I was at some upper class club with my friend in DC last night. I'm more of a bar with a dance floor type guy, but I gave that place a shot. Anyway, evening's going slow at first, but then I found this cute Asian woman.

She was right next to me with this drunk guy trying to get a kiss out of her. Now, she was CLEARLY not interested since she was constantly backing away and saying no. We then made eye contact when she saw that I was doing my best to hold back my hysterical laughs at her situation. Eventually he took the hint and left her alone.

Right as he left, I opened with "Have a hard time with that guy?" She responded with "Yeah, thanks for your help, by the way.'' "Well, I'm sorry, but that was just WAY too funny to interrupt. I would've stopped it if I really felt like he was any real danger to you. You handled yourself well." "But, you mean to tell me that you've never tried kissing a girl before?" I paused because I couldn't say no to that and she knew it, so she started laughing. I quickly respond with "Ok, yeah, I have. But I also know when to take a hint to let it go, too. That guy clearly didn't." She laughs and says "You're right."

Then my friend and I were in with her and her two friends. We were all talking and what not for a bit. She's from California but is going to be in town for a while because she works for the government and stuff. She then immediately left to dance with some other tool who was celebrating his birthday. She came back a minute later and I said "Hey, do you always run off in the middle of a conversation with another person?" "Well, I'm sorry, it's his birthday and I don't want to be rude." Now, I tried to play stupid/cute, so followed up with "You know, walking off like that really hurt. You know what'll make up for it? A kiss...hahaha...just kidding, but how about a dance?" She laughs and says "Sure."

So, we're dancing, and getting close to eachother, the usual. Then she bounces out and dances with that drunken birthday guy again. I'm patient, so I just watch his drunken dance moves and dance with her friends until she comes back. As soon as she comes back I say "I know I'm white and all, but I'm pretty sure I can dance better than that guy." She laughs and keeps dancing with me.

We keep dancing and get a good rythem going and I say "I like how you dance, you're really good." She says "Thanks. You know, you're really smooth..." I try to play it off, so I say "I've been described a bunch of different ways, but never smooth...haha...thank you." Then we keep dancing.

A little later, I say "Can I be honest with you? I'm starting to understand why that guy was pushing for a kiss from you before, you're really pretty." Again, she responds with "You're REALLY smooth."

We keep on dancing and we're both sober, she wasn't drinking and I had to drive later, so I only had a few beers. But I told her "Can I be honest with you?...well, on top of understanding why that guy wanted to kiss you before...haha...But, you seem like a really genuine person, which I don't really come across too often at a bar." "Well, that's how coherent people are at a bar...haha.." I quickly respond "No, I'm serious. You seem really cool. You seem to have a level head on your shoulders and you're really pretty. I usually don't come across all of that at a bar." She responds yet again "You're really smooth.."

We dance more and I finally say "Listen, what are you doing after this? Going back with your friends?" "Yeah, probably, why?" "I was just wondering if you wanted to go somewhere quiet and talk at a place where we can actually hear eachother speak. You know, actually get to know eachother not in a bar scene." "I would, but I just started seeing somebody." "So? Look, I'm not trying to mess that up. I'm not 'That Guy', but you do seem really cool and I would like to get to know you more."

She laughs, not sure what to do. I try to make her feel more comfortable by laughing/joking with "Hey, I only want to talk to get to know eachother more. Just talk. We can talk about a bunch of stuff like how I have my Master's Degree, I'm the head of internet sales and marketing for an internationally known high performance car shop, how I can bench press over 300lbs, or how your new guy is totally wrong for you...." She laughs..."Hahah, I'm just tossing out topics of conversation, just to talk...haha.." (all of those things are true by the way)

She pauses for a moment and says "If you find me at the end of the night, I promise I'll give you my number and we'll grab a cup of coffee." "Deal." She walks away and dances with her friends.

I discuss the situation with my friend and he tells me that she's trying to blow me off, but I had a feeling that she was looking for a chase. She didn't want to just simply give me her number, she wanted me to go get it. Now, as fun as this was, I was getting a little impatient. I'm not a huge fan of games so I walked back over about 15 minutes later with a semi-cocky/joking look on my face and said "Listen, I'm a very impatient man. When I see what I want, I go for it. All you're doing is pushing back something you know is going to happen." She laughs and sticks with "No, you gotta come get me at the end of the night. I promise." "Haha, fine" I walk back to my friend and start looking for other women.

Now, at about 1:30 I noticed that she and her friends were in line at the coat check, getting ready to leave. I walk over to her "Are you guys leaving?" "Yeah, my friends want to call it a night." "You know, I think you're breaking the deal. I had to find you at the end of the night to get your number, but you're leaving before the end of the night. You're cheating..haha..." Now, I could tell by the look on her face she was hesitant to give me her number, so I try to take away some of the pressure "Listen, it's cool if this is your hint that you're not interested. It's fine." I quickly put on my 'cute smirk" smile that usually helps out in situations like this. She finally says "Sure."

In my head I'm thinking 'it's ok, I...what?', but I kept it cool and pulled out my cell phone. "Here." She grabs it and dials her number in. As she was dialing I was thinking that she was giving me a fake number, but she pulled out her cell and it started ringing, so we were set. As she was typing it in, I was honest with her while trying to keep it funny and laughing. "Look, I'm going to honest with you. I'm not going to get drunk and forget about this. I'm calling you this week, but I work during the day, so I'm not sure if I can do that 'cup of coffee over lunch' thing. I'm going to ask you for a legit 'date' " "Ok"

Now, I had forgotten her name, so I tried to play it cool with "Hey, you didn't put your name in..." I gave it back to her and she put in her name. I then get a hug and a kiss on the cheek and "It was nice meeting you."

Upon looking back I think she really just started seeing somebody, but I really think I got her attention. She wasn't crazy about me like the last couple women I've met at the bar, but she was intrigued. I think she's open to the idea of possibly exploring options with me.

So, what do you guys think? Was she playing hard to get? She interested?

More importantly, how do I set up a day 2 with this woman? I don't want to wait too long, but I don't want to seem too needy. I'm thinking of calling after work on tuesday after work to set up something for saturday. Now, what if she doesn't answer? She never put my name into her phone, so my number will just be another random number. Is leaving a message a bad idea?

What's your advice?

Any thoughts? Advice? How soon should I wait to call her?

Hate to say it, but I think it sounded kind of forced, man. You might have come off as pushy or needy.

LOL I know this isn't constructive, but I just gotta laugh at such a long story over 1 number.

You guys are right. It definitely is a long story for just one number. What can I say, I'm just a typical white guy who has a thing for Asian chicks. If nothing comes out of this, fine. But if something does, I can get with a cute, and what seemed to be a pretty level headed, Asian chick. So, what have I got to lose?

Anyway, when do you guys think I should call? Should I leave a message or just call back another time if she doesn't answer?

It sounds like to me she was out for a good time with friends. I don't have much doubt that she was attracted to you based on your field report. The problem is you didn't have a lot of comfort going into the number close. Because she didn't have that connection established with you beyond just attraction it made the # very hard to obtain when it shouldn't have been.

With that being said you pushed the issue of getting the phone number from her. Now she could have been mean and not given you her number. The problem with stuff like this is they tend to flake a lot! She's attracted to you but she's attracted to a lot of guys. She doesn't know much about you to know if there is a connection there for her. That is why the number may in fact flake out.

If I were you I wouldn't wait til Tuesday to call her. You got the number on Saturday so you should be calling her this evening. Trust me on this you've already waited 24 hours so you won't be seeming needy. Hopefully, she will answer if the moon, stars, and planets line up and the golden light of sunshine surrounds you when you dial her number.

Be prepared to leave a brief message. I wouldn't mention anything about the date because then she can make a decision without telling you about it. I usually like, "Hey (her name) I just saw the coolest thing that made me think of you. Give me a call back...". She'll call back wondering what the cool thing was if she is interested and you can take it from there.

Then remember to wait a good 24 hours if you do leave her a message before trying to call her a second time. The second time there is no need to leave a message especially with the world of caller ID and all that stuff. If she doesn't answer the second time then it's pretty much GAME OVER unless she calls you back.

I think that pretty well sums everything up that happened and what you can do in the event of... Any questions just holler.

~Jon

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Yeah, I think she flaked. I'm not surprised, but I figured I'd give it a shot...

I called and she actually answered...holy SHlT!!

It was very quick...
"Hi, is this Suzy?"
"Yeah?"
"Hi, this is Rob, I met you at the bar on saturday."
"Oh, hey, what's up? Listen, I'm in the middle of something right now..." (She then said in a whisper, coudn't tell 100% what she said) "...I'm in the middle of showing a house(?)...Can I call you right back?"
"Yeah, sure. Bye"

That was about 2 hours ago. I'm thinking of shooting her a joke text tomorrow, somthing like "Damn, no call back? What do I gotta do to take you out for a cup of coffee...haha..."

If i get nothing from that, then I can add this to my already large "Fail List."

Any thoughts?

Get rid of the fail list first, this isn't a failure unless you learned absolutely nothing from it.

I see...what do you think my biggest mistake was? What's the lesson of this experience?

So, what do you guys think? Is it worth trying for a second call tonight? or a text message? Or just let it go?

Your biggest mistake wasn't taking the appropriate amount of time to build comfort and a true connection with her before getting her #. That is without a doubt what caused the flake. She's attracted to you sure, but she doesn't know hardly anything about you. If you go out what are you going to talk about?

You don't know and neither does she. She can see herself sitting in a coffee shop being forced to make conversation with someone that she doesn't know that well. That's not a great feeling to have, and she's not even on the date yet. However, if you had built comfort with her, and she did know things about you it'd be easier for her to say yes to your date.

I'm not saying she won't. You're not completely up the creek yet but you don't have a paddle.
Yes, you called and she was busy. Okay not a problem, give it another try tonight with a phone call. Don't use text because A they are ignored to easily and B if she responds you can't tell much from the response like you can a phone call. On the phone you can hear her voice and get a better understanding for what's going on.

You have nothing to loose call her!

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Yeah, she flaked...

I called, left a quick message, and that's it. Time to move on to the next one.

Next time I'll try to make sure there's more of a comfort level before I try to get a number.

Any advice/tricks to get get a good comfort level going?

In that entire situation you never made yourself an alpha male, social leader. You never made yourself the life of the party, when she went away from you, you should have played the "jelosey" [sic] game and went and talk to another set of females which would have punished her for talking to the birthday boy. The birthday boy was the life of the party that's why she kept going back to him. You showed no higher social value and the masters degree, 300 bench press, was just turning her off and making her think "this guy is so desperate" she gave you her number to get you to leave her alone and wanted to be nice. If you would have took the spotlight off of the birthday boy and ignored her after she left you, you would have been golden. Instead you stood there and watched her dance with him like an AFC. Day it a day brother and move on to the next HB.

_________________
Count:5
Approaches (as of Jan. 1 2010): 811
Shizuka Arakawa failed over 20,000 times
Famous Girls I've sarged successfully: Rachel Kerbs, Heather Marter,Aubrey Mozino

I see what you guys are saying. I needed to stick out more and not be just another guy talking to her. But is it really fair to compare me to the drunken birthday guy? I swear it's not a jealousy thing because she was "dancing with him", as reasonably sober/tipsy as I was, I knew he was making an ass out of himself with his "dancing", which was really just him jumping around and flailing his limbs randomly.

Unless what he was doing (looking like an idiot) was actually the right thing to do? I dunno... What do you guys think about that?

Also, that "300lb bench, master's degree, head of sales and marketing job" bit was said in a joking manner. She was laughing at almost everything I said the entire night, including that. I never really used that as a real weapon to get her to like me. Did joking like that really hurt my chances? How would I bring those points up about myself without making myself look desperate?

So, how would I stick out more to the next chick without having to be that "Birthday Boy"?

What do you guys think?

Any thoughts?