I feel as if this forum is always centred towards ascension, towards improvement and making continual strives towards being a PUA, and that's cool, but the majority of people, myself included shift from improving for ourselves to improving for our ego, for improving for the validation of people on this forum, for improving so that you'll be famous within this community.

Recently, I've been improving for myself. not for this forum, and there's been a shift in my game, a shift for the better. It's made the changed between myself ignoring my flaws, the subtleties of where I mess up and what I could have done better and focusing on what I did well and feeding my ego as a result. I know some people on this forum will say that they focus on where they mess up, but the question I pose is whether they really do, whether they focus on what MADE them make that action, the belief they held that pushed them to say that thing, that pushed them to make that action.

Fundamentally, I feel that I'm flawed as a person to be *THE BEST I CAN BE* to the women that I approach in the future, and I think that it all stems from one problem, while I am capable of creating attraction, comfort and seduction, I feel as if I don't truly deserve the women that I am with, and as a result, I can still be good for her, but I can never be *THE BEST I CAN BE* for her, which is something that I hold dearly.

I believe that the time we have left on this earth is finite, and the measure of our success isn't the money that we make, it isn't the number of girls we've slept with, the lack of AA, whether a community looks up to you or not, it's to the extent that you've positively effected other people. It's the changes that you've produced in them for the better. It's whether you've been a marker in their lives, if you've been an influence that has put them on the best path for them. This might be breaking up with someone, choosing not to sleep with them, it might be sharing your insights, your thoughts, it might just be a smile on the subway, but everything we do DOES affect someone else, and everything I do I want to do because I want to make someone else feel better.

As a result of this, I thought I'd make a journal that's in contrast to the normal Journal on here, it's not here to chart my progress, it's not here so I can brag about this SHB that I approached and went through my entire game plan with, this is about my mistakes, it's about where I'm going wrong, my thoughts, and how I think I could improve, and more importantly, it's about how YOU can help me, how what YOU say can help me become *THE BEST I CAN BE*

fu-day2s-and-daygame-vt59216.html was the first post in this Journal, already posted it as a field report

Nice post JR,

i agree whole heartedly with the BE THE BEST YOU CAN BE.

i was thinking about my heroes last night and why they are my heroes.

Steve Jobs, CEO Apple Computers.

to all intents i should hate this man, he is egocentric. meglomanic and generally not a nice person. however he believes in what he is doing. he is a perfectrionist and expects the absolute best out of himself and everyone around him. also he has had to eat a lot of humble pie, when he got fired from his own company not only were the people he knew aware of this massive failure, but also the whole world.

Brad Pitt:

i used to think he was just a pretty boy actor, who got work because of his looks. then i watched fight club and Meet Joe Black, he is a phemoninal actor and a real perfectionist method actor who completly absorbes himself into his characters.

anyway im not gonna carry on with this, but just to say whenever i see people i admire the thing that really stands out is, they are THE BEST THEY CAN BE.

things do not hold them back from their goals, defeat just seems to make them stronger.


anyway looking forward to reading more from u JR, and hopefully learning more about myself in the process.

Okay. Today was pretty good, but I'm going to attempt to find flaws in it. I was supposed to meet a girl at like, 9-9.30 for coffee, but she ended up missing her bus so I just chilled at home for a bit longer. I could have gone into the city where I was supposed to meet up with her, but at that time it's dead and I saw no point in going when there was noone to talk to.

I caught the train in about 11am, and got a call from some mates asking if I wanted to go and play pool with them. Following the first rule of Social Circles Game, I accepted (you never want to turn down the initial invitation), so I went and met them briefly before my girl called and wanted me to meet her. I went and met her and brought her back to my mates. My mates consisted of 3 guys and a girl, and when we got there two of them were playing pool while the rest were just chilling. I played two games, one game where I tag-teamed with the girl (created an us vs the world conspiracy) and the other where i tag-teamed with another guy. I won both .

She had a hole in her shorts where her ass with that she was rather embarassed with, naturally I told everyone about it. In retrospect - while this showed that I was a relaxed guy that wasn't fixated on pleasing her, it could have been a great way to build comfort and trust between us, and an awesome thing to reframe into and us vs the world conspiracy.

In the first game, I used kino as a reward for her and cheered her on excitedly, I brought a lot of energy to the table and everyone ended up getting pumped up. We were all pretty average players so there were a fair few... terrible plays, but everything was just FUN, and she had an awesome time. For Kino rewards, it was a high5/fist bump every time she hit a ball, and a hug every time she got one in. She ended up reciprocating giving me a hug every time i got a ball in, etc. And victory led to her seeing me as more of a winner and attraction seemed to grow very quickly.

After that I played another game tag-teamed with a guy in which we absolutely destroyed, she had a lot of negative body language and her and the other girl weren't talking, so i kept on having to start conversations between them and keep them sparked. It was okay, but i was disappointed that they didn't get on well. I was having fun with the guys, which was the important thing, and absolutely carved up that table.

Went and bought waffles after (half priced tuesdays), and she insisted on me paying, she has it set up in her mind that the guy must ALWAYS buy, and in the end, I did pay... For myself. And made her share . Sat around with my mates and chatted for a bit, she seemed to get a lot more into the conversation and to genuinely have a good time. After a while we split and went and grabbed coffee together. This conversation was pretty interesting - I was trying to explain to her what it's like when you truly connect with someone. It got her really deeply in state and I think it created a shit load of attraction and comfort. She got that glazed over look in her eyes, and she started contributing heaps and talking about how all of her other relationships have been terrible, etc. etc.

During that conversation, early on, when I was starting to explain it, she was really negative, and she laughed at some of it. I did a semi-freeze out when I asked if her friends were in the city yet (she'd invited me to hang out with them as well) and she completely changed her tune. She apologised profusely for it afterwards. After this, we started talking about how people can see things differently, and interpret things differently, like how my green might be her red, etc. etc. and everything is subject to our beliefs and what our brain interprets as true. She got really into this topic, at the beginning she was sceptical but she absolutely LIT UP as soon as she made sense of it all. I think that is the thing that I enjoyed the most about our entire day together, the fact that she lit up as soon as she got something. It just felt rewarding to be able to teach a girl something that will change her perception of reality.

After a while of talking deeply, we head into the city to meet my wings (I had four today, the same two guys from the other day, a guy that used to do day game with me (W3) and a new guy (W4)). She found it absolutely amazing what we did and in her eyes she was like 'Wow, you guys must be like, really confident. That's so attractive.' She got very excited by the prospect of the whole thing, and she got really into it as soon as I started to give advice to the two new guys (W3 + W4) about their approaches, how to enter into rapport and subtle body language actions that they were making. I guess today I took a lot more of an advisory capacity in contrast to the usual pickup capacity, and she found the fact that I knew what I was talking about and was picking up these small flaws as a really attractive thing.

I only entered three sets the entire day and they were to prove to the new guys things. The first set was to prove that your opener doesn't need to be good, it doesn't even need to make sense for you to be able to hook a set. I entered the 2 set with:
'I know you thought giraffe necks were long.... But they're even longer then that!' and then just transitioned and started chatting with them. I ended up being in that set for about 10-15 minutes and easily number+kiss closed them. I can't think of anything that I could have done differently within this set. They would both be receptive if I messaged them, but unfortunately, since I'm leaving in a few days and am booked up, there's no real point.

The second set was to prove that your opener didn't need to be serious, and it didn't need to make yourself seem awesome. I went in and started talking to two girls about what kind of G-String I should buy. They loved it, and they both introduced themselves to me and one asked for my number before they had to leave (they were waiting to catch a bus).

The third set was just for fun, it was two scene kids that were reading an architecture magazine. I heard a bit of their conversation and thought it was really interesting so I simply asked if I could join them because I found the topic interesting. They were really happy to talk to me about it and teach me a few things about it. I didn't get a close out of this set, but it was awesome to get the knowledge that I did from it.

I eventually merged me and my wings with my Day2+her friends and we played some good old school Truth or Dare which mostly had to do with self humiliation (working on inner game) or social (approaching strangers). I went and hit on a guy, which ended in a really easy number close. Odd. And we got out day2 to go and dance with a busker that I caught on video. She had an awesome time, and was really fun to be with today.

In retrospect, here's what I should have done differently:
-> Approach much, much more.
-> Use more self-conscious comments that girls make to create us vs the world conspiracies.
-> Work on not supplicating (I did call her on it and attempt to make her pay, and when she wouldn't - I just let her eat some of mine.)

I'm sitting here, at my computer feeling this series of awful emotions. I feel unworthy, I feel saddened, I feel unsure and uncomfortable, I feel this ton of emotions that fall on my like bricks, and it's made me realise. These emotions, they sound bad, but they aren't, they're a product of my ego trying to stop me from attempting to destroy it.

It's my ego being uncomfortable because I'm finding flaws with myself and attempting to fix it.

I feel unsure because I'm removing something that I've relied on so heavily, when rejected, the ability to laugh and scoff, to frame it as her loss, to pretend it didn't happen. I feel unsure because I'm removing something that has both helped and hindered me greatly for so long.

I feel saddened because it's a result of me trying to destroy something that's a part of me, it's my ego - commonly regarded as a source of negativity and bad emotion, doing just that, producing bad emotions.

I feel unworthy because I'm losing something that I believe attempts to make me worthy. It's what makes you think you deserve the amazing girl even when you're a nobody. It's what makes you think that that girl thinks about you even though you've never talked to her. I'm losing something that has made me who I am for so long, and I hate it, and I love it. It's traumatic, but no pain no gain.

~JR*

Today I haven't gone out, I've just chatted to my girls on IM or on the phone.
--------------------------
First Thoughts:
I noticed an integral part of my game was Radical Honesty where I ignore basically everything that we've been taught and tell a girl exactly where my head is at. I acknowledge that it socially might not be the right thing to say, or the right actions to take, but I go full out with honesty and tell her everything that's on my mind (relevant to her).

If I like her, I tell her that I like her.

If I want to fuck her, I'll tell her that.

If I want to jump on an airplane and fly to sweden with her, I'll tell her that.

Now, I can bet that some of you are sitting there and thinking to yourselves, that can't work, that goes against everything I've read. You're never supposed to admit anything like that to them, you're always meant to be joking, you've got to be cocky funny and use the cube! Fuck that. I get sick of playing games with girls and beating around the bush. If I want to go out with a girl because I like her, I'm not going to play games and reframe it as her wanting to go out with me because I'm ever so damn sexy, I'm going to tell her how it is. I'll tell her I want to be alone with her, that I want to grab a coffee and emotionally connect because I feel like we both need it.

The most extreme of this is what I did today, I told a girl that I was starting to develop feelings for her, and that's true, but who's to say that I can't have feelings for multiple girls at one time? Basically, I use this in situations where we're already starting to build deeper comfort (don't do it too early), and she is receptive because, as a girl told me today: 'It's refreshing to not have to beat around the bush with you. I like how you're just so... straight forward with me."

I think the key to this sort of thing is the ability to not care about the response. And the way that my head is working at the moment, I see only three possible ways for you to not care:
1) Existing with only Love and Acceptance. Loving her and accepting that maybe she doesn't care for you, but also accepting that you feel that way for her, and that if you don't tell her that, that maybe she'll never know. The only reason you have to regret something or to miss something/one is if you have never loved them, accepted them, or told them everything that you thought or felt about them.
2) Having an Ego that tells you that she already is in love with you and that you're just validating her by telling her that you're starting to feel things for her, etc.
3) That you're not actually being honest and you're just using it to test how she feels for you. If this is you, I think you need to rethink how you treat people.

The past few paragraphs seem to be strictly relevant to when you like a chick, probably as a result of that being when I use it the most, but I feel that it's also useful for situations where you just want to fuck the chick. Telling her you want to fuck her puts that idea in her head straight away, and if there's attraction there, it'll just create sexual tension and possibly more attraction. Of course, this needs to be calibrated to the type of girls you're with, etc. But, putting a girl in that sexual state of mind, while not expecting her to validate the statement by putting herself on the line is an awesome way to turn a relationship that was on the rocks into a sexually fueled one.

If you're telling her you want to go on trips, good for you. I've personally never done it and been honest apart from a few times with girls that I was in extremely deep rapport with, and it's great for role playing and creating future trip projections. When you use this for future trip projections, it's great if it's phrased like:
'You know, I'd really like if we were to fly to Spain together, and we could just lie all day on the beach, feeling the sand through our fingers, feeling the sun beat down on our skin, hearing the ocean ebb and flow, seeing the sky dance with clouds, etc.'
Remember, always use all three types of memories: Auditory, Kinaesthetic and Visual. But FTP's are a topic for another day. That's just the post I wanted to make. Don't be afraid of breaking what 'Gurus' say and just going with your gut. Live your life, don't ever put yourself in a situation where you'll regret not having said something or done something. Life is finite, Time is finite, Live your life.
-----------------------
Second Thoughts:
Is ego actually a requirement in pick up? A lot of people preach about cocky funny, about being in a dominant frame, about my personal favourite 'Next'ing. Aren't all these things both the process and the result of growing your ego? Aren't they just a way of coping with failing by ignoring it, e.g. by just 'next'ing every girl that you get into an uncomfortable situation with, are you helping yourself or are you just taking the easy way out, the way that protects you from looking past your ego and admitting how you feel and what you want to be.

We live in a society where we see having an ego as a social status indication. In high school, the jocks have the biggest ego's, they take up space, they're considered alpha, and as a result - is having and ego in our society considered alpha? Can you be alpha without having an ego? So many AMOGing tactics have to do with being so confident in yourself, so confident in your frame that the other person cant threaten it, and that confidence is purely a product of your ego... Self inflation of confidence in combination of the ego not wanting to be dealt a damaging blow by losing the argument.

But by having no ego, do you prevent yourself from entering into those situations, or does it just produce a passive bow out when any conflict arises? It seems like having no ego is the same as having no self esteem, it's creating the same beliefs, but as a choice rather then continual social suicide. The entire community is built on ego, it's built on people bragging, people posing as PUA's so that they can give advice, people posting fictional field and lay reports so that they can be groupied and seen as rock stars within the community. They use the community to gain validation for their already inflated ego's, and then use that validation to just 'next' girls, to ignore the girls emotions or the fact that she's a person. It seems that the entire community is more based on the principles of OMS and forbidden patterns. You hate something about yourself, your ego blocks it out, but you still have that negativity, and you spend it on girls, you make them hate themselves until they are on the same level as you, you evoke bad emotions rather then good ones. You create insecurities instead of helping them get rid of them.

IS there a way to be good with women while having no to very little ego? Is ego a crutch for us to be able to approach, to game, to lay multiple women. Is it something that's required of us to be good? Or is it just that everyone in the community has an ego that creates these beliefs. Is there a better way to do it then those that are already explored? Is there a better way to meet, to connect, to be with women that we ignore because we're so focused on feeding ourselves with validation?

~JR*

MSN, IM, text messages, are all these things proving to girls that you are in fact lower value?

I personally hate the idea of lower value and higher value, but in this context, it seems appropriate. By using MSN and IM, are you proving to girls that you are actually not the attractive, outgoing, constantly busy guy that you display yourself as? If you have the time to use these things, does it demonstrate a flaw in the frame that you've created?

Logically, the higher value guy would always be out, if he isn't out, he would be organising plans, and if you're always out, if you're always busy and if you're always in a rush; you would be doing this through phone calls. Phone calls allow multi tasking, they allow quick plans to be made and quick conversations to take place.

In contrast to this, IM programs, and MSN are made almost exclusively for conversations to take place, and are made so that multiple conversations can take place over a small amount of time. So, while this allows you to build comfort with multiple people are one time, the comfort you create is superficial, she's doing other things at the same time, and anything short of incredibly special won't be able to hold her exclusive attention.

There have been people within this community that support the use of IM programs extensively purely because girls usually use them while they're in their rooms, and while they're in their rooms, they are already in a comfortable state and much easier to connect with and kid around with. In other words, they're much more open to everything you say. Hypothetically, it would also create a connection between you and their bedroom if you were able to set it up properly and make yourself stand out from the hundreds of other people on her contact list.

If the girl is already comfortable, sure - she'll be able to relate with you easier, and it'll be easy to create superficial comfort, but there's no element of a true emotional rollercoaster in it. Girls like to be led on adventures, and while you can use future trip projections, create suspense, do pretty much anything that you want to, the fact remains that they'll have less of an effect then they would if you were to do it in person. In my mind, talking to a girl on an IM program is equatable to waiting around for a girl to finish a phone call, although slightly better. Everything you say can be used to create attraction, comfort, etc. but every second that you are online, you lose a minute amount of value.

Arguably, plans and conversations shouldn't be made via text message. Text messages should only be used to pump buying temperature or create attraction, and used sparingly, every conversation that takes place via message does lower your value, it does build comfort and get her thinking about you, but conversations do that in a lesser extent then witty one liners, or suspense seeking questions like 'Are you there? I really need to talk about something.'

A trend that I've noticed is that the girls who are the prettiest, the girls who are the highest value in terms of both personality and appearance very rarely use these programs, they're more centred towards social network websites like MySpace and FaceBook. And while they do message, they message to either climb social ranks or to sit in the same level. They maintain contact so that if any events come up, they will be told because they're already in contact with that person. So by messaging her, are you just building her social network, are you being used by her to climb the social ladder, or are you there because she genuinely likes you?

Personally, I prefer every conversation to be made in person. I think that the ability to be able to read a person, to kino, to calibrate is something that will never be able to be developed to suit any other form of communication. So, while you may want to talk to her because you love talking to her, is it the most appropriate thing to do for your long term goals?

~JR*

I'm working on mentally breaking down my comfort game into stages, and techniques that I subconsciously use. As I write this, I'm building comfort with a HB8.5 (9 if she had slightly bigger tits), and one of the things that I've noticed that is integral to my comfort game is the combination of two NLP techniques:

Pacing and Leading
and
Tag Questions.

Pacing and Leading is a common practice in NLP, and one that is easily adaptable to PU to build deeper attraction and deeper comfort. The way that I like to execute it is to put the girl into a position, via asking a question, making a statement, etc. where she'll have a predictable change in her emotional state.

In this case, I told HB9 that I liked her hair while it was chlorinated (she invited me to a waterpark with her today, and she was on webcam), obviously, this is going to make her feel good about herself, and raise her self esteem. So you use this to pace:
"And because I've said that, you start to feel better about your appearance, and you feel your self esteem going up."

The second part of this is where you being to tell her what she feels, and you begin to LEAD her into what she next feels.
"And because you're feeling better about your appearance, you're feeling more confident, and because you're feeling more confident, you feel as if you're more ready to tell me how you feel about me. And to tell me how you like me and you want to hold hands and watch the sun set from the beach." etc.

This obviously works much better in real life seeing as you can calibrate her emotional state and make sure you don't step too far over, and can force compliance belief in it by positive subconscious body gestures.

The second part that is combined with this is the use of tag questions. Tag questions are basically questions added to the end of statements that mean that instead of evaluating whether or not the statement is true, they evaluate whether it makes sense.
E.G. 'You look kissing, right?' 'You want to kiss me, Right?' 'You feel more and more comfortable, right?'
'You're falling more and more into like with me, aren't you?'
'Let's grab a drink tomorrow, shall we?'
etc.

That's my post for the day ;D. Next few days I probably won't post until I get my net set up in Melbourne.

Peace, Love & HB10's
~JR*

I'm lost. I am lost.

A new place. A different time. A reminder of how insignificant we are. What does it matter if we're able to pick up a girl in this place and time, does it make us any better human beings? Does it mean that we're special, does it mean that we're going to be remembered. We are just manipulators, and too many manipulate for people to feel bad, to lower their self esteem, to hurt them so that they want our validation, so that they want us to tell them that they're okay, that they're not broken human beings, that they're not lost, that they're not broken, that they're not insignificant specs in the greater scheme of things.

I pose a challenge to anyone who reads this, instead of negs, use compliments, instead of being a dick, and 'not giving a fuck', actually care, actually want to talk to them. I don't care if you think that it's chodeish, or if you think it's an 'AFC' thing to do.

We are not measured by our lay count, we are not measured by our routines or openers, we are measured by the effect we have on other peoples lives.

The last post may be a bit mislead. I'm in no position to make statements like that SPAM. I'm stuck in a hospital for the next 3 and a half weeks. On one side, I have three anorexic girls that move me to tears, and on the other, I have a guy and two girls in for the same thing as me. I guess I just wished that those girls had someone that cared about them, and was willing to verbally show it (who wasn't obligated by family).

Every action we make is an action that can impact someones lives immensely, I wish I could change an action for those girls. And every action we make COULD lead to that sort of thing. One attempt at a 'neg' due to weight, and the girl could become like these. One word wrong, and her reality could be shattered.

I haven't written in here for a couple of weeks, in that time I have:
2xModel # Close
1xNurse K-Close
2xFull Closes
a bounty of uninteresting number and kiss closes.

I may write some of that up in the future, but it was all pretty standard stuff, just solid game and frame control. Today was something special though;

Got up, couldn't be fucked doing anything. Really, just couldn't be fucked. I was kicked out of where I was staying for the day though so I just started walking aimlessly. Walked past this HB8, and about ten seconds later I was like, what the fuck am I doing? Ran back to her and opened.

Really wasn't feeling it, wasn't pumping attraction material, was just fluffing my way through the conversation. Transitioned to asking what there is to do around here today, seeing as I'm from a different city, etc. etc. She told me she was going to an animal rights protest and invited me to come. Fucking score.

This was something I found super fucking attractive, so I started pumping attraction material, bringing us into a super high state and upping her buying temperature a heap. We neared the train station, I got a phone call and had to stop, she kept going. I was like, meh - warm up set, let her go.

I finished phone call, and she came back down trying to find me. It was on. We caught train into city, went to the protest place. Fluffed the whole way there, saw no need to use material, she was obviously super keen.

Got to protest, ran around yelling 'Meat is Murder,' 'Stop the war,' 'Taste is Waste' and any other random thing I could think of. I got some weird looks, but I was having a shit load of fun. Floating between groups of people. Saw a super cute hippy vegan, #-closed in about a minute (she promised to show me this sweet vegan restaurant).

K-closed the HB8 (Kara) and went and met up with people. Watched some tennis, relaxed, opened a cute photographer chick that was hanging around. She was foreign, South America, had awesome chocolate skin and impeccable features. Easily a 9. Talked for a while, started fluffing about the circus busking going on, moved onto a FTP about running away and joining the circus because our families disagreed with our love, etc. Easy #-Close after about 3 minutes, saying I had to dash but I'd love to grab a coffee, etc.

Message Kara, she's at some fencing demo, I meet her. Chill there for a while, have a shot, I'm pretty awesome at it. Made Pirate noises and kept telling the other guy I'd make him walk the plank. She says we should meet up later in the week. I said maybe.

Went and caught up with my Mum, we then went and saw Invictus. Good movie. Good Day. Would have been completely different if I hadn't gotten off my ass and approached. Would have been completely different if I had've just stayed at home like I wanted to.