| it was my roomates 21st birthday, we went out.
first set on the left when I walk in, ask the dude if hes famous, this dude plays too cool for school though and just is like yeah im famous bro. he ended up watching all our jackets and shit so it was worth it
second set the dudes are douchebags but I neg the blonde in the group before I eject in a playfull way and that comes in handy later on in the night.
third set im standing at the bar with my elbows on it and im leaning back, so im facing away from the bar, I have two friends to my right and then on the right of them there is a two set, now I noticed early on that its hard to body rock or throw a time constraint when your at the bar and they are two people away from you. the problem was there was a walking lane in front of me so they couldnt just come in front of me.
me: hey guys glasses off or on
them:something...I wasnt listening i duno
me: omg check this out, so I was at the bar a few weeks ago and this dude randomly starts talking to me, and he was making these weird facial expressions, kind of like the ones your making right now ( point to target) and then he says bro you would look so good in my glasses ( but I make it sounds a little gay when I quote him, I immitate him and take off my glasses and pretend to hand them), then when I put them on he is all like (omg those look so good on you, and then he puts his arm on my shoulder and starts to come closer. So I freak out and run out of the bar, and im calling my friends to tell them we have to go to a new bar because dudes are hitting on me, and I'm walking down the street for about 3 minutes, and then I realize I'm still wearing this dudes glasses. he had shitty vision too, I just thought I was really wasted for a bit lol.
target: wait what does this story have to do with anything
me: (ignore her shit) you girls are best friends arent you
them:(they chatter for a second and look back at me and kind of laugh at that statement, like no way is that true)...(so I am just like fuck it they are here they look the same they know each other, they are using each other as defense, they are best friends, so I continue. )
me: you know how I can tell, you guys have the exact...same...facial expressions ( this gets somewhat of a reaction out of these girls ) they look at each other
me: check this out I can even prove it to you, do you guys use the same shampoo...they look and I explain the best friends test
them: they were both super rude and basically interupting me every chance they could, or trying to make fun of something I said, so I go head and do something that I know is going to hit...
me:allright your losin me (as I turn away)
target:wait are you shrugging us off?
me:you guys are rude, and have been shrugging me off for 5 mins...as I turn away even more
at this point I have done every set in the bar, there are literally no more women to do (fuck houghton) but this is where it gets interesting
I start pouring some of my pitcher into my friends bottle of bud-light, some people are watching because its kind of amusing to see someone refill a bottle of beer. the bartender comes over and my friend makes a joke
friend:haha bro looks like were takin your job
bt:really your gonna take my job
friend:well i'de be a smiling bartender if I did
bt:how about I kick you out
friend: so how does that work, is there a consensus with the other bartenders or something
bt:well your going to be a bartender you should know
friend:I missed a seminar or two
bt:haha seminar? yoru not from around her are you bro
friend: no...(looks around as if hes judging)...but thats probably a good thing
bt: walks away to get bouncer
at this point the blonde from the asshole table comes over and steals my shiny hat, I just look at her and shake my head until she walks back and places it back on my head...
after the bouncer tells brian to leave I throw my jacket on and the blonde who I rolled off earlier came back over
hb:you know im really curious about you
me:really
hb:why were you mean earlier
me: me? you were being mean, so I left
hb:oh well we didnt mean to be
me:well hi im joe nice to meet you
her:haha hi im jessica
me:ok so check this out, imagine the most amazing fantasy vacation you could ever think of
hb:looks up and to the right
me:your either left handed or you just remembered a vacation
hb:omg how did you know that
me:your eyes went up and to the right, your a very visual person arent you, you visualize things when your think of them
hb:omg blah blah yes
me: well my friend just got kicked out so I have to go it was nice meeting you
I really did have to go, and I didnt want to bother with that girls number because ide rather just run into her again later, im just practicing anyway, I have a feeling after having her see the blonde girl come over and give me value she saw physical proof of my value and thus realized that my behavior was congruent with my level of value, which then made her think oh wow he must be worth something.
two-set at 2nd bar that eventually turned into a four set
me:hey guys glasses on or off
them:on definetly on
me: haha whats that supposed to mean, this girls callin me ugly over here, so omg check this out a few weeks ago I was at the bar (glasses routine)
them:omg he was gay, he was definetly gay, are those the glasses blah blah
me: you girls are best friends arent you
them: yeah blah blah
me: you know how I can tell...you guys have the exact...same...facial expressions
them: hahah omg thats so trute
me: best friensd test
them: OMG
me: I elaborate on best friends test and call out which one calls the other one more often
them: omg thats so true omg omg <<my buying temperature is through the roof, but I have not demonstrated value
at this point their drunk friend who had just turned 21 ran into the group and came right in between my legs, leaned on my lap, and tried to kiss me....seriously pre-selection rocks
this girl was not that hot though and her father was at the bar, and I really just wanted the social proof I could get from these women
me: hey lady gime some space her, your friend is hammered
them:blah blah 21st blah blah
me: omg so check this out, im gonna take you, point to semi-target, and im gonna dress you up in a fluffy white costume, and im gonna give you a wand, and wings, and then im gonna take you (friend) and im gonna dress you up in bitch boots, and a corset, and give you a pitch fork, and then im going to put you both on my arms and walk you ALLL around houghton ( walk them both aroudn the bar on my arms ).....and then check this out....when we get to make a decision, you girls get to argue over my head and decide what is right to do....but of course ill always side with you ( point to devil girl )
target:omg you get to wear bitch boots and be a devil, thats so not fair (to friend)
at this point another friend came in so now there is four, I handle by saying introduce me to your friend, its polite. now I have four girls all around me making me look like the effing ish...somehow the girl mentions kung fu or some shit, so im like, I was tought kung fu by a grand chinese master, check this out. I whip out my english penny im like you get to keep this if I cant snatch it out of your hand, everyone is intrigued.
there is lots of tension as we both stand there with our hands out, im looking at the penny thinking ("omfg please fucking work omfg please fucking work") I throw in a practice round where I go SUPER SLOW and grab it out of her hand in a way that involves me using my entire hand not just my index and thumb and middle finger.
I go in and snatch the coin, and she makes a fist, I look at everyone and I say who do you guys think got it....I look at the girl I say open your hand...she opens her hand and the coin is missing....she raises her hand up and like looks at it in awe, shes like OMG HOW DID YOU DO THAT, OMG DO IT AGAIN.
me:what do I look like a dancing monkey, no way
her: and everyone omg omg <<buying temperature is fucking ridiculous but I still have not demonstrated any value whatsoever
me: turns back to my pitcher and starts puring another beer, they kind of start talking to her father, I begin a conversation with the guy next to me and my roomate
target:comes over a few minutes later and is like can I please wear your hat?
me:are you a theif?
target:noway omg ill only wear it 5 mins
me: i put the hat on her head, and tap my wrist, your on the clock, then i turn back around
that was it, there were no other sets at that bar but if there were I feel like opening some they would have shot open like gangbusters....this was the first night I ever truely sarged, like I have never gone to a bar and opened sets....I've gone to a bar and had sets ignore me, ive opened one set here and there, but I have never just sarged, said fuck the regection and went with it.....I feel like it probably would have been better to open that first two-set had I left my spot at the bar and walked by them, maybe the combination of being closer affecting the audio, my body rocking, my ability to throw a time constraint, maybe would have accelerated the hook point a bit. All I know is I am in houghton michigan, and I potentially could have gotten progress with an 8 and a 7, and I know for a fact that a good majority of men up here are either virgins, or have not been laid in a year.....shit yea
the girl to guy ratio at michigan tech is 1:3
-joe
I would love to hear some constructive criticism, or even if you want to tell me im awesome, gime some response from the community
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did you know that in some cultures it is considered rude to give gifts.
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