Can't post in the relationship section anymore, I guess the rules changed so I guess I'll throw this here :/

In a nutshell, when me and my girlfriend met she was incredibly sexualy attacted to me. She always want to make out (Even if people were around) with me and have sex on a daily, wanted to make me feel good without anything in return, and she would often want to have sex more then once a day. When we did have sex she would literally drip because she was so aroused. She wanted to make me feel good almost any chance she could get.

It's been a little more then a year and a half and things are definitely sexually declining now. She'll often refuse to take her pants off when we're laying down together because shes not in the mood, only wants to have sex about once every 3 days and everything we do I have to initiate and it's very frustrating. I've talked to her about and what she has to say is almost always bullshit. I really like her but this is incredibly annoying that she's hardly putting out now.

I've become VERY sexually active since we started going out, but not to the rate where we'd be doing more then we used to do. In fact I wasnt very sexually active for the first six months we were going out and almost everything we did was put in to action by her, but now that I am it seems hard to get what I want now that I actually want it.

Please help.

Sounds like my ex.
She got bored easily and it was down to the sex.

Have you had the same sex over the past year and a half? Do you try different positions?
Im looking at a rough sex guide DVD because if it isnt rough, it isnt fun for some.

Concentrate on her behaviour and see if you can read up on any guides that give you examples of things to try that arouse her.

She wont talk about it so let your body talk instead. She is probably looking out for your feelings which is stupid as itś just causing more issues then itś worth. Itś not solving the problem.

I wonder....

I always want to do different things, although she's willing to try out whatever I bring up, shes really only into missionary since she orgasms very easily, when we first started dating I even got her to have 8 in a row once. For some reason she has problems having an orgasm if it's not missionary though, although we often do try different things. I'm pretty sure she's not "bored" of sex though because once we're having it things are normally fantastic for her (even if were not doing missionary).

What's bugging me is that it's pretty much only when she wants to have sex though, not when I want to.

But dont forget it dosent matter if she's not in the mood, you make her in the mood!!!

Possible the kino ladder maybe?

Talking from a strong position of experience here with a long term grilfriend I once had. My ex went down the same path, and eventually ended up cheating on me. I should have seen it coming, because at the start of the relationship she had a lot of sexual needs to be fulfilled, and I was fulfilling them, but as time went on she became less excited by me, even though i kept trying new things all the time, we just ended up having less sex. Problem is she still has those sexual needs she had at the start, but theyre not being fulfilled anymore, and eventually it is now obvious to me she was going to stray, as she needed to fulfill what I was not.

After putting hours of thought into what went wrong, I concluded it was that when ever I saw her I pretty much acted same old same old nice boyfriend. Then when it came to being in bed and I had something new all of a sudden... that doesnt excite a woman. Sex for a woman starts hours before, it's in the mind and you have to make her want it. If conversations of why she doesnt what it are happening the you're on thin ice, never have these conversations, it makes the problem bigger in her mind. You should know shes not going to comply way before it comes to it because of how she is acting, ie not ripping your clothes off.

Ok so what you're going to have to do is think back to how you first got with her. What was it that drove her crazy. Even if what you think up sounds stupid... its not stupid for her.

Few examples: I once carried a heavy bag into the car. She actually told me it had turned her on seeing me walking out with this large bag, and im sure you can guess what happened next. Same goes for when I once told her I was working late in the office, she admited that just the thought of me being "all important" drove her crazy.

Drop the whole nice supportive boyfriend act, there are times for this but dont make it the norm, as you will just slip into the friendship zone! There is just too much comfort and not enough attraction. You're lucky right now because at the moment she is looking to you to be attractive, which makes it easier for you as you have her attention, but not for long.

Make it your mission to flip her attraction switches and the rest will follow, make her work for you, dont jump through hoops for her, she isnt giving you reason too. When shes giving you what you want, she'll learn she gets rewards.

Good luck I really hope it works out for you.

Same thing happened to me. She eventually ended up cheating on me and we broke up. I neve figured out how to fix whatever went wrong. Maybe I didn't do anything wrong and it's just a problem with the idea of "monogamy" in general, I don't know... Sorry for the lack of answers.

This happened to me as well with one of my girlfriend's. How I fixed it - or at least got things to improve - was to act sexually unattracted back to her. I didn't act like I needed sex. And when she went to kiss me - I refudsed her or just started talking instead. I wetn and did other things without her and made her work for my time. I kept myself valuable. Just an idea. I hope it works for you as well as it did for me.

I don't think not kissing her will do me any good and I feel like it would make things worse, she seriously gets angry when I wont. Also I'd really have no reason do deny her a kiss do I?

That's how I see it at least, it's just a kiss that takes almost no effort and it's not something you really need to be in the mood for unlike sex.

But on a side note she ALWAYS wants to kiss me and hold my hand, but just not escalate anywhere from there, I feel like if I deny her of those two small things that it would be kind of spiteful and If told her i'm not on the mood to hold her hand? I think that would cause problems.

Denying her sex is another story though, which is something I find very hard to do. It's not because she gets angry at me for it.. It's hard for me to hide that fact that I'm in the mood even if I wanted to because I'm turned on so easily. Basically I'm horny as hell.

I know exactly what you mean... but you must be strong.

It will be worth it in the long run.

Dude, I am in a very similar situation only mine is probably worse. You guys have sex once every 3 days. It is about once every 9 or 10 days for me and my gf. It sucks!

During those droughts, things get very difficult. The worst part is trying not to act as horny as what I really am. Sometimes when I try to initiate things with her, she says that it's too late or she is not feeling good, etc. So when she wants to have sex, it puts me in a difficult position: On one hand I can just go along with her desire for sex, or on the other hand I can act like i'm not interested, when i'm really actually very horny.

For example: A few nights ago I acted like I wasn't interested. We were talking about how it feels good to have sex and she says "We can't have sex tonight". I said "Thats fine i'm not turned on anyway" (I said this in an attempt to make it seem like I just wouldn't go along with what she said) She then says "I was just seeing that to see what you would say. What's the matter, don't I turn you on?". I said "Of course you do, I just didn't want you to think that we can only have sex when you want to". So that night in bed, we were talking about sex again and I started to escalate, but she wasn't getting turned on. She then said "Baby, not tonight'. I looked at her and said "Thats fine", and then rolled over. She quickly said to me "Are you mad at me?, It seems like your mad" I told her "No not at all, I love you very much". That was it and we went to sleep.

Another problem that arises is, how much should I be doing things for her or rewarding her during times when we don't have sex. I try not to act like i'm catering to her in an attempt to get on her good side so we will have sex. I don't want to be an asshole and say we have to engage in sex more or there will be ultimatums.

Do you guys think it is okay to continue to act sexually uninterested in her and eventually she will cave?

Thanks!

I think you need to start.

I think you let things get too far based on the scenario you described.

You didn't exactly act sexually uninterested by escalating. Has she ever actually initiated sex and you said "no?" Her telling you that she doesn't want sex and you saying "me neither" doesn't count.

She rejected you tonight. Chances are she'll want sex sometime over the next week - which is when you say "no." Next time you initiate it she'll think twice about shutting you out.

"You didn't exactly act sexually uninterested by escalating. Has she ever actually initiated sex and you said "no?" Her telling you that she doesn't want sex and you saying "me neither" doesn't count."

That is the thing that's difficult because she doesn't initiate very often. A lot of times I have to try and initiate and she resists. When she says she doesn't want to have sex, I can't get mad at her because I want to. So I try to freeze her out and it comes across as me agreeing.

Due to this lapse in time she wants sex, it makes me not want to pass it up when she is in the mood. If I go along with it when she is in the mood, does it make me look weak to her?

Should I even try to initiate sex anymore or should I just let her eventually try to intiate and then decline her offer?

thanks

I'm sorry, but yes.
She KNOWS that EVERY time she wants sex she gets it.

Listen, it's possible you two just have very incompatible sex drives. I've been with women who want sex multiple times a day and I've been with girls who barely want it once a week. However, you do need to keep somewhat of a position of power in your relationship - if you're gonna have sex once a week you have to make sure you initiate at least 50% of it.

The BEST place for you to start is to tell yourself, right now, that next time she initiates sex you're saying "no," and that you'll keep saying "no" until you have sex by you initiating it at least once.

Thanks for the persona advice bud. I think my ex did the same thing. Its the same scenario for me I just dont know the ending for sure. I dont know if I want to know either.

" She KNOWS that EVERY time she wants sex she gets it.
Now that i've thought about it, you are right, she does get it usually when she is in the mood and not necessarily when i want it. good point btw

" Listen, it's possible you two just have very incompatible sex drives. "
This might be true to an extent. The only thing is, earlier on in the relationship she seemed to have a higher sex drive that equaled mine.

"However, you do need to keep somewhat of a position of power in your relationship - if you're gonna have sex once a week you have to make sure you initiate at least 50% of it."

That seems to be the problem, is that when i initiate it, a lot of times she does not want to do it.

"The BEST place for you to start is to tell yourself, right now, that next time she initiates sex you're saying "no," and that you'll keep saying "no" until you have sex by you initiating it at least once."

That is another great point!

A couple of concerns: 1) A lot of times we will lay in bed nude together and she will come up next to me and fondle my cock, without it leading to sex. Should I continue to allow her to do this? 2) When we are lying nude together, she wants me to rub her ass, breasts, back or head with her making it clear she does not want to have sex. Is it okay to do this for her without it leading to sex?

thanks