Since i can't lose too much value at once,wanted to ask u what do you think about kino esc. really slow ? I mean most ppl get a fclose in 3 dates,what if i get a kclose in like 6 ? Is this healthy,does it build a strong foundation or another guy might come and do the work for me ?

Kino from the start , kino actually conveys value - it shows you're confident . i had F closes on first day but most on second day. Not fucking a girl for the first few weeks prevent buyers remorse and all that shit, kino is just a tool to convey value.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

You're the one who's coming off defensive and dour in that IM exchange. I'm just giving you an unbiased perspective. If you're trying to get on with your life, then why waste the time talking to her? You're not going to be friends until you both take time apart and purge all the negativity from the break up.

This isn't a relationship question. My half-assed answer is: if it takes you 6 dates to kiss, you're lucky the girl doesn't lose interest. That MUST happen by the second date. Up to you when to f-close. Now go away.

She is the one who starts the conversation, I don't initiate contact with her at all.
How is any of my exchange defensive? I thought it's pretty neutral. I just happen to be online and she want to talk to me.

It's hard to befriend with someone who dumped you and telling you how she goes out to double dates and starts hang out with her exs again, but I'm trying my best to befriend with her and purge all my negativity away.

I might really was looking through the situation through a darker glass, but the fact that she dumped me just because I said it will take time for me to be as religious as her, and she immediately has the bitch shield up by talking with a indifferent attitude when I tried talk to her (and then eventually gives up initiate any contacts), and then later admitted that she screwed up on ther dumping part (she said she had emotional problem when she was dumping me), and starts hitting on other guys on facebook and real life, and go on dates, and make sure I knows about it, while sending mixed signals to me saying that she has missed me.

It's hard to not percive her action in a more defensive way you know.

Hey man, got another one for you. Hope you'll answer this time
(Conker, thanks for your last reply man, it really helped me).

It's quite short actually.
Me and my girl are dating for 2 months.
We had a talk today, and I thinks she wasn't totally honest with me.
We talked about how we both feel for each other.
Now, as I understand she is extremely closed about how she acts, feels and who she really is when she's with me. Her self esteem is down to floor as well.
I told her that I see beyond her shield, I told her that in the first time, I thought she wasn't interested in me.
when I felt that, I pushed her back, and showed that I'm not interested as well.
I continued, and I said that only last week I realized that she doesn't trust me enough.
That she always being very careful when she talks to me, and not showing to much interest because I could get board and just leave.
She said, that wasn't the case. She said that she doesn't feel "In Love" and she use to "Sparks in the air" and all of that bullshit.
With me, its more balanced, more calm. "More like it spouse to be".
And when we haven't saw each other for a week, she was like "OK, I didn't saw him for week, I don't really care". (I felt hurt, cause I missed her that week).
She kept saying that she only calls because she felt that "It was the right thing to do".
And when she calls me she thinks: "I could call my friends, because that what I want to do, but I called you because I know that if I won't, It won't bring me anywhere."
Then I asked her "Where do you wanna go?"
and she said, "I don't know, I just know that if I'll stay with my friends I won't go so far, and I won't progress in life".
what the fuck is that spouse to mean?! she uses me for life goals? I don't wanna be in this place if she does.
I've almost told her, "I don't want you to do nothing because you think its the 'right thing to do'.
"I don't need this shit, do what ever you want to do, go away. get the fuck out of here I don't need this shit, and don't need you."
maybe I should have said that, let my PUA talk..
The reason I didn't said it, was the fact that I was sure she was doing this because she is afraid to show her real feeling.
I say this because she always tried to touch me, and to kiss me during this conversation, she never said she wants this to be over.
but she doesn't know where this (us) is going.
she feels exactly the same as I do, meaning she thinks I'm too close and she can't reach me.
Many times during this conversation I told her "You've Hijack my brain", and "I want you to let me in, and trust me because I'm yours."
Even tough she said all of those things like she didn't miss me, and she doesn't know how she feels, and she only calls me because 'that is the right thing to do'.
I still think that she is interested in me and still waiting for me to come to her.

What would you do?
Break up?
Or continue with relationship?

I really want to know what you all think. I'm kinda lost in here.

y382287, you have walls up when you talk to her because you don't want to be vulnerable. She's as open and cheery as she can be considering she's talking to a wall. You're kind of a defensive guy; look how much work you put into pretending you're not the problem in that last response. It is hella hard being friends with someone who crushed you, who is having a good life without you, which is why YOU DON'T DO IT. Get some distance. Believe what I say here or don't. Either way, we've probably taken up enough space.

I second sexapil999, I also have a girlfriend that's pretty distant, which draws me to her more. Can you flip that shit? Because I think that makes us the girl in the relationship.

Right now, I don't know how. My move now is "taking away".
I came to her, emotionally last night. Now I wanna see what will happen.
I'm pretty sure she will call, but I don't know when.
I told her, me and some friends doing barbecue today. She said she'll come.
But she was sick last night, so I don't expect for a call today.

my LDR gf is currently mad at me for something that i did (which was having a big mouth)....how should i approach this situation?

Loooong story Ima try and make short.

Ok, so I am married, just doing a trial separation (initiated by the wife.) I was a stay at home Dad, it made sense financially in the beginning. I rode the situation too long, and I've owned up to that. In the mean time wifey felt like she was making all the effort in the relationship by herself. I had trouble getting a job that fit our situation, and wifey became convinced that half of it had to do with me continuing to enjoy not working. Things started to go down hill, she lost attraction to me, and demanded 'space' and a 3 week trial separation, so I went out of state to help my sister, who happened to be in need. I'm not naive though, I knew there was more to it than she was saying. She had alterier motives, and she
started attention seeking from other men! I am an IT guy, so it wasn't hard to find out.

So now I have a situation where I hurt her slowly over a period of time, and she turned around and did some seriously screwed up stuff, (just short of PHYSICALLY cheating) all at once. I was completely enraged at first, but kept my cool enough to let a week go by, and see what went down before I confronted her.

Now I see things a bit differently... still wary of her not being totally honest, still on my toes and monitoring the situation. However, I think that ironically enough, this turn of events makes us more or less even. Neither of us can say the other person has done more to hurt the other.

The problem is things started out with her being in charge, and the one who had every reason to be pissed at me, and I feel my value went way down in her eyes. Basically for the first time in 10 years she is kinda wearing the pants. She says she loves me, but she's not sure if she is in love with me. The funny thing is a few months ago I started to get a renewed passion for her, and things got more fresh, and alive for a short time. I am still totally in love with this woman, and don't want to lose her, and sure as hell don't want to lose the chance to be a Dad to my kids at home on a daily basis.

She has just recently started to come around and show guilt, and some compassion in the last couple days, but things are still strained. My question is how do I gain back my value? How do I stop losing value in her eyes despite feeling hurt, and like I need to talk about how she hurt me and the details of what happened? Also how do I build back attraction in this situation? I am amazed that most of the game I thought I had before I got with her 10 years ago is failing me now.

Help me out guys, otherwise I'll be back on this forum in a week or two, learning how to pick up women all over again!

Thanks!

sexapil999
you got nothing to lose ... i mean just don't resist and go on. Yes you probably gave power away in this relationship to some degree, but it's not the end of it. I don't see why gaming or doing PUA stuff will change anything. it seems you've gamed her using PUA stuff thus conveying a whole different personality, now you act different and she just sees that. I don't know her but ....
You were too available
You used a bunch of pickup tactics when you picked her up
She seems too evasive...

it can go both ways... it's just in the middle - to be honest it isn't where it should be. My Opinion From experience .... i would break up, it's hard but i would, just look at the facts - you 2 should be in love at this point. I don't see why you should invest in something which is unsure in the first place. i had girlfriends who were distant or very harsh but they still said i love you and so forth... there is more missing - i mean look at what she is saying ....
you just feel way more and you are sure of your feelings it seems , she isn't ...having a relationship with you is the right thing to do ? she can't even call you normally ? I wouldn't compromise myself for this girl, the sex isn't worth it and if it sucks now it will suck bigger over a few months because you don't undergo transformations in a few weeks without compromising. i think the same.. without the F-words tho.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

'she's angry not you, she can't take the heat .... it depends on what you've said but i never say sorry because everyone is human and everyone has a big mouth now and then, apologizing would mean you're sorry for acting like a human sorry for who you are. However if you've been a total dick and really insulted someone on purpose ( like calling out on a persons disease etc ) i would apologize.
Just say you didn't mean it and look how she reacts, most mumbo jumbo relationships books and experts tell you to say sorry - i don't agree.
saying sorry sounds dumb as well ... words don't mean shit better show her some love.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

Bakindasaddle

First of all:
Learning how to pick woman all over again is not a bad idea, it's good for self actualisation.
You have 10 years relationship history, and alot in those 10 year is relevant
Things married woman say ( long relationships ) have different meanings than a woman who is involved in a 1 / 2 year relationship.
a build of stress, the whole reason is appearant, she is not satisfied with your behaviour and that results in not being satisfied with the relationship- this doesn't mean she doesn't love you.
doesn't mean anything ..yet.... it's only relevant when this behaviour is repetitive. You said it was all at once so it's a temporary factor , not an endured behavioural pattern.This mindset won't solve anything , status quo - result quo 0-0 You want to be rational wise on the same level to solve things and emotionally to spark things but 0 = 0.
I believe there is no suck thing as good or bad , everything is a sign or a symptom. Also what you're saying is your perspective or vision , she still could perceive you have hurted her way more to justify her behaviours. Same thoughts have to come from 2 sides and that has to be confirmed before you can pull of any conclusion about where you both are in the relationship, you can only know where you stand in this relationship because even tho you know your wife you cannot always know what she thinks .
who is saying she's controlling the relationship ? she does't control shit because nothing is solved yet , meaning you both have no control because you are argueing about control to some degree. Perceiving her taking control automatically makes you want take control back, control isn't important here. If she had full control things would be solved an turned to her favour. all temporarily , arbitrary.....nothing is gone, it's also a loving relationship and not a provider one which is a big relieve considering she was seeking attention from other guys.

im not even worried about your situation when i place myself in your shoes because you sound rational - like you got your shit together. what i do worry about it this manifestion of getting value.

A 10 year relationship has such a different structure that it's almost hard to gain back your value because you are both dependent to determine how much value you got. You have external validation( draw value from enviroment) and inner validation ( draw value from self) but when you have such a past together and you are close you can't fully rely on inner validation - you draw validation from your partner because you have to emotionally compromise to build such relationships.
you don't lose value.... you can only think you're losing value - there is just some shit going on.

Communicate... this doesn't mean you should communicate every emotion or thought in every relationship but yours is different. You are a dad... she's a mom... i mean you don't break up all sudden because you have kids. Kids are a big burden but also A BIG RELIEVER when it comes to relationship problems because it's more important to solve problems for the kids as well - problem solve multiplier. Perfect time to talk because she's vulnerable by certain emotions thus she commits, Angry people don't communicate - guilty and compassion does communicate. in marriages you build attraction by sharing emotions - emotional bands, this doesn't mean you should cry non-stop but you should express your thoughts and emotions. You don't have to take anyone back... just decide what to do after you've talked. Ignoring her emotions would be a missed chance to spark this emotional band.
don't judge and don't think about what's good or bad, just hear eachother out.

Now you have 10 years history and you have kids together.... it's hard to keep it short and it's also hard to give advice about the situation. You don't need psychology because this is a tactical matter, you need certain viewpoints to analyze and solve certain problems. The whole problem about this situation is simple however the history is long and complex and i won't give big in depth advice without hearing the full story especially because kids are involved - i don't want you to screw up because im not fully informed. Using game to re-spark attraction is not a good idea....just solve most of the problems and go on a vacation together - you are not only dad but you're also husband. Attraction isn't important at all because she already loves you LOVE IS VALUE - romance and doing things together to relieve the pressure is way more important.
What woman says is not necessarily what she thinks and this is not only true for most woman but most people on this planet including men.
In this case Value and attraction are merely lets say illusions....and not really important - you have to agree that communication is more important, get active, financialy active etc.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

Lodewijkp,
First of all thank you.

I think you are correct in a lot of things:
I did used a bunch of pickup tactics when I picked her up.
And she is very evasive.
I also tried to figure things out you know, why she didn't leave already?
I'm pretty sure she is feeling comfortable in where she is now, and she doesn't have other guys chasing her, as much as I know.
Even if there are, they are all AFC's, and doesn't know how to pick her up.
I think, She feels that staying with me is the right thing to do because I conveyed that I'm a very stable, high valued guy.
Now, the truth is. I feel exactly the same as she, meaning I breather talk to my other girl-friends, or talk with my boy friends and not to her.
Whenever we meet, we don't have much to talk about, and when we do talk it's going so hard.. It's not easy going conversations between us two.
So when we meet, I breather make out with her and not talking to her.
The only thing thats going on between us, is sexual attraction
at least that, I've done correctly. I'm really trying to be better in what I do. Without any connection to her or any other girl.

As you said, I have nothing to lose. I think I want to give us another week or two.
I'm pretty convinced that it wouldn't help, but there is a part of me who wants to be sure.
The other reason why I don't want to leave yet, is the option that I will learn something new.
I think it worth the fact that I now losing control in the relationship, and the option that she would leave me first, is very much alive. and that will heart my ego.
Well I did, I still need help understanding how to feel the slot.

How can I make it better next time? I really don't know what I did wrong.
I've succeeded building sexual attraction and comfort. I've almost had sex with her. (I've got LMR after shirt went off).
The only reason we didn't had sex was the fact that I've fucked up the freeze outs.
So, I don't understand what is the problem?

(duplicate post)