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Okay, this is my first post ever in any form of attraction/pua community. A small bit about myself: Years ago, I was AFC like everyone and didn't have the correct mentality about dealing with women. (Supplicating, Misconceptions about their Sex Drives, ect.)
Since finding out about the PUA mentality, i've absorbed and now think in the correct mentality, understand a lot of the terminology, but never really took it seriously. Just recently, I've decided to give it an honest effort. I realize that though I am doing a lot better with women than I did years ago, I suffer from what probably is the biggest problem for newbies: Pancake ass. I know the terminology and the theories, but haven't taken the time to practice any of the knowledge or skills. I've only read aspects pertaining to self improvement, and don't know any patterns, lines, openers hypnosis, any of that. (Although I've come up with some of my own openers.)
ALL THAT ASIDE, here is a self diagnosis: I'm having difficulty reading IOI's, and my closing game sucks.
This girl that I work with, an 8.5, intelligent, totally my type and I go out to a concert a while ago. I can tell she's digging me, so after she offers to play twenty questions. (like we were in high school, wtf? haha it was cute.)
SB: "Okay, well you said you were shy. What would you do if I kissed you in front of all these people?"
HB: "Um, I don't know."
So I leaned in, kissed her, and it was well received. "Nice." I thought, "In the bag." We then bumped and grinded all night, and went back to my place. After reviewing my close later with friends, I realized I was probably WAY too forward once we got back to the house. I took her up to my room without too much conversation, lied her on the couch, told her take off her jacket, and cuddled with her. When I move for the kill, she says she just wants to be friends. Whoops. My game completely left after that, and I was stunned. She left akwardly.
Damn, I thought, blew it. Oh well, no big deal, I learned not to be so forward with closing for next time.
Now, fast forward a week later, and that girl still calls to hang out. So I do, but now I can't tell if I'm getting IOI's or not. She's flirty and kinos, but I'm paranoid and hesitant about trying make a move again.
Advice?
Recognizing IOIs is good to know but sometimes you can just feel the vibe you're getting from the situation and the girl and that's good enough. Honestly I don't sit there counting IOIs anymore unless I'm watching a set and trying to help out someone new.
You did very well if you kissed her and got her all the way back to your place. That is a huge accomplishment so don't let anyone on here down you for that. You physically escalated the interaction and you came very very close to getting what you wanted that night.
Allow me to tell you what you need to add to your game so that the next time you do get what you want.
Typically in this situation when you are physically escalating and she's going with it you have done your job. She is attracted to you and everything is rolling in the right direction. but.... she threw the Let's Just Be Friends Card at you for one reason. You didn't have enough comfort established with her.
Girls frequently throw this out there when they want to stop the physical escalation. All of a sudden they realize they don't know you that well and the defenses kick in and one of the first things they throw at you is this. They are startled so they stop all physical stuff and want to know more about you.
To avoid this you needed to build comfort both at the location you originally met her or at least when you got home. You said it yourself you went straight to your room. Well, when I bring a woman home from the first time meeting her, I take her to the couch. I stop the physical stuff for a while. I will still make push/pull statements and keep the sexual tension but at the same time I just talk to her. I tell her stories, I let her tell me some stories. Spend a little while (30 min+) just getting to know each other....then heat things back up.
If you have done your job properly she's already attracted to you. Then you have taken some time to stop the physical stuff to allow her to relax a bit. You let her get to know you and what you are like before pulling the trigger to heat things back up. Now she's attracted with you, knows what you're about, and is more comfortable with you to take that risk and have sex with you.
You did a lot of things right that night, just add in some comfort, keep building the sexual tension, then pull the trigger to make it happen!
~Jon
CHAT