This girl and I got on like a house on fire, and by that I mean staying out real late, walks alone in the park, sitting by the river... but I turned down several opportunities to escalate, thinking I needed to take it slower with her because she was very reserved - turns out a girl is a girl and I got friend-zoned. I think the clincher was when she asked to see me again and I said "maybe" and she seemed hurt. After that she insisted that I wanted more than her and stopped hanging out with me.

My general issue all round has been not reciprocating girl's advances, which is the worst, so I'm going for broke and letting her know how I really feel.

I'd like any feedback on this little email I came up with... my goal was to not be AFC, not be an arsehole, and show my feelings.

This is good because it is your last resort and you have nothing to lose. The problem is, being this honest about your feelings for her creates a lot of pressure on her. It all depends on what kind of girl she is.

- That pressure may be so much that she doesnt want to go out anymore because she feels you had your chance, she now knows you really do want her, and she's not sure if she feels the same way about you. Some girls are scared to take a chance like that.

Or:

- She realises that you two indeed had a good time and because you're willing to open up this much, she will give you another chance.

Either way, the outcome of your mail will decide what happens next, you have my blessing

Best of luck could you keep us updated on what the outcome is?

Chillburg

I say give it a shot for 3 reasons:
a) Its against every PUA principle... However, I have a hunch
b) Ur experimenting so you'll know better next time
c) If she rejects its a good way to get it over with. Uve invested many emotions in this interaction, but this way ull have a definite answer if you should NEXT or not.

HOWEVER if you have not already sent the email, I would suggest 1 key thing.
Split up the email. The email is ok, however u dont wanna open up to her in order to get her to a date. What I say is jst open up, without any outcome relations, see her reply, and then ask her out. It will feel way more natural

EDIT: And please let us know how it went. Im curious

Thanks guys, that is what I think - and Hitman47, GREAT IDEA! I will definitely do that.

Here is my split version, I plan to send the first on Thursday this week;
Just one thing - what can I say in the first message to maximise the chance of her replying?

Not much really. This is as true as it gets. She will 90 times out of 100 reply though. (unless she jst plainly dislikes u) Said that, I wouldnt expect much on the reply. She will obviously not say: "Hey I feel u too, this is the most romantic thing". Ull most of the time get a still evasive reply, to which u have to follow up, and make her decide her doubts out.

And dont forget to keep me posted. Im pretty curious as Ive set my mind to "open up" to girls a cpl of times in the past but never followed through.

I like to see outcomes of things I've given advice on too.

Well, I will be sending the first message on Thursday (Australian).

Sounds gd , come clean ,

though you may wanna change the "need" to " want " .

it will totally change the feel and not put you across as an AFC .

_________________
Sympathy For the Devil .

Thanks, that is good advice.

I left a comment on two different photos this morning on her Facebook, which she updated recently - very cocky funny, the thing that won her over in the first place. It's the first contact I've made since our last fateful conversation. Tonight I'm sending the actual message.

Well, I sent it. It's just the first one, the one that doesn't want a response.

If it's anything to go by, I feel different about this message than something else I might've sent in earlier days. Whereas before I would be dying inside waiting for a response, checking my phone... this time I feel kind of like an idiot for sending it. I almost don't want a response. But I decided many times it's the best thing to send, and to send it by SMS, not call her. She's a bit reserved, calling would be confronting, also calling would demand a response... for better or for worse I've decided not to go that route and send this harmless but truthful message instead. Also she's always seen me as up beat and maybe not able to take things seriously. Perhaps something heartfelt like this from me will catch her attention.

She would make the most awesome girlfriend for me right now. But I'm heading to the morning markets on Saturday to practice my opening and flirting. If things work out, I'll be going out there with her instead. If not, I'll be hitting on other girls again

Thanks for your input guys

U didnt get a reply?

Well I did just now It's not great; I swapped my real name with Ben;
(exact punctuation)

As I said before - we were getting along pretty darn well, there's no doubt in my mind, I'm 31 and I've seen this too many times. Anyone who saw us would have assumed something was there, and hypothetically, even if she was just being REALLY friendly, escalating when I should have would have progressed things nicely. But I tried to move slow, so I didn't do any of those things, and so she never felt anything. She will never understand this, she's already made an emotional decision.

I know that right now, my BEHAVIOUR will get her to come out again, not so much what I say.

I have it worked out to a point, and then there's a problem. My story is going to be roughly this (in a cocky funny way, not exact words) "I guess I could have worded that better. Yes you made it clear you don't want to date, but what I meant was that I regret spoiling the friendship. I invited you out one on one because I thought that's what you wanted, so I gave it a go." I'm just quickly jotting that down here for now, I wouldn't say it like that. Do you think it's gonna fly? Bah... not sure.

The big problem is she will play the "I already have friends to hang out with" card that she did on our last talk...

I'm going to be thinking of something to say properly, and once I do, I'm going to check back here, maybe you guys will have some tips.

Perhaps I shouldn't defend the message, perhaps there's something completely off the wall, or challenging to her, that I can say to get her talking...

Ok dude u made ur move.

At least her answser was pretty clear. U have to move one now.

There are certain type of people who are very friendly/flirty and give everyone plenty of IOI's. Be careful as there's a big chance u'll fall into a OneItIs with one of this girls, and its not pleasant.

Time to MOVE ON!

No it's okay I won't. This is more really about the situation that I messed up, not the particular girl, if that makes sense. I know someone else good will come along, but I wanted to learn as much as I can from this.

Also I talked with my bro (he's pretty good) and he said; best thing you can do now is bail out in a way that makes it look like you made the decision. Not much else

I sent "You were certainly enjoying yourself most of the time That's why I'm offering this last window of opportunity."

The buzz I got from talking to all the girls at the market this morning has made me not care about this any more anyway.

My conclusion, for anyone wondering whether or not to do this, is - generally speaking, don't. No one likes things serious, or deep, especially if they're not expecting it. No reason to break the rules - send out funny happy confident emotions, that's all people want.

Of course there could be some exception, like if you really really think she's waiting to hear something deep and meaningful, and even then you can deliver it in a positive enjoyable way. In retrospect I think I should have called.

I'm chocking this one up as a learning experience. I always miss a lot of big opportunities with my learning experiences, but like I keep saying, if they weren't big I wouldn't remember them and do my best to learn from them

Good points.

Yes I feel u on the "I hate it cuz I screwed up part". Seemed to happen the same to me. I had a cpl of girls who I thought would literally suck my balls jst to be with me. Well that didnt happen. And when they stopped chasing, I hated myself for not taking the opportunity. Its like a toy is taken away from you, cuz u know u could have had the girl had u played it differently.

Anyway ye time to move on for u, and for me since even though being good at this shit, and having lays almost regularly, I still think about the missed opportunities