Hey all,

I have been asked to write a by-weekly column about internet dating for a local paper.

After a brief introduction last week, my next article is going to be about the top ten mistakes that AFC makes.
It is by no means a comprehensive list aimed at PUA's, more a generalized list for Joe public.

Here is my first draft, any thoughts/comments would be welcomed, cheers:

PS - is prospect and target good words to use here?




Top 10 mistakes in internet dating

1. Poor or old photos

This is your first point of contact, before any profile reading has taken place and usually before your target has thought about replying to your message.
This does not mean that you have to have the outstanding beauty of Megan Fox or the looks of Brad Pitt, more that you look presentable and that the image is a good reference of who you are.
Old photos are a big no-no too, if you have any real intent on making internet dating work for you be honest to yourself and to everyone else. Never post a photo that was taken more than 6 moths ago. It saves a lot of time and heartache in the long run.

2. Profile details not filled in

The second port of call for a prospect is the profile. This is usually viewed or read once someone has made a connection with your photo, so you are half way there already.
Always give truthful answers and fill out every section with thought and care. Please do not skimp this section, it is very important and will say more about you as a person if you fail to fill it in or do not give enough information.
This is your chance to big yourself up and demonstrate you have high value; be imaginative and individual; give the prospect the opportunity to relate to you and leave enough mystery for them to ask questions.

3. Poor headline and/or username

This is vitally important when users are “speed viewing” profiles to find interesting prospects. Having something that is unique will often grab the attention of the viewer and give your ad more of a chance of a full viewing.

4. Not being truthful

This is a cardinal sin. Again, this will just waste time and provoke anger/heartache at the point when you are found out.
One of the key problems with online dating is a lack of trust; be truthful with whom and what you are and you will gain the trust and respect you deserve. Imagine that you are on the end of the lies, how would that make you feel?

5. Chatting online for too long

Although it may appear to be a good tactic, in order to build rapport and comfort, continually chatting to your prospect online often leads to a number of problems. For example you can become just cyber friends, the initial excitement and spark can quickly dissolve, or your imagination develops your prospect into a perfection that the real person can never match up to.
Always understand your aim for being online – to find a real person! Online dating should only be used for the initial meet, after 5 or 6 messages you should be trying to set-up something real.

6. Only messaging the very best looking men/women

We all want the very best partner that we can get, so it figures that the very best looking people on the internet dating sites will get the most messages, therefore reducing your chances of success.
You need to be honestly truthful with yourself here, know your standard. You should put most of your efforts into messaging prospects that are in your league. I am not saying that you should not message the top lookers - just don’t only go for them.
A top tip here is to start messaging and chatting to those at the lower end of what you are after. Use them to get good at creating interest, being unique and getting it off line. You will then have more confidence and ability to get those at the top of your league when the time is right.

7. Sending messages that are not interesting

If you honestly want someone to reply to a cold message you have sent, make some effort to be interesting, funny and unique. Your reply rate will dramatically increase.
If someone you had never spoken to before sent you a message saying “hey, how are you?”, would you make the effort to reply to them? What does that say about the person that sent the message? - It says they are dull, uninteresting and that they really could not be bothered.
Online dating sites are full of these idiots who have no social life or social skills, don’t ever let anyone think you are one of those (even if you are! lol).

8. Dealing with rejection in a bad way

You must get used to being rejected if you want to be successful online. Even with the very best package you can offer, amazing opening messages and photos, you will get rejected a lot. You must not take this to heart, there are millions of single people in the world - simply forget it and move on.
Never start abusing targets because they don’t answer your messages. It is surprising just how many idiots do this.
Are you really interested in someone that is not interested in you?
However, you may have caught someone on a bad or busy day, or your photo/profile may not have clicked with them. All is not lost – send a different message a week later or wait until you have new photos and developed your profile more. If you still get no reply, the just forget about them and move on – it was obviously not meant to be.

9. Not regularly updating your profile and images

Being online and in a digital domain allows you to be flexible with what people see. You often have the opportunity to update you profile information, photos, your user name and your headline. Take full use of this to enhance different parts of your persona.
Your profile details can allow you to highlight different aspects of your life and beliefs and speak to different types of prospects. Your profile details should always be fluid, constantly edit different areas to see what is working and what is not.
Photos should always be cycled and changed. What one prospect will like in one photo another may not like. Regularly changing it (once a week/month) will give you more coverage.

10. Not being individual

Most of what is discussed in this list boils down to one thing – being different, being individual. You want to stand out from the crowd to get the best opportunities but be careful not to go too far though, as you may appear to be desperate or outright weird.

Be different, be challenging, be interesting but most of all be you!

6 months? I look pretty much exactly the same as I did 6 months ago... actually I may have lost a few pounds. I think updating photos regularly is a good idea, but it should be more to do with the picture still being accurate than with a specific time limit or something. If you've got a really cool pic from 2 years ago, but you look the same why not keep using it?

5 or 6 messages seems quick. I usually like to have at least one chat session first too. Not saying it should be dragged out for weeks... but after a few decent messages maybe start up a chat session, then if that goes well start thinking about getting together.

Of course, I have to figure out what to do with this chick I just messaged in Toronto... I'm at least 2 weeks away from being able to go to Canada since I don't have a passport.

Everything I read in this thread seemed to be written from an AFC point of view. If you want to give men some really good advice regarding online dating, start here: http://suavetechnology.blogspot.com/201 ... about.html

I agree with you Smartbomb.

The post link is good and I think I do cover lots of the same information. This article was for a small local rag and the reader demographic is not going to consist of 'PUA' types. It is just a generalised list.

Anyhow, the article went out last week and has received good review so I think I aimed it right.

Good to hear the comments.

Oh, I do agree strongly with the link on one point, that each woman is different so the communication length needs to vary before going for the # or date close.

I agree with most of it

I think I will put in my 2-cents here with what I know what works and what doesn't, at least for me.

1. 'Accurate' profile pictures --> works...they just need to look like how you look like now.

2. Brevity is key...even when filling out profile details. I NEVER put too much in there but just enough for the woman to ask me questions about. You don't want to give all your conversation topics away.

3. Good 'Subject Headlines' and usernames works. But good subject headlines I think are more important. You want to stand out in a good way and in such a way that is easily remembered and is you and not some other guys line.

4. I do agree with being truthful...But I also believe in not saying more than what you need to say. Don't volunteer information if its not asked for. And if it is asked for....again....brevity is key in this department.

5. I really don't do online chatting but I do use the sites emailing abilities...And yes, I normally try to setup a date by the 5 email messages. Anything longer than that and my chances go down significantly of ever meeting them.

6. Message whoever you want to message. Success comes in numbers...the more you try to message, the better your chances....And I'm a big believer in "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take" philosophy. But I do agree, only message those woman you could actually imagine yourself with. If you think she is ugly, don't bother.

7. Correspondence should always be written in a way that keeps the rapport going. Once you start losing that, your chances goes down significantly of anything taking flight.

8. You should be able to walk away from ANY bad situation/rejection as if it doesn't bother you...And it shouldn't... This shows maturity and also that you are the prize and not the girl...Once they pick up on that, they MIGHT want to meet with you afterall. I have had that happen to me once BTW. This woman said she wasn't interested in me but two months later she then approached me online...patients IS a virtue.

9. Yes, I agree, you should be rotating your pictures around and updating your profile. If a woman notices that you are updating your profile it will keep them wanting to read about you more and she will start following you. Maybe even make a comment about an updated picture of your or something..That has also happened to me.

10. I agree, you should always stand out from someone else. Be individual....be you...but a cool, fun you...

Constructive criticism welcome.

Best,

J-Dub

_________________
J-Dub in DC

Its better to be the predator than the prey.

You need to be a good player if your gonna be successful at the game.

good stuff Steve Silk and Smartbomb...sort of the 10 commandments of online game.

I would argue about profiles though. IMHO you're better off filling in the MAIN parts only - height, build, race, marital status, children - the bare essentials. If you have time fill in a bit more. Fill out what YOU feel is important to share. Ok some girls WILL expect a full profile but to be frank those types tend to be very insecure - a bottomless craving for information and security and rarely take the chance to actually meet in real life.

I'm with J-Dub and Smartbomb's link is pretty valid, though it is kinda vague. I could play devil's advocate with almost all of Steve Slik's rules, but I won't.