Dear Bro's

I am in a 2+ year relationship with my girlfriend.
Lately she wanted the keys for my dorm because she wants to move forward with our relationship. I feel like she wants to settle down, like we are some married couple.
I really like her but I kind of freaked out, she is my first girlfriend, I am her third boyfriend. And I don't really have anything to compare to in terms of other girls. I would like to marry her later but I do not want to settle down already.
On the other hand I do not want any other guys to have sex with her because I really do not like it that I am her third boyfriend already.

Basically she wants to move forward, and I am still looking around for better girls. My girlfriend is really smart, beautiful and has "class". I really like that and usually we get along really good together.

This week we were arguing every day, because she wanted to see me more and I did not really want to see her. (I am a bit taking my distance because I think she wants to settle down)
We did meet 3 times anyway because she is very stubborn. Almost every time it resulted into arguing, she wants me to reassure her I really like her but it did not happen very convincingly. She even said that she was not sure she wanted to continue with me.

Now this weekend she is on a weekend trip with a bunch of guys she likes. They are staying in the same apartment. And I am sure they think she is hot.
I met those guys once, I think they were not anything special but I can be wrong of course. According to her she can get along with one of them really well. Which bothered me a lot when she told me.

Since the day before this weekend trip (Thursday), I have not heard anything from her even though she was really clingy this week. I think something is up and I am not sure if I should care.



I am having heartache over her. It really does not feel good. I don't want to suck up on her (which I am sure she wants me to do) I think she wants to make me care more and I think it is working. But the way she does it is by going on a weekend trip with a bunch of guys to forget me! I don't think I want a girl like that. I don't want to marry some mentally abusive whore.

What do you guys think about this?

_________________
Failure was never an option


Because girls don't like sex.. Yeah RIGHT!
Why else do you think girls have P*ssies

You think she's ready to settle down and therefore you avoid her on purpose? If you EVER expect to have a healthy relationship with this girl (or anybody in the future) you must learn how to communicate. If something's bothering you about your relationship - you talk to your GIRLFRIEND, and not some guys from a forum.

Does this surprise you? First you take distance from her without telling her why - and now she's not sure she wants to continue to be with you? Of course she's not sure about this. Her boyfriend is not there for her. He's running away from her.
Do you really blame her for this?
The question isn't if you should care. The question is, do you love her enough to keep her?

Stekehmrt, bottom line is: Talk to her. Tell her EXACTLY what has been bothering you and tell her EXACTLY why you've been acting weird and being distant. She needs to know. She has the right to know.

Don't fuck this up because you feel that she's ready to settle down. If she truly loves you, she will understand and respect the fact that you're not ready to settle down.

You are going to completely fuck this up and spend the next 6 months trying to get her back.
Be a man and handle it properly

How the fuck do I handle this properly

Should I call her ?

_________________
Failure was never an option


Because girls don't like sex.. Yeah RIGHT!
Why else do you think girls have P*ssies

Sit down with her properly and let her know that you take responsibility for your actions in all of this, and want to work it out, wherever that may take you.

I dont know what the full story is and i dont have time to disect it, but u want to act like a man at all times, not get into jealousy, stupid stuff like that.

Following on form what Hobbit said. All signs point to you being a dick bro.

lol but i dont want to be a dick

But guys I really dont like my gf! She is just going to this weekend trip, I just checked on the internet what kind of room they rent; its a 6 person bungalow with 3 bedrooms; which means 2 persons per bed room!
Its fucked up because I have no idea who she is sleeping with!

Also when I met the guys, she was very nervous for me meeting them and while I was there, she kept going back to those guys instead of going to me.
I tried amogging them but I failed I guess.

but you guys are right, I should be there for my girlfriend and be a man. Its just hard because I admit I am not really communicating this shit very well and I also dont really like to talk about my jealous emotions towards my gf.

I dunno, I think she is moving on for real, I mean looking out for other guys.

I dont think my gf and me can build on each other.

And at the same time I dont really trust my gf nor do I think she should trust me because well, I am a very honest guy I swear, but if I sense that I cant trust someone I start cheating them back. Thats the dilemma im in right now; I want to believe I can trust her but I dont

Imagine your girlfriend sleeping and partying with other guys after a week of arguing.

I feel like I get all the crap, and those guys can go partying with her.
I must also mention that she did not want sex for the past 2 weeks



fuckfuckfuck

_________________
Failure was never an option


Because girls don't like sex.. Yeah RIGHT!
Why else do you think girls have P*ssies

Gotta agree with all the guys here. Talk to her bro. Made the same mistake with my ex and have never been able to get her back after that (I was a complete dick with her - never paid her any attention at all) and she eventually left.

Well this is my take on it is like this:

Like everyone before me said, you need to communicate. Tell her straight up how you feel about her trying to settle down. Tell her that you care about her and you want to be with her (if you really do), however, you feel that you want to take it a bit more slowly.
If that's the case, then why have a poll? If you aren't happy with her, move on or once again communicate with her and tell her what you don't like or appreciate. Get it out now so it doesn't build up and blow up on you.

Also, it seems to me that you aren't feeling very secure with the relationship in general. You keep talking about how you are bothered she is with all these other guys partying without you. Is there anything she has done in the past that makes you worried she may be cheating on you or doing something you consider crossing the line?

In no way am I trying to defend or justify her when I say this, but I have very close girl friends that often sleep over my house (even in my bed sometimes) and they have boyfriends or guys they are "talking" to. We do not do anything sexual, we are just close friends and after a night of partying they decide to crash over (I'm in college still). I'm not saying it's necessarily right or nothing to be upset over, I'm just saying that her being there does NOT give proof or mean she is being shady toward you. If you rolled up to a place in a nice sports car, people can check it out all they want, but it's still your car (I'm not saying you "own" her so don't get that impression because you don't but I hope you see my point).

End of the day, you need to sit her down and tell her what's on your mind. Tell her exactly what you told us. You want a bit more space but you will be there for her. You want to take it more slowly. Chances are she will respect what you have to say, and if she doesn't, move on.

_________________
"Vincit Qui Se Vincit"

It's interesting to me that you started the thread saying you were dissatisfied with your girlfriend and don't want to settle down because you haven't been with other girls, and as the thread develops you are unhappy because you think she may be looking for other guys. Is it possible you are projecting? IE, you are thinking of looking elsewhere and are having mixed feelings/guilty, and suddenly you think she is doing the thing YOU want to do? I can't say I know your relationship just froma thread, but if you didn't care, you wouldn't be jealous and uncertain. Don't throw it away until you are sure--which means talking as was recommended above.
Again, interesting choice of words--you didn't say you cheat because she cheats--you say you lose trust and then you cheat. Which means you could cheat on her for no good reason other than your own inability to believe her. That may be rooted in your head as easily as hers--does that make sense? And you risk losing something good when she may have done nothing.

I know a lot of guys may jump in and tell stories of how they've been cheated on--hell, it's happened to me, lots. but I've also been in your girlfriend's shoes--having guy friends which were absolutely no threat to my relationship, and having my bf flip out on me. Know how that always ended up? With me breaking up with them--and in each case I eventually got to the point where I felt like it wouldn't matter if I cheated on my bf or not because he already treated me like I had. You don't want to create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Talk to her, figure out the root of your lack of trust, and go from there.

_________________
The above is a woman's POV; may or may not represent the rest of my gender

If you don't like her.

And you're not getting sex.

Here's a suggestion: Read my first reply.

In case you didn't notice, people just follow up into what I said earlier. You can't escape those facts so there's no idea ignoring what I've said.
You don't wanna be a dick? Well, according to half of the stuff on the post here - it's too late for that.

the root for my lack of trust is afraid to be beta I guess.
Let me explain:
She is now with the guys she likes, and Im her boring bf at home waiting for her like some lapdog.
I am the one who needs to try to contact her and if I don't she is "showing" that she does not care, because she is not contacting me (what I would like to hear is something like: hey, I am alright we are having a lot of fun here. I miss you though)
She does not do that, PLUS she told me literally that she likes some of those guys there.
Tonight I have barely slept because of this, lots of heartache. I hid the pictures I have on my room from her, so I don't constantly have to think about her all the time.

Yes I was being a dick looking around for better girls but I don't have the balls to actually get them laid. Besides the chemistry is often better with my own girlfriend.

Lately all we did was arguing, so at first I was really glad she was off with those guys to a weekend trip. But now I feel like the beta and the guys are having fun with her.
That is how I feel.

Linckia is also very right:
Thats exactly how I feel, how embarrassing it is actually.

I still believe she is wrong though cuz I have a big mouth and stuff, but I have not cheated on her or going to a weekend trip with a bunch of girls I like or anything.

Id like to thank yall for helping me taking a better look at myself. I appreciate your posts.

_________________
Failure was never an option


Because girls don't like sex.. Yeah RIGHT!
Why else do you think girls have P*ssies

hey guys !

UPDATE:

I just had her on the phone! Turns out, she does not miss me for a dime! She was drunk this weekend, and flirted with all of them
I also heard she has been smoking pod! And it was really funny


What do I do with this hoe?

I told ya ! Last week I got all her crap ! Now She is partying with the guys !
wtf !

_________________
Failure was never an option


Because girls don't like sex.. Yeah RIGHT!
Why else do you think girls have P*ssies

Okay listen, it seems to me that you are not happy with this situation one bit. Everyone is saying that you need to communicate with her and you don't seem to be addressing that... this leads me to believe that maybe you really want to break up with her and just want our approval to do so. If you are not happy, change it up. Move on and find someone else who makes you happy.

She doesn't miss you? Are those words from her own mouth or is that an assumption you made based on her telling you she is having an awesome time?

_________________
"Vincit Qui Se Vincit"