MSquared,
In order to deal with the issue we need to change the way you think about sex and the way you think about women in regards to sex. This can be easier said than done but I'm going to give it my best shot.
I grew up an only child in a home where things like sex weren't talked about. My views growing up were pretty conservative. See I knew the internal thoughts I had about sex but kept them to myself because you didn't talk about those things with anyone. Not to mention I had lived with this idea that women were sugar, spice, and everything nice. I had a very hard time believing women ever though about sex or if so not very often.
I am guessing that my past reality isn't too different from where you are at now. It took it a while for me to change my views. Reading a lot of various posts from top gurus and this book called "My Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday.
The premise of the book was that the author Nancy Friday wanted to give insight to guys on how women really think about sex and how often they think about it. In order to do this she had women write her with their deepest sexual desires and fantasies. In the book she wrote down her thoughts on the subject along with the fantasies women wrote in with. The book is eye opening and I HIGHLY recommend you read it.
To give you an idea here is one of the first few pages.... You can read more of the first few pages by going to the Amazon link I have and reading them there.
http://www.amazon.com/My-Secret-Garden- ... 19872#noop
Quote:
In my mind, as in our fucking, I am at the crucial point:...We are at this Baltimore Colt-Minnesota Viking football game, and it is very cold. Four or five of us are huddled under a big glen plaid blanket. Suddently we jump to watch Johnny Unitas running toward the goal. As he races down the field, we all turn as a body, wrapped in our blanket, screaing with excitement. Somehow, one of the men-Idon't know who, and in my excitement I can't look-has gotten himself more closely behind me. I keep cheering, my voice an echo of his, hot on my neck. I can feel his erection through his pants as he signals me with a touch to turn my hips more directly toward him. Unitas is block, but all the action, thank God, is still going toward that goal and all of us keep turn to watch. Everyone is going mad. He's got his cock out now and somewhow it's between my legs; he's torn a hole in my tickets under my short shirt and I yell louder as the touchdown gets nearer now. We are all jumping up and down and I have to lift my leg higher, to the next step on the bleachers, to steady myself; now the man behind me can slit it in mor easily. We are all leaping about, thumping one another on the back, and he puts his arm around my shoulder to keep us in rythm. He's inside me now, shot straight up through me like a ramrod; my God, its like h's in my throat! "All the way, Johnny!" Go, go, run, run!" we scream together, louder than anyone, making them all cheer louder, the two of us leading the excitement like cheerleaders, while inside me I can feel whoever he is growing harder and harder, pushing deeper and higher into me with each jump until the cheering for Unitas becomes the rhythm o four fucking and all around us everyone is on our side, cheering for us and the touchdown... it's hard to separate the two now. It's Unitas' last down, everything depends on him; we're racing madly, almost at our own touchdown. My excitement gets wilder, almost out of control as I scream for Unitas to make it as we do, so that we all go over the line together. And as the man behind me roars, cluthing me in a spasm of pleasure, Unitas goes over and I....
"tell me what you are thinking about," the man I was actually fucking said, his words as charged as the action in my mind. As I'd never stopped to think before doing anything to him in bed (we were that sure of our spontaneity and response), I didn't stop to edit my thoughts. I told him what I'd been thinking. He got out of bed, put on his pants and went home.
Lying there among the crumpled sheets, so abruptly rejected and confused as to just why, I watched him dress. It was imaginary, I had tried to explain; I didn't really want that other man at the football game. He was faceless! A nobody! I'd never even have had those thoughts, much less spoken them out loud, if I hadn't been so exited, if he, my real lover, hadn't aroused me to the point where I'd abandoned my whole body, all of me; even my mind. Didn't he see> He and his wonderful, passionate fucking had brought on these things and they, in turn, were making me more passionate. Why, I tried to smile, he should be proud, happy for both of us.
One of things I had always admired in my lower was the fact he was on eof the few men who understood that there cold be humor and playfulness in bed. But he did not think my football fantasy was either humorous or playful. As I said, he just left.
I show you this to start to open your mind into some of the stuff that women think about during sex and during their daily lives. Its hard to believe sometimes until you get closer to women that they are a lot more sexually minded than we are. I put some women to the equivalant of a 13 year old boy who just found his dad's Playboy Magazine stash.
The point is there is nothing wrong with the thoughts you have and you don't have to feel self conscious, guilty, or ashamed. She's having similar thoughts. It's part of our evolutionary behaviour to feel that way and have those ideas. The more comfortable you get with it the eaiser time you'll have with this. It doesn't come overnight. As a matter of fact I think it took me pulling several lays before it started to make sense but it will.
In the mean time I'm giving you permission to be comfortable with your sexual thoughts and desires. Women feel a lot like you do, and think about this stuff a lot.
Point in fact, I met this girl last night. Yesterday, I got home from work and went on Match.com to check my messages. I saw she was online so I starting chatting with her through Match.com's instant message thing. After a few messages we realized she lived close by. I gave her my number we texted some and we decided that was stupid when we could just see each other and see if there is a connection.
We meet for coffee at Panera Bread at 7:30pm. I personally hate coffee but whatever I was bored and it was a date. I really had no intentions of pulling her or anything, but I liked talking to her. Around 9pm after a lot of talk about our past realtionships and fluff, the Panera employees tell us they are closing and its time to go. I tell her I don't want things to end just yet.
She suggests we go back to my place to hang out.
When we get there I sit on the couch on my end of the sofa. Now a lot of girls would give you space and sit a little ways away. Not this girl, she sits right next to me just a few feet away. I know she wants to kiss and make out already but I toy with her. She gets closer and closer as we talk to the point she is just a few inches away. I catch her looking at my lips. She wants a kiss so bad but I pretend to not know what she wants and keep talking. This teases the hell out of her and creates a lot of sexual tension. Finally I kiss her and she pulls me on top of her.
I thought kissing her would be enough and thought to myself a good makeout this time of night would be a nice thing considering you weren't planning anything. Then she takes my hand and puts in on her breast. Okay now its on. I get aroused and she starts grabbing me....clothes start coming off...
she suggests we go to the bedroom. During the whole thing I decide to take the roll off the girl and give her some shit. I say we shouldn't be doing this, and how she's seducing me, and she's been planning this the whole time, and how I don't want to feel like a manwhore. I have to give her credit she works around my LMR by doing what I'd tell any PUA on this forum to do, ignore it and keep escalating physically. I was going to have sex with her anyways but figured just to make it fun!
Again this was all her doing...she suggested we go back to my place, she sat close to me in order to kiss me, she pulled me on top of her, she put my hand on her boob, she grabbed me cock, she took off her clothes and mine, and she suggested the bedroom!
All I did was create a shit load of sexual tension.
I think you checking out that book will show you just how often women think about sex and open up your mind to that, and in turn make your more comfortable with the whole thing.
I reall hope this helps,
~Jon
CHAT
