2 weeks ago hb9 comes into the bar with her sister (I am bartending). They keep looking and smiling at me. They call me over 20 min later to close there tab, when I bring them there bill I say "your leaving and I didnt even get a chance to talk to you". HB9 then proceds to write her num on a napkin and says to call her. next day we talk through txt and I say that we should get together to talk a little more. She says "sure just let me know when you can pencil me in"

We talk a little over the next few days, I iniatiate the txt each time.

Then last weekend she comes into my bar with her sister and a guy. Did not come up to the bar or talk to me. However there are 30 some bars in 5 min walking distance of my work. She only stays for like 20 min, I was really busy so I couldnt go over to her and talk either. So i txt her yesterday and say

ME:"hey ur not a very good stalker, I saw u sat night and u dont even say hi. I was gonna talk to u but i was really busy n then u left"

hb9: haha im so sorry i didnt mean to be a weirdo.. i was trying to show a guy firend around.

ME: :no worries. i looked up and there u were then like a min later u were gone haha. What r u up to this weekend?


then nothing...

Any chance of recovering this? where did i go wrong? whats next?

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When she's guessing, you're safe. When she thinks you're safe, you're dead.

Well, when you ask a question, sometimes girls like to play the "lets make him wait/let him hang game".

Don't text anything back till she texts you.

Solution? Don't text her things like what are you up too this weekend this week ect... that's what every guy does. Invite her to do something fun with your friends, i.e "No worries blah blah blah, my friends and I are going to this pub/doing this, you should tag along"

Most likely you'll get a response back, if not move on.

been 2 days since I since ive herd from her. should I send her a txt in a week or 2 if I dont hear from her. Or just say fuck it...???

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When she's guessing, you're safe. When she thinks you're safe, you're dead.

You can try and create another spark in a week or two, but I doubt anything will happen.

Still havent herd from her or recieved a txt. But sure enough last night she comes into the bar with her friend from school. Smiles at me and comes up to the bar and starts to talk. We made small talk then I got her her drinks and said ill talk to you later. I went over and talked with her and her friends for a min or 2 but I was really busy so I couldnt talk long. They stayed for about a half hour then they left. As they were walking out she stoped at the bar and tried to wave me over. I said one sec, kinda forgot about her. I got side tracked, she waited for a few min and then left. LOL woops..

Anyways what do you guys make of this? Next step?

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When she's guessing, you're safe. When she thinks you're safe, you're dead.

Text her and tell her you got sidetracked. Wait for a reply then make a move.

I created an account at this forum just to respond to your thread. I know its a few days old, but dude...

1. She wrote down her number and said to call her. You didn't even ask for her number. This isn't even an IOI; she wanted you. So what happened? First off, you didn't call her. You text her. I know there is some good information on texting all over the internet, but I still feel that it is AFC. It is very possible that language developed for the sole purpose of seducing mates. Use your voice, powerfully. Every chance that you had to use your voice, you were either too busy or you text her. You said she was an HB9; she has options.

2. She says, "let me know when you can pencil me in." She was already DLVing, by assuming that you were too busy for her. Why was she thinking this? My guess is because you are a bartender, and generally bartenders have sick game and a lot of options. The bartenders I know are natural alphas. You don't even have to DHV because HBs are already at your bar talking to you, making all of the other HBs at the bar jealous.

3. You initiated the text each time. Either call her or let her initiate. Remember you have better things to do with your time then sitting at home wondering what she is doing. She needs to know this. Invite her into your world; don't try to come into hers.

4.
"ME:"hey ur not a very good stalker, I saw u sat night and u dont even say hi. I was gonna talk to u but i was really busy n then u left"

hb9: haha im so sorry i didnt mean to be a weirdo.. i was trying to show a guy firend around.

ME: :no worries. i looked up and there u were then like a min later u were gone haha. What r u up to this weekend?"

Dude... this is a can of worms. Ok good opener, "hey ur not a very good stalker." But thats it! Then you start qualifying yourself to her, and giving her power over you. You accuse her of not saying hi to you (DLV), which was her goal by the way. She brought that guy in to show you that she has options and intentionally didn't say Hi. Don't even acknowledge that shit. You're better than that guy or she would be at home fucking him instead of dragging him into your bar to make you jealous. Then you made an excuse for not talking to her because you were too busy (DLV). How bout you didn't talk to her because you're not going to reward her for bringing random dudes into your bar and then not acknowledging you?

Then she apologizes, which was also intentional, because she wanted to remind you that she was with some other guy. And you REWARD her with "no worries. what r u up to this weekend?"

5. Within a few days, you went from her qualifying herself to you, to her realizing that she has power over you, and now you are qualifying yourself to her. This is your world man, and you are the bartender. You're the fucking WIZARD! You hold the keys to coolness. That entire bar is your frame, and you got cracked by an HB9 who was throwing her pussy at you.

6. You may be able to recover this, maybe. CALL HER! (not on a Friday or Saturday). If you get a voice mail good. Let her hear your voice. Speak slowly, calmly, and articulate yourself. And for christ sake, DHV. Don't ask her what she is doing. Tell her what you are doing, and welcome her to "tag along." Let her know that this is your world, and maybe, just maybe, you'll let her have a piece of that. If it doesn't work, which at this point, it may not. Then forget it. Leave her with this final power play, in attempt to recover lost ground. Don't text, don't call. That is your only option.

So when she came in with that guy what would have been the correct move?

update on this situation:

I txt'ed her a few days after she came in with her friend. (i know now it was AFC).I teased her about what we were talking about on sat night. She responded quickliy and I made sure that she had the last txt. Then this weekend she came in with her sister and met up with a bunch of friends home on spring break. This time she didnt come up to the bar at all. Whenever they would get drinks her sister would come up to the bar, she kept holding my hands when I would come over.. I dont know what the fuck is going on now..

She doesnt come up to the bar at all, not to say hi or order drinks. It seemed like she sent her sister every time. Then her sister is flirting with me...??..

What the shit??

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When she's guessing, you're safe. When she thinks you're safe, you're dead.

Ok, I never fear a guy that a girl brings to a bar. I'll walk right up and do my best to charm them both, and hopefully not catch any AMOG bullshit from him. The goal is to get both of them qualifying themselves to you, which should be easy in your own bar. It's your frame.

A few months back I saw this girl I hadn't talked to in months with some other guy at a bar. She text me while sitting next to him and said "I miss your face." I text her back, "lose the guy and lets have a drink elsewhere." I'm sitting outside smoking and I see her leave with him. I think to myself, oh well so much for that. 30 min later she texts me, "ok he's gone, just come to my house. I have drinks here."

The point is that it's all a shit test.

Unfortunately, you may have already lost this one, yet she keeps coming back with other people. Are there no other good bars around or does she have options of other cool places to take people?

If there's other places she could be, but she is still there, then she's sizing you up and creating an awkward social frame in your own bar. She may just be a power whore. How long have you been bartender there? Guys and girls alike should be all up on you. That is your place--take control of it. How is your rapport with the waitresses? Use them as pawns.


Who kept holding your hands? Her or the sister? Was the sister hot?

It's all a shit test man.

If I was interested in one girl, I would never be holding the hands of another girl in front of her. But I would be ignoring her, at times, and charming the other girl. They're on a single level of emotional consciousness. You get in any one of their heads and you just got into all of their heads.

Trust me man. It's much easier for me to say then walk outside and do. This is why so many people rely on pre-scripted material. I prefer to understand the concept and wing the dialogue, but I'm very tuned into mannerisms. I'm not a natural PUA; I'm a natural empath.

Resist the temptation to be conscious of your own feelings. This will allow you to experience what they are feeling. Then you can build a frame. They will perceive your control of it, and inadvertently your control of them. They have no choice but to submit.

When they are in your bar, they are in your world. Live and learn. That's all we can do.

Scatter, this is good stuff. I practice on women I work with. I'm in an office of 90 of which maybe 10 are female. I would never mess with any of them b/c I believe you don't shit where you eat. But I do neg them bunch and then they do stuff for me. I hear from some how others talk about me. I pretty sure I'm in all their heads because every time I enter their office I can tell they want to qualify themselves.

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I crave the hunt but I burn the meat

Yah its weird, there are A TON of bars around. I work in the 2nd biggest entertainment district in the midwest. Which is district in Cleveland called The Warehouse district. (little history for you). Theres got to be 50 bars and nightclubs in walking distance. So I really cant undersatnd why she keeps coming in there.

As for the holding hands wiht the sister, shes a HB 7, pretty hot.. Ill lean over the bar to take the sisters order and she puts her hands on mine. Im not really holding her hands, she just puts hers on mine.

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When she's guessing, you're safe. When she thinks you're safe, you're dead.

For some reason, I can't help thinking that this would be a great time to have an attractive female friend help out with some DHV. Call her, cannot emphasize the calling thing enough, and talk a little bit. Tell her the next night you're working and tell her she should come. Don't ask if she's gonna stop by, make it sound like the place to be and that she'll be missing out if she doesn't show. Then, tell friends to come too, especially cute girls. Worse case scenario is this chick doesn't show and you'll work and be able to talk a bit to your friends while you're working. If she does come, then you don't let her monopolize your time. Tell her other people you know are there tonight, and start chattin it up with the ladies. Show that she isn't the highlight of your night and take some control back.

I like this plan you have no idea how well it will work.
I'm a bouncer and in my bar the more girls i'm gaming, the more girls come up and try to qualify themselves to me. On some nights when I've not been feeling too great I've basically stood like a chode at the door the whole night not talking to any of them. It's funny I actually get into more fights on those chodey nights, I guess when guys see my chatting up the ladies all night, they assume im all alpha and kickass. Of course you'll know yourself from being a barman that some fights are unavoidable.

This is good advice. Also use the hot waitresses too. Even though they're hired guns, you're the bartender; they're your insta-harem when needed. If you know any of them personally and trust them with your fate, just tell them you need some help. Bitches know how to make other bitches jealous.