Steven,

Sorry for the delayed response.

*Sigh* I sincerely admire your persistence man going after this girl. There is no way she can say, "Well I don't know if he likes me or not." You have put the ball in her court over and over again. Unfortunately, she never picks up the ball. I think the message you have above is a great thing to send. If that doesn't do it there really isn't much more you can do.

Sure you can keep messaging her and bugging her to talk to you. Deep down I know you don't want her to hang out with you just out of pity or annoyance. You want her to spend time with you and hang out with you because she wants to. We've given her every opportunity to do that, and if she doesn't we have to respect her decision regardless of how we feel about it.

I can empathize with you because believe me I have to do this a whole lot. There are people that ask me questions on this thread, and throughout the rest of the forum. I know the path they are heading down but I can't change their mind. I could save them a lot of grief and frustration but some people just have their mind made up and you can't do much about it. You have to respect their decision and let it go.

Don't even get me started of my friends that are women when I see them with the same wrong type of guy over and over again. It pains me to no end but I have to let them learn on their own. No matter what I say I can't convince them the guy is wrong for them because they are caught up in the moment. All I can do is be the shoulder to cry on when sure enough I end up being right.

GOOD LUCK MAN!

Jon

Thanks for the advice Jon...heres an update though...so since the last message exchange Ive been trying to catch her on Fbook chat...for some reason whenever Im online, she hasnt been haha...kinda frustrating but nothing I can do about that.

Im thinking I should just shoot her a random text at this point, just saying "Hey hows it going?" followed up by a random opinion opener to keep the banter interesting.

But funny side note...so her younger sister who I was sarging at the Halloween party messaged me on Fbook, and she #-closed me as well haha. But obviously shes too young for me, and I want her sister instead. Is there any way I can use the younger sister as a pivot to get the older one?? haha

I'd just send her a text message at this point, you can't wait forever. The window of opportunity will start to close here soon.

Don't mess with her sister...avoid her for a while.

i said "hey whats up" to this girl on myspace and she said "hey nothing much you?".

what should i say next?

JSmooth - not putting the girl in a path of least resistance was great advice and I ended up meeting up with her. We had talked a LOT on the phone, and finally set up a date. we talked on the phone that night and agreed to meet at a restaurant near my house. She called back 5 minutes later and asked if we could just get take out at my place - she didn't feel like seeing anyone.

I own a nice house in D.C. it's decorated, clean - live by myself. She came over - despite her being REALLY friendly on the phone, when she got here she was definitely not as warm. We went and got take out - ate dinner and she said she had to leave after about 3 hours. She said she was feeling a little sick, and took some pills she brought saying she needed a glass and couldn't drink out of my water bottle. I wanted to test the waters and I said "I'd still kiss you" which sounded a lot cheesier than I thought it would, and she just kind of chuckled and ignored it. I went to walk her to her car and she really wasn't waiting around for a kiss.

I pretty much thought she wasn't interested anymore, so I sent her a text message saying "woo hoo, first date over with - that's always the hard part. hopefully next time we can do something fun - not that conversation over thai food with you isn't" I wasn't really expecting an answer but the next morning she wrote back "lol thanks again for dinner!" and a second one "what is the name of your neighborhood again?"

I was suprised, called her a couple of nights later - no return call. And a text yesterday invitiing her to the caps game friday. No answer and she hadn't not responded quite so blatantly before. Probably one I should let go, but wanted to see if you had any ideas. Don't want to be the loser who keeps texting her, but otoh I'm money and she has only given me 2 1/2 hours of face time to prove it

Hey,

Thank for helping in advance, i have an issue with a girl and i just can put my finger on it..

I try to make it short, so here is the deal:

I am a 25 years old guy from Hungary, participating in a training program for grad students, i wanted to improve my English so i thought if i go on match it will help a lot on my English and not to mention i wanted to find some girl so bad.

Last week on Monday a girl winked at me, she is 31 years old , she has recently divorced, and her profile said: she is not really into games. So i wrote an email that i am not really a settle-down kind of guy, but we can go out sometime though. She said sure that'd be great, so we scheduled a date to Thursday night.

I don't know why but i wasn't really anxious i just took it easy, so we met in a bar, we drunk some beer, and we had a great conversation, it was perfect not like with other girls, the conversation was running by itself we were laughing a lot, we spent about 2hours there, to tell the truth i was ready to go home, cuz for me was enough for a first date, and i thought its a good idea to stop the whole thing when its perfect.

Anyway she said she had two steak in her fridge we just have to prepare so she invited me to her place, so we went to her place i made the food she was watching me and we were drinking wine meanwhile, we ate the food, everything was fine, but was getting late so i said i am ready to leave, so i was about the take on my jacket but she hugged me and after that we started to kiss each other for 5mins or so, i tried to take her upstairs but halfway of the stairs we stopped and she said she didn't want to have sex at the first date, but she was kind of referring that may be on the 2nd or the 3rd...

Anyway we said good by for each other and she said she was up for anything with me nextime,but i guess at this point i made a mistake cuz i was acting little overheated and i said : see you tomorrow, and she replied immediately that she will have her friend come over her place, anyway i said than see you the day after tomorrow, and she said she will be busy that time too, so said see you sometime and i left.

I got home and i text her like thanks for the food , sweet dreams, she texted me back: thank for the night it was great hope to c u soon.

The next day on Friday i texted her afternoon kind of just asking about her day, but she just answered didnt really asked me, so at this point i thought it would be better if i just keep a low profile and i stop texting her cuz i didnt want to make an appearance like she is the only thing in my life,but not to mention after the date i was thinking about her all the time, tried to control myself but couldn't, of course it not love just a little excitement..

So i knew that she was busy on Friday and Saturday but on Sunday when she was supposed to be free I didn't text her i thought it will make her thinking about me :why doesn't this guy text me or whatsoever.

On Monday and Tuesday i was busy, actually on Monday i had another date but it was terrible and just made me appreciate more this girl.

And here we are on Wednesday afternoon i texted her, i don't know why but she hasn't answered yet, maybe i was cocky, the text was like this: Hey, how have you been?How about hanging out again sometime?Let me know and i make myself free.Take care.Bye

My assumptions:
A: She has been doing the same time like i have, so she had another date which was better what we had, well the possibility is there, but without being conceited , cant imagine better date what we had

B:We had a few drinks but we weren't drunk, maybe she was so nice at the date just because of the alcohol...i don't think so

C: It was just a one night adventure for her ( i don't know but we had some deep conversation, and she was saying many times what we can do next time)

D: I screwed up because i just texted her today , maybe i should have texted her sooner??

Anyway i am sorry for making this too long, but like i said I am a trainee here, actually i ve been here just for four months, and i don't really have friends to talk to, and i thought if i joined to this community it would help me, and actually it helped cuz even i just wrote this down and it feels better already.

I hope its not a lost case, i just don't know what to do, i was going to email her on match asking did she get my text, but i think its pretty obvious, of course she did get it, so maybe i should text her again tomorrow but with some funny text like : Is it so hard to decide to hang out with a niceguy?

I dont know, i am just beginner not like a lot of professional guy here.

If anybody can help me ASAP i would be more than grateful!!

-Richard-

bjjallday,

Okay, if you're walking down the street and all of a sudden you see a good friend of yours. They say to you, "Hey whats up?" What is your normal response to that? Then use that response to this girl you're talking to on MySpace. Trust me online conversations really aren't that difficult, just imagine they are sitting across the table from you carrying on a conversation.

~Jon

Woah! OMG, that is some serious IOIs man. It's obvious you had great rapport with her. Even better she's giving you the opportunity to escalate with her since she wants to be alone with you. *High Five*
WTF?!? Okay, I'm trying to figure out what the heck happened here. Now I know there are some girls that online they open up being their true selves. Then in person they start locking up and being all shy. This really sucks and the only thing you can really do is stop trying to escalate as hard and go back to comfort building in person. Sometimes, if it gets to the point its making me upset I'll call a girl out on being shy. It can work or it can backfire so make it a last option.
I can see why you are thinking that.
You know I wasn't there so I'm not sure what happened here. It sounds like things were running along nice and smoothly. Then all of a sudden we hit a damn pot hole in the road. If you have messaged her a couple of times and nothing then it's time for the one last try. I usually use something simple and make it where I'm not assigning blame giving her the benefit of a doubt. Path of least resistence type stuff. Send this via text btw.

"Hey, I had a really great time with you the other night. I have been kind of busy lately and I guess you have been too. I'd still really like to continue getting to know you. If you don't want to though just tell me straight up instead of avoiding me."

This has helped me recover a few things but at least it lets you know where you stand. A few girls are like..."No I like you, I've just been busy." OR... well you can figure out what the other messages are like.

Best of luck man, I'm not sure what the heck happend to this one from talking on the phone to being in front of you.

Jon

Good job on this! Simple and Direct.
I agree with you there. A few hours is enough, it's better to end things while having a good time. Instead of another hour later when you're struggling for things to talk about with each other.
I saw this coming but that's cool man. I love how women do the same things as men do to get us alone. Come over to my place for something to eat...while thinking and some making out. Anyways, it's best not to do it on the first date in my opinion. Still good job trying to take her upstairs to escalate things. I might have even said at that point, "Who said you're getting to have sex with me tonight?" and kept taking her upstairs for some other stuff. Still, good job no complaints man just suggestions.
Okay...
Nothing wrong with that text message. Don't think it was too cocky it was just direct.
Possible...
Alcohol just amplifies emotions. If someone likes you it just drops the barriers and they really like you. If someone is a jerk then they might be a asshat when drinking. You get my point here.
I would have messaged her sooner to be honest with you. I know she was doing stuff but you can still message her. Typically, I would have waited about 24 hours then messaged her to arrange something else.
Don't worry about it have you seen some of the long posts before you! LOL. I'm glad that this is helping. I find when I write out my thoughts I typically feel a lot better as well.
Richard,

You have done a good job here man. I have to give you a lot of credit you have done a whole lot of things right! The only thing I would go back and change is sending her that message about hanging out a bit sooner. Still no worries life goes on and this isn't a lost cause.

She sounds like a really cool lady. Kind of like I advised Alisterio my thought would be to go into a text message like I told him to send. At this point she's not returning our messages and we still want to hang out with her. Things have been good but for some reason we don't know she isn't responding.

"Hey, I had a really great time with you the other night. I have been kind of busy lately and I guess you have been too. I'd still really like to continue getting to know you. Is there a date you're free this week?"

The reason for this is simple. Sometimes when not sending a message right away girls think maybe he's not that into me type of stuff. Then they jump to conclusions like we'll if he wasn't that into me but he was trying to sleep with me. Oh, he just wants sex... well the heck with him! LOL. I know this sounds a little crazy but women do think this way.

This way they see that you do like her and you do want to see her again. Also, you are giving her the easy way out where she can just say she was busy and then setup a date with you. That way it's not confrontational of "Why didnt you respond to me or why didnt you call me?" You are giving her an easy way out she can just say she was busy and agree to see you.

Good luck man,

Jon

Hey Man,

Thanks a lot, i really apreciate it!!

So far i was acting kind of instinsctive, but i am so glad that i found this website, and now i know this whole thing is learnable.

Anyway..she answered just like you said man.., so i didnt really know what will be best for a second date mainly after what we had at the first date, so just said i take you to a nicd place tonight see you at 8:00pm.

I was thinkin about either a cinema or a very romantic italian restaurant, but because i said: "to a nice place" i guess the only option after this will be a restaurant, and i guess there is no problem with that except the fact that i dont want her feel that : he is just an original guy he want impress me spending his money and so, so there is any funy way to express that i just wanted to show her that nice place i am not a looser who foots the bills all the time? Or in that case i shuold be like a gentleman and dont worry about this just foot the bill and that's it.

At this point i think its much better if you guys laugh at me and say its ridiculous dont do that buddy, than screwing up my chances so heres what i am planing to do after that:

I promised her some pics about me and stuff so i think somehow i will manage to get to her place after the dinner , i will take my laptop, i think we will sit close to each other on a couch looking some nice pics, and kind of getting ready to do something, touch her shoulder and things like this, and i am planning to hold her hand for a while and ask her like: look this line here in your palm this is a river now, and you here this side and you wanna go to the other side, how would you do that? I suppose she is gonna guess a couple time, but i am gonna say evertyime no that wrong you cant go that way, and when she will say okayn than whats the answer, i will say, with a little pause and kind of lookin deep in her eyes, there is no answer i just wanted to hold your hand, and after that i am gonna kiss her.

I hope its not ridiculous and i am okay with this so far, but i have no idea what to after that, should i take her up to her room , and get into business, or its better if we just stay with kiss and hugg option, or should i arouse her and after reject her like what u were recomending like : who siad you having sex with me?

Anyway if you have any recomendation i am all ear to hear it!!

Thanks!

When I go on dates I pay for the lady because I value her time. This whole not paying or splitting the check thing is okay, and i see the arguement but don't agree with it. I personally like to pay for my dates. If they offer to split it then I will but that's about it.

Anyways, just go with what is comfortable to you to do. I'm not going to sit here and tell you to take it to the next level for sex. That is for you to decide. Do what you feel is right in the moment. We won't be there. If things get hot and heavy then just keep going and if you get resistence then its up to you. You can try doing push pull like, "No one said I'm going to sleep with you." While smiling so she knows you're being playful. Or you can just let it end at kissing or whatever point your at.

I am very glad to hear that it worked and you have a second date. Just focus on having a good time and getting to the 3rd date.

So ive been doing the match.com thing for a little while with some disappointing results im wondering, is there something wrong with my profile, or is there something wrong with me? Any and all feedback welcome, here’s the link
http://www.match.com/profile/showprofil ... 58exEQ/Q==

Your profile looks good but honestly I've had trouble cracking the code on Match.com it's one of those sites that have elluded me. The other sites seem to have a few common themes that work this site drives me nuts.

I can't tell because I'm not a member but do you have multiple photos? If not then that will help you a lot to get more pictures up there.

I noticed in several placed where you didn't capitalize works and there are some grammar errors. I know it seems trivial but girls pay attention to this believe it or not.

The only thing I will say is that your profile is geared for you finding a very specific type of girl. Looking for girls who your types of music and mosh pits. If you want better results for just dating then you might want to reword some of that to give yourself a much wider audience to appeal to. If you want to find "the one" then just leave it the way it is.

Keep in mind that you have not described the type of girl you are looking for directly. You have made little comments but you need to spell it out in a small paragraph. I have a good idea what you are like but what are you looking for. Tell your audience reading this what your kind of girl would be like. Just list 3-4 qualities if you can of what that person would be like. Just avoid making it like a checklist. We just want the reader sitting there going yeah I have this quality, I have that one too, wow maybe I should message him.

Also try different headlines and update your profile frequently. A new picture, a new headline, and other things will keep it looking fresh. Again, doing these little things will appeal to new people. "Good Lord doesnt anyone know the difference between Nickleback and Nirvana anymore??" That's a pretty good headline actually. I like anything that calls the reader to action. I would still experiment with other headlines as well. Like for you maybe "Would you survive in a mosh pit?"

Lastly, it seems like a small thing but at the end of your profile call the reader to action again. Something simple like if you like punk music, no drama, and good times send me a message. It's amazing how far you get by simply asking things like this.

I know I've thrown a lot at you to work on, hope I didn't overwhelm you man. I just hope this gives you a few things to tweak in order to get some better results.

Jon

thanks j smooth you the best. she kind of responded openly by telling me that she is kind of stressed but good.

This girl added me on facebook, now i didnt know her before this, and i think she might have the hots for me, but what do i do after i accept, if she doesnt start it herself.