Recently I've been having some big problems with my game and I believe it is due to my F'd up inner game. I grew up suffering from a bad stutter, disallowing me to socialise and resulting in me having no friends during my childhood. I have always been a total socially inept weirdo. However, discovering pick up helped me with this, so it seemed...

Despite studying pick up for almost a year, I have never actually gotten over my confidence and self esteem issues. I believed I was improving, however I was wrong. Sure I can talk to people a bit easier now and I get some success with women, but I am still sooo scared of social situations that I avoid them at all costs.

I developed a mind set like, "I'm a good pick up artist, so why should I bother picking up that girl or going to this party etc". I thought I was a good PUA. But really, I haven't improved one bit from when I was that loser at school, the reject of rejects.

I now have no idea what to do. I am nothing. It's like I had won the lottery but then suddenly had it all stolen away from me, leaving me with nothing.

Please share your thoughts.

Hey Brendan,I really don't see why you say that you thought you were good at pick up but you're really not.

What makes you not think that you're good at PU when you initially thought you were good?

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Well, I think what happened is that I was being a totally different person to who I am and managed results with women by doing this. I was being someone I am not. So when I came to the realisation that I am not that person, I lost all confidence.

I guess there is no easy solution to this problem. You'll allways have that history, and you can't change that. What you need to do is accept yourself and than improve on your quality of life. Do stuff that you like to do, besides women. And remember: you have improved a lot, you just don't notice it anymore because you have become acustomed.

I noticed that not the most succesfull people are the most happy, but those who are satisfied with themselves. A succes is a bit like buying something, you become happy for a little while, but you'll find new problems that you'll have to solve. The more difficult the problem, the more effort, the more stress. Every person has there own problems and issues, they just don't tell because that is a weakness. It does not really matter how big the issue is, because if you allways have lead a perfect life, you'll have no experience to deal with for instance cancer.

Next time you're in a social situation that you don't like, just accept that, but don't run away from it. Don't stress yourself to much, but do try to get more experience. You'll notice how many (especially smart people) are a bit weird too. And than you'll notice how much more fun these non-stereotypical people are, and how much more dept they have. And after that, you'll notice how weird stereotypical people are, because they try so hard to blend in. Most of them are just really frustrated, if you get to really know them.

Edit:
I watch some tv programm with budhists before I wrote this. Don't really understand it myself anymore

I remember when I felt like I was in the exact same situation as you. I grew up in an Asian family and like many first gen abc, I was socially awkward. I was known as a "loser" in middle school and wasn't considered cool in high school. Ridding this social disability felt impossible. However, I never gave up in trying to improve myself, and even though I am a little awkward, ladies love me and I'm happy.

So I'm saying, if you really put ur mind into improving your confidence and social skills, you will succeed eventually

Try to build op again. I would try to make a plan. What you need to improve urgently and some final goal. Then create some small steps between in order to accomplish. It will be a though "fight", with many obstacles. But what other choice to you have?
Acknowledgement of your problem is a big step. Now handle it

Hey thanks for the replies guys. I've just been very stressed lately with things and everything hit me all at once. I got angry because I haven't seen major improvements yet but I suppose it will take time. Looking back, my life has been much better than what it once was.

I think just by asking yourself this question you are on the right track.

It is one thing to tell yourself that you are the greatest guy in history but deep down you suspect that you are lying.
It is a different thing to identify your weaknesses. Your inner demons. Gather the strength you need and go after your demons. Awareness is the first step.

Search and destroy.