This was at a local clothing store.

HB - "Can I help you find anything?"

Me - "Yeah I'm trying to do the emo scene but I can't find a pair of girls pants that seem to fit well."

HB - "Well we do have some 'Skinny Jeans' in the mens section those are kinda tight"

Me - "I was actually joking."

At this point you could tell she was uncomfortable and I just kinda left.

I was about 13 when this happened but it's stuck with me

Okay so my one-itis girl's shoe was stuck on a roof and shes calling someone to come get it for her. So I decide to approach gallantly with a hockey stick in my hand and after a few seconds of valiant attempts I get the shoe down.
HB: No no put it back! I want her *points at friend* to get it for me.

Her response was the reason for all my future approach anxieties

I don't know if this is the worst thing since it's mostly hilarious, but here goes:

I'd been talking with this girl for about an hour, then the nightclub closed and we were going home.

Her: "So want to get something to eat?"
Me: "Nah, I'm going home. I'm tired."
Her: "You can sleep at my place if you want to."
Me: "Nah... I just want to crash in my bed."
Her: "But... what if you take my number?"
Me: "Why? It's not like I'd call you anyways."

The look on her face? Priceless.

You have nice teeth

_________________
The art of flying the Nack rather is learning to throw yourself at the ground and miss!

New year:

HB9 (a model) was attracted to me. I knew it, but I was drunk as a monkey.

First there we´re 4 of us, me & my friend and HB & her friend in one bed. Then both friends left and we we´re there alone.

I was drunk as hell. I wasnt shy or anything, I just didnt get the hints, lmao

HER: "Wanna do something?"
ME: "Yea... Im going to get us some frankfurts.."

Then we ate them

ME: "Im taking these back to freezer" and then I fell off to my ass while walking stairs down.

---- BACK TO BED ---

We we´re watching music videos from tv, under a blanket.

SHE: I love this song
ME: I dont know this. It kinda sucks what I have heard this far.
SHE: Well... Its brand new.
ME: Yea... Im going to sleep now.




Day after I heard once I left to bathroom when 4 of us we´re there the two girls whispered to each others "Oh fuck, what an alpha male!!!"


BTW, THIS GIRL ASKED ME TO PARTIES THAT WILL BE IN TWO WEEKS, LMAO

I got a blowjob from a girl i was seeing on the reg. She said she wouldn't let me do anything to her and that this was "my night."

After the blowjob I had to use the bathroom. After that I went to the kitchen and grabbed myself a cookie, and brought one back for her.

"You did a good job. You get a cookie!"

She was less than happy.

_________________
Attraction is a choice.
ITS YOUR CHOICE!
Spread Love
-Ders


www.facebook.com/spreadloveders

me : hello my name is pedro i have come to this country to find wife
her: she didnt say nothing she run the fuck off .....i was well nevous she sensed it , must have been the five minites standing next to her going over it in my mind...

I was out clubbing with a few of my mates a few weeks ago and they were all absolutely shit faced (I dont drink). My best friend is walking around the club and bumps into this girl she turns round and says something while smiling and my friend says to her "Show me where you piss from darling" LOL I've never seen a girl go from shocked to disgusted to furious in such a Short space of time.

_________________
luck is where preparation and opportunity meet

^haha

bahahaha


"everyones being real nice to me"
"probably coz uv got big jugs"

haha

def not the stupidest i've had but one of the funny ones:

me: hey hows it going?
HB: whats up
me: i just shat my pants, can i have ur number?
HB: *laughs* no, then walks away
me: *as she's walkin away* well hey, it worked before!!!

_________________
The Successful Man's Blog:

DieselTCabrera.blogspot.com

*Author of "100 Rules to Live By: For the Successful Man"

Hm, I've got a couple.

Me: Hey, did you know if you say 'Beer Can' in a british accent, it sounds like you're saying 'Bacon' in a jamaican accent?
HB: No way! It sounds like you're saying 'Be a cunt'.
Me:Too bad you already are one.

.....Yeah...

Second one:

Me: I'm too good for you.
HB: No you're not, whatever. Go away.
Me: It's cause I'm black, right?
HB: Yes. *serious face*

Damn. It's hilarious when I think back though.

Wow, you have like the orangest tan!

_________________
As a monarch is one that surpasses others in power, I surpass others in the field.

oh man i got a few.

on the way back from a date when i was walking her gallantly to her place (i had been heavily drinking) i just went, "how hysterical would it be if i just threw you out infront of the next car."
her:"what?!"

on a date
Her: "i really like cats, i think they're very cute"
Me: "i think the funniest thing ever would be if you put a kitten in a blender." i then proceeded to imitate what this would look like.

in a nightclub leered over at a fake tanned girl and whispered "you know when you've been tango-ed"

actually most of mine do kind of follow the same morbid thread.

I was working in a scuba diving shop over the summer. This HB8/9 comes up to the cash till with her mom and put stuff on the counter. As i was scanning their stuff (snorkel mask and stuff like that) the girl picks up a Fish ID card thats on our display. on that card their is a particular fish named a 'slippery dick' , -no joke. The girl points to the card and says in a total blonde moment out loud ' IVE NEVER SEEN A SLIPPERY DICK BEFORE'!

...... I burst out in uncontrollable laughter and muttered to my friend at the till beside me 'I can show her one if she wants!' Im fairly sure they both heard me because i got the most digusted looks from her mom! haha