Hi guys,

let's get straight to the point. I need help in my conversational skills.

Last night I had 2 'dates' and reviewing them and my other recent dates I've come to the conclusion that my conversational skills are pretty poor and almost no existent! I must be boring these girls/women to bits. I think in 16 'dates' recently, I've LJBF just once! Okay I f-closed one of the others but put that down to luck more than anything. Of the 14 others there has been NO interest from them whatsoever.Like I said pretty poor. It would be nice to have more choice. It feels a bit shit that the vast majority didn't want anything

I have started to read and listen to Dave Riker's Speed Seduction Technical Manual and it looks as though it will be helpful. Any other good resources?

Anyone else have this problem? Anyone HAD this problem and how did they overcome it?

Talk more enthusiastically. It doesn't matter what you say, it's how you say it.
Don't talk about weird/creepy stuff.
Keep it light.

Best advice is to go out and have more conversations.

I've made some progress internally. The David Riker 'course' seems very well structured. Lots of good exercises to try out for adjusting tonality, speed and pacing. I'm starting to look at making my language more descriptive. Men tend to be too concise and efficient with their words and rarely descriptive. I know I have been. I'm now looking at adding relevant adverbs and adjectives into typical mundane phrases.

I've realised I just need to get out and socialise a LOT more. I need to go out and just practice and practice so it becomes more natural.

Dude you seem like you would perfectly fit in "Natural Game".
Let me give u an example
normally guys would go about like this
Him: what do you do
Her: Am an artist
Him: oh cool
then another question..blah blah
so whats the problem, he didnt reward her for her response by showing empathy.
So instead
Him: what do you do
Her: am an artist
him: oh thats awsome, then you must be veery creative and see things differently than others, i find that pretty cool
so what you've done is this, you show that you understand her and then you qualified her.
So use what she says and show empathy and tell her about her self from her resonse.
another good tip is ask interesting questions thta evokes imagination.
like
if you were to be somewhere in the world, where would it be and why
see not only will she say where but she will tell you why and invest in the convo more. so then you use her response and relate to her response.
this is the key
10% questions
90% statement
in other words, say more statements and ask fewer questions
hope this helps

_________________
yeah dudes am here to learn the pick up game and to get better everyday

Thanks dalexispeguero,

I've begun to realise a LOT of my talking is on autopilot and just like an autopilot it's safe and get's you through things but very dull.

I'm at a stage where I just need to feel more comfortable using descriptive language.

I find it uncomfortable changing topics dramatically. I've read/heard contradictory things on this. On one hand I've read that girls don't really care about abrupt topic changes and on the other it can annoy them. I guess it depends.

I think I'll have to record the next 'date' that I have and just listen to what the reality is. I can hear pacing, tonality, volume, energy level, content. I think I could be using too many questions rather than statements.

I don't seem to have any problem getting girls to talk, it's getting them interested afterwards. I think I slip too readily into the 'shoulder-to-cry-on' type of mode. I probably could make a really good career as a therapist, though it doesn't help me get laid.

look we practice 90 statement and 10 questions with our families and friends because we have a connection
people normally dont have those types of convos specially girls.
so start noticing how you do it with your family members.

_________________
yeah dudes am here to learn the pick up game and to get better everyday

I may actually be making statements but my end tonality makes them sound like questions. I seem to recall some workmate mentioning I have that upwards tone which makes it sound as if I'm asking for acceptance. I've just got to record myself and hear what IS happening rather than guessing

Hey buddy.

Yup, getting interesting in conversations can be quite a pressure. If you want to ease that pressure, try to think of dates where you naturaly have something to talk about. I mean, I like a coffee date like anyother guy, but you are face to face with a girl and with no other stimulus. On the other side of the spectrum, you have the movie date. There is plenty to talk about, but no chance to talk. So not that much better. Something in between is what I typicaly try to go for. Bowling, minigolf, wine tasting, shoping, art and craft displays, meseums... you can talk to your date and you can talk about whatever is around you. It's natural.

In the mean time. Try to look at your life differently. When you go back home every day, or just befoer going to bet, look back and list 3 great/interesting things that you did or three things that you did ivery well. This will shift your focus from "what did you do to day? Oh just the usual work" to "what did you do todday? Well I had this incredible situation at work. I had to do such and such and did it that way and god complimented on it ...blablabla" One is much more interesting then the other. Maybe it won't be work related., but you will be more descriptive and passionate about it. When she will ask, "what's up with you" "what have you been doing lately" you will have tons of things to tell if you take 3 out of each day.

Keep at it, you'll be a dating star in weeks!

_________________
Drink me, make me feel real
Wet your beak in the stream
Game we're playing is life
Love is a two way dream

Thanks for the tip about finding and noting 3 interesting things to talk about from each day.

I think I will have to pursue non typical 'date' settings. I'm going to check out 'frisbee golf' nearby to where I live.

Typically i will only do a movie date if I want to see a particular film. If they don't like it...tough! Over here people tend to talk in the cinema right up until the movie starts

I forgot to add in my last post that I have very few stories and have not used storytelling at all. That's something I need to do. I will work on crafting some individual stories which have elements of values like leadership, confidence, protection of loved ones, pre-selection etc. I have an idea for a personal story which will need little modifying to be good. I need more though. My main trouble on this will be finding some more good experiences (too much grief and shit in my earlier life, and too much of a spectator rather than a doer)

Well I'm sure there is a way to spin it in a nice way. Why did you change, what made you change. It's not bad to show some amount of vulnerability, as long as you show it in a angle that shows strenght of character as well. See were I'm going? Everybody has/had problems and rough times in their lives, especially true for people who have some amount of experience in life. Showing a bit of those will make you more human to her. Putting yourself on a pedestal isn't necesarly the way.

For exemple when I talk about playing guitar, I mention (among many other things) that one of my buddies showed me how to play because I was so crushed after a bad break-up I had years ago. It was one of the only things to bring me out of that mood... so I spin it in a way that shows that I'm not made of wood or plastic that makes me more human and girls can relate to this if they had any bad break-ups (which almost 100% of people had)

_________________
Drink me, make me feel real
Wet your beak in the stream
Game we're playing is life
Love is a two way dream

Good points. I think I'm on a journey of change that begun about 6 months ago. If I wanted I could play out the tragedies in my life, however that's far too dark and I know from experience that girls/women really feel it but only admire my strength and honesty but get too fazed by it to think of me sexually. I once chatted to a woman online and I told her and she just replied "Oh my god...fuck" went offline for a while and when she came back she said she had cried. Sympathy, empathy, and vulnerability but no attraction. I've learnt to keep my mouth shut on it and I'll only tell someone, if they ask and if I'm in a good long term relationship with them. I could hint at the tragic stuff but I know if I'm questioned I'm likely to tell all. I must remember that honesty and full info is only for the very special women.