.

These social skills are transferable to almost all aspects of life. Fortune favours the brave.

Good for you for overcoming this obstacle.