@ d.penguin
Thanks for the link. I watched a couple hours worth of episodes. It's all really good advice.

I appreciate the other books/video suggestions that other people posted and advice. Been busy with work and feeling like shit past week or so, so haven't had a chance to read any of the books mentioned.

The only thing (at least from what I have looked at so far) is that none of them start with or explain or anything if you have pretty much absolutely no social circle. Or how to get out and make one. They all assume you at least have some friends, or whatnot. People say "go out". That's like telling someone to read a novel in a language they are crap at.

A lot of the general advice in the books/videos/this forum pretty much can be summed up as: love yourself and be yourself, be confident, have a sense of humor, be a leader, show your worth something.

I am not going to lie. I'm a very boring person. I think a lot of my problems stem from this fact.

I grew up in a very poor family with an alcoholic father. I moved in with my grandfather during high school and lived on other side of town from where my school was. I've never been anywhere fun, never been to parties, hell never been drunk. The most I've done with people is go to dinner, or movies, or hang out play video games or similar. I really don't have any interesting stories or any sort of DHV stuff. There's not one day in the past 10+ years where I can say I will always remember. I'm really not funny either. Usually when people laugh it's because I probably made a fool of myself. Most of my IM or email conversations fizzle out pretty quickly because I often times have no clue wtf to talk about.

Hobbies/interests. No clue. I go to work, come home, read/watch anime/play games, sleep. That's pretty much my life. I'll go to coffee shops or walk around or whatever on weekends, but that's about it.

So, it's hard being confident, loving yourself, not giving a shit, and all that other stuff when essentially the only thing you really have is a job and a place to live and not much else and have had the most boring life ever.

your going to coffee shops thats a start! have you posted a intro yet and left messages around this site asking for people to sarge with?

Watch the pick up artist on mtv/vh1. mystery has these guys and makes them go into a club, all go off alone...all talk to women, men, everyone and create there own social circle.

Buy the confidence self help hypnosis disc for puas.

If you struggle to talk about things, buy heat magazine and other girls magz. Find out latest topics...whats being gossiped about and make questions from that and discuss the issues aswel. check the opinion openers on the site, they lead to conversation.

If you haven't got anything that you think is exciting happened to you yet, then 2 options, invent something, create your own fictional back story or don't dwell on the past, discuss your future goals, and where you want to be in 5 years.

You have a good job, a house and now your trying to change! I have a very unstabble career and don't have my own place, on average I spend £5 when I go out max! coz since PUA'in I just don't drink, lowers your value if you get drunk...so don't worry bout never being drunk, its over rated and for people who are 2 afraid to be themselves or talk sober!

Read the stuff, watch the links and you'll be fine . keep goin!

Let me guess, World of Warcraft or something similar? Stop playing the video games. Next time you want to log on, just go out instead and do the newbie challenge!
Go to a coffee shop or go to a mall and just say "Hello" and give a warm smile to every girl, even old women, that walk bye. they LOVE it!

I just did the newbie challenge last night. I sat at a coffee shop with an outside patio with a small amount of outdoor traffic. People walked on the sidewalk passed me. I said hello to every single girl walking by that wasn't talking on her cell phone (about 12 total).
THEY LOVED IT. About a dozen of them gave me a huge smile and blushed. 1 stopped to chat for a few minutes and was really cool (i told her she had great teeth, and she laughed and said it was the best compliment she's gotten in recent memory). Only 2 of them completely ignored me as if they didn't even know I existed. It was fun and built confidence! you should try it.

I know exactly where you're coming from, I was the same way all throughout middle and highschool. My senior year rolled around though and I just said "fuck it" literally, put the video games down, and joined the drama club to get my ass on stage and over my anxiety and it worked, I made a ton of friends and senior year was amazing, I even got a girlfriend out of it.

Where I'm going with this is, you just need to do something. I know you're out of school, but your best bet would be like a class in the evenings, like a continuing education class. Just do it in something that involves you with other people, i.e. drama/acting, a dance class (latin dance I would suggest), an art class, something that just involves you with other people. And go do it just to do it and meet people.

You will meet people, you will make friends, as long as you're personable and fun, be fun, don't be depressing or anything - when people invite you to go to a bar afterward or a restaurant, for the love of god - go with them. If they don't invite you, invite them.

That's how you make a social circle. You just have to get out there and be there on a regular basis, seeing other like minded people on a regular basis.

Anyway, I hope this helps.

- TD out

p.s. If I sounded caustic at all in there I apologize, I was just remembering the way I used to be.

_________________
"Send me a red-head,
Send me a brunette,
Send a blonde to me.
When I unwind, I'm colorblind,
They're all the same to me."

Start slow with internet chats, go to the mall and just walk through it once make eye contact with people next time say something to one person, the next time two people, next go out to a club with a time limit in hand one hour than leave next time 2 hours go to the bar order a drink, next time do an approach, next time two approaches, next time try to pull a number.

Start slow but always progress.

I recommend taking a class in something fun, like dancing, a new language, or some type of arts and crafts related activity. Yoga, pilates, and aerobics classes are mostly women, so when you hit the gym don't just hit a weight machine or treadmill, go to that aerobics room and ask the first female you see what they think the funnest classes are.

Also, for your own head, never, ever, ever say a negative thing to yourself about you ability to socialise. BE POSITIVE. Even if you don't believe it, speak in positive terms. Like attracts like. As within, so without. The more you say positive things to yourself, the more you will feel positive about yourself...

_________________
Samuel M. Wright
The Jelly In Your Donut

As I see most advice is DO STUFF. That highers your self-esteem anyway. Get a bicycle and do some large trips. Go on a 2-3 day trip per bike and couchsurf instead of a hotel (couchsurfing.org LOVE that website!!!!)

I did a 1300km+ trip with my bicycle, met lots of new friends and had lots of fun.

Got any profiles on sites like facebook, myspace etc etc? Get an account, talk to old classmates and ask them like wow long time no see, how are you doing? What are you doing today? Odds are they got friends and parties going on.

Network, meet, do little games.

Oh and read Max Tucker - I hope they sell beer in hell. You might like it. =)

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Hi, I need your female opinion on this...

basically

Success breeds confidence

-Is your room absolutely clean? (dirty room can be a deal breaker)
-Did you pull of that Pavlova you tried out?
-Did you say hello to every girl you passed or even to most people you passed?

Use little things like these plan them succeed in them and that success will breed the confidence you want.

In-Field confidence is king!

_________________
It takes a lot of balls to dump your old life and move forward ....... it also involves a period of loneliness which i have am figuring out sucks

To reiterate some previous posts here, DON'T keep telling yourself that you're at rock bottom. It'll become a self-fulfilling prophecy after some time. Do something that makes you happy; it doesn't matter what it is just do it. Then when you're in a more positive frame of mind, go out and just start small talk. It doesn't have to be the person who you think will be your new best friend, b/c the idea being here that the more people you talk to the less social anxiety you'll have. It's gonna take time, trust me. I used to have horrible approach anxiety. I'd see someone i'd like to talk to, then i'd just freeze; no words, nothing.

If you want some other options to check out, try these:
1. PUA forums on here
2. Meetup.com - This works best in farily large cities (200K or bigger) because more activities will be posted by the groups.
3. Get a copy of the Stylelife Diaries by Neil Strauss - this lets you go at your own pace and is a good tool to aid in eliminating anxiety.

Hope that helps man!

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Expect everything, and anything seems like nothing. Expect nothing, and anything seems like everything.

YES!! Just go take a walk and say hi to anyone is the first step... do it every single day without looking for excuses.

You can't be a victim for your whole life and your presence here is a proof you want to evolve. Your life is in your own hands and you can build on your past to prove to yourself that if you can go past that, sky is the limit.

When you wake up... challenge yourself to do one new small thing... Sometimes, I go to McDonald's and ask for something they don't have, add a smile and you have it... the girl will think you are cool and will talk to you... come the week after and do the same thing... when you hand out money, play push pull with the bill/card to have fun... be playful... after a while, you could ask her when she's done working... go one step at a time... I gained 250 friends in Facebook in 4 months just doing that kind of stuff.

Making your life a little interesting is easy... and a FACT is 20 years old girls are mostly studying and have really boring life (I'm 35 and damn besides going out once a week, they have a boring life).

Take 2 hours (you should have that time) to put on paper what your ideal life would be... and put that on the ceiling or wherever you see it everyday!

i have been in a very similar place (social-wise, not with computer engineering and all that). i understanding telling you to go out and be more social is like telling your computer to start rather than plugging it in and pressing the power button.

you need to talk to people, but not just talk. you need to connect on some issue, have a sort of connection where you can relate to them (try common themes such as: family, work, school, relationships, drama, sports, money, etc.). you want to spend quality time and bond with them.
sorry, i'm trying to explain a complex concept here. you have to do the right things and not do the wrong things.

as for actual social circle game, I have not mastered the dynamics of this, so I cannot recommend anything

talking to women, you should make eye contact, smile, have good posture, speak slowly, deeply, confidently, with a smooth tonality. engage them in conversation, try to orient your body so that she is facing you more that you are facing her (which subtly implies more investment on her part). be interested in her, talk to her.
relate to her (talk about common themes such as family, friends, work, school, experiences, etc.), tease her (flirt, bust on her for something, hold eye contact just that little bit longer, etc.)
keep in ind that girls want to be talked to. they enjoy it. they want to make a new connection.

i recognize that it is virtually impossible to write enough information here to solve your problem, but i hope this helps you.

_________________
>>> ascend to the next level

~Luminova~

Are You kidding me !! You have a Good Life, Better than a LOT of People out there, you are just being stupid and crying for nothing and This is Why I say :
Congratulations !! Once you learn how to attract women which isn't as difficult as Computer Science this would benefit you. Your education would get you somewhere in life.
A lot of people go around socializing and everything in college but at the end of the day have a lot of aquaintances but not ONE GOOD FRIEND that they can trust, connect and depend. How many of them still stay connected with their 'friends' after 10yrs !!

Now atleast you don't have a problem making aquaintances. thats good, all you need to do is turn them into buddies who would like to hang out with you and vice-versa.

This also means that with some of the skills you will acquire in here if you listen to advises you'd end up making a lot of friends both men and women. And you wouldn't even have any reputation from college hence a clean slate !!! - You know how exciting that is to have a clean slate !!


FIRST step towards success !! Good Job man. This tells us all that you are intelligent enough to SPOT & ACCEPT a problem and are WILLING TO SOLVE IT. Plus you have began the journey of grooming yourself. It all goes uphill from here.
You did it Again ! You are honest with yourself and hence I think you would learn this thing really fast because you would be critical of yourself and always keep asking what can I do better!! - I am begining to like you already

Average looking, that is infact an asset. That means you can grrom yourself and would rely more on your personality and less on you looks to attract women. Thats good.



There is a pattern to your behavior. You are honest with yourself and know whats working and whats not. THT MY FRIEND IS BIG !

For you to find things to do, lets start thinking about what you've always wanted to do. Did you ever want to learn to play a musical instrument, learn a sport, dance or singing or running or body building or martial arts. Think about it and then join a class. Lets begin slowly.
A lot of guys in here are afraid of going to clubs all by themselves. Thats fine, once you start building confidence then we can work on you going to these places all by yourself.
You are just 24yrs old !!! Man you have a great start. That is a good age to learn PUA stuff. There are guys in their 30s who are virgins and never been kissed - How about that now !! But you are at the perfect age so to say to learn the rules of attraction and seduction.

And from what I can read from your post, you are insightful and intelligent and like I said before that would take you a long way and you'd learn this thing fast !!



You my friend have no idea what rock bottom looks like. Read some personal stories on this forum and you'd now what rock bottom is.
Never ever say that again. Life is a great gift, a CELEBRATION. Like every party you have to make some preperations, invite the right people in your life(party) and then enjoy.

You'd be great in less than a years time, just stick around.
Thats the best place to be. So now forget everything that anyone must have taught you about women, sex, relationships etc. Drop all that BS, open your mind to possibilities and start this journey.

A few people I'd recommend to get in touch with who I know could help you with different aspect of your game is Kasabi, Rafiel Gamble, this Chief guy is good but takes things sexual really quick , Hmmm.... Lets see why dont you read a few posts around in the PUA Lounge and General Questions section, try the approach and opening section as well. And continue to keep asking questions. And feel free to Private Message (PM) guys as well.

Man You have nothing to worry about. You are on track to becoming successful with women

alot of guys here are good at gaming and picking up so im not gonna give you advice about that - altough you are very aware you are missing the social factor in your life. i want to help you by correcting you a bit - turning the wheel a few degrees to the right. lets make a starting point

Actually i think you got too many unsolved issues... it's not your style or your gaming technique, dude you are fine - your issues are just blocking your path.
you don't need a social circle right know that will only give you the placebo effect of happinness ( on the long term ). Because right now you are searching for things like picking-up socially to put a bandage on your wound, when you have hit rock bottom you realise what you're missing and you want to hold on to things that make us feel better: like our ex GF .. our xbox 360... or even negative behaviour.

But at the end are you happy with yourself ? you got things around you that make you happy BUT you are relying on external factors. YOU have to make YOU happy. right now a social cirlce could even make you more emotional.. if you hang around with people that could have bad influences on you.

Patience my friend : right now il bet you don't even have patience to read books or certain stuff because they don't make you feel better in a short period of time. like the therapist.. he won't make you feel better , YOU HAVE TO MAKE YOU better ! meaning you can only heal yourself IF you allow it ! Everything is investing and patience ; you can't grow corn and expect a good harvest after a month(s) , right now you need the patience/ discipline and courage to invest into yourself.

Social circle right now you should not invest into ALOT of friends , it's ok to have conversations with people but when you feel like crap(sometimes) other people can magnify that effect. it's ok to hold on to certain feelings and therefore gaming(social interactions) is a good happiness factor BUT do realise this will not get rid of certain issues.

I Don't have a social circle , but i do feel happy ... yes i can sarge tonight and get a girlfriend if i want to BUT i am happy with myself. the secret of having a good social circle : you attract what you are... are you a gothic then you will attract gothic friends, Develop yourself socially and personally and you will draw fine people to your cause.
I can go out because i let the sun shine into my personality, because im happy other people will notice this as well. I consider complete strangers as my friends and this is often from both sides you don't make one and you don't get one ... you deserve one or attract one.

Disbelief : you are already saying you're crap when going out cause you don't know where to start, be confident - yoú don't swim instantly, you have to learn how to swim. This book in unreadable language is written by someone , if he can write it so can you.

General advice about certain traits:: you already have humor ... you already are a leader, What is possible is already there- it's not like planets were created before the possibility of creation. there is one trait you need.... to be ruler of your life because right now your life is out of control BUT you are trying to get control back.
If you are ruler of your life you are like a buddhist monk - you know what happiness is and you laugh at people who insult you because you realise they are ignorant. positive Traits come with development and the process of being concious, being concious we already have what we could have.

Self image and choice : You are lying 200 % to yourself and all of us ... your not boring you only think your are boring and you reflect this on your life and other people.
You could bungee jump tommorrow and make your life more interesting... self image and choice are sooooo connected - you need to invest into yourself.

Investing in yourself : ok im not gonna do some therapist talk right here... but you need some challenges - because i feel good when i ran that marathon. humans need to push their boundaries SO im telling you to step outside your comfort zone. you sound like you're without any goals in life .... what do you want in life ? you want a good life and i wish that to everyone HOWEVER life is short... too short to sit around and being depressed chronically. jump in life get amongst it and do everything to have a good life - don't cheat yourself and don't do the same shit over and over.

Routine: you are in a routine .. day in day out .. you watch this and you do this every day. if you don't feel happy you have to break the routine and this you can do with simple things : go to mcdonalds and ask if they sell screwdrivers.. just for fun look at the face of the cassier. pickup hobbies and go the the gym etc watch some chris rock go gardening - you are clueless WTF to say because you don't experience alot of things... go and experience gardening go experience the gym go expierence those girls.

Right now im telling you here.. you got a social circle and im in it... that's right im gonna kick a hole in the maze so you can get trough it, im gonna make the hole but you will move through it. You are not alone in this one - lots of people faced these problems and lots of them changed SO CAN YOU!
I don't want to talk much about myself but im a ex-heroine addict my fiance cheated on me and theathened to kill our unborn-baby ( which she did ). i always had a hard time on school people beated the crap out of me and so forth , i was unemployed sleeping on the street for several weeks, got into a mental hospital for attempting suicide twice. Realise your situation isn't that bad because everyone suffers and everyone is a victim.

Step outside your comfort zone : the more you step outside your comfort zone / the more you experience the better you get to know yourself. the better you know yourself the more self respect you get. stop stepping into your comfort zone ! stop playing games and go to the gym, stop taking the easy road because the easy road isn't rewarding. you probably feel like you are playing the same video game over and over, we need to insert a new game.

Thruth about happiness( in short) : comes from self acceptance, self acceptance is accepting the situation - we lead our life and life doesn't lead us. Accepting is the hardest thing to do.. but if you don't accept certain situations ( in your life also) you can't accept yourself you will go like: '' i should had done it different'' you get doubts and you stop accepting yourself because you are doubting yourself.

This will offend people... but if i could do it over i would commit suicide again.. i would let my pregnant ex-fiance kill our unborn baby again.. i would use heroine again. Because all those experiences made me who i am , of course i was angry in the beginning but after a while i learned lessons from those experiences and those lessons are sooo important in life.
If i stay angry about our unborn baby i will stay angry my whole life.. my life would be determined by negative emotions BECAUSE I DON'T ACCEPT THE SITUATION.. i would be like '' if i had done this she would still be alive'' thus doubting myself.
I have done the best i can and i respect myself i know im a good person, when we don't like something it's easier to deny instead of accepting. When we get angry or dissapointed we don't like ourselfs - we are mad because we didn't got what we are fighting for. don't get mad .. just accept yourself... Invest Now to see a brighter future.

ROCK BOTTOM: Look at what i have endured ( in short ) and look to your situation... is/was your situation worse or better than mine ? Rock bottom could be a personal defenition, if i get dumped by my Girlfriend i feel bad but not rock bottom while someone else could experience it like he/she has hit rock bottom. It's between your ears man.. we are more than our emotions - it's seeing the truth.
The truth is there are thousand of people living in churches and monasteries in tibet india and europe , those monks know everything is out there ; '' sex , going out , video games , restaurants'' but they live without water and electricity. they eat freaking rice everyday and have to pray whole day long.... but i have met some buddhist monks and they were the happiest people i've ever met.

dude you are using the term hit rock bottom way too fast.... you are depressed you are not rock bottom, i don't know what your therapists told you but you are certainly not hit rock bottom. you probably don't even need a therapist right now i think you need a motivational coach or something - something like a lifestyle coach. even better .. i believe you don't need anyone, i have the firm belief you can do it yourself if you accept youself.

like i said .. what is possible is already present, i can experience a orgasm therefore i am able or already had a orgasm. it's possible to be happy so that means i can be happy if i change my thinking patterns, try to smile - just smile to yourself. you have more than you would imagine you just don't see the options yet because you're starting to learn.

Who are you like i said .. the things you experience, the life lessons you learn from it decide/make-up who you are ( you decide by using them of course) you didn't experience things yet as you told us recently.
my analysis is that you are in conflict with yourself.. you need to experience life and find out who you really are.

you need to live life and start your personal journey, you didn't hit rock bottom altough you feel like it and you certainly don't have a mental issue.
i don't really know you so it's hard to really give you personal advice but hopefully i inspired you to make life a better place to make it happen.
actually after all the shit that happened to me.. i decided to sarge on my own, i visited clubs and parties on my own because i didn't had friends anymore. first few weeks are hard and you get a loner stigma. now im excellent at social interactions and picking up girls throughtout sarging alone. After 2 months of going out alone i met a new girlfriend and made new friends.... lol i even got approached by a hot girl and had a relationship with her. i have done things i didn't even dare to dream before.
go out dude ... this anxiety is just a test .. it's a experience to experience yourself... pass the anxiety test and you learn you're a confident person. you already started .. you posted on this forum .. there is no way back now GO FOR IT!

I don't want you to thank me.. i want you to climb the highest mountain on earth and punch god in the face!
You either fuck life or life fucks you ... i want you to see fuck life !
The mighty always learned to walk alone and through that they become the stongest.

Some books i recommend to you.... they helped me soooo much and they aren't expensive and not time consuming, check the reader reviews :

Unleash the Warrior Within: Develop the Focus, Discipline, Confidence and Courage You Need to Achieve Unlimited Goals by richard machowitz(Paperback):
http://www.amazon.com/Unleash-Warrior-W ... 671&sr=1-1

Ruling Your World: Ancient Strategies For Modern Life (Paperback) by sakyong mipham:
http://www.amazon.com/Ruling-Your-World ... 703&sr=1-1

if you wanna learn a PUA method i recommend mystery method... but i really recommend you to read the 2 books i mentioned above.

peace

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AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

I liked the suggestion about taking classes on something with people

drama classes in special are a really cool enviroment, at least here in brasil
everyone will be acting like idiots and you'll be pushed into it too, you'll learn to let yourself go more(its not easy, but remember this is a completely friendly enviroment)
and everyone is reaaaally open to talk, friendly, if you end up not talking with people rest assured they WILL talk to you, the teachers are normally crazy and nice people and at the end of class people(including the teacher) will probably go to a bar to congregate even more... its really amazing

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<- Smooth, am I not?

yeah go take drama class.... take dancing lessons - there are some instruction movies on youtube as well.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526