Thanks

I got a problem, I feel like I am losing control over the releatoinship. There were times when she was devoted to me, but now - nothing I do seems to matter. No freeze out seems to work, nothing. She's starting to gain more control and well am really starting to fuck up. I have stared to let her affect my state - gettin tantrums when she does give me attention etc. What do I do?

first of all you have difficulty spelling the word realtionship as do i .

Give up the idea you are losing control over the relationship because that idea is made up out of some inner-thought of your own. If you suffered total amnesia but you could still remember who your GF is ; then would you still felt like you lost control over the relationship ? not at all.... because you will realise this all is caused by bad emotions or bad thoughts and those aren't present anymore.

noticing losing control is holding it firmly, people change including your girlfirend so you have to go with the flow. Her push and pull behaviour have alot of reasons - it could be some values her parents thought her, it could be stress, repeative behaviour you have unconciously thought her.

I know you will feel like shit.... if you are on college or something you can't concentrate and so forth - this is becuase you start with one negative thought and remain at that thought all day. Instead of thinking ''losing control '' i want you to go back into your memory and think about all the good moments you had together ( no negative ones ok ). And next time and want you to go to your GF and talk about those moments/ re-live those moments.
Instead of thinking losing control we will be like '' i got control'' Even if you don't got any control REALIZING you got control will make you act more confident in a situation which is out of control.

You will project your affected state on your GF unconciously and she will unconciously notice it. Thinking you lost control will make you remember a certain moment where you think you've fucked up AND vice versa.

look at it this way : if you get fucked by a girl she will say '' he fucked me '' BUT you can also say she fucked me. IT's allowance of reality- your personal reality WHO fucks WHO ? and who do allow to fuck or disort your reality ?
GET RID OF NEGATIVE THINKING , there is more positive than negative in a relationship but most people stick at negative patterns / thoughts.

Instead of thinking ''losing control '' i want you to go back into your memory and think about all the good moments you had together ( no negative ones ok ).
if you want some rules or values for your toolbox you can read the other replies on page 1. i have also replied in other post and i hope this post can inspirate you longer-my-relationship-further-from-my- ... 61396.html
peace

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

So you like reading about philosophy and Buddhism, what are some good books you recommend?

I completely agree with what you said, i shouldn't worry about about being in charge.


I am not to sure on how I should structure this next question. But I want to drop some hints that im keen to get sexual with her, but I dont want to sound needy obviously. Any advice would once again be appreciated.

i advice you to read as much as you can - to enlighten yourself. Personally i like this book alot because it's written by someone who understands both western and eastern societies/cultures , It's very easy to read : http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/076792 ... d_i=507846
again when you read buddhist books one of the goals is self-reflection.

i will propose 2 sides... one of the man/pua and one out of relationship values.

PUA like escalation: When the timing is right you should kino her and kino escalate....example : you are both kissing on bed or on the couch, you first slide your hand to her belly then to her inside leg. after taking 2 staps forward you take 2 steps back to make it comfortable BEFORE she gets uncomfortable. if she accept your kino and she accepts your hands on ''the spots'' you can keep your hands on those body parts. you can go from her leg to her belly etc just be confident.
Don't force it, if she let you know when she's ready. it's like an alarm clock... it's sleeping until it goes off in the morning and when it goes off it wants you to push the button. Sex is important BUT not the most important thing so don't fixate on it.

just go with the flow
FOREPLAY is important... long foreplay and kiss alot, the best way of letting her know your interesting is non-verbal ( to my opinion)

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

I got a question for you.. and let me say, i enjoy reading your replies.. as you take everything in consideration.. even religion and philosophy.. nice


im in a long distance relationship... very long distance..

I have a question about cheating... Do i need to talk to her about it, and about the consquensens, or what?

She is a virgin and a christian.. so if she cheats.. it will maximum be with kissing, not sex.. So thats kind good. but still.. Should i let her know its not okay? or should it be something obvious..

The reason i ask this is that i know my girl cant control alcohol and therefor i get a bit worried when she goes out that she doesnt get fucking wasted and do something shit..

But in general i dont care I always tell her "go have fun now " and stuff..

Still a saw a picture of her on a guys lap.. though on a class mate of hers, and she actually dislikes him.. she says.. But i told her it was not okay..

PS: Its a very well grounded and serious relationship.. but she is 18

Bimm3r

Talking about cheating: why would you do that ? everyone knows cheating will hurt the other person to some degree. Their is a huge chance she perceives the conversation in a negative manner, like you don't trust her or something.
what you can do is when you're watching a television show where the characters\actors cheat you can tell her what you think of cheating - do it in a certain context and don't bring it up directly to her.
Don't give her the feeling like you're asking her and distrusting her.

why are you worried ? because if she cheat she won't tell you anyway - you can't control it so you have to stop thinking about it.
Not like im very suspicious about people but she can't control alcohol and she's virgin. do you see the paradox ? are you sure she's virgin ? because i had a GF who was very neat but after i while i found out she couldn't control alcohol at all, her friends told me some crazy stories and she did some crazy shit.
people who can't control alcohol LACK self-restrain , people who lack self-restrain are easily influenced or they often do things they normally won't do.
i can see your worries. bullshit .. otherwise she wouldn't sit on his lap at all so she will probably lie to you the next time, because she's afraid she's disrespecting you.

if your relationship is well grounded you have nothing to worry about, she's 18 and nobody is perfect. What would you exprect from a 18 year old girl ? that she only visits the church and stays home ? she isn't perfect she does things you don't like and you have to accept it because she probably will do it anyway ( not cheating).
Kids will play with matches anyway even if the parents tell them not to, same with relationships - you can't control someone else.
so she's virgin, she can't control alcohol, long distance. i guess you didn't worry until you saw the photo of her on a guys lap - don't worry about it.
I think your over-reacting a little bit and you got nothing to worry about.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

Yes that is exactly why i am worried about... self-restrain she has little since her parents are very strict with her...
So when she goes out... like once a month and only out calm places till like 1am.. and she drinks.. she can get kinda freaky.. like dancing and screamnig.. but still i dont mind that.. but in the past she has told me she were even more freaky when she finally had a chance to get out...

Now that she is a virgin i think so, cause i did have my hand down there, and it was pretty much sealed tight.... And that i found a little strange, that she let me do that.. she told me she had never been touched like that before ect...

moving on..
he is a friend from her class ( i know, i have seen her friend circle, bunch of wimps, so now orries).. she was jelous of a couple in front of her who was kissing eachother, cause im so far away from her and she could not be with me, and so she sat on the guys lap, when he asked her. She said that maybe she could just close her eyes and pretend she was sitting on my legs..
Now yeah.. i did get mad when she said that, and i told her it was not okay..
Cause i mean.. how fuckd is that?

Now i dont even ask, and she keeps telling me how this guy keeps asking her "come sit on me" and she tells him "NO!" and "no thanks"..

Normally she would just do it even though she didnt want to.. she told me.. but i have teached her to say no when she wants to say no.. so she is making progress..

I want her to get self control.. not let anybody toy around with her, and abuse her fragile soul... she is very fragile.. and im not there to help..

Im not worried at all.. i just want her to better her self.. i have been trying to talk to her a little about the theories on inner game, but im not sure how to help her hehe..

I know, like with any girl.. once she gets wasted, its over.. she wont even remember though so i wont know..

Its just that for the first time tomorrow she will go on a disco.. and it can be a dangerous world there for a fragile girl.. so.. that just got me worried...

.. you understand?

PS: i know im probably just rambling.. but it's good for me to get it out.. You dont need to put so much time into helping me.. im just alone with all of these thoughts about her.. and i havent talked about it with her.. her lack of self restraint ect..
but she is getting better

But you got me thinking.. to be honest, i can never know if she ever gave a guy a blowjob or something... like.. and would it even matter? she is with me now so, fuck that ..

Anyways, i have pretty good confident in this relationship.. i can control it.. i think i was just in a weakspot when i asked you..

You dont need to help me more about this.. unless you have some comments ..

Just in general it can be a bit hard this long distance relationship.. also since the parents are not much for letting her come visit me ect.. but yeah..

i do what i can

My girlfriend called me this evening, and asked me out to the movies, I said I can't go outside cause I'm still a bit sick then she says "You disappoint me".

Is she dumb or is this some kinda shit test? Should I confront her about I felt about this? Should I be pissed off?

Bimm3r
You seem quitte clear about the situation I also think you were in a weakspot when you asked me.
By the way - you're not rambling... i think everyone had/have these situations - it's not a shame and it's not bad to talk about. It's only bad to not talk about it !

i got one further note for you:
Are you protective out of the fear of losing her ?
Or are you protective because you care about her for who is she is ? ( would you do the same for a stranger of a semi-friend ? )
protective isn't a bad as long you're not overprotective.
peace

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

im going to start with an example: When you're going out and you're in the zone - some call it the state or whatever - but you're really zen and every girl you approach opens up and you are having huge succes that night. What if some hot popular girl comes up and tells you you're a dick ( this time you take it personal, normally you won't give a shit of course) You are pulled out of your zone out of your zen like state - you feel pissed at that girl.

now your GF felt like she was in ''the zone/ the state'' and she called you up, you refused her offer so you pulled her out of that state. Now she's unconciously mad at you for making her feel ''bad'. Of course she shouldn't take it personal, but there is also a chance you talked to her on a undecisive manner.
She's not dumb and it's not a shit test - don't be pissed of and brush it off because it will happen many times in a relationship. Just do something fun with her next time and she will probably forget it , she forgets it anyway over a period of time. Don't tell her sorry because you didn't chose to be sick.
peace

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

Ok another question, I am in an open relationship with my gf and we are 17 years old, live around 30 min away..i was on the phone with her and asked her about her weekend earlier this morning..she told me that friday night she slept over this guy she met on vacations house in the city, and he is 24 years old and we are 17 which is very creepy to me..she claimed that she only made out with him and then i told her that i didnt believe her and then she said that he fingered her and then i told her i didnt believe her again and she said that she gave him a handjob but that was it and once again i told her i didnt believe her but she claims thats the extent of it..we are in a open relationship so she can do whatever she wants but its the fact that she had lied to me twice that really bothered me and i told her this..i also remembered that i texted her friday night and she never responded but then the next day told me that she didnt have her phone on her, which was obviously bullshit because she was in the guys apartment..she has been trying to text/call me all day and i answerred her text once saying that i wnated her to stop calling/textting me and i would call her when i feel like it but she has continued to call/text me and told me that if i dont answer she is going to pick me up at school tomorrow..idk what to do at this point ..should i continue to ignore her until i feel like calling her? the fact that she SLEPT OVER this kids house alslo bothers me so i am going to tell her that if she does that once again im going to break up with her..

trappinu

i have read previous posts you have written ...

this open relationship is not a serious solid one, so lying is permitted(socially acceptable to some degree point. you can't be angry because she wants to do what she wants to do.
So even if she slept with this guy... who cares ? im serious ... WHO CARES ? even if she lie or not it doesn't matter. you said you have an open relationship ? what do you expect ? possibly she probably fuck different guys every week - the only thing that i can see is sexual interest... that is probably the only thing that's keeping this together.

You seem very confused and irritated ... this open relationship isn't giving you anything, it's just some fucked up placebo for being happy.I've typed long messages before in your other posts and im not going to type a long message now.

what do you get out of this relationship ?
how do you define yourself ?
what do you want in life ?
do you think you deserve this bullshit ?
how does this open relationship affect your life ( interupts school ? etc)

you seem like a nice young fellow who is trying to confirm certain thoughts/beliefs by seeking external confirmation ( also on this forum ). People of your age should experience and just plunge into the cold water.

What will happen if you break up with her ?
visualize it .. how would you feel ?
what would you lose ?

you can either be active ... meaning you go after experiences and you decide what's good for you BECAUSE you decide and take lead on the right moments. or you will be passive .... you wait until shit gets over your head and deal with it in a delayed response because you are taken by surprise.

What if she breaks up with you ?
what if she finds another guy and drops the open relationship deal ?.. don't know if she's lying but it seems to already happened to some degree.....

you believe in this illusion ... you don't have a healthy relationship and i think everyone will agree with that... will you take this and this relationship for granted ? or do you think you deserve a healthy relationship ?
will you be active or passive in your life.....? readical approach :
DUDE what the fuck ... i mean what the fuck is this shit.... first of all.. don't even treat like you have an open relationship, you just fucked her and that's it - you can do that with everyone. you have nothing with her.
Second you can give my phone number to her because if she's that easy i want a handjob as well.
3th.. call her up and tell her you need a handjob ... just call her and be serious.... just for fun and just to see what her reaction will be. it will be a huge eye-opener for you.
4th don't see her as your GF or open relationship GF .... just see her as your right hand that your dick needs.

neutral approach :
break off contact never call her again.

im telling you to break off because the only way to change all of this is changing her, you can't change her and she doesn't want to be changed - if you keep investing in this shit you're expending energy in something which is useless. she isn't a stabile person and you can't trust her... she's like the titanic ( or titstanic ) she will sink anyway - the question is will you jump off before it sinks ?
You are probably expecting something good that will change this whole situation but that won't happen, even if i give advice on how to make this better you will not like the outcome. I won't lie to you and im just being honest....and being honest to yourself is the hardest thing to do.

here-vp326733.html#326733 feel free to add some facts if you want.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

Alright lode I understand what your saying but it's just not that easy for me because she is the first gf I have ever had and the thing is that it isn't only sexual interest that is keeping our relationship together because I know that she does love me because she has told me many times and she isn't the type to bullshit abiut that so I know she is serious but I know the reason I can't break thngs off with her all relates back to inner gamme issues with me and on top of that things have been improving in our relationship..so what do you think I should tell her?

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