I've been on POF for a couple of months but have a reply ratio that is 5% at best. After reading the advice on this site I've updated the profile and changed my messages but now have a 0% reply rate. Can anybody look at these and make recommendations or observations where I'm weak?

Here is my profile link http://www.plentyoffish.com/member16380335.htm

My messages follow a certain format of: Cold Read, Statement of Intent, Observation on their profile that we have in common, a DHV based on that, a mild Neg/Tease, then a challenge to reply. Here's an example that I just sent (the italics are the parts that I keep the same for each message):

Hiya, I just signed up and, man, it was hard figuring out how to describe myself, did you feel that way too?

I saw your profile and had to write. You like like you're a lot of fun and I love that you were into sports and travel too. I took some friends to egypt this summer and we went scuba diving - totally amazing, both in and out of the water.

But I can't believe you have just "music" down as an interest! You've got to be into something more specific, right?

It would be good to chat to see how much we have in common so look at my profile and then message me back - go on I DARE you!

Hi,

1st paragraph - I don't really use "hiya", I used to say that word a lot, but can you imagine a ladies man saying the word hiya? it's a bit too friendly I feel. I think overall as an opening sentance it shows weakness, if you can't write about 3 paragraphs about yourself then shes going to think you might be boring. And it looks like your seeking her to feel the same way so you don't feel so bad kind of like for approval that your not boring.

2nd paragraph - "I saw your profile and had to write" she already knows this information by the sheer fact you've written, omit it. "like like" should be "look like" check for typos. But i'd change this to something like "you seem like you could be fun" Then follow with the scuba DHV which I like. By the way if you have sports and travel on your profile i'd personally not bother pointing out the common ground its best for her to read it and feel that she has descovered this common ground, and use your first precious words for something else.

3rd - I like this tease here I think its a good place for it.

4th - "go on I DARE you!" is just too obvious. I think at the end instead of challenging her to reply try getting her to qualify herself instead. getting her to qualify herself would then replace "It would be good to chat to see how much we have in common" with the feeling of more, What do you have that makes you good enough for me.

I dont think your structure is that bad, I just feel maybe the way youve written it comes across as too needy.

I had rather abysmal luck myself on a different site but have had a slight increase in replies recently by just being straight up weird. On these dating sites, wait, is PFO or whatever a dating site? Anyways if it is attractive girls get bombarded by mediocre boring same old shit messages at an alarming rate. One girl told me she gets like 20 a day and the only reason why she looked at mine was because it was so freaking out there. You need to have your message look like a shaved 500 pound mountain gorilla wearing a thong while twirling a baton for them to really even take the time to look yours over.

let me give you an example.

Girl stated i should message her if:

You can back it up like a mack truck!
Know who andy zaltsman is.
can ride a hippo while drunk burping the alphabet
and other weird shit.

So here is my message:

Subject:I fell from a moving truck once. Explains a lot.

So I have to admit it is rather difficult to google Andy Zaltzman while burping the alphabet backwards. Especially while aboard my noble river horse Hungriamus Maximus. (I breed them you know. I wouldn’t recommend standing behind one during defecation.) I actually AM a mack truck, a shiny one at that. Ever seen transformers? Well I was the lead stunt man for Optimus Prime. It was a pretty cool gig, for awhile, but I think I’m going to retire and concentrate on animal husbandry. It’s no easy task raising the deadliest creatures in Africa. I don’t have fuzzies, unless you count chest hair… eww. So here is a take it or leave it.

_________________
*new to the game but looking for fame*

Thanks for the insights. I've re-written the message since but am still getting low reply rates. Hows this?(I intend to adapt the part in italics to be girl specific)

From you're profile you look like normal and a lot of fun, unless of course my radar isn't working. Perhaps you're crazy and incredibly boring!

I've only just recently moved into London and love taking friends to all those cool secret places where there are fun things to do. Like a mini golf course with a mojito bar on it and only 100m from Liverpool St Station!

You put "cinema films" as an interest. Does that mean you're against DVDs? Have they treated you badly?! jk

I've got to get back to work. I already know that profiles never tell me much about a person so tell me something about yourself that hasn't been posted. Something cool.

Message me back. M

"From you're profile you look like normal and a lot of fun, unless of course my radar isn't working. Perhaps you're crazy and incredibly boring! "

It helps to have another person proof-read.

I have no freaking reason why this works but when you don't get a response wait a day or so and send them this message. It tends to get a response.

Subject: >:-*

Wow, I really suck at emoticons but that for your information is an angry brow ridge followed by a set of beady eyes, a nose, and pursed lips displaying a a tinge of frustration.

Follow it up with another outrageous post.

IE

Your profile was really boring so I was about to click next match when I felt a stirring in the force. Lucky for you I am a Jedi master and am offering you the opportunity to learn the ways of the force. Come now young, Padawam, learner we have much to learn.

_________________
*new to the game but looking for fame*

You may be overlooking something obvious. Are you mailling the girls when they are ONLINE? When using a test profile I mailled girls exclusively that were online at that time. Response rate was VERY high. I think I had about 95% replies. Some of the replies were short (they tend to treat it more like chat than email) and some replies came a day or 2 later but were longer.

Regarding your profile - The tattoo photo as a main pic is NOT a good idea, but keep it in your photos. I would use the 5th one (Your Brothers Birthday Party) as the main one. POF may be a bit reckless but girls like to see your face (you cannot much in the tattoo one)

Profession - Fire juggler, comes across as a joke. If it is your real job downplay it. I think the text comes across as a bit too jokey. I suspect you may be overwhelming the girls.

"I want to meet people who are into similar things." Too vague - load it with qualifiers or disqualifiers. Be more precise

Regarding your opener emails - I think you need a re-think. IMHO MOST of success online is through your mails. it's been so long since I've done an original mail that I cannot recall the structure set out by Insider Internet Dating which I follow a LOT.Ok from memory - Open by saying you don't do online dating a lot because of your lifestyle (This is a primer to set it up so they do not expect much in emails chat etc) Comment on 1 or 2 parts of their profile which interested you. Keep it short and sweet. 1 sentence per part. Comment on her looks - say she seems to have more than just good looks. Make a joke comment about the lame mails she's probably getting (This part is fun and girls really relate to it). Tell her briefly about yourself and what you do and do not want from her. Tell her that you do not spend a lot of time online and prefer to get to know people in real life (This is to stop it slipping into the cyber-penfriend nonsense).Just TELL her to write back. You may even go straight for the number in this mail but I think it works better once you've established some interest (when you get a positive reply) If you read that again you'll realise you'll do minimal personalisation. Unless the girl has multiple profiles on the site or knows a few friends on there you will be unlikely to be spotted using the same mail again and again and again. I think I've used one templated mail about 150 times and have only been questioned on it 3 times.

Out of curiousity, what did you change as your 5% replies was not good but at least it was better than 0?

Ok here's another attempt at rewritting my first message and I've updated my profile to incorporate some of your suggestions. As far as what I writing before, I was just introducing myself and DHVing a little. I figure if I can get a 50% reply rate I'd be pleased. Currently sitting on around 10%. Hows this:

I don't really do a lot of online dating, usually too busy out with friends. You sound like there's more to you than just good looks, unless of course my radar isn't working. Perhaps you're crazy and incredibly boring!

I see that you like traveling. I took some friends to Egypt this summer and we went scuba diving - totally amazing, both in and out of the water.

I'm 26 and I've only just recently moved into London so still learning about all those cool secret places where there are fun things to do.

I'm looking for a woman who is fun to be around and can make me laugh - nothing too serious yet. Like I said, I don't spend too much time online and prefer to get to know people in real life.

Profile's can't really tell me much about a person, so tell me something about you that's not online. Something cool.

Message me back. M

I think the "Perhaps you're crazy and incredibly boring! " maybe too much online.

I would expand the scuba diving thing in Egypt, not by pages of text, perhaps another sentence or two, describing it and the sensations richly but briefly.

Some of the messages sound like elongated personals in a newspaper. Tone it down.