Thankfully I haven't been onthe forums in a while because things with me and my gf have been going really well. We are in an open relationship but the rules are no sex with oter people and she can't give head. One thing has starting to eat me up a little bit and that is this guy who she clearly likes. He's 24 years old and were 17, pretty hard for me to compete with this guy considering I'm in high school and he's a lawyer and has an apartment in the city. I saw her texts with him, which she doesn't know happened, and she asked when she's going to see him again. She claims she doesn't like him but that is clearly not the case here and I just wanted some advice on what YOU would do if you were in my situation. Has she taken advantage of the open relationship? Thanks a lot guys this has been pretty Rough on me.

So... you're in an "open" relationship, where the rules are that she can't have sex or give head to anyone else... does that mean she can give kisses and handjobs?

What would I do? well I wouldn't be in that type of relationship in the first place (it's either open or exclusive, there's no in between, and open's cool if you're not investing feelings, which you seem to be)

So decide what you want, if it's open then there's no issue with her seeing this other guy. If you want something exclusive then it's time to move on, as you won't get it from her.

Good reply.

Trappinu... You agreed to an open relationship. And let's face it - you can't give your girlfriend HALF the freedom, and restrict the other half. Let's say she's in that guys apartment and is giving him a handjob (clearly, she's allowed to do that). Do you seriously think the guy is gonna settle for handjobs all the time? Eventually, he's gonna get sick of it and do anything he can to seduce her. And what's she gonna do when he does that? Resist? Go for it? Only you can estimate the answer to that question.

And here's the good part of the reply above me, and it saves me some time from repeating it:

yeah its just a rough situation for me because i do love her and she loves me also, but this is going to make me a stronger and better man with women and life in general..i just dont really know what to do at this point because we established that if the other partner begins to have feelings for someone else we would end the relationship but its hard for me to let her go.

It will hurt more later, man. Let her go. Move on now. In 99% of cases, open relationships are a recipe for disaster

There's nothing wrong with open relationships per se, so long as you're not emotionally invested. You can't "love" the person you're in an open relationship with, that is bad.

You have ALOT to learn about relationships man. Honestly, I've been following your posts, you seem to be extremely clueless. Sorry, but this must be said.

I suggest asking yourself questions when you decide to act upon a decision. Especially big ones like agreeing to be in an open relationship with a girl that you LOVE.

What was your thought process? i love this girl i don't want to let her go because it will be hard, therefore i will be in an open relationship with her to become a better man. Why will that make you a better man?
Keep questioning yourself until your confident you are about to do something that will benefit you, that will be something that you really want to happen. Weigh up the pros and cons of that decision and decide if its worth acting upon

In all honesty, I think you may have lost this one. She is developing feelings for another person, and this is perfectly fine. YOU AGREED TO ALL THIS. When shes with this other guy, do you think your on her mind? When she finishes seeing him. Do you still think YOU are going to be on her mind? or will the day they just spent together be on her mind. Is this what you really wanted? Did this turn out how you thought it would be? How did you picture this open relationship turning out? I think you didn't factor in this possibility. I believe you were just thinking about all the girls you could mack on whilst still having a stable girlfriend.

If you really love each other, why would you be looking for someone else? Are you looking for fun? new experiences? happiness? comfort? Why can't all that shit be found in the girl you love?

Reassess your situation with this girl mate. It seems really bleak to me. But if you think you have a shot at working this out, talk to her and find out what you really want. You don't want this open relationship, or else you wouldn't have posted this. Talk to her. Only then can you know if you really had a solid chance at this girl and know that you did all you could.

Situation is rough, and i anticipate it wont turn out any better. If that's true, move on, learn from your mistakes. Everyone has a bank of mistakes they can look back on. We all have, and we've all grown much stronger from those experiences. Open relationships are not serious ones. And you have developed serious feelings for her.

Sorry about the influx of questions, but I really want you to learn from your mistakes and prevent yourself from making the same ones. I think asking yourself questions will help solve this. You may have rushed into all this thinking it would be spectacular for you.

Keep us posted mate, All the best and keep your head high

well originally what happened was we were dating for a while, than became exclusive for about 2 months. after the 2 months, she was not as invested and didnt seem to care as much and wasnt contacting me as much, at which point I KNOW i should have let her go, but i didnt and told her we should be open which she agreed to..immediately after that, she began to become more invested and everything was at its peak with our emotions for each other which is still the case but her relation, one time thing so far, is bothering me..i really wish i didnt love her, but i dont think im ready to let her go..on top of that we are both seniors in high school and will have to break up in 5 months anyway b/c we will be going to different schools..knowing that do you guys still have the same suggestions? thanks for the help.

Open realationships are imature and never work out in the end...your 17 just go have fun you dont need agf right now. chances are after highschool she will leave you or you will leave her and neither of you will talk to each other.

P.s If you give a girl an inch she will take a mile...it doesnt matter if your "open relationship" has rules or not...she wont follow them and chances are she has already either fucked the guy or given him head. Open relationship to me stands or (Keep you around until somthing better comes along).

Dont get caught in the trap.

That is not true. I have a couple of friends who has made it work really well. And they are married with kids and all. They seem to have a more harmonic relationship than most other couples torn apart by jealousy.

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I'm not trying to be a dick Ezo, but you're being a Pick Up Snob in my opinion.

bbardot: you just reminded me about porn

Well I dont agree but its ok to not agree...can it work? yeah it prob can for a small number of people...but in my experience 99% of people couldnt handle an open relationship due to jealousy.

Another thing we have to take into account is his age. He is very young! 17 IMO is not an age were we are mature enouph to make those kind of decisions. He should be out having fun! running game on girls and not geting tied down by some girl who he will prob never see again after highschool.

you ask what i would do:

Let her go and run game on other chicks to have the Pre-selection all juiced up. When i was 17 about a year ago, i was in an open relationship and i was invested in her as she was in me. We just ended making eachother jealous until we went out and i didn't last very long. Let her go, and if she wants sex go for it but nothing more..

yea guys, i know im really young but i do like the girl a lot. I can deal with her random hookups, even though they dont happen often, since we have started dating I have hooked up with 6 girls and she has hooked up with 2 guys. It is the fact that she is beginning to like this guy which does bother me because she stated early on in our relationship that if i started to like another girl she would be done. I really value your guys advice, I cant even begin to tell you the transformation I have made ever since I have began looking at this site. Even early on in this relationship, I laugh at things I used to say to her b/c they are the complete opposite of what any pua would do in a relationship. the thing is that you guys are really quick to say break it off with the girl, i have seen that in most of the threads made in this section. im just not ready to let her go, yet. i have thought about it and relaized that if i did break it off with her at this point it would be a huge fuck up on my part. critique this though, if she does see this guy again, im gonna tell her that if she sees him once more, im not sticking around. i will not pressure her to not see him again, but just let her know that if she does, we will be done. if she does see him again after that, i will break things off with her but tell her if she wants to fuck we can do that but nothing more. advice? thanks a lot guys

On the other hand. He is 17, if he fails with this girl it is not the end of the world... He must do what feels right for him...

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I'm not trying to be a dick Ezo, but you're being a Pick Up Snob in my opinion.

bbardot: you just reminded me about porn