I spend a lot of my free time doing online dating, talking about it here on the forum, looking at profiles for people, and re-writing my Online Dating Black Book. I have been out there meeting girls online since college, and doing my best to find consistent patterns that keep producing success. There is a strong pattern that I have been seeing for a while now over the past two years of really getting good at this stuff!
Over the past few weeks I have been on a lot of dates from a profile I setup on Match.com and OkCupid. I noticed that on each one of my dates I met the girl in a public place. I always do this for my safety and hers, plus it’s just easier for them to agree to. Despite good conversations you have online and through the phone girls are still wondering secretly if you're going to be like you were online.
I talk a lot about being congruent with the way you project yourself online as to how you are in real life. I can't tell you how many times girls tell me, "I'm so glad you're like you are online..." or some variant of that. There are a great many compliants I hear from girls about online dating that usually involves guys not being the same in person as they are online.
Once you get to the date from online the hard part is over. The girl is attracted to you, and she is comfortable enough with you to meet you somewhere.
YES! Now what do you do?
The simple answer is you need to continue to work to build more attraction and comfort with the girl. It doesn't take as much attraction and comfort building as most people think to get a date. In real time you are probably looking at 30 minutes to an hour for some girls of good conversation online or over the phone to get a date. Just enough to cover the bases and get the ball rolling.
Thus, you still need to make sure you work to build attraction on your date and establish comfort by relating stories to the girl and looking for that all important common ground. How you do that is up to you. Personally, I like just telling stories about me and yes they have the attraction spikes in them. I look for anything I can use from her stories to build some common ground with her, showing I'm like she is. This is HUGE!
Once this is done here comes our
NEXT BIG STEP!
You need to start setting up to bounce! You can do this by casually mentioning a place you like to hang out nearby during the date, or talk about some cool stuff that you have at your place. I have done everything from talking about my cats, to my movie posters, DVDs I own, or YouTube videos to plant the seed of what my place is like. You don't have to talk about it too much just mention it and that will plant the seed you want so you can do the bounce later.
From there before things can start to wind down I will initiate the bounce. I don't wait until the check comes and the dates almost over. I try to time it about 10 minutes or so before I think the date will end. Like she's done with her dinner and just sipping water talking, or she says this is her last drink. Don't wait til you stand up at the last second to do this.
"
Hey, I'm really enjoying this. I want to get out of her, I get kind of ansy sitting at one place too long, let's go to...." Then it's just a simple matter of suggestion. Realistically your place doesn’t even have to be close.
Just to make sure I intentionally set my dates up on the other side of the city and had them follow me home. Over the past 7 online dates I've had all have met me out, and all have followed me home!
Some have asked how far away do you live or where do you live. Remember this is no big deal so don't flip out if you are far away. I just say it's not that far just down the road about 10-15 minutes. Actually its a bit further than that but once they are in the car following you to your place or in your car headed to your place it doesn't matter much.
This isn't something new to pickup at all but the bounce is a very important thing to do. It gives you that all important boost to her comfort level amongst other things. When I get her home I am a good host, show them around, offer something to drink if they want it. Sit on the couch, turn on a video, music, or pull out the laptop to show some funny videos.
Then talk for a while getting some more comfort going while touching them and continuing kino. I don't go for the kiss or hard core touching til later. I want them to get comfortable in my place first. I don't want to jump her when she walks in the door. Let her relax a bit and talking to her shows that you are interested in her still and not just in getting in her pants.
When the time feels right to you, from there it’s just a simple matter of going for the kiss and keep escalating till she says STOP! You know how to handle LMR so I'm not going to preach about it. Also, keep in mind while at that point in the night or at some point in the night after the bounce setup a Day 2 since she's already really into you.
Keep in mind that the bounce is a very powerful tool for you to use whether you are out there cold approaching in clubs or even online! Make sure to leave the light on in your place and have it picked up some!
~Jon
CHAT