So Ive been posting on these forums for advice for a couple of months for some problems Ive had with this girl.

We met in the summer when she was seeing someone else, and we became good friends, and once I realized she was unhappy with this dude, I took control and after a month or so, we started going out.

We were together almost everyday, till she had to go uni, which is about 2 hours away. Im close to her parents and even go and see them once a week, if shes around or not.
I would go visit her once a week too, Id stay there, 3-4 nights and come back and most the time, things would be great. We'd cook for each other, go out with her friends and flat mates (which Ive gotten really close to aswell) have nights in, the sex was amazing and we told each other we love one another. Ive never told someone I love them so quickly and neither had she.

Untill a few weeks ago, before xmas break up, I could notice she was getting more distance. She would say we need to spend less time together after new years cause uni and work are getting hard and she needs to focus more. She wouldnt text back as fast to me, but would text everyone else back within seconds. When I first got there she asked when I will be leaving, so she can ask her friend to stay over and arrange it with him (yes a guy). and I read once of her texts saying, what she wrote in the morning to him, bored dont want to be here.

Anyway, I asked her about this, and we got in a big arguement, she said I cant believe you'd think I want to spend time with him instead of you, its just that you bugger off suddently and I wont have anyone her (all her flat mates moved out that week for xmas break). We argued, our first arguement after 5 months and we almost split up, she cried and said she wanted to be with me and we had an amazing week after that.

She got back and again, thigns were a bit different. I could see something was on her mind. I saw her and her family on xmas, we spent a couple nights at each others houses.
1 night she came to mine and while in bed, she said Im sorry Ive been distant, have you noticed. I said yes, of course I have. she said, she's not doing as good as she can at uni and work and so on. and said its not your fault, but Im being distracted, when your there I choose to spend more time with you and Im distracted by you in a good way.
I said, well if you want to be with me, then be with me, if you dont then dont in a nice way. She said she didnt know. She doesnt know if she can let me go and so on. We went to bed surprisingly and said she loves me and in the morning she was talking like I was still coming to visit her. and I said, so Im back on the menu again jokinly and said yeah, I love you and want to be with you.

Day before new years eve, we were on msn, and again she said she was confused and seems like shes lost control of her life and work and uni and so on again. and I said whats the problems and she said she doesnt know.
I said we spoke about this the other day and I think Im the problem. Short story, I said, be with me or dont, and she said I dont know if your the problem.
She said, I love you and want to be with you. Im choosing between my potential future, my potential future husband and failing at uni and work. Ive never wanted someone so much. we eneded up saying, lets call it quits. but still be close friends.
We still went to the new years eve party together, she was holding my hand, and trying to kiss me, and we ended up sharing at bed like planned and slept together.

new years day was the day before she went back to uni. that day, she also kissed me, and held my hand. hugged. I had to leave early and she got surprised and her face completely changed and when I left, even in frong of her parents she wouldnt stop hugging me, and gave me a big kiss and we told each other I love you.

I got home and we chatted on msn again, she said how come uve taken so long to get on msn. she said she couldnt sleep and I decided not to mention the relationship again, from that point it was over. but her facebook was, "I cant keep my head together" and im greatful for so many good years, but why when u need ur best friend there on the otherside of the world" and her quiz answer to relationship was struggling, even tho techniqually we'd broken up.

after about 2 hours of silly talk, her saying things like, I like your grizzly chest, when I mentioned something about hair, and yay your not a geek, when I mentioned anime. I could see she wanted to talk about it. but when she said goodbye, I said, Im sorry I was akward last nite, I didnt want it to end. and did you say about a future about us, just to make me feel better.

And she admitted of crying for a few hours and being confused. she said, Id love to have a future with you. I really really wish we get back together. I love you so so much and all sorts. We told each other we love each other again and after an hour of this, we went to bed.

yesterday, which was the first day after new years day. I sent her a text and said, just hoping you had a safe journey back, how was it. but she didnt reply. Its the first time in 8 months we havent spoke to each other or txt back. on msn she didnt chat to me, neither did I. I know she doesnt want to be bombarded with messages.

I was just wondering, was all that talk, for me to ask her back? I told myself, Ill call her in a week and organize to see each other, I need to pick my stuff up and Ive arranged to take the flat mates out to dinner before all this happened. We want to be friends, we talked about still spending time together and having our cuddles and shit.
I do want her back, but she broke up with me, maybe I pushed her for it. I want to be with her, but if she asked for me to get back, Id tell her why is it different.

Should I leave her be and call her later. Or maybe I should have told her, I want her. Cause she knows what Im like, she knows when I want someone, even her, I go and get it.

I was thinking of texting her and telling her, I wont be txting u, I just wanted to be polite yday and see how u were. dont think I would ever give up on you, u know I dont give up till I get what I want, but I respect you and dont want to make things hard so I wont do that.

Please help guys.

I have learnt from my last break up, which I was with the girl for 5 years. Ive picked myself up, im going gym, eating better, focusing on my work and training and seeing my friends. going over my ebooks, like the game and other things, but I still want this girl back. Im giving her space, but I thought, 1 last text message to tell her I do want her, like she wants me but I dont chase her u know.
Sorry for the bad english, im all over the place

Hey Sen, sorry to hear about your heartbreak.. it sounds like its taking a big toll on both if you..

I know you've layed it out pretty clearly.. but this might be one of those posts that gets a lot of veiws, but not a great deal of responces - its a pretty heavy situation..
don't be downheartened if there are a lot of veiws and not much chatter.. we all feel for you.

It sounds like you two are in love.. I want to tell you to get her back, and I think you want to as well - but it might be one of these things that has to be left for a little while until you can repair it.. the wounds are still fresh..

Wish i could help you more..

-Sebastian

_________________
"They were right when they said "just be yourself" they just never told you what "self" to be.." - Gunwitch

Thanks man.

Yeah, its funny cause nothing went wrong for it to break-up, she was saying things like, we never got to our end and all sorts.

I know we're in love, I do hope we get back together, but maybe give it some time.

I think Ill text her 1 last time though.

Thanks again

Just my two cents.....(Im not an expert)

Based on what I've just read and my understanding of the situation, I would suggest that you do not text or call at all. I would freeze her out for at least 3 weeks at least and do exactly what you are doing which is looking for someone else/carrying on with your life. Do not answer texts or anything. Focus on anything else but her.

In addition, I would drop the whole "friend" notion and cut her off from Facebook and all that stuff.

(This might mean she finds someone else or she already is with someone else but at least, you wont have to witness this).

If she texts you, I would ignore them for awhile unless she is crying or telling you everything you want to hear. This might sound harsh.

What I dont like about what Ive read is that she is putting you in the friend-zone and still getting all the benefits of the relationship (ie. security blanket etc.). She is telling you she loves you etc. and effectively keeping you in reserve, while she potential goes on acting like a single lady. I feel she is taking you for granted. By dumping you and letting you be the one who seems to want the relationship more, she is also getting upper-hand dealing with the end of the relationship.

I am not trying to be mean or rude here but I say these things to you, becuase a confused girl as one you describe is usually a girl who really wants out, but is not absolutely positive about it, honest about it or able to quickly get over it.

In my experience, by cutting her off, you increase the chances of her wanted you back becuase she will feel her decision to flee the relationship was pre-mature. She will also be most likely to miss you when you are completely unavailable or totally absent not when she can slowly ween you off of her (i.e. which what "the friend" thing is usually about whether she intends it or not). She is forced to think about you more and miss you more.

I dont know what else works in these situations. the end of the relationship may be inevitable but remember : there are plenty of other fish in the sea. And trust me, in time, by cutting her off, ignoring her texts/calls, you can gain leverage, help your confidence and realize that some of her behavior is selfish. If you're a good guy, you dont deserve that wishy-washy behavior.

You are right about it and her probably.

Problem is Ive text her already, obviously not expecting a reply.

I won text or call her again and I doubt she'll do the same.
She'll probably text me in a coupl of weeks.

Im not sure about blocking her on facebook, she'll notice and we didnt really fall out so it would just seem Im hurt. I dont want to show that Im hurt.

Thanks though, you're probably right about her.

A couple of my friends (girls) are more than happy to make her jealous, by asking me out and posting on my wall. Im not one to play games, but I can do. Especailly as she wrote on her wall an hour ago, there is a very hairy man napping on my bed..hmmm?

that could be a friend of ours, or her dad, but she obviously knows i can see it. and she calls me hairy all the time, and that she likes my hairyness.

She is a stubborn women and I dont see her asking for me back. But f I block her, she'll know im just being mean.

Shall I carry on with my facebook like normal, or just not write anything at all for a couple of weeks.
damn just found one of her hairs on my clothes, im gonna go cry, lol jk

Hey Sen,

I read through your entire post and i'm sorry about your situation. Heartbreak hurts like a bitch and I was in a similar situation as you. I dated my gf for 9 months, 5 months in our last year in university where I met her, and 4 months as a LDR. While we were at school together, we were inseparable. My friends became her friends, her friends mine. We spent every single day for 5 months together and we couldn't be happier. However, the thought of graduation and going out into the real world was around the corner and we didn't know what to expect. We wanted to stay together, but the future was scary because we wouldn't know what would happen. Getting towards graduation I noticed that she became more distant and started saying hurtful things like "I just want you to acknowledge that this might not last forever". Looking back, I wish I had just called her out then and there that she took me for granted and if she really cared about us, she wouldn't say such hurtful things. I realize now that I was acting extremely naive and needy in that I would pretty much do anything to stay together...she had all the power.

Then all of a sudden, we graduated and went from seeing each other everyday to twice a month. This was an extremely difficult transition as if LDR are not stressful enough. A lot of people say LDRs are impossible and the statistics seem to be in favor of that argument. If you really want to do it, it should be with someone you think is the one and the both of you need to be rock-solid mentally.

So we tried the LDR and like the girl in your case, my-ex was not as good as me in terms of keeping in touch and texting. I always felt like I was doing more and this really hurt. But in reality, I WAS doing more than her. She was more focused on her own life and as a result felt guilty that I was giving more to the relationship. Eventually, we both realized that we were not happy so we broke up. Sorry about the rant about my own relationship, but it was a similar story and I just wanted to show that you are not alone!

Sometimes it's just impossible to explain what happens because feelings between two people are not rational. They just happen. Circumstances change, people change, relationships change. I'm still hurting from my breakup almost 3 months ago, but I have made a lot of progress. I am happy that I learned from the mistakes she and I made. Now I feel more confident in my future potential relationships. It seems like you also grew after your previous relationship!

Basically, it's not fair to you if she is saying stuff like "I love you", but does not want to be together. She is leading you on because she is afraid of cutting you out of her life. That's bullshit and you need to cut her out of your life ASAP if you want any chance of getting over her. In my opinion she's def taking you for granted and until she realizes this, theres nothing you can do to change her mind. Even though you love her, you don't want to be with some who doesn't TRULY appreciate you, do you??? Think about this: If two people love each other enough then they will do anything that's possible to be together. I hope you find the answer that you are looking for and best of luck!

_________________
Rise up, rise up, rise up

Its not about how you fall...its about how you pick yourself up after you've fallen

nothing in this world thats worth having comes easy

I guess she did take me for granted. I was traveling every week to see her, because I thought I dont have to play these kind of games, like pretend I dont want to see her and make most the effort as she would appreciate Im going there for us.

Thanks man, and thanks for explaining your story. I dont think she'll ever think she was not appreciating me. We have the same group of friends, so I cant really cut her from facebook, but thats the only way of cutting her from my life.

Dont think there is anything else I can do, do want her back, but want her to realize shes done me wrong

Look dude, i've dated a few crazy girls, and as you said, she seems a little disturbed.

None of this is on you. But as soon as you admit to wanting her back, she'll flake out. and when you ignore her, she'll start talking to you again, and try to take you back.

It'll go on for a really long time, and even if you end up back together you wont be happy.

Breakups are shit. period. but its even worse being in a relationship you know isnt right.

I could be wrong though, but if im not, she will be:
Drama-oriented
Seemingly proud of her bitchyness
Hot and cold within two seconds
Manipulative
Has one or two close friends, devotes massive amounts of time to a few people
Justifies her actions by things that are wrong with other people
Takes compliments for granted or backhandedly

If she is like this, stay away. trust me. she is lost to you, and somewhere in your mind, you know that you are not happy with the way she treats you.

It was an amazing relationship. passionate, loving, affectionate. but you cant have that with her anymore. IT WILL NOT GET BETTER no matter what you try. the sooner you get untangled from her, the sooner you can really move on and be happy.

Good luck.

Thanks Gibbon.

Surprisingly she isnt any of those. And Im not just saying that. When the list came up, I was like, shit she's gonna be all of this.

Im not just saying it, but the relationship was great, she was affectionate, not needy, sex was amazing, spoiled me rotten and a laugh. yeah there was ups and downs and i got jealous over a few things, but so did she.

The only thing is she probably takes compliments for granted, cause everyone always goes on about her eyes. But If I complimented her on anything else, she would love it. and then Id tease her lol.

Things were great.
But all my friends are saying, she took you granted and I think its true. even one of her friends, who is a friend of mine said she spoke to her on the phone and she is confused and I think she took u for granted.
She then called me an idiot for sleeping with her the day after we knew we were finished.

Anyway. She just send me a big email on facebook. Ill make a new thread so people can see it as a new story.

She said. jist.

Im not ignoring you, Not that i'm saying you thought i was however, i could understand if you thought that with the lack of contact from me. I'm just finding it hard. being on my own normally ends in tears. Literally. i'm trying to find a bit of strength through being busy and keeping my mind of missing you.

blah blah

would still be nice to have everyone come down for passing my job, blah blah. Would be really nice to see you. Well more than really nice.

hard not being with you. Very hard. It's getting on my nerves that i still think of you as mine, and all mine. It drives me up the wall that i'm really proud of who you are, and i hate not being a part of that. Really hate it. But there are times like after a lesson at uni, or after a good giggle with (SPAM) that i feel a little stronger and a bit more optimistic about all this

So yeah, thought you might wanna know where i'm at right now and whats going on. You always asked me to be honest so voila! I think i've done really well to write this without babbling too much...however i'm very aware that i'm going to ruin my whole logical non babbly message with the next two lines.

I love you
and i miss you xx

So yeah homies (jk), what do I do?

Part of me knows she's not a crazy bitch and normal strategies dont work, shes very strong and I dont want to make the wrong move. She's obviously telling me how she feels, my ex wouldnt talk to me every again and we spent 6 years together in the hardest moments of my life she left me and wouldnt even txt me ever again. I learnt from that and havent chased this one.
We're all meant to go and see her on the 18th. I wont sleep with her again or even hold her hand unless she tells me she wants me back and gives me a good reason she wont do this again.