Dorian,

#1 Never start out a message like that again if you want to succeed at online. She has a good point, and I know bro's before ho's but this time I have to back her on this.

Cocky-Funny, and Negs don't go over well online. The problem is there is so much that goes into those items when you have a girl in front of you. A girl can't hear your tonality, your inflection, see your body language, etc. she can't tell if you are teasing or just being an asshole. This time she took it as you were being an ass. That's why I don't advocate using these tactics online because more often than not they are misunderstood. And even worse most of the time you don't get a reply to know what you did wrong.

Let's look at this. #1 You called her a "brat" - okay I'll go along with that to get her attention and be a little playful, but this is borderline. #2 You negged her about taking photos of herself in the mirror. Not a good idea after borderline comment #1. #3 you basically told her she's a looser and has no friends. #4 you asked her to qualify herself to you further rubbing in the point she's not good enough for you.

I understand the concept of acting disinterested, but guess what you've already shown interest. You went out of your way to message her.

Some of this stuff you might be able to use but just in moderation. This is why you got a reply back like that, and I can't really blame her.

Your best best is to do something we talked about a few posts ago. You need to back up and try a different avenue of approach. For her to trust you and know you're not a complete asshat you will have to turn the game "OFF" for now. Yep you heard me, turn it all off. Otherwise, she'll get the sense she's being played and not return our messages.

Something like, "Wow, You know what I apologize. I like to tease people and have a bit of fun and sometimes it crosses the line. Looking back at that I'm not sure what I was doing. Let's start over... My name is xxxx I thought you were interesting and I just wanted to get to know you better."

In NFL terms you are backing up and punting the ball!

Jon

Side Note: WOW, We're at 72 pages of posts now!

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Thanks Jon,

You're correct, I really went at her quite hard without thinking. The website I'm using is not actually a dating site, Its called beautifulPeople and its more of a community with profiles, all the women are very attractive. I've just started using it and was getting decent responses through being a little cocky (using brat in the subject line etc) and playful. But here i've really made the mistake of pushing it way too far because I was getting carried away in thinking that negging was getting me places... Everything in moderation. I read styles method which mentions "busting their balls", but that's not your approach I take it?

I'll give backing up a go, and if i lose her then it's a lesson learned. Do you have a book or anything I can read as well as reading through this topic?

Thanks Again

Dorian_Gray,

I don't use the busting their balls approach online at all. It just doesn't typically work out for the best. Better to wait until you have them in front of you to pull that sort of stuff so they know you're being playful and teasing.

I have sent you a private message through the forum with a copy of my Online Dating Blackbook rev. 2. This is not 100% in its completed form but should help all the same. As a matter of fact I think I posted it somewhere on the thread but for the life of me not sure what page it's on.

Take it easy,

Jon

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

So, This girl contacted me at a socialnetwork which majority is from the same country and we are both from another but with a big interest for this country and their language.

So she message be being like "Hi so cool seing another person from x here", We message back a forth for a while, Disussing the country and its language, She asked which part of our country i live in and wheter i work or studie etc showed big interest first day.

As of yesterday it kinda shifted, Less question and interest from her side, Feels like im losing the grip, Havent gone for #close yet because she had some bad experince with online meetings in the past and we live in diffrent towns.

I guess an middle step could be adding msn but like to re create that interest she had, Any ideas ?

Edit, Shes very social person and friendly, Writing long responses but close to no questions as of lately, I spend alot of time at computer when i studie and recive email everytime he anserws, So i often have responded imidiatley, other then chilling with the respones any suggestions?

Hey Jsmooth,

I have a question about how to reply to a message. I started with the message

"Your pictures are scary" 10 messages later she sends, "I made this profile as a joke

but ended up making some friends from here. I guess the only reasons I use this for

is hanging out and sex." I have no clue how to respond to that without sounding like

I got a boner when she said that. lol

Thanks

Big,

The simple answer is you go on talking to her, and ignore the statement. There really isn't any need to comment on it because it's going to lead us down a very slippery path so to speak. Just file it away in the back of your mind and keep talking to her and escalating things as you normally would.

If we make a big deal out of this then it looks very AFC, as you said you don't want it to look like you got a boner when she said that. The best play is to be cool and act like what she said doesn't matter, as if you hear it all the time. It will make her more comfortable, and not put you in a position where you are struggling to jump through hoops online.

~Jon

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Hey Smooth,

Long history with this girl, #closed at the party, but flaked because lack of comfort, but this what surprised me.

So I was at MSN, OL and suddenly she greeted me. (I'm practicing with the whole new Stealth Attraction method, so maybe u'll be a little bit disagreeing on some part of it)

And it's also a LONG LONG POST, sorry I don't know how to make it shorter.

Here's how it went:

HB8: steeev
Me: yea?
HB8: nothin
HB8: just say hi
Me: happy day, eh?
HB8: nooo
HB8:not really
Me: how'd you entertain urself when u're bored then? (cheesy, crap)
Me: btw, thx for putting me to fame
Me: on FB
HB8: umm... I don't get it?
Me: I forgot, it was like a quizz
Me: oh!
HB8h, ok..
Me: it was "who wants to date you?" quiz and u put me on #1
HB8: oh that
HB8: Idk, it changed randomly
Me: yeah, IDK I should be glad or not?
HB 8: hahah

then bla bla bla

(at some point, I set up a fantasy date, something like I'll go to a phone shop to look for some new gadget, u should come, and I'm getting to a place with nintendo wii, I'll invite you up, the point is that what you seed up, don't have to be actually what you're doing) (credit to Sinn and Gambler) which is a part of stealth attraction

(skip to talk about Christmas present)
Me: what Christmas present did you get?
HB8:
Nothin
Oh
A trip to korea
Me:
nice
was it memorable?
HB8:
Yess
Hhe
Steven says:
haha, what was the most memorable thing that you still remembered until now?
like an event
Miss G-Yo Gregarious™ says:
a boy from the same tour kissed me
Steven says:
aww... that's sweet (frame control)
you're a great kisser,then? (challenge)

HB8:
Nooo
-_-
Steven says:
that's dissapointing....
HB8:
He's cute thou, but I dnt like him
Steven says:
ckckck... cute, but naughty girl u are, mini
I think I should lift you up and pin you down on a table
then the referee will count
1
2
HB8:
Hhaa
Steven says:
don't laugh, I'm even more dangerous than before
I took judo lessons last few weeks
plus, I'm a good kisser, so you must be
really
really
HB8 says:
Really?
Steven says:
careful
HB8 says:
-_- err alrght
Steven says:
let people try and then give a score
HB 8says:
Hhahaa
No way
Steven says:
but it's just amazing, mini
girls usually are very shy about stuff like this
u know?
like kissing, bla bla
they think like it's something that should be avoided at all cost
but you, in a different way
is different
you're not shy and open-minded about this
I like that about you, and I'm going to make you my "bodyguard of the month" (callback humour)
HB8 says:
Hahahhaha
Yea rght

Steven says:
haha, I like your laugh too
hug for you
1 is enough
don't be greedy
Miss G-Yo Gregarious™ says:
Hug u too
Jeez
Steven says:
u're not a greedy person and would love to share, right?
HB8 says:
No I'm not
Hhahaha
Steven says:
Amen, if not I'm gonna divorce you
hey, what do you think about hot chocolate?
I haven't found a good chocolate drink shop in Bali
maybe u know?
Hb8 says:
No.. I dnt
Where is it?
Steven says:
it was always starbucks for drinks, u know
but I know a shop that sells really good gellato, and maybe they sell great chocolates too
ever heard about lotus,mini?
HB8 says:
No
Steven says:
it's a gellato shop, italian ice cream shop, it has really chilled vibe, fresh air, cause the ventilation is good and no pollution,
the couch is all sofa, very comfortable
so if you go there after school, ahh, it's very very relaxing
simply awesome
HB8 says:
Oww
Cool
Steven says:
let's go there, sometimes
maybe after National Exam (NE) ya?
I only got time after Ne
u're okay with that?
HB8 says:
Umm
Yeah
Steven says:
ok
maybe nickname mini is a little bit outdated
I'll call you artsy instead

so Ms. Artsy, if you're given one chance to compose your own song, what's the them will be?

HB8:
Noo
bad name
Give me aanother name
Steven says:
aww, c'mon
that's good enough
Miss G-Yo Gregarious™ says:
Noo
Steven says:
rather than bad kisser?
I'll give you one of my complementary kiss
(kiss smiley)
that's it
feel nothing?
depends on your answer, I'll give you another name, promise
HB8 says:
Ok
-_-
Steven says:
hmm, feeling nothing
that's actually what makes it good, very subtle
alright, mini is still better I think
I'm gonna update the license
what's your security number, mini?

HB8 says:
I wantt to sleep soo
Nite

Steven says:
alright, see you

Was the last humor is too much joking? Is there anything wrong with the stuff above. And how do I do the phone maintenance? Thanks in advance, buddies.

PS: this was the first text after the chat

Hey mini, it was cool talking to you again last night. I like the fact that you love arts too, it's just classy. (wink) Anyway, I'm in the middle of exam tryouts, so I might not be able to contact you for a while after this. Anyway, I found a good quote today and I posted it on Facebook status. What's your status of the day?

That's it mate, thanks and sorry for making it so long

Best pal,
Steven

_________________
"Live every moment of your life as it is the best"

"Grief is the price we pay for love"

Steven,

It's okay that it was long, I appreciate seeing all the details, so I can give you more informed personalized advice. Its great you number closed but it stinks she flaked on you. Alright, you spent a lot of time in your Instant Message conversation doing frame control, teasing, and doing things to build attraction.

FYI: She's attracted to you already! You have her #.

You said yourself she flaked because there was no comfort. Read through your IM and tell me where you were building comfort there to help alleviate the problem? Remember one thing Mystery was correct on is you need a good balance of Attraction and Comfort to move forward with a relationship.

You really need to use your time texting and with Instant Message, or phone calls to build comfort with her. Do things to get to know her. It's not all about attraction. Remember we need a balance of comfort too, and we need it NOW! Ask about her life, tell her stories about your life, play 20 questions if you have to, just get to know more about her and let her into what you are like.

Give attraction a break for a little bit. The teasing, stealth attraction, and the other stuff was well done but without comfort it won't go anywhere you want it to go. Seriously be cautious not to go back into attraction and build comfort with her in person if you can, but my guess is you'll have to do some back work over text, IM, or on the phone first before you can get a solid date.

Best of luck as always buddy,

~Jon

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

So, I started talking to this girl on a site, got her interested, negged her and we've basically been chatting for hours, she's giving hints and occationally acts sexy and teases, though I still feel that I'm somehow falling dangerously close to the friendzone!

Perhaps not much info given, but dont know what else to say, any quick help is apreciated!

Hey there,

Wondering whats the best way to handle when a woman says, "i just want to find

someone to talk to. i don't like meeting guys online but i don't go out as much as i

used to ..."

You're not giving me really anything to go on. If you've been getting acts of sexyness and teases what makes you think you are falling close to the friend zone? If you could provide me with some more informatation I'd appreciate it. Information such as what have you done to build attraction, and what have you done to build comfort, have you # closed yet, have you setup a date?

If you haven't gotten a number or setup a date after a few hours into things its probably the time to escalate things. If we don't many times girls get bored and you can fall towards the friend zone. But then again I'm making generalizations.

Jon

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Hey buddy,

As one of my favorite guys Sinn would say, "Ignore anything that doesn't help you while infield." This is a statement I would ignore and not add anything too. She might not meet guys online but she's talking to you. You could be the exception. What she is probably saying is most guys she's talked to online haven't impressed me so far. We all know that if a woman meets the right guy regardless of the circumstances she'll give him a shot.

Don't worry about it.

Jon

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Hello,

So I went to the hospital today where there was a lovely young lady at the front desk just ending her shift. I asked her if she could point me in the direction of where i needed to go. She said she'd just walk me there since it was the end of her shift. So basically nothing happened because I had a lot on my mind due to the reason I was at the hospital.

When I got home I typed in the hospital's name in facebook search and she was listed on the first page of search results. I'd like to message her on facebook but I don't want to come across as creepy...

I'd like to think of myself as a good looking guy so I'm hoping that will help me out in getting a response from her. Any advice? Thanks in advance.

Jobert,

If you message her it's going to look creepy. You met once in real life, then you facebook searched her... it looks bad. As I always say if there is any way to talk to the girl in real life you do it because it's better, although sometimes more uncomfortable for us as guys. Online is never a good substitute for real life interaction, EVER!. Women appreciate the guts it takes to go up to them in reality and talk to them, and it'll win you a lot of points.

~Jon

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

J, many thanks on creating this thread, it has been very helpful especially for someone like me who is new to the community. To make a long story short, I posted a profile on Clist about two days ago and through all of the spam actually got a real response from an HB7...any advice on where I need to go next or if I can improve on anything. Being a musician myself I didn't want to directly jump on the musician part just yet only because I believe there is more to me than my musical talents. Below is the conversation starting from bottom going to top. Thanks again for your advice.

Theledgeofaustin



Love it! It's so much easier being a vegan down here. I mean, Fort Worth wasn't bad but I didn't have nearly as many dining options as I do down here. I haven't even tried everything, yet! I went to Toy Joy for the first time a couple of weeks ago and found that they had vegan soft serve and shakes and I was super excited. That, and there's more than one place that I can order vegan pizza. Oh, and more than one raw food option, too! So yeah, I'm enjoying the variety after eating at the same four restaraunts in FTW for over a year. Heh. But at least I ended up learning how to cook awesome vegan food. I make some mean "Sour Cream" Vegetable Enchiladas. You'd never know it's not authentic sour cream sauce.

name


So you are from the Fort that has little to no worth , just kidding. It's a great town and I'll be visiting that area in mid March. You seem like a really cool person and you have an incredibly energy about you and I'd love to know more about you. How do you like the vegan lifestyle in Austin?


E



My name is Christina. I'm 24 and I live in Round Rock and I too love to be social! I just moved to the area around three months ago. I'm a singer, so I wanted to move where there was a bigger music scene. I'm originally from Fort Worth. You can check out pics and such under myspace
name