i had a girl .... nothing was wrong but suddenly she broke up with me over text messaging.

yesterday i spoke her over the phone and invited her to drink a cup of coffee and talk about it. she told me she would text message me back..... she didn't messaged me .. she is on msn available but she doesn't say anything.

in short : she told me over the phone that im hard to read ... she can't get any height of me and she tells me she creeps out when she want to tell me something.

her Ex- BF abused her alot and their relationship went very fast at start , the same happened with us (fast, not the abusing)and she keeps testing me , she's afraid im like her ex BF. i told her i care about her .. i kept saying normal caring things to her in our relationship but she keeps attacking me or something - fault finding.

4 days ago we talked normally ... she talked about taking it slow ( i thought the same cause i need to finish school ) etc and meeting my parents ( made another post ) but we also talked about her past with her ex-BF. i text messaged her im sorry it happened to her , nothing was wrong and she send me a kind message back.

a day later she breaks up over text messaging, and ignores me... she told me normally she knows someone on the first date... stupid excuse. she told me she want to know me AS A FRIEND without the kissing and stuff.... but when i tell her in need to think about it she tries to back away - like she's afraid.

anyway she doesn't block my msn ( at least i think )... i said hi to her on msn and told her i wanna say hi and i don't want to play games - i told her have a nice day x.

10 mins later she left or she blocked me ..... i know it's gay to give attention and i shoulda had freeze her out.

i think we could be friends and i don't want to end it with insults and emotions , right now i got a huge one itis.
because i know her past is fucknig her up ... it isn't me at all - she even told me it's her fault ......... it's not completely my fault cauz we were cool.
i wasn't fully afc .. i told her i find her breaking up over txt very insulting and immature... i kept my frame tho while not forcing her.

however .... im feeling like shit ... i mean ... suicide material - that's what i feel like - been there and felt it before so i know what to do. still i don't want to screw up a potential friendship ..... right now i got one-itis and i need to heal my one itis first.

i could block her msn and delete ( or block ) her facebook .... but that could be a reject sign as far concern friendhip. i know things are fucked up.. i know we could back together when she's healed her wounds from her past - but that's not going to happen - maybe she's even permanently damaged. and right now my presence will make her feel bad... it's a shame ... we had sex and we invested emotionally in eachother that makes it harder.

great girl ..... only she experienced screwed up shit.

i need some advice about the msn and facebook thing.
i need some advice on how to deal with such thing
i need advice because i don't want to ruin a potential friendship, i had bad endings in other relationships and i don't want that to happen again.

and above all ... i really really need some motivation or some great words from you guys cause i need it right now

one-itis sucks .........

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

My friend,

I think you don't need any advice at all. When it came to my whine-posts about my relationship, you were the one most knowledgeable and absolutely fucking spot-on. You know what to do best yourself, but you can't see it yet because you're too hurt at the moment and probably feeling pretty depressed.

This girl is obviously damaged goods and no matter how good you were to her, this is something you are absolutely powerless in.

The MSN and facebook thing..you dont HAVE to take action right now right? you dont have to do anything, just dont try to initiate any conversation. She knows you had to think about..

How do you deal with one-itis? Everyone will say something else..for me, I broke up with that girlfriend i made those posts about, this monday..I couldn't take crap from her anymore and I realised what a cunt she really is, i was just too affected by her perfect 10 appearance, so much that I didnt want to lose her. I went out wednesday/thursday/friday with my friends, just looking to get my mind off my ex, and approached every girl I thought was cute or interesting, got 7 number closes and 4 kiss closes. And for me, this really helped because it is a boost to your self-esteem. When I broke up with her I was thinking "why isnt she into me as much as I am into her" and that hurt my ego. Now, meeting other women and making new guy friends really got me back to where I was, feeling much better.

The point I try to make here is that no matter how much you like this girl and she likes you, she is not ready for a relationship with you until she figures out her troubles on her own. You cannot fix this girl yourself, you can make her feel better when you're with her but she will always spiral down into her depression, and eventually she will drag you down with her. Once you REALISE this, you will start to see things more clearly and you will realise you are better off without her at this point in her life.

If you really want to be friends with her still, then be a friend to her. Let her know that you are there for her when she needs you, because thats what friends do.

I was in the exact same situation half a year ago, also a very troubled girl who wouldnt trust me even though we had been friends for 5 years, and we've always been in love with eachother on and off. At one point, it was just too much for me to handle and I told her I couldnt talk to her anymore, not even as a friend because we tried being friends and we always end up flirting and meeting up and kissing and then fighting and from there just starting all over again. It was the best thing I ever did when it comes to relationships, deleting her on msn, facebook/hyves. I lost a great friend, but also a major cause of depressions. We tried being friends, it didn't work. I had to choose for myself.

Things will be better bro, nothing is worth feeling suicidal over. Everyone has at one point in his life been where you are right now. Just know, not think, fucking KNOW that you will be better every day from now on.. There's a great lyric from a band called Bring me the horizon, its like this:



You know this is true my friend. Don't do any weird stuff..try picking up your life where you were when you first met her. Go see friends, talk to them about it, ask for their opinion, they will tell you the same if they have a bit of a brain. Go out, enjoy your life, because you know it is good except for this one factor we're talking about. Don't stay inside, don't lock yourself up in your room, go do stuff even though you dont really feel like doing them, it will help you get your mind off things. Play some video games, watch some comedy movies (that dont involve love ), make some music, learn to play an instrument WHATEVER, really the possibilities are endless.

Since you're a dutchie too you can hit me up with a pm if you want to go sarge or whatever to get your mind off things.

Be.fucking.strong.

Chillburg

Hobbit I know you're really knowledgeable and I understand what you're saying, but if he honestly wants to be her friend, and thinks he can be her friend without having a slumbering one-itis, he shouldnt go for a freeze-out. If this girl is really this troubled and she loses someone who's important to her, she will only get more damaged.

The point of pick-up is to leave a woman better than you met her right?

I used to attract these injured puppies so I've got a lot of experience with dealing with them. Yes they move through the stages way too fast, and then suddenly when they get too close to you - they go NUTS and scared and cut you off. And they can have several likeable qualities and the speed at which they move through the stages can get you really attatched to them. And then something about the way they reject you actually makes you feel more obsessive and one-itis about them than one normally should.

Get rid of them. It's bad news, she will just suck your life out and make you miserable in all other areas of your life. Yes it's not like you can just rip them out of your head but one day when you're having more fun again and have moved on, you'll be glad they are not around to drag you down anymore.

thats how it is.. sometimes you dont think straight.. wait till you can start thinking straight again.. then you will know what the right thing to do is..

I bet writing this thread, made you feel a little better..
It's important to talk about it with someone... preferably with another alpha male

My two cents.. cheers

the day before the chat over msn she promised me she will text message me about meeting up.

she didn't messaged me.

well she contacted me over msn and forced a conversation.

she told me im exegarating ( overdoing or making it worse i don't know the word) because we didn't had a relationship......... i told her we had sex and we had something maybe not a solid relationship but we had something

i asked why she's distant and behaving like that .... i asked about her past and stuff too and told her im sorry for her it happened.

she said im a good and cool guy and in exchange i asked her why she broke up like that while we were cool the day before. i told her i think something else is going on and asked her why she feels so bad.

she just said she feels bad last few months and can't find out why she feels bad , she told me it's not my fault.

i asked her if she trusts me ... she said yes.
she said she likes me alot ....

i asked her why she broke up then

she told me she again she couldn't get any height of me and told me im not myself , she has the feeling im making up stories and keep changing my opinions.

i told her she didn't try out to find out who i really am because she's so distant. she didn't invest - sometimes she ignored me and she keeps searching for faults.

suddenly she told me she didn;t felt attracted because i talked about STD's and my exes on the first date .... which isn't true at all .... i talked about that after a month because we were having sex. and i only told her about my ex because she was a friend of her.... i understand she didn't like that but you don't sleep and engage a relationship with someone you don't like.
she didn't trust me because i was so quick and open with telling personal stuff.
she can't get any impression or height of me..... how can that be while im telling personal stuff ..... ??? i was open 100 % all the time

she told me she didn't like me commenting a picture from a female friend on facebook because i told her im not very fond of facebook.... i was like wtf how can you use that as an excuse.

when i told her i didn't like the way she handled this , she could have called me or visited me she even insulted me .... she told me she could be normal with other people except with me. when i asked her to meet up and get a cup of coffee so we can talk she said ''maybe sometimes .. we will see''
she told me she was normal with previous boyfriends ... ( if thats true i don't know why she had 6- 10 BF's she is only 21 ). i told her it's probably before the period with the ex-BF that abused her.

she told me she had BF's in between between me and that period.

i found out she only broke up with him a month before she was involved with me

you get my point ?

suddenly she tried to blame me for fucking everything up .... she is searching for an excuse...

i've been gentle .. i've been understanding ... i told her i care about her .. i'm sorry for her problems she faced... she never told me something sweet she never initiated kissing or hugging.

she has a fucking big mouth over msn but in real life il dominate her in conversations.

i was gentle all the time ... like hobbit said '' breath and only think of your breathing'' i wasn't angry .. i didn't pull conclusions and kept telling her im sorry for her problems she face with her ex. she turned fucking angry .. she went attacking me even harder and forced a yes and no conversation on me... she could not get her excuse by blaming me.

i quickly closed the convo because i felt it wasn't going anywhere

i told her i still care about her and i feel something but im not really in love with her( even after her fucking insults ) and i would like to remain friends.
i told her she could call me if she wants to talk about something. we stopped the convo she wished me a good evening xx.....

im actively ignoring her ...... still .. she's still visiting my facebook maybe i only block her on facebook but keep her on msn.

im done with this girl , she is respectless and acting too immature right now - i don't even recognize her anymore ....... i don't know wether to delete her or not ...

if i would be friends with her i would probably fuck the shit out of her friends so i need a freeze out period

it still hurts tho

thanks for the replies .. i really appreciate it ... it's hard to be rationalize when your emotionally involved...... this really means alot to me.

thnx

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

I really don't know very well what to say, because you are more experienced than I am.
Moreover, I think that our "colleagues" have already told you a lot of good things, so I guess I'm going to repeat something.

Anyway, 2 years ago I went past a really tough relationship, and when it ended I put in my mind one thing (I'm latin, so the translation may not be as accurate as it should be): go forward, since there's people coming towards us at our backs.

What I want to say is that obviouslly this is a really hard situation for you, but all of us know deep down ourselves that we can stand everything.
We may think at the beginning that we won't be able to move on, but we KNOW deep down ourselves that we ARE strong enough to move on.

It's not an "if" question my friend. It's a "when" question.

It's ok to get emotional now, maybe crying, etc, it's not an AFC behaviour, it's a human behaviour, it's human nature.


Anyway, as I said, I'm not as experienced as you, but nevertheless I'll give you my advice: if you feel like you can't see her for the next month or so, don't do things that could create opportunities to the 2 of you see each other.
Delete her facebook, don't go see the people who visited your facebook, etc.

Now there's a chance that I'm going to be kinda jerk, but I want to say to you something I told myself 2 years ago: yes, you may be sad, very sad. You may be broken. You may be feeling like someone sucked the life out of you, but here's the thing, the world won't stop to wait for you. It may comfort you now and then, but it will keep moving on and on, so if you think the world is turning its back to you, then you should turn you back to it.

should i delete her on facebook and msn or not .....?

i can maintain my posture and will....
this is what i do at night right now ...

i think this girl doesn't even deserve friendship until she apologize to me, hobbit every conversation we have is emotional .. nothing good comes out of it ... she keeps insulting me or keeps blaming me when shit hits the fan.

however i still can contact her over a few weeks or a few months depending on how i feel and what i go through.

i still keep her phone number.... i know where she lives .. if i really want to contact her i can txt message or call her house phone... same for her

if we forget eachother it will be alot easier to talk again .... right now she's on msn looking at my name and im looking at hers and we don't talk to eachother......

chillburg i agree with you about not deleting ... but hobbit i also agree with you.

should i (facebook msn etc)

Block
Delete
Or keep it and don't talk

do what feels good .... well everything feels good i mean im not talking anyway so whats the big deal... and i don't know what he thinks and i don't want to think for her .... it's not what feels good right now it's what is the best to do.
just give me your opinion what you should do or what you think is the best.

+ i told her she can call me whenever she needs to talk .....

call ... im not about msn facebook ....... and i think msn is a stupid way to talk anyway i rather prefer the phone.

by the way .. while im typing this she opens up conversations with me ....... she asks if i fell ( my quote on msn = snow is fun ... as long you don't fall on your face)wtf.......

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

Don't block, delete.

I deleted a girl's cell number and all the sms I had for and from her. Why? Because I didn't want to have the desire of talking with her, and when I had, I wouldn't know her cell number.
But guess what, I KNOW her cell number, so it was kinda useless.

Just do what you think it would be best for you, dude.
Now the priority is yourself, not her.
And one thing, yes, the point of pick-up is to leave a girl better that when you met her, but you can only do that when you are at your best...

good thing i can't remember cell phone numbers....

ok here's the deal ... she opened up a conversation and i continued the conversation. just told her what i've been doing - i just kept the conversation going ( used PUA skills tho.. act with moxie eh ). she still invested in the convo....

she opened the conversation after half a hour ( being online) or so

anyway i just looked how i felt while talking to her .... i had a 7 minute conversation, i cutt it off after 7 minutes ... i told her i need to shower because/and im gonna hang out with some friends.. --of course this isn't true but i need to act like im still doing things and im little bit over her, im sitting home watching movies while being depressed probably.

i was counting to 10 at the end ... i felt the urge to game her and use ''pua'' skills luckily i didn't .
i gently said '' bye bye '' 10 secs later i said '' oh i forgot a x ... goodnight''
she said the same and gave me xxx........

i don't know what she thinks .. she could be testing me .. she could just be polite or she was concerned/ compassionate, i don't give a shit either.... im more important right now.

what i do know is this .... i don't feel like crap ... yes my emotions come up a little bit and i totally feel some awkward feelings. i did pretend like nothing was wrong....
even if we get back together, im not expecting this- but who knows what happens- she will still be fucked up because she didn't had enough time for herself.
and i don't know if i want her back.... i don't want to be prone to repeating the same shit.

i guess i need to be a different man on a higher level and higher inner game before i can analyze our friendship....i ain't planning on getting her back but she's great .. she only has this fucking problem and it's her problem .. i don''t want it.

hobbit your right... i have probed this conversation and i should cut off contact for some time - i just need to tell her im doing that. talking right now could build those emotional feeling up and can fuck me and my inner game up.

il delete her msn/faceb. when she keeps making contact... she's investing in our friendship ( i think ) will only increase my emotions. next time or the thirth time she makes contact il make myself clear and delete / block her.

paxis / hobbit .. i will delete all her stuff from my phone ... and like hobbit said i can give her number to someone. paxis you want her number ? .. maybe you can date her lol.

il pre create a message now so i don't have to do it when im more emotional...

you guys give me confidence to some degree.... thanks

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

I think it's better to not block, or even delete, and just find the willpower to not talk to them.

If you physically remove them, then you're telling yourself you don't have the ability to deal with them if they show up. You're effectively hiding behind technology instead of dealing with the problem inside.

i have the willpower to not talk to them ( my ex GFs) ..... but they do talk to me ......i agree - deleting them is a sign you can't handle it , im also certain other people will see it this way.

it's also stupid if you ignore and don't say anything back ... i told her we could be friends and she could call me whenever she needs to ( if she wants to fuck ... and she wants to fuck someone ... she could call me :P )

im a man of my word - i don't break promises, i won't sacrifice myself of course but i don't throw in the towel too quick

tho i have the urge to hate her and delete her when i think too much about it but it's my ego, hobbit i think your solution is a good one... but i think it's better i close my eyes and breath to 10 and concentrate on studying and sports instead of checking msn and facebook.

i text message my ex-fiance today .... the one who got pregnant and cheated ... anyway i felt the need to release my anger, why waste energy one someone by being angry. it's about forgiving in your mind .. forgiving your anger.....

last 4 years of my life were terrible .... but they have made me stronger, this whole situation (my latest ex her problems and the way it went ) are all new to me .. trail and error. but with what i learn from this - i could help and guide other people as well.

if it's really too much i will ignore / block / delete her ... but right now i can handle it - i won't iniate a conversation tho. sucks to be her, i was only helping her but she couldn't see my good intentions.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

Ok, this is going to be a very emotional text, maybe even a 14 year-old girl one, but give me a break, I've just seen Avatar and it is fucking great.

Anyway. Let's go for it:


Yes, deleting her msn/facebook, whatever is nothing but an extreme solution, and even that may not be as useful as you'd want, since you may have already had memorized her msn contact, for example.

But hey, deep down ourselves we have the strength needed to overcome anything.
Yeah, we are that strong. All of us have the power of will to move mountains, and we figure it out when we are passing by rough times.

This dark and twisty phases are rough, I know, everybody knows it, but guess what, when they are over we look back and think "oh fuck, let's grab a beer, I've won that battle, I've won that war."
Because that war there were always the same 2 sides: you and your ego, and there's only 1 way for your ego to beat the crap out of you: your suicidal.
Apart from that crap you always win, no matter how hard it may seem at the beginning.


Don't ignore. Do not ever ignore someone, unless that someone is insulting you. NEVER. Say something, I don't know, it may be even an "hi ", it will show that you are stable, or seem to be. It will show that you are a man.



yeah, I know that I may seem to be kinda unable to follow my own advices, but whatever, this is an unexpected thing, and like I use to say, the unexpected is what changes our lives.


So let's embrace life and play it with a smile, since someday it will end

i agree paxis....

however i haven't seen her online for a few days now and normally she's on msn every day.

i think she blocked or deleted me without a reason because i can't see her updated on facebook or msn... i have been nice and understanding to her from the start. people like this make you feel bad - like you've did something wrong, i have been cool all along so there must be something going on with her.
i guess it wasn't my fault then and there are more problems......

im sitting here with a beer staring out of the window... rough day....rough day

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

If she wants to talk to you, she'll do it.

Well, just go out.
If you're at home you'll freak out.
Go out, walk by the beach or whatever, hear The Pretender from Foo Fighters or whatever, anything energic, just don't stay at home.

During these hard times, our home is like a prison.