tipaj

inviting woman for holidays is something which most woman really like. I suggested to give her some space and this doesn't mean you should make her happy by giving her too much space. Don't become fully reactive concerning the relationship because that's another form of giving your power away, balance is the key.

Try not to ask her in a too direct way ... just ask her if she would like to go somewhere (suggestive) instead of forcing or directing. If you keep relieving the pressure by being suggestive people are more likely to go along because it's not a big deal - there is no pressure. Pressure creates Doubt and responsibility - just like yoú're a manager and you have to make huge decisions.

When im dating or im in a relationship of a few weeks i always suggest and i always say im going out anyway. Don't create the image you need to rely on people to go out, just go anyway - one sheep over the dam and other will follow. The reason why most people can relax around me is because i don't judge and im always suggestive - i go with a wide variaty of people...gothic, crunch, tennis, rich, poor, black, asian, salsa.

Ever been called by a friend and he asked you like you need to come along or otherwise he doesn't go out ? like he rely on you to do it , however you're bussy or you don't want to - ever felt the pressure of friendship responsibilities ?
it's very alpha if you are suggestive and you don't need to rely on people, most people i've called really really apologized after because they realize i don't give a shit - i don't need them thus im not giving my power away. if you do this with girls in online gaming or in real life you will have a decreased flake rate.

im not suggesting you should game your girlfriend but when you meet a girl and you keep being suggestive and flexible/non-needy she is more tend to comply to your reality because she doesn't know what your reality is. By being Flexible, vague, mysterious you are less likely to confirm more negative parts of her reality/ congruence tests.

Most guys set up a date all seriously like they seriously made an agreement with the girl, the girl flakes and the guys say like the pua books suggest : '' hey no big deal ''. Cmon the girl knows it's a big deal concious or unconcious because you were serious about dating in the first place, it's better if you keep it suggestive and non-relient. For picking up girls it's better if you say': '' hey im going want to join'' instead of '' want to go somewhere'' Relying on someone is giving power away - you become reactive if you rely. That's why i do so well with online game in general is because dating seriously and acting like it's a no big deal to flake after, is also a bit incongruent if you think about it.

If you move to a venue with a girl and you say : hey lets go to this venue'' and she doesn't want to, go anyway - just leave her on the spot. this sounds harsh and too cocky but if you comply to her needs you are giving your power away and if you do what you want she is more likely to comply because you keep playing the decision making role. most of the times she will follow you, or she will leave and probably apologize after - and if you don't hear anything from her again who cares ? im just who i am...

in PUA terms / picking up girls when it comes to being non-judgemental/suggestive and non-relying.:
1.IM the one of value and if you want to join fine, il go anyway.
2.I don't need your confirmation to do what i want to do
3.Im not scared what to go out and get what a want all on my own
4.Your not important to me and your only here to entertain me
5.I don't need anyone or any particular girl , woman are abundant.
This is what you convey by using these charactistics, by simply adopting these 2., however the above text is more emphasised on gaming , don't leave your GF when she doesn't want to visit a venue and don't play tricks on her.

when it comes to relationships il translate it to : don't build your life around your girlfriend , keep yourself centered, don't act like she is the center of your universe. IF you have alot of pressure in the relationship you can relieve it.

Peace

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hi there again, how would you advise you ask a girl out? well lets just say i got her number in a rush and i would like to call her out so that i can game her. how would you go about saying it?

Lodewijkp ,

That's exactly what I do wrong....I am a little bit pushy when I ask her out and I'm too direct. That's gotta change.

Thanx.

Hey another q
- I've been in a relationship for just over a month now.
*VERY NEW TO THIS WHOLE THING* - did the whole routines and stuff to get her, etc...so yeah i'm not too original.

Problem:
She's really really shy about the whole sexual/intimate thing (as in all she'll do is give me a brief kiss goodbye and even that's a struggle). Holding hands/hugging, etc is all fine - i can get that easily. She's never been in a relationship before and neither have I (so we both have ZERO experience).

How can i up the intimacy? I've talked to her about kissing and stuff and she's like "it just makes me feel uncomfortable". How do i get around this ?

If your answer is "more kino" then what more "touching" can i do? I dont want to go full sexual on her, as i think that'll scare her off - and i do like her a heap, so i'm not just going out with her to get laid pretty much... I actually do care for her

Thanks! All advice appreciated

Calling or texting?

Calling is not easily dismissed , text messages can easily be neglected or missed. also most guys are afraid to call, you make a big statement when you call because it's more personal to hear someones voice instead of emotionless texting.
i would call her and talk from a total abundance mindset, if she said she couldn't remember me i would say''' get the fuck out of here ( laughing after )'', the whole conversation must be seen as a way to entertain and not a way to date.

these are not guidelines you should follow but these are merely charactistics of someone who is connected to his core and knows woman are abundant :
conveys authenticy /authentic
says what he wants to say
does not care what the other people thinks of him

if you care about what the girl thinks about you , you're already giving your power away, of course everybody cares what people think of them - but it's minor and you shouldn't care to a certain degree. Calling a stranger is never a comfortable interaction so keep it comfortable like you're talking to yourself.
I can call everybody anytime because im adjusted to it, however when i feel a bit obscured i go out and do things i like - watch chris rock - just to get my mind in a different headspace - after this i call her. i won't even ask her for a date - i just talk about some things like ; hobbies , fashion , gardening, going out etc and after the convo i tell her we should hang out some time and hang up. Never use the word ''date ''... saying this makes it a big deal - don't make appointments so go out.

First create non-needyness and comfortability by having a spontanious conversation without asking her on a date. maybe next time she will call me or i will call her just for fun - in any way im acting like im already chosen by every girl in the enviroment; like she's here to entertain me and i use her to entertain myself.

When i call her to go out I call her and suggest im going somewhere and give her the choice to join me, ( read the text above about suggestions etc) im going anyway and i don't need her. Hot girls think they are sooo much value - often when you ask them on a date they will think you are supplicating etc. so break that reality by not caring if she comes or not - you go anyway. as natural sometimes i really don't give a shit and ask them out directly , however most girls are so arrogant that they think im after them or something. ( this arrogance is just a defense mechanism like bitch shields - or you didn't convey enough value).
When you don't have enough value ( cold number cold call ) always suggest because you don't shown enough value to make her comply.

If you are in touch with your inner game and core essence you automatically do this because you realize your own value. You must act through you own intentions becuase if you are desperate for a date and you want her to like you you're not acting trough your own intentions. This will make the conversation awkward in most cases and pulls you back into your mind, not accessing the imprint that makes you good with woman. you will subconciously supplicate to her and she will probably pick up those signals as : not being comfortable, indecisive, not chosen by girls thus conveying lower value to her. If you become dependent or value another persons judgement or action too much ( by needing a date or needing her to like you ) you value that person more than you value yourself thus you convey lower value. this does not mean your lower value but at that time you just act like you have lower value subconciously.

most times i call girls when im shopping with my friends because im in a talkative headspace , i don't call girls when im angry because someone screwed me. this does not mean you shouldn't call her when you feel call anxiety or your tired.
Sidenote: When the girl is totally in to you , i mean she is attracted and so forth you can ask her out the first time you call her, you can set up a date at this point.

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jonobono8888

i think you should use tactics or stuff to make her more physical ... if you care and accept her for who she is then you won't be worried about not getting intimate. there are more ways to get imtimate, she's just unexperienced.
Don't let her know you're unexperienced just do what you want to do - if she does not take the lead you take the lead , just kiss her.

that uncomfortable feeling could be the feeling of love - ''the rush '', it's not making her uncomfortable she just never experienced those emotions before. after experiencing something new you have to get accustomed and internalize it like it's just a part of you and that takes time.

it's a fact when you are picking up woman you constantly give them emotional spikes in your game ( prefer natural ), you neg her, disqualify her thus you give her the feeling of loss - and next time you kino thus giving the feeling of adding something. Woman are emotional and they like to cry, they like to experience a wide variety of emotions. when a girl loves you and you don't want anything from her she will always be uncomfortable around you because you got value.
when woman talk about emotions in general - uncomfortable or whatever don't take it personal. woman cry about television shows and pencils that are too short.

Zero experience is cool because you can find out all that new stuff and experience it, i experienced everything so many times it's quite repetitive - like bungee jumping is getting boring. having zero experience is a gift man .. really ... just go out and do it

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Hi man
I've got a open relationship with this girl,means we only go out once a couple of weeks,most of the time we chat online when we're bored.I wanted to make it more exclusively,but i started on the wrong foot.Problem is,she is pretty rude to me when i'm acting nice ,and when i start ignoring her(freezing in short period)she starts chasing me.
Main consequence of this :don't know how i managed this,but i made dates seem like a big thing,and telling her i wanna go out will most likely be refused(even in the most non-threatening way).About the previous dates,i had to deal with some really rough shit tests before we go out.EVERY SINGLE TIME.Once there,kino is another issue,as you may imagine.
I'm not over invested,just wanna know if there's any way i can push this further and your general view on this.
Thanks man,btw your topic rocks

Hi Lodewijkp, I've got a good one for you.

Me and my girl are dating something like 2 months, and I can't read her signs.
I'll start from the beginning.
This girl was attracted to me for sometime before I started seeing her.
and only 2-3 months ago I decided I wanted to meet her. She looked good. We start dating and I liked her, so made her my GF.
Now, I really don't know what to do with this girl. I doesn't have much free time for myself, and when I do, I wanna see her.
The problem is she doesn't return my calls, she doesn't call me almost at all. 90% of the time I am the one that creates the contact.
last week we almost had sex, but finally I felt she's now comfortable so I freeze her out. Sense then, we didn't see each other for a week.
we talked through the phone every 2-3 days but thats it.
later that week, when we met, she was pretty cold so I played cold as well.
But she always kept saying: "How can it be we haven't saw each other for a week? I can't understand this". she said this couple of times.
From my understanding that was like she was saying "Why didn't you call me?".
Now get this, her folks was out of the country the week we haven't saw each other, and I didn't get even 1 phone call. what the HACK IS GOING ON?!
from one hand, she doesn't answer, and doesn't even call back. And when she does, and I say:
"lets do something together", she always sounds like she's got something better to do.
When I want to make out, she almost never resist. And sometimes she asks me "what do you do tomorrow? I finish school early".
but the signs are so mixed, I can't decide how should I spouse to act with this one.
Should I call more, and try to be there more for her? or just be cold and wait for her to come to me?
What I'm doing now is I don't neg. I call every 2-3 days, ask her how was her day and stuff. And I usually meet her on weekends.

man, I really need help. I have no idea what to do.
I want her, but from one hand, I don't know how to make her come to me, and I'm afraid to be needy on the other hand.

Well we get told "don't call" "freeze out" etc. to help us avoid doing AFC things.

But the goal is to do what YOU want, with a masculine dominant frame.

Guys do chase girls. But chase is a bad word. Guys are the "initiators". Guys start things, remember its their job to take control, show her a good time.

So if you play it cool and don't call, and she doesn't call, you get a stale mate. And because it's your job as the initiator, you can't compare the frequency you contact her with the frequency she contacts you. As the guy, yeah you will probably call her more than she calls you.

I'm currently wooing a very rich, HB9 into spending a romantic evenings with me, even though she's convinced she doesn't want a relationship. I got her smsing me back and forth like mad, because of a conversation I initiated, a conversation I put effort into, kept going, and kept her guessing and qualifying herself. I'm showing her I'm more interesting, and "different" than all the other guys she's sick of, and I can only do that by being the initiator, starting stuff, keeping it going.

What, are you going to wait around for her to call you, wait for her to start something? Not gonna happen. She's a girl. Plus if you don't start something with her, someone else eventually will.

So yeah, she's justified in sitting around not doing anything, and then asking you why YOU didn't call HER. She was waiting for you to start something, because that's what a man does. She's actually upset that nothing happened.

Background
Met this girl 6 years ago when we were in high school. I broke her heart all the way back then and was the only guy to ever break her heart. She reintiated contact with me this year and we hung out about 3 or 4 months ago. I live about 2 hours away from her and barely would see her during school.

Beginning
The beginning or our relationship was amazing. We would hang out, hook up, everything was going really well but she would constantly tell me that she was falling really hard and like basically couldn't sleep because she was feeling really into me. This was during the first couple of weeks. Then she wanted to introduce me to her family over the holidays and I was down for this. So I met her family and that night she wanted to make it official. I wanted to do this too but I just said I didn't think we needed a label, trying to play it like exclusivity was not something I was looking for. Looking back, I regret this because I did want to be in an exclusive relationship with her. So anyways, we hang out again and she ignores me one night, or so I think. I basically through a fit about her ignoring me and we got into a fight about it. I know how stupid and insecure this was of me to do and have admitted my mistakes to myself. I have otherwise changed my approach to our interactions and don't blow up over things.

So I had back to where I'm from and our dynamic becomes her calling me three times a day and we talk for 10 minutes here and there and then usually for a longer time at night. Everything was going well, I felt really into her, thought she was really into me but we still weren't an official couple. We kept getting into little fights about her ignoring me because I was stupid and kept blowing up over these little things, thinking I was asserting myself but probably coming off as needy. We actually broke it off for a night but she came back and apologized and told me she needed me and so I took her back.

I visited home and she was difficult to hang out with and not really treating me like I wanted to be treated. I didn't feel appreciated by her so it was basically an issue for me. The next weekend I told her we were done, she didn't respect me and we fought and she took some stabs at me and that was it. Then we didn't talk for 14 days, I started dating other girls and otherwise moved on.

Valentines day she texts me and I just ignore her, really didn't want to reopen that but she was texting me like we are perfect together, I just want to be selfish and don't want a relationship right now, but I know one day we will be together for a really long time and telling me things that I felt was true, that we had a really good connection and good chemistry. The next day I really was upset at her for reopening this and I had already moved on so I told her a lot of mean things. She was incapable of falling in love, a lair, cold hearted, I told her I was dating other girls. She called me that night and we talked for like 2 hours about everything I told her I still wanted to be with her and she said she still had feelings for me too so we basically agreed to try again.

Now we have been slowly getting back into a relationship. She claims that

1) She wanted a relationship but I didn't, even though she said she wasn't ready.
2) I had my guard up for the whole time, she always had to call me after fights, also had to be the one to put herself out there
3)Said she can't trust me because I walked away from her so many times and said mean things.

I do want to be with her and I do feel that I love her, I have always had feelings for this girl ever since we met and we have incredibly similar values about pretty much everything.

I just wanted to get someone's perspective on this situation that has a lot of experience. Sometimes I feel like I am getting played, sometimes I feel like she doesn't want to be together with me, she just wants someone there. I don't know, I am going home in two weeks and she claims that we are going to hang out every day. If i go home and get strung along again, I am just walking away for good.

Maybe I didn't man up in this situation and be the boyfriend instead I would throw little fits but recently I have revisted my own inner game and stomped up almost all of my neediness and insecurities so I believe that we can make it work this time without fighting.

Lodewijkp,

I don't understand this girl......
So the holiday is today, so I call her and she picks up (wow!!!!). She tells she's in class and will call me back. Ok, so I continue with my stuff. After 2 hours no phone call, so I call and get hung up on without pick-up. So I think "whatever", go do my stuff. I call another time in 5 hours, no pick up.....So I do my stuff)))


It's not like I had no stuff to do, but I made sure I wasn't too busy that day to go out with her. So, I called her only twice, as I described above, not to seem needy. Now, I'm taking her out to make her feel good, show her my attention and just to spend time with her, isn't that what they want?
I see her not calling me back as an act of disrespect! I can't handle it! It just drives me nuts, maybe that's why I seem needy, because I can't stand irresponsible people and I try to tell her that in a nice way.
So why didn't she call me? She knows I want to take her out....

Anyways, I have so much stuff to say about her... She's very strange to me, maybe that's why i still didn't give up on her and moved on, although if it will keep going without change, I will.

What do you think? Maybe, it's just me expecting too much from her, because I would give her much? I don't know. It's strange....

thanks bro, I know what I must do now :>

Great one bro. this girl is a girl i fell in love with, ie have an emotional connection with, but the advice will help keep me from showing that im needy.

This is the only post of yours I read, but to me that kind of behaviour says she's turned off. Judging from what you've been saying, I'd say you're maybe not conveying the right image of yourself. Something about the tone of your voice, the way you word things, is probably sending out the message that you expect her to lose interest in you, and you sound desperate.

Either she's a real bitch about it, or you really turned her off big time and seem like you won't let her go. Either way sounds like you should move on, this one 'aint going anywhere. Start things with someone else, and pay attention to your behaviour, and their reaction to your behaviour, see how it feels. If you come away from it feeling scared and desperate for her next call, it probably went bad, and you should think about how your behaviour made it go that way. If you feel like the man and are looking forward to a good time with her, it probably went good, and you should take note of all the right things you did.

@casthenova - so common, guys thinking they want to be a player and can't see a good relationship in front of them till they've lost it. Done it many times myself.

I don't know why you are afraid, sounds like unjustified insecurity. Nothing you said suggests you would be played by her, quite the opposite in fact. Just date her.