Hey guys, I met this girl out in the town one night. We hit it off, turns out she's in one of my college classes. So we meet up, I kiss close. From there we got this casual thing where we meet up most days in college for lunch or coffee and some times clubbing. Nothing exclusive, nothing serious. We both know this and want this. She even told me one night that she has commitment issues and has only been with one guy ever, for a few weeks. (she is 18 though, to be fair). She grew up being the nerdy type while I was the popular kid so I found this very strange!

What attracted me to her wasn't her looks (even though she is very pretty) which was a first for me. It was her energy and mainly her personality. She was a total individual, does what she likes, generally cool down to earth girl. But anyway we had this casual thing for about a month. I take her on a trip to the beach for Valentines day (or anti valentines as she calls it, she is very different!) we have a great day, get along very well. And then at the end of the day she says it's going to fast for her. Immediately I said ok lets take things slower. So we agreed on keeping it casual, almost like friends with privileges. I give her a couple of days to her herself, ask her I need a female opinion on new clothes I want to buy. So at the end of the day I put my arm around her and she pulls away. Shortly after I went in to simply peck her on the cheek and she does the same. I got pretty annoyed by this and demanded she explain to me exactly where I stand with her and what we were doing if we weren't going to make out.

So she says she just wants to be friends now. Different than our understanding a few days before this. So we talk for a bit and I say I don't want to be just friends. She says she likes being single and wants to try it for a couple of weeks and see from there. Now I've heard all these excuses before. I didn't understand why she wouldn't be single if we had a casual thing. So I say if she wants to break it off then I don't want to be friends because I like her and it would be too hard. She seems to have her mind made up. I say well then that's it and walk away. Should I have handled this better?

It's a week later and, sure, I've been with a few girls since. I have many pictures of all the partying I've been doing up on facebook for her too see. I want her to know that I can live a great life with or without her. But I hooked up with these new girls for their looks. If I'm honest with myself then this is the girl I want, for her personality and great energy. I haven't approached her or contacted her but I want to. But this will only show that I can't go very long without talking to her.

Is there anything I can do to get her back? By the sounds of it, does it seem like she ever will want a casual thing with me again? Should I stick it out being friends with her for a bit first or am I right in saying it's just an excuse?

Any help or input would be greatly appreciated. I'm going to a club tomorrow, it's not very big and I know she'll be there. I'm also wondering how I should handle this.

Cheers.

This may be a mere infatuation. But I do want to try it out again. Is there any way to approach her without coming off as desperate?

Cheers

The purpose of pickup is to become more social and meet people of all different sorts. You have found a cool girl and you are willing to let her go because she doesnt want to hook up? She is clearly interested is something casual and although you wernt asking her to be your girlfriend, you began treating her as such so she started to pull away. Continue to live your life and be single, but dont loose contact with her. You cant convince her to start hooking up with you again, but if you just be that alpha male that she was initially attracted to, in time she will probably be down to hook up again. Just respect her space, dont call/text her too often and grab some coffee sometime. You need to demonstrate value, not verbally tell her because thats not having high value. Through your actions, tell her that you have other women in your life and you have shit to do, and she will realize that your not looking for a relationship either, putting you guys back on the same wavelength. The most important thing is to not put her up on a pedestal, kissing her on the cheek and putting your arm around her. Make her feel like its okay for you guys to hangout because its not going to become serious...and who knows, maybe she will realize that maybe she does want a relationship.

Scarcity mindset at its finest.

Who cares dude? Ok big deal she wants casual, give her casual. I don't think she sees you sexually, maybe because you haven't made a move, maybe shes crazy maybe any number of different things.

This girl isn't different. She has nothing special to offer. She is an 18 year old girl who wants to have fun and will not commit to you and probably gives two shits about you.

I'm blunt and I don't sugar coat anything, especially not on a forum that is meant to make you realize the truth about getting good with women.

Guess what buddy? Move on.

Not because it will make her want you or make her chase you or anything. If she does cool, if not cool. You are going about this all wrong.

The world is FULL of women. Your world is focused on ONE, when your world should be focused on YOU and the other 8,000 eligible, possibly normal women out there that are waiting for a fun, comfortable guy to approach them and hook up.

Identity.

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Ahead of my time, like I live my whole life backwards.

I appreciate where casthenova is coming from, he is telling you pretty much (in an extremely blunt way) to be true to yourself.
What he says somewhat contradicts his point, if you actually like this girl then you have every right to pursue her, so please don't let his post discourage you from gaming her (and in the end, he's right, if it doesn't work out, it's practice!) Being true to yourself also means being true to your emotions!

-C

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Please check out my "Importance of Nutrition" thread in the Health & Fitness section!

I agree with him as well and I don't mean to bash you or hurt your feelings but I think it's better not to sugar coat.
Leading you on. Don't fall into this mentality. You are chasing after her and you will never win.
I wouldn't stick it out, and that does sound like an excuse. Ultimately she is the prize and you aren't. That is what you should learn from this. Be the prize or next the girl.

Look, you can keep this girl in your life, all I am trying to say is that it ISN'T worth your effort. It sounds to me like you have gamed other girls and you keep returning to this one.
You know how I see that? She hurt your ego and you want to redeem yourself. Personality? What is her personality and great energy? That sounds like a textbook rationalize right there. Her personality sounds like a girl who doesn't know what she wants, a ditz and a player. All three are bad personality flaws.

You think that this girl is something special, primarily because you can't have her. Your reality at some level is still dependent on others for validation. From my perspective, she sounds like a waste of time. 18 Year old? What the hell does an 18 year old have to offer a man?

I mean keep her in your life, keep it casual. But you aren't happy with the situation, you are in fact reacting to a subtle rejection by her. She has descalated the situation and it is no longer sexual.

She might be trying to turn you into an orbiter.

Just let it go. Or you can continue to try and hook up with her but I just think you should cut your loses and figure out why you are obsessing over her. I can garuantee you it has nothing to do with her as a person and everything to do with YOU as a person.

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Ahead of my time, like I live my whole life backwards.

just start dating other women then tell her about it..........lol