Its been a while since I have hit the boards again, and I must say I have missed it. I am however brought back in a moment of great struggle. Heres the background... I was emotionally really close with a girl about 5 years ago and we had a fling for a couple of weeks but she never trusted me due to a reputation I carried. So the whole thing kind of blew up in my face, I put myself out there and got hung out to dry. That was what turned me into the cynical pua I am today. The problem lies here; the last couple of years we have maintained a very distant yet existant friendship. She has been dating the same guy for 4 years as well. Well about 4 months ago I realized that she was a horrible friend when she broke up with her boyfriend and then came back to me so intently and passionately it was like we never stopped being so close. That lasted all of a week until they got back together and she blew me off again. I decided at that point plutonic mixed gender friendships don't exist anymore and treated her as mark, as I would any other girl. I basically pulled a modified freeze out technique and started going after her friends and other girls at the bar she worked at, all the while never talking to her and ignoring anything she said to me. Finally she snapped and called me 17 times one night leaving 2 voicemails and countless texts. She said she was drunk but its a cover she likes to use to get things out of people. Over the thanksgiving holiday after way too much drinking we spend from 2 am until sunrise just talking about the last 5 years and her finally telling me how she felt. The whole time she was giving me IOIs but I was too bogged down under all the history to make a move, the old putting it on a pedastly complex. I can not remember everything which is a mistake on my part, I never planned on seeing her that night. Well low and behold she is now back in my life and my head, but as a friend which I will not tolerate. The night we talked I gave her the ultimatum that either something happens or I cant be close to her anymore. I realized the futility of that plan and that its what I did last time and that I need to act and not react. Now I realize I need to make a move, however she still is listed as with her boyfriend on facebook and I dont think she is the cheating type even though he is not around and she is trying to break things off, or so she said. If anyone has made it through this I applaud your fastidious tenacity and pleade for help. How should I pursue? I feel I need to make a power move and see how she responds just to settle my own mind, I need definitive answers. I know since she still is with her boyfriend that it will need to be isolated, so is iso in a party SPAM a bad idea? Should I try an informal date type situation? What do you all think my best course of action should be? Thanks yall for the help.

Shes no good. I know you care for her but shes manipulating your emotions with this BS. Shes been with a guy for four years, shes emotionally unstable and she doesn't seem to know what she wants.

What you should do is tell her if she wants to be with you, shes gotta leave him, and then shes gotta take some time for herself. During that time, you need to not shut her out, but also not try to draw her in, you don't want to be a rebound. Its gonna take her at least 3-6 months to start feeling normal again. Go ahead and have sex with her, but don't let her take over your life, and tell her exactly why- that shes just out of a LTR. I say encourage her to be independent, you don't want emotional and needy girls dominating your life (in my opinion).

During this time see other girls, and don't react if she sleeps with her ex or other guys. Its worse if its with her ex cause it means they are heading back towards a relationship, however other guys is actually good because its the GFTOW mentality, it will help her realize her ex is not all that special, and perhaps see why you are if she has feelings for you.

If she gets back with her ex, cut her out and never consider her relationship material again. Even if she doesn't, that may be the best course of action, its what many on this board will probably recommend.

Good luck.

_________________
Programmer of reality.

Honestly, thats one of the smartest non-bias interpretations I have gotten back. Im going to make my "stand" because quite honestly I cant deal with her in my head anymore. I have just done too much thinking and I need to act, something tells me that will at least force her to finally come to terms with this shitstorm. Thanks Mindwarp you know your stuff.