| hey guys.....back again
STAGE 5 : When I lost my confidence, I became so pathetic , I started to talk to my parents and ask them for help, I actually told them that I'm loosing my confidence and I think that my younger brother is taking my place, It wasn't very bad at the beggining , they tried to lift up my self steem by tellling me that I'm still the older wiser one and they still look at me the same before, But it was so stupid to do it, It actually affected them subconsciuosly I think, My dad started to think of my little bro as a bigger one, my mother also had the same, and as I mentioned before, I had no control over my brother then, He was feeling that he was actually the stonger older wiser one (you know, the big brother). I won't tell you how I was feeling right then, I was actually pretty fuckin terribly mad, I started to cry alone (the last time I cried I think from 6 years or somethin...:S ) I talked to my family more and more and more !! They started to get bored of it ( WHAT THE FUCKIN FUCK !!! ) then I thought of finding a theorapist or somethin as my family can't help me. and that didn't get the best reaction from my father.Isn't this dad who was lookin desperately forward to just having a minute of my time to talk with him about anything ?? He's now tellin me that HE HAD A BOY AND A GURL !!!!!!!!!
I remember that conversation very well , and I won't ever forget it, I felt at that moment so fuckin shit, and I felt that it was a slap on my face, and I really should be a man an forget it all. but as I said before "when emotions find a way, everything goes away" I couldn't use my mind for a second to have a good thinking of my whole situation and how to fix it. I even did something really stupid, I shaved my head to prove that I was still a man !!
STAGE 6: It started when my next semseter started, I'm now in college with a very low popularity status, just attend classes and go home, and sometimes alone then everyday I go home alone, although I never thought of myself to be alone for more than 3 seconds when I'm in college !!! I won't tell you how things went worser and worser, and how my resistance was going weaker and weaker, I became calmer, stopped makin noise , I justed wanter peace, and didn't want any troubles, after a week or two of great depression i had , I started to feel more peace inside. But to see the things right now, I'm not the same at all, I'M PUSSY, WEAK,VULNERABLE,SO FUCKIN LAZY,LOST MY AMBITION,DON'T WANT ANYTHING FROM LIFE,and finally A PORN ADDICTED !!!
my family started to get used to it, I'm with no importance anymore , I'm just thier son thier fuckin normally ordinary son. I LOST IT ALL...I LOST MY LIFE
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CHAT
).....you can see now why I wasn't feeling so much good !!