So, I've been reading and knowing about the seduction community for over a year now. I have had success with a couple hook ups (girls I met through friends) and a girlfriend who I also knew through friends in the past year.

HOWEVER, I simply cannot do a cold approach, and I never have in my life. I've been fortunate to have a good personality and good enough looks to get by and have a bit of success with women.

Yet, I am so nervous about randomly walking up to an attractive girl that I can't do it. It's not that I can't think of something to say- it's more of me not being sure about how to continue the convo (I guess I've never tried so I wouldn't know) and being worried about not knowing how to react if she isn't completely into it.

I guess it would be called severe approach anxiety. Any advice on how to get rid of it? Thanks so much in advance.

i feel you!!!!
feel free to PM me and if you live near me we can sarge together.
I had the same problem but I read what all the gurus say about approach anxiety and read articles about it and think and write it all down to a notebook and tried to get to the best solution.
here's what i came up with -
everybody i know (including me in the past) are doing this:
1.they see a lovely girl think about approaching and fear the approach so they try to get over this by not fearing thus step two!
2. trying not to be afraid. are talking to themselves or maybe even taking some exaggerated actions like using alcohol. and they usually don't succeed in not fearing. and then they don't get to step 3
3. approaching. if they got here they are usually drunk

you see how must people think? they think like this: 1.fear 2. stop fearing 3. approach
don't think like that!!!
think like this:1.fear 2.approach 3.stop fearing
I know it seems stupid cuz what i'm telling you is to "juat approach" but it's not really like that. the reason you are probably not approaching is not the fear... but is the fact that you're trying not to fear before approaching... and as i write above it's not really possible with this thinking.

here's what you need to do the next time you feel fear: say to yourself "wow i'm fearing now... that's just natural. there is not a reason to try to get rid of it cuz i won't succeed... what i should do now is approach even though i feel fear and then it will go away. now move feet!!!"

I'll add to this by saying that I too am just like you guys, but Ive found that the solution is actually simpler (and probably annoying for you to read) than it seems...

Instead of fearing, thinking about controlling your fear, using fear aversion tactics, JUST DONT THINK ABOUT IT!! Thats why the 3 second rule exists! Just walk up and start talking!

I HATED it when people told me that because It made me feel that tense anxiety, but its like putting your hand in a flame, if you run your hand quickly through a candle, you not only wont feel any heat, there will be NO PAIN. However, if you put your finger in a flame, its like thinking about the fear you have in regards to approaching a girl...

Thats the best advice I can give you...and, if all else fails, pretend your're an actor or that you're watching yourself. Distant yourself from your actions and consequences. It involves mental conditioning, but with practice you can have the confidence to do anything using this approach...

These are great pieces of advices guys! I too suffer from this anxiety, so I am not able to approach the ones that I really like. Most of the time, I am the one approached or a friend introduces me to the girl. But for me to start the actual conversations, it has been a real pain. I'll try the "distance yourself" bit...

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This is my issue as well. Sure, you can 'just do it' or whatever they say, but for me, if I do, my mind catches up and goes 'holy crap what are you doing?!?' and embarrassment ensues anyway. I HONESTLY think this stuff cannot really work without some sort of facilitation. Such as store workers or when you are with mates and an opinion discussion is actually going on and the person's nearby and would probably hear your conversation. Anything else and it just doesn't feel right. It certainly takes a special type. Maybe it's a cultural thing and Americans do this or something, I dunno. Certainly doesn't happen here.

Not trying to break morale or anything, but I don't see this working in the normal 'cold' situations without us havign an actual, valid reason to be talking to them.

Sexton Hardcastle, have you ever played a computer game?
have you played Hitman? what a game ah?
Just think of you as the most cool deadly man in the world, YOU.... ARE... HITMAN! and go in!
Just try it! I want you to go, see the set, fear, then think "it's just a game, it's not real, lets play baby yeah!" and go in.
Try it and please tell me how it goes.

This is some good advice. Pick-up is a game. It's made to be fun. The best thing is that unlike video games, you don't loose a life if you fuck up. You only loose your life if you don't play.

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Drink me, make me feel real
Wet your beak in the stream
Game we're playing is life
Love is a two way dream

Interesting in theory, but I can't say it'd work as, let's face it, I know it IS real. I mean, I get that I'm not going to see these people again usually...actually I've stopped there.
I have no excuse other than my own psychological fear of people.
I dunno what to say or do. I mean, I'm always the quiet dude. I rarely talk to my friends..let alone opening on random people. A scary prospect. Like i've said, the only times I do talk are the times where I kinda have to, like with people in shops and stuff. And when I get going, things are fine, I guess. People are always surprised when I tell them I don't have a girlfriend. People often say I'm good looking. Even random people I don't personally know.
It IS just like a game. THE game. The game of life, if you will. You know how you get the tutorial player-indicator saying "press X to shoot" or whatever? It's like that. I realise what I'm supposed to do. But it's as if the button's broken. it won't work. it won't let me do what I want. I've got the knowledge, I just can't begin.
It's typical AA, isn't it? The only cure I guess is experience. It's a paradox.
The only way is to try, which will be hard. who knows, maybe fate will be kind. Might get lucky with a chance encounter.

You need to ease yourself into it. Start canvassing for your favorite charity to get used to approaching strangers. A lot of people will be too busy/not care and you'll have to get used to rejection too. You'll see its not so bad.

From there you can start approaching anyone and feel more comfortable. Start approaching people who you're not interested in. Ask strangers for the time. Ask the shopgirl what she thinks of the sweater you just tried on. Ask a complete stranger whether she thinks you should buy the damn sweater. You'll probably always feel a little apprehension, but it will subside after you start talking with your mark.

See, now this is something I can do!!

on one hand you're saying "I dunno what to say or do." and on the other "I've got the knowledge, I just can't begin. " I'm not sure if you know how to open and scared or you scared because you don't know what to do.
Anyway jpow1981 gave you a great advice!
If you don't know how to open, ask.
If you know but afraid, just try (for at least 5 times!!) what I said, think it's just a game and you are in it.

Thanks guys.

I totally get it. You can know what to do and not be able to do it. There's a gut-wrenching fear that goes along with the approach. It never goes away entirely, but you get used to it.

I've never been one to run game in groups, but winging up might help too. I know people who say that being rejected and then telling their wingmen about it is half the fun.

Personally when I approach, I'm still scared. I have to go into a trance-like mode when I walk over to my mark. Only once I'm engaging her do I start to realize where I am!

Just say "hi."

I'm not saying to go up to a girl at a bar and do this, but to do this everywhere. In the mall as you're walking by some girls, just say hi and move on. Do this at the bars and clubs as you cross paths with women. Just say hi.

Saying hi is an approach even if that's how your interaction ends. It's friendly and unintrusive and if the girl isn't interested in you she'll still say hi.

I'm not saying to do this as your weapon of choice, but to get over approach anxiety you need to at least be able to say hi to people you know you don't have to further interact with. Right now approaching women is unnatural to you and until you do it more often than not, it won't be natural. Take baby steps.

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ITS YOUR CHOICE!
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Focus on your inner game but in the meanwhile you can try the following:
This makes my AA disappear in the clubs
I walk to the guys and say:
Me: Whoa dudes! I hope you arent leaving yet!?
Men: No
Me: Sweet, thats what im talking about! High fives!
High fives*
Me: Have a nice evening!

If they say yes when i ask if they are leaving-->

Men: Yes
Me: Oh, well have a nice evening! High fives!
High Fives*

I usually open 7-8 sets of guys like this because it completely destroys all the AA i have left in the clubs. Plus, it:
A) Rises your social status
B) Makes you new " friends ". When you see those guys later talking to girls, its easier for you to approach the set because you have " friends " in that set '
+
Check out this link!
http://www.bristollair.com/video/clear- ... xiety.html

[ Johnny B ]

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When you lose, don't lose the lesson. ~Author Unknown
Fear has a large shadow, but he himself is small. ~Ruth Gendler

The first time i managed to get over my approach anxiety was in a Mobile Phone shop.. i had been reading this PUA stuff for quite some time and was itching to get into it.. but i never really had that bit extra to get over the feeling of looking like a fool. Shy.

but anyways - back to the story, in this shop there were 3 girls, all good looking.. HB7.5 average between all three.

I had overheard a conversation of theirs about a mobile one of them had purchased and how it was a little defected. The phone i was about to buy.

So, i'd been standing there for quite some time - while a clearly incompetant worker was fumbling with some forms.

I decided to start talking to the 3 girls in front of me, just the girl with phone in her hand.. just a simple cold approach (also funnily enough, it's step 1 in the StyleLife challenge - to make conversation with 5 complete strangers") it felt weird.. striking a conversation with complete strangers.. i felt like everyone in the shop was looking at me, i was speaking boldly - not shouting.. but exerting myself.. then i looked around - and everyone WAS looking at me..but i didn't get that feeling that they think im a fool.. it was very refreshing..

Oddly enough.. i think back at it and wonder "if i'd never read any of this PUA stuff.. would i have a defected phone in my pocket?"

Illusionist

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"They were right when they said "just be yourself" they just never told you what "self" to be.." - Gunwitch