I've posted on a few things since I've joined.

Now I want to sit back and listen, take some advice, soak like a sponge....you get my drift. This is my situation. Sorry for the length, but the more relevant info you have, the better suggestions you can make, right?

Ok, so I'm a UK guy 21yrs studying in Rotterdam. My exchange is made up of several HB's, and since I got here I've been much more confident, have been talking to girls in supermarkets, tram stops etc. Just to internalise the approach. Hell, I even #closed on the plane with a girl who offered to 'show me the sights of The Hague!'

It has all definitely been paying off internally, and also in the way girls look at me. I've never seen so many 'doggy dinner bowl' eyes lol. However, here comes the painful bit for many of you. I have been working game on 1 girl for first 2 hectic weeks I've been here. She is the one I want. My challenge. She plays the game exceedingly well, and it's because of that, I'm drawn to her.

I've had advances from 3 of the other girls on our course, but I'm scared if I pursue she will find out, and bam! I've lost my chance with her! It was very difficult.....especially when a fit Czech girl is insisting on putting you on her bike, and making you ride her back to your house!!

Now, the girl. The Canadian/Polish girl I like. we have flirted the two or three times we've been out, but it's all been with everyone else from our course, so very difficult to take her aside, or get some quiet time with her, because our guys are EVERYWHERE!

We've been texting a lot, and it's all flirty. I posted some of it in one of the other threads. She even accepted to meet just me when I asked "Do you miss me enough to meet up?". However, I couldn't ACTUALLY meet her, I was just testing how much she missed me. And she reacted well to this 'active disinterest'. We're all going on a bar crawl tomorrow night and she's invited me onto her team, a nice IOI. I guess what I am really asking is do you have any tips to get her on her own when the whole room is full of people we know and possible distractions? It's almost if every move I make is being watched and judged by all the people and other HB's on our course! Should I actually meet up with just me and her, so I can really start setting things out?

Also, any ideas for some good routines to run on her, and kiss her. Are there any alts to "do you want to kiss me" and the set responses to yes, no & maybe? I'm thinking all is going to be revealed tomorrow night, or at least I hope so. I will keep y'all updated.

It is typical me. Go from no interest to lots of interest, then like another girl who you're not sure you can have, in the meantime risking all the ones you're gonna lose. I just keep thinking that if it goes tits up on this girl, some of the others will still be available after.

_________________
“Where we have strong emotions, we're liable to fool ourselves.”
Carl Sagan

Okay first, about the kiss thing.

For the love of christ, you just have to do it. Like I did in my other thread, I knew when I should have done it, deep down, but I was too fucking busy thinking of stupid ass games to play and things to say, it was utter stupidity and I am still really torn over it. Asking if she wants to kiss you is ridiculous, if your arm is around her and it's somewhat of a private area, and then night is going well or she is showing tons of iois etc. then obviously she is going to accept your kiss. just transition your hand from her back/shoulder to her neck, cup her face and go for it.

The active disinterest is good and it keeps the chase going but it's really really hard to do on the spot. You have to think alot to get it down pat, so stick with lots of push+pull and cat string while you're with her so that you don't have to think so damn hard and miss an opportunity to do something like kiss or kino escalation.

It sounds like the next step for your overall confidence is being able to connect with her while there's other people around. If you show her you don't give a shit that other people are influencing your tonality, body language, or what you're going to say/are saying in the first place, you will appear more bold and this will help your game in the long run immensely.

You have other girls interested which is naturally unbelievably beneficial, because she knows it, and dude you're the one that said it... she's going to want the guy she needs to work to get. I would NOT fear "losing her" if you give the other girls a chance to advance, because if you for some absolutely ridiculous reason *did* lose her because of that (wtf? if anything it'll make her want you more..) then you got smacked in the face by a 1% chance and it's like "oh well." In other words, all you are doing is telling yourself that there's a risk when really there's none and you are thinking too hard. This is the pure reason why smart, intelligent men pre-pua do not get with women, they THINK too much. Just like me.

Don't overdo it though with the other girls, obviously she is interested so I think you should be playing the other girls on a very subtle basis so that she realizes that she isn't important to you, yet. I think that's the problem - she knows that "she's the one" out of the 4 of them, and even if you want her to know that, you gotta try your hardest to feen away from that attitude.


This is worth repeating, don't fuck up the kiss, you won't stop beating yourself up for it if you do. Just keep it hovering at the front of your mind during every encounter with her. It's like defensive driving, always predict that opportunity of escape where you can veer the car off and avoid an accident... Always be thinking of that opportunity to face her directly, get your hands on her, and go for it.

gl

Over analyzing is a bitch. It's sometimes funny to see how hard some of you guys trying to psyche your targets out, but ending up psyching yourself out....lol

It's human nature to always want what we can't have. Be honest with you, would you rather have 4 other girls, or that one particular girl? I'd rather have the 4 myself. That's how you need to approach it, it's a win-win situation for you my friend. If she doesn't fuck you, her friend will.

UPDATE...

Ok so we went out on Friday night, and the bar crawl was great fun, and a great night overall. However, I'm going to be completely honest, I woke up the next day feelin like shit because of several holes in my game, and several wine/beer/guiness throbbin in my head!

Now I know you guys are going to tell me to man up, brush it off, and work on it, and I am telling myself the same, but it's not quite internalised just yet!!

Ok, so the girl. When we eventually met up (both of us were later than the official start time!) the first thing she said (after all the flirty tx game over the past week) was "Man, I'm so pumped for tonight. I've been looking forward to this all week EnglishAccent", so I was like Everything started well - I made her beg for my attention and had her come 'collect me back' on two seperate occasions. I wouldn't let her have some of my guiness, while I let it go round the other ppl!! When she did eventually get it she got a bit of cream on her nose, and i lightly brushed it off with my finger, and then she took it with her finger and ate it!! Everything was going very nicely indeed.

When most people left and it was just me and her, and another group of girls chatting internally, I thought "Great, a chance to finally chat to her". Before I had barely got started my housemate showed up from nowhere, and joined us. Now she likes him, I'm certain of it, but he hadn't told her he had a gf of 3 yrs and that it wasn't going anywhere!! He also knew after the last time, that he needed to help me by NOT chatting to her in some corner!!

He kept his distance most of the night, and I had two more opportunities to flirt with her, which I think went particularly well. One involved messing around and trying on clogs, and the other one involved a wine (which I bought - possibly a mistake, she didnt ask or anything) and a 6ft pirate statue! She even rang me at one point when we got seperated, and interrupted when I was talking to another girl!! It was going perfectly!!

On a side note, she also said I was being "too negative" at once point, so I loosened my game, and let some of my smiley nice guy through, which seemed to compensate the situation.

Then, unfortunately, somehow, (and I can't remember how cos I was a bit drunk by this point) we got seperated again, and next thing I know she is sat with my housemate under an umbrella outside!! Maybe I should have interrupted, but I thought "no no, I'll let her come to me", but she didn't....all night!! Even at the next place, she went to an upstairs private part with just him!!

So I focussed my attention on two different girls, one POlish girl which I got seperated from (once again I think I need help on this!), and a NZ girl who I flirted with, and she had been reciprocating, but for some reason it all went really cold on the way back to hers.... so i ended up in her bed, and she ended up on the couch!!! At least I got the best nights sleep haha.

I have texted the Canadian/Polish since that night, really piling on the suggestiveness....too much I think. It was left on my text to her, and I haven't heard from her since.

Do I still persue her? (I think she is coming to our house party this Friday)
Do I have a word with my housemate (again!) about that night? (He is adamant he won't cheat on his gf, and Canadian/Polish now knows he has one!)
How do I stop getting seperated from girls? ie. Friends pulling me away
How do I stop girls going cold on me, when everythings going so well up to then? Is it possible for a girl to act flirty and touchy, with IOI's, and not even want a kiss?

Gah, I f*cked up. Would appreciate your thoughts and support on this one.

_________________
“Where we have strong emotions, we're liable to fool ourselves.”
Carl Sagan

Tough.

(DLV homeboy perhaps?)

Homeboy is great.

However, he is also Norwegian. Maybe something like "You know it'd never work out with you two"

She'll stay silent rather than admit to liking him.

"Yeah, you know those Norwegian's, they spend half the year on a boat, you'd never see him!"

_________________
“Where we have strong emotions, we're liable to fool ourselves.”
Carl Sagan

I'll be painfully honest with you man....the way I see it, you're actually not playing the game with her because you have a one-itis with this girl.

She actually has you wrapped around her fingers and making you think waaaay too much....

Stop worrying about every little single line or act you're gonna put up when you interact with her and just go with the flow. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.

Your one-itis is killing you. That night when she was with your mate, you said you had "two opportunities to flirt with her." That's ok, but the way you write that makes it sound like she's calling the shots. Here's how to beat that. You were at a pub, she was alone with your mate talking. Instead of circling them obsessed with what she's doing, you should have been working the room right in front of her, sarging girls and winning over groups. You'd get some numbers which would help you overcome the one-itis, and you would drive her crazy in that she's not getting your attention. Also, you're repoire with strangers will do nothing but DHV. Everytime she has something better to do than hang out with you, you have 10 things better to do than hang out with her. That's the ONLY way you have a shot in this situation.

-Esperanto

I agree you have some serious one-itis. You have 4 other girls who dig you, why are you wasting all your game on this one?

Thanks for the advice guys.

I think you're right. I've been noticing it myself. I can't get her out of my head... serious afc, right!!??

I will not contact her, and will focus on other girls. Of course I can't just click my fingers and make her disappear from my head, but I will try to replace her with new girls (not one-itis).

I have the advice for how to act when I'm out with a group she is part of - work on the others girls in the group/surrounding.

Any advice for how I should act when I find myself in a conversation with her? Just find some way to ignore her?

_________________
“Where we have strong emotions, we're liable to fool ourselves.”
Carl Sagan

As mystery puts it, you have to act disinterested because that makes you more desireable and DHVs. Sorry to break it to you, but she considers her value to be much higher than yours at the moment. You can't ignore her, though, because she may not catch on that she is being ignored. In fact, she may misinterpret it as you sulking that you can't have her. So what's Mystery's solution? Show active disinterest. When you are with her, be the one to end conversations. Have other places to be. Put time constraints on your conversations. Say interesting things, insightful things. Tell stories that make hint that you are the man. NEG HER. Research common negs and use them. No guarantees, but you've gotta seem like you don't need her because you've got so much other stuff going on if you want a chance to be with her. Later on you'll have to rebuild repoire, but thats only after she has indicated interest in you a number of times.

Listen... I'm new to this game and am not an experienced PUA yet. All I have now mostly is head knowledge (which I believe is an advantage in giving advice in this situation). But it sounds like (as other PUAs have said) that you have serious 1itis. But it also sounds like that she is playing you. It's textbook MM: She sees she is your target and she is making you play with string.

And she's playing the game with your 1itis AFC housemate to do it. And if she gets him, all the better for her.

Again, I don't know this because of field experience, but it sounds exactly like a good cat-string theory. She's a PUA.... It's reverse reverse psychology. Let me know if this helps...

_________________
Dr. H

Yeah I know, I acknowledged that just now, and asked about how I should act around her when we do, unintentionally, HAVE to have a conversation in the future.

So I get what you are saying, but I didn't feel it built on my last comment, as I already realised she was playing me.

However, the best thing you did say DoctorH was "she is a PUA". We were both gaming each other. I know I did some afc things, but I also did some PUA things, as did she! Neither me nor her are experts (intentionally, or NOT in her case!).

We were both playing hard to get. This meant we were at loggerheads. If both people play hard to get, and neither side falters in any way, nothing is going to happen. This is exactly what was happening with me and this girl. We were both as good as each other!!!! There is an UPDATE however, see below:

UPDATE:

After reading, and nodding in agreement with my 'one-itis' I tried my damndest to get her out of my head. I went out last night, and she was there, so I did as planned and completely ignored her. We just had a few "I'm too good for you" sort of one liner spits, but the majority of the night I had two girls kinoing me constantly (even though they were both a bit wasted).

It was funny to see her reaction, though it was completely what I expected.

She jumped between
a) hanging around me and the girls 'pretending' to talk to other people while listening in on our convo.

b) trying to beat me at my own game by opening about 7 different guys and glancing over

haha it was text book reaction on her part.

However, second place we went, I went against you guys, and I broke ranks. I started by occasionally brushing her shoulder, dancing a bit with her, and then turning my back. However, she just played her "hard to get". We were complete loggerheads.

So... when she sat down. I went and sat down next to her, and we both sorta openly recognised what we were doing. And she's like "Why are you so mean", and I'm like "Why are you so mean!". It was comical... we both sorta dropped the bravado and engaged on a deeper level, which is finally what all our actions have been hinting at... that we are very very compatible.

So yeah, I went against what you guys said, but if I didn't speak to her, we wouldn't have spoke, and would have kept seeing who could be more 'badass'. I don't regret my move at all. We got seperated from the group on the way home, dropped the bullshit, and walked together, holding hands, with some major IOI and kino going on.

I just hope I didn't make the wrong move. I thought she was being sincere with me.... if she wasn't, then I have dropped my guard, and lost the game, and she is one hell of a PUA!!

Bring on the next chapter!

_________________
“Where we have strong emotions, we're liable to fool ourselves.”
Carl Sagan

You didn't go against the advice, it sounded like all she needed was a nudge in the right direction. Ignoring her was that nudge. DO NOT fall into your old ways, though. If she starts playing hard to get, DO NOT CHASE. This could be her way of getting you back obsessing about her. If I were you, I'd continue opening sets and legitimately trying to find someone else while you work on her. It will make her stop playing hard to get as she'll realize her time is running out. Also, for some reason women can smell neediness. The best way to win her is to not be needy. I'm not saying flaunt other women in front of her, but don't lock in on just her just yet.

Taken onboard.

Particularly the bit about "keep opening sets". I will definitely act on this. The last thing I want to do is get complacent.

Besides, it's not even like I have a choice!! I'm talking with two members from this forum who live near Rotterdam, and we're planning a sarging night. Can't very well go sarging without opening sets/being hooked on some other girl! Bring it on!

May even do a field report of the night. Maybe it will inspire other similar get togethers.

_________________
“Where we have strong emotions, we're liable to fool ourselves.”
Carl Sagan