Am I Reading Into This Too Much ?



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PostPosted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 4:35 pm 
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Joined: Thu Apr 30, 2009 4:49 pm
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Location: Canada
Hey all, bit of a long read, my apologies but I don't know where else to go.

Okay so as you know me and my GF had some troubles. We spoke about it a bit and I just said I would give her some space if there was nothing specific wrong.

This seemed to work, I didn't make any attempt to contact her and about 25/6 hours later, she text me saying "Hey :|". 10 minutes later when I got the text & started to reply she sent me another text saying "Don't ignore me :) xx" We texted back and forth a bit then went to sleep, she said I love you first and said playfully when I said I needed a shower "Oh so when I decide I want to declare my love you run off and shower :P", so was fun, etc ..

I left it again for another day, and late at night she text me again saying "Nice of you to bother texting me today :/". I was actually having SIM Card problems, so I told her about them. We text back and forth a bit again, and it went okay.

So I text her during the day the next day, thought it'd been long enough. Her response wasn't great, so I decided to leave it again. Last night she made contact with me again, we IM'd for like, 5 hours. It went badly to begin with, she had an issue with something, we spoke about it calmly. Then things went really well, lots of banter, lots of laughs, told her I loved her and she said it back. When I made a joke about "You'd miss me, more than you care to admit" She said "Oh dw I'll admit it, you think I haven't felt pain for the past few days <continued to joke about it a bit>" - this was a good sign, she opened up which isn't something she likes to do. End of the evening, she even started to become quite suggestive about sex "Oh you like shooting do you? What kind of shooting" I said "Whatever is necessary" She said "Oh well I know someone who could do with a good shooting and wouldn't mind at all if you did it ;)"

-----------------------------------------

Okay, so she's been at work today and I haven't made any contact, waiting till she's home. But then I looked at her FB, and saw a long conversation between her and some guy she clearly knows. I don't care about this normally, but the conversation went on for a while, it ended just as me and her started having fun talking. And there were lots of suggestions about meeting up for a drink at his place, the fact they need to text each other more, when he mentioned they could do it next Saturday maybe she seemed really open to the idea, saying it "was a good plan" and it's better now "he's given her time to get ready" or w/e.

Okay, so they're class-mates from last year, but this conversation seemed overly-friendly really. Was she doing it to make me feel jealous ? Is she looking at other options ? I know this is normally a case of 'Guy gets jealous because of his own inner game' but the conversation seemed to be a lot more than one between two friends, lots of suggestions about texting, teasing, meeting up, 10+ messages to each other and then I know they started texting.

Help. I'm thinking I completely ignore it, act indifferent to it, but if the contact continues (might be hard to tell, I can't read her phone) then it might be worth saying something ?


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 9:09 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2009 7:28 pm
Posts: 262
Not really much you can do about the guy thing. What I suggest is just ignore him and never acknowledge him. If she brings him up and say's "I'm hanging out with him or I'm doing this with him" then just say "How do you feel about that" blah blah, never make her hanging out with him about you, it's about her.

And one other thing, stop texting first. You should wait till she does. The "Nice of you to bother texting me today :/". text was bait. In response to that, I would've said, "Same goes to you" because she didn't bother to text you either.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 4:53 am 
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Joined: Sun Jan 03, 2010 11:33 am
Posts: 59
Hey brother,

You could choose to ignore him. But if that really eats you from the inside, then what's the use?

What are you trying to get from this relationship? Do you think if she slept with his guy and was seeing you as well, you'd be ok with this? Do you think you'd be able to love her to your best capacity then?

Do you think you should completely open up to this girl? Be completely honest with her about the way you feel? Do you think being vulnerable, exposing yourself in this way, is better for your relationship (even if that means the relationship coming to an end) than hiding the way you are feeling right now?

Finally, do you think if you had her. Would that make you happy and walk through this world in a certain way? Is it possible that you can do that right now without needing her? Will it then be possible to love her for what she really is, rather than what you want her to be?

I think we have all the answers, if we choose to really look within ourselves.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 7:24 pm 
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Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2009 4:15 pm
Posts: 63
Im not sure that I read your previous post....so I could be making some assumptions

But based on what you describe..this is my thoughts.

In my exp., when a gf says the whole "space" thing - 95% of the time she feels a spark with someone else but doesnt want to necessarily give up the relationship she is in, becuase she thinks it may not be worth it. She is uncertain or wants to satisfy an urge without guilt. She is trying to keep her current bf in reserve while she explores this new opportunity. In my exp., they will always completely deny this however. Its really not much use asking. They want the best of both worlds in my exp. Look, I could be wrong about your situation. WHo knows. This is just my experiences with this.

I think you are in a delicate spot and you are right to be curious about the whole facebook interaction with this guy. I think it def appears suspicious.

She's giving you some positive feedback, sure, but how can we differentiate if she is just keeping you in reserve while she explores and making sure you still dont stray? The fact that she is giving you IOIs is good but not necessarily home-free.

Just my two cents. Its a big gamble but I think the freeze-out should be harsher and for longer and if you can couple it with any flirting or insinuations with other women that'd be great, imo - cant be obvious though that you are trying to make her jealous. This is all easier said than done and it may not be savageable.

Of course, I could also be reading way too much into it. But that's just my thoughts based on my understanding and what youve wrote.


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