I came here about a month or so ago looking of advice on how to get a girl I met out of the "friend zone", which I was able to do successfully. We dated for about a month and things were going absolutely great. Last night she sent me a text.

"You don't need to waste your time on me, you're way too good for me".

I sent a text back simply asking her if everything was OK, and she just kept insisting that I was wasting my time with her. I eventually questioned if she was seeing someone else and that if she was, it was OK to tell me. She swore to me that she wasn't, and just stuck to her argument that she's not good enough for me and stuff.

I played the question game with her, "You don't think you're good enough for a man who isn't in this for the sex, and just wants you for YOU?", I threw a couple of other questions about how I treat her and how she does deserve me and she didn't know what to say.

I made an effort every time I felt the time was appropriate to tell her how beautiful she is, even a few random times here and there for good measure. I know she has some self-esteem issues since we talked about both of our insecurities during a phone conversation like 3 weeks ago.

I just don't know what to do at this point. I don't even know if there is anything I can do.

no theres nothing you can do to change her or the way she thinks.
The only thing you can do is to keep your frame and make sure she knows you are there for her.! dont try to be her psychologist or counselor and dont get sucked up into those little self steem problem of hers. If you do it will get ya very emotionally involved with her too quickly which isnt good.
peace

Just my two cents...

In my experience, "Youre way too good for me" is basically when she has decided to move on and doesnt want to feel guilty because you've been deemed to be a boring "nice guy" and she dates "bad boys" or at least adventorous/unpredictable guys that gets her fire going. Its the classic "Its not you, but me" excuse.

Im no expert but I have dated a solid amount of HB8s and HB9s. I almost never tell these chicks that they are beautiful (When I was much younger, I naively did). Im much older now, so as a rule, I never really tell chicks they are beautiful. I might on my wedding day or engagement. But as a general rule for myself: the more good-looking, the less I tell them they are.

Im not trying to give you a hard time but I wouldnt have said this: "You don't think you're good enough for a man who isn't in this for the sex, and just wants you for YOU?". In my experience, lines like that only work in the movies. (I know it might make sense given some context before). And I just dont think you can rationally convince a girl to keep dating you. To me, its like digging youre own grave. Again, especially with attractive women who have options, the best disposition to have in my experience is: aloof-ness and not-caring. When she gave you that "your too good for me" bs, I wish you said: "I understand." and then, maybe slowly changed topics to a basketball game you were watching

My guess is : you might have treated this girl too well. Its no secret, so I hope Im not being redudant but women usually like a bit of a challenge. They usually also want you to have some mystery or unattainable aspect. Being too nice strikes out alot. You sound like you might be too nice. My bad if Im wrong on this.

Not trying to throw salt on the wound but all that post-text stuff likely made you sound a little needy and insecure, imo. Not saying Im perfect but when I feel the relationship is getting funny I usually break up with the girl and freeze her out. (I've always been able to catch it before she breaks up with me). I always emphasize: "No hard feelings." and make sure they see me as not giving a crap either way. If I couple this strategy with absolutely no contact (ignoring texts etc) : They always start begging for me back or at least, make insinuations of that nature.

Look: Whats done is done. Either way, it could have been inevitable - we really never know what this chick could be thinking.

As far as I can see, your best chance is to freeze her out - no contact etc. and move on. No more texts. Cut her off facebook etc. No more attention. And I would forget about going back now and saying something like : "hey. Im fine with the break-up" etc. She will totally see through it now. Do not let her stay friends with you at all for at least a couple weeks. I think that gives you the best chance of her re-thinking it or thinking she made a mistake.

Otherwise, there are plenty of fish. no need to sweat this one. There will be plenty others.

1. probably some problems she had previously ..... maybe she did some nasty things and feels ashamed because emotions/memories popped up. example : you treated her too well but she feels like a whore

2. you can absolutely tell them they look good ... however do it in a subtle way .. '' i think you look fine without make-up'' , '' you don't look bad when you wake up .. most girls do''

saying plain '' youre beautifull sounds stupid ... and if she thinks she isn't good looking she won't believe you to.
that's why you need to say things people normally never say, be original without getting all soft and slimy.

3. your too good for me .... it's GIVING UP .. it's the beginning of a quitting conversation , it's the same as '' this sucks '' , now don't try to find out what she thinks - rather take your time and freeze her out ..... the one who throws first is easily analyzed.
freezing her out could backfire bcz she's insecure + low self esteem, don't freeze to long.

4. You could be totally on top of the relationship ..... JUST keep being on top by saying '' i understand '' like wack mensioned

5. SOME girls want to be treated badly time to time .. because they need some borders and rules to feel secure.

consider she's thinking about giving up..... Don't invest emotionally too much..

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

A little update...

Yesterday I decided that I was going to let her initiate the conversations for a while. The last time I text her at 4:45pm was "good luck tonight " for a test she was doing at class. She responded "good luck to you too " in response to a job interview I had.

I refrained from updating my Facebook status and such the whole night. About 8:30, I got a text from another girl I know who's good friends with her and she said she was was messaging her and questioning her intentions and such, asking what was wrong and why she's doing this. She forwarded me the texts about 9:00 or so. She basically said "I just feel like I don't deserve someone like him, but I do not regret one bit dating him."

Her friend responded with something along the lines of "Are you serious? You are more than good enough for him! He's crazy about you! You two deserve each other!"

I went on with my night and about 12:50am, she called me out of the blue. I asked her if everything was okay and she said "I don't know. I've just been doing a lot of thinking about us and I have no idea what to do" and I basically just sat back and listened, asking her to elaborate here and there when she was being too general about how she felt. She brought up that my friend had texted her and I played it off like I didn't know, saying "she didn't say anything bad did she?" and she said "No, of course not".

She eventually said "I still have strong emotions for you, but I've just got a lot going on right now in my life and I have no idea what to do" and she started like naming out problems with her job, her schooling and her life at home. So I asked "what do you want to do?" and she responded with "I don't know. I just feel really bad because I know that all this crap I'm putting you trough is breaking your heart and I don't want to do that" and I just said "no hard feelings". She said "You know, most other guys would have just walked away by now, but not you. That's how I know you really do care about me."

So we just talked about each other's day and then we hung up. Towards the end she said "When I'm on the phone with you, I just feel so... Content". The conversation was about 20 minutes at the most.

Today around 6:00pm she IM'd me on Facebook with just a simple "hey" and asked how my day was going. I didn't say much to her, just responded with "It's going okay, yours?" and she says "ugh. shitty. I hate this weather". I said "lol" and that was it.

What should I do? Should I continue to let her initiate the conversations, give her some space? Should I freeze her out?

I think you're doing well, in my opinion. I love how you said "no hard feelings" and kept your frame. Keeping it light-hearted with smiles etc. acting as if you are not devestated in anyway. Nice.

This situation seems so delicate, it's hard to give any big advice. I dont know if I would recommend freezing her out at this point. A little more aloof but not too cold.

I still think I would want her to intiate more texts/calls (at least at a higher rate) and delay my responses alot especially when she asks questions. Keep her hanging. At least, I do that. Like if she gives you a late night text, reply the next morning. She's just got to realize that your not going to be waiting around forever. I'd also let her know subtely that you have options or she can lose you if she's not careful.

Like tell her your going clubbing with some friends or going anywhere where she can guess there will be a bunch of chix likely hitting on you etc. Keep your happy poise through everything. Like your cool either way. Im not a huge Roissy fan but one thing he says that I love is:
"If you want to keep a girl around, act like you don’t mind if she’s not around."

Its a delicate balance though becuase you dont want to give her the advantage of thinking she can treat you like a "security blanket" but at the same time, from your last convo, this girl is sounding better to me. I think she just needs to know that you wont always be available.

Her friend did you a huge solid. A freind's endorsement is gold. Keep in good standing with that girl whatever you do.

Anyways, nice job, man. I think you're close.

Another update, these past 3 hours were crazy!

I refrained from texting her today, and about 3 hours ago she sent me a text "tell your friend she needs to stay out of our business!" -- I was like "what the hell?" so I replied with "what's going on?" and she she started chewing me out. Come to find out, one of my ex's messaged her on Facebook and was basically saying "He's one of those guys you cannot pass up on. I did and I still regret it to this day" and then at the end she said "Would you rather not deserve him or would you rather live without him?"

I was trying to do damage control because I had no idea my ex even knew about us. She kept going on and on, so I said "for the sake of whatever if left between us, please do not bring her up around me again". She said "Fine, because at this point I don't wanna talk to you or anyone anymore." -- I sent a reply saying "Fine."

About 20 minutes later, she calls me. I could tell she had just got done crying or was trying to not to. She was like "why the hell is she even getting involved?", I was honest and said "I had no idea she even knew about us."

I started to explain why I left her and said "First of all, she didn't pass up on me. I left her because she's borderline psychotic". I started basically explaining some of the predicaments I got into with her, plus the fact that she stalked me on MySpace and Facebook for the past year. I just wanted to make it clear that I had no intention of going back to her.

Eventually, after I said "just don't get bent out of shape over what she said. It's not worth it", we transitioned into another subject and had a casual conversation. I tried to make her laugh a little bit, being sarcastic with her and playfully mocking her. We talked for about an hour total.

So she hung up with me about an hour ago, and I jumped on Facebook to see if my ex had maybe written me something. I posted that I was gonna play some Xbox Live and when I posted it, I noticed that she was online and had just posted a status update:

"Why can't i just make up my mind for once! Everything i've always asked for is right in front of me, but i don't seem to want it right now..it doesn't make sense."

I posted my own status update (not a reply to hers) which says "It's okay, you'll know what to do in due time. I'm always here for you though."

I know freezing her out now would probably be a bad idea given how fragile this is getting, so I'm just going to continue letting her initiate most of the conversations since seems to be working a little bit. I'm gonna try delaying my responses like mentioned too. Is there maybe anything else I could maybe try?

Just my two cents...

yeah. The situation is delicate.

If your ex is hot, I guess, that works in your favor. Good job saying your ex was stalking you. My feeling is: It just ups your value. The more hot psycho chicks you have chasing you, even in the past, the better.

Also, nice move saying "Fine" when she reiterated she didnt want to be with anyone. I hopes you didnt sound angry and just said "Fine" like "I understand. Cool". You must have because you got the call back. Good move, letting her intiate. (Btw, this girl seems to be acting like I bit of a head-case, so gf or not, I'd proceed with caution)

Anyways, I wouldnt have changed my facebook status: "It's okay, you'll know what to do in due time. I'm always here for you though.". I think that's giving her a bit too much but hey...if it works, you cant argue with success. I dont think its the worst though becuase you said, "it's okay" and acted calming. But the idea here is not giving her too much of a "security blanket". This girl is not treating you like youre gold, man. She is keeping you in reserve, taking you for granted. You deserve more respect, imo.

Yeah, I'd make sure she keeps intiating and play it cool. You gotta make her realize your fine if things dont work out and you will move on. You are the prize and she is passing it up. No big deal if she leaves, you've got plenty more you can attend to. That's the frame I always have. In my opionion, it helps to subtely suggest that you could be entering situations where picking up girls is likely. For instance, you could change your status to: "looking foward to Julie's party 2nite!". She's gonna think, "Who is Julie? Julie must have slutty girlfriends. I just broke up with him and he could rebound!". You see. She needs to understand the long-term emotional consequences of her actions. Its just an example. Try not to lie though - that can be dangerous if your not good at it or if you get caught.

Look, no garuntees here. I can only go on what you have relayed and what has worked for me. But I would say you are doing well and you need to not give her too much attention. I'd answer her calls but if you miss one and call her back an hour later, what's the harm? Even more, what if you call her back and say, "yeah, I think I missed your call. I was just on the phone with my friend, stephanie. How you doing?". Get it. She's got to know, you got some women "potentially' after you and she needs to realize you are a wanted man who could move on, if needed. At the same time, you cant overplay it and have her thinking you could be a player or let her have an excuse to feel legitimized in dumping you. Dont be too slick.

But I just know you cant let her think you will always be at her fingertips, man, she might just throw you in the friend-zone. I'd play it cool and dont give her much. Let her intiate. Act un-fazed and un-reactive.

Just my two cents...

Yeah I see your problem you're way too nice and accommodating towards her. I completely understand why she gave you the modified LJBF's speech....

_________________
Friendzone 1-vt51424.html?postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

hey bump. im in similar situation. but i think i saved myself, not sure.
how did yours go? (btw i mean extremely similar, thank God for the internet, small world).

ADVICE 1: start gaming other girls immidiately! You still need to learn.

ADVICE 2: If possible, keep her for practicing but with a minimum of investment on your part. Otherwise, cut her off.

Either way, chances are very small you will end up in a LTR with her. So, start gaming (and improve yourself by gaming) other women that may have more respect for your good intentions.