Hey guys,

Okay, so my story goes back to February 2009. Not long ago. I got a case of One-Itis on a girl that was staying in the same Hotel as me on holiday.

I took two days to ask said girl out - although I had made conversation with her before - to go for drinks with me.

I got a 'We'll see' response - I was then avoided for a week. It hurt, a lot.

That brought me into looking at Self Improvement material. Since that day, I've read the Game, The Alchemist, Mystery Method, half of DoubleYourDating, 2x Body Language books, every little piece of information I could find on this forum and SO much more I can't even remember.

I changed my lifestyle:

- I bought new, fashionable clothes.
- I altered my taste in music - my iPod is now 50/50: what I like, what is popular.
- I changed my hair style and started using gel.
- I joined a gym, am no longer overweight and am in the shape of my life.
- I started going out, a lot more, and talking to people, a lot more. I got braver, I tried new things.

That's my background anyway, it may actually be irrelevant to what I'm about to ask, but thought I'd give you a bit to work from.

What I want to know is: Why is it that no matter what I do in life, I always try to become as good as it as I can be ? Example:

- Paintball: I played it once, instantly wanted to buy my own gear and join a team.
- Xbox: Had my Xbox for a week before I was in a Competitive Clan.
- Gym: As soon as I started, I was researching nutrition, supplements, perfecting my schedule.
- Pick-Up: I read everything I possibly can and learn as much theory as possible.
- Pool/Table-Football: As soon as I found out there was these two tables in my common room at college, I searched the internet for Online Tutorials and Lessons for getting good.
- Grades: I try to get the best grade in everything and I am generally not happy unless my work is the best in the class - although this has died down since I've been changing my life for the better.

Why the hell do I feel the need to be the best at whatever I do ? Who am I trying to impress ? Am I trying to prove something to someone/myself ?

I'm searching for an answer here. It's a trait I know I have, but I want to know WHY.

1) Ask me anything you like that'll help you answer this Q and I'll try to answer as directly and honestly as I can. I'm expecting you'll want to know more about my past, so go ahead, ask away.
2) If you're going to make a judgement about me, please would you mind stating why you feel your opinion is correct ? Like, your source of knowledge, be it professional Psychotherapy training or 10 Years in PickUp or simply just your own opinion, I'd like to know

Thanks guys,

Prophet.

Sometimes, a character trait is simply a habit. Something unexplainable rationally--it might be that you were brought up this way. Maybe your parents were driving you to be better all the time. Maybe they didn't care, and you reacted by parenting yourself.

For example, I'm in the habit of giving up after I'm halfway through the effort. I'm changing that as we speak. My justification of it, is that I always had somebody to finish my work for me when I was little. I don't know for sure whether that's true, but that's where the origin of my problems seems to be. If my parents had let me be independent, maybe I would be a little more persevering.

Enough about me.

I'm curious. Why are you asking people about this now? What made you post this question now, of all times?

1) My parents have always driven me to do my best in things like Football + School, maybe that's got something to do with it.

2) Well, I honestly don't know. I suppose the idea of knowing why has always appealed to me and I just thought, maybe someone on here could help ?

You want to be, the very best, like no one ever was...

Before I break into song, I want to find out more about conflict in your life. Besides this case of oneitis, I'm guessing you had more conflict in your life, such as being bullied, challenging classes, etc.

My personal experience is that conflict forces people to either back down or fight harder. You seem to be one of the fight harder types.

Okay this is like, my fifth edit trying to communicate what I'm thinking. Your post sounds to me as though you believe your self-improvement is a problem, and you're asking for a solution to it.

To be honest it sounds like you're seeking approval here.

You are who you are, and who you are is A-OK. You sound like a pretty decent fella to me.

Thanks for the responses again guys.

1) In terms of conflict, I was never bullied (well you get a bit but not horribly). Now my parents divorced when I was very young - I live with my Mum + My Step Dad - and I CONSTANTLY argue with my Step Dad. We fight all the time, and he also fights with my younger brother, for like, 12 years+ now. This has meant I'm quite good at dealing with arguements in general.

Mum - kindest parent I have, always supportive, has a PhD in Psychology so I've learnt a lot from her.

Dad - the reliable, organised parent, but I do argue with him also.

Step Mum - has changed regularly but have a current one who is nice

My Dad's always pushed me to do my best in everything, whilst Mum has the 'Do Your Best' kinda attitude. Do you think maybe I'm trying to prove to my Step Dad that I'm going to be good in life ? Cause in arguements I'd use my grades as a defence for being a good kid or w/e and he'd say "Oh so you think that's gonna get you a good job?" And ofc I've always said "Yea, you wait and see."

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2) The seeking of approval is something I think I do a lot of. When I changed myself, I'm constantly making myself conform more and more to social life so I can be popular, liked, etc ... I have a decent personality, I think anyway, I get along with pretty much everyone but I was sick of being the 'Nice lil' smart kid' so I changed.

3) I like Self-Improvement, I don't see it as a problem, I see it as a way of overcoming my problem - w/e that is, it's what I'm trying to find. Why do I want to be the best + conform + be accepted by everyone ? I'm not sure.

Thanks.

Okay.. take one step backwards, and look at the bigger picture..
From this question - you're looking at yourself as if you are some sort of neurotic psycopath that is obsessed with being the best..

Or - look at it fro my perspective and you'll see that because you are a young guy.. you have a healthy competitive spirit.. look here:

-Paintball.. what sort of guy doesn't like paintball?? keeps you fit and you get to shoot stuff. cool
-Xbox.. technology is cool - and CoD:MW2.. it's the dogs balls.
-Gym.. sculpting yourself a great body is in your best interests. period. It's attractive to the sex of your preference, and expandes your life expectancy.. very cool.
-PUA.. you're a bright guy.. PUA+Rock hard abs = Lots of hot chicks. about as cool as it gets.
-Table Football/Pool.. no explaination needed.. sociable, yes, cool.. hell yes! (and besides.. you look like a total fool being the only guy to suck at these sorta games)
-Grades.. aww come on man!! your grades from school / college / Uni more or less determine how much you will earn in your lifetime. High Priority!..

There is nothing wrong with you.. really.. nothing.

You have a healthy attitude towards life, you've been driven from your past expiriences (good and the bad) to better yourself socially, mentally and physically.. IT'S CALLED GROWING UP!

Stop over analysing life - and enjoy it.

-Illusionist

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"They were right when they said "just be yourself" they just never told you what "self" to be.." - Gunwitch

if u didnt have a competitive mind..

you would have been a looser on a hotel, overweight, bad at xbox and paintball ect...

it what made you improve yourself..

nothing bad..

well unless it gets out of hand..