Critique/Critisize my newb MySpace opener



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SirBishop
PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 8:46 am 
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A lot of girls have pics with a guy/guy's in it on their myspace albums. And we all know a lot of guys (like 90+ %) post shit like: "Hey sexy, holla at me"...or "Damn girl wussup?" or whatever variation.


YOU: I think I went to high school with that guy. Is his name steve?
HER: no
YOU: crazy, he looks just like this guy named Steven Edwards that went to my high school. how was your halloween btw?

by adding btw (by the way) I felt it game it an even more natural sound and :D
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slyder2412
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 4:28 pm 
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cliche imo
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skypirate1965
PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 8:00 pm 
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Joined: Sat Sep 26, 2009 2:47 pm
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Quote:
A lot of girls have pics with a guy/guy's in it on their myspace albums. And we all know a lot of guys (like 90+ %) post shit like: "Hey sexy, holla at me"...or "Damn girl wussup?" or whatever variation.


YOU: I think I went to high school with that guy. Is his name steve?
HER: no
YOU: crazy, he looks just like this guy named Steven Edwards that went to my high school. how was your halloween btw?

by adding btw (by the way) I felt it game it an even more natural sound and :D
Was that actual text used? If so she didn't give you much to work with. Maybe one angle would be to accuse her dating loads of men.A bit of role reversal.
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SirBishop
PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 8:28 pm 
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Joined: Wed Oct 21, 2009 7:49 am
Posts: 23
Yahoo Messenger: abishop0629
AOL: bishopanthonyj
Location: Burbank
Quote:
Quote:
A lot of girls have pics with a guy/guy's in it on their myspace albums. And we all know a lot of guys (like 90+ %) post shit like: "Hey sexy, holla at me"...or "Damn girl wussup?" or whatever variation.


YOU: I think I went to high school with that guy. Is his name steve?
HER: no
YOU: crazy, he looks just like this guy named Steven Edwards that went to my high school. how was your halloween btw?

by adding btw (by the way) I felt it game it an even more natural sound and :D
Was that actual text used? If so she didn't give you much to work with. Maybe one angle would be to accuse her dating loads of men.A bit of role reversal.
no. i was just imagining how the convo might go (even though it never really goes how I expect). Thanks for your suggestion. Sounds really good. Im gonna put it to use.
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SirBishop
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 8:29 pm 
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Joined: Wed Oct 21, 2009 7:49 am
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Yahoo Messenger: abishop0629
AOL: bishopanthonyj
Location: Burbank
Quote:
cliche imo
as in way too common?
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skypirate1965
PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 8:33 am 
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
A lot of girls have pics with a guy/guy's in it on their myspace albums. And we all know a lot of guys (like 90+ %) post shit like: "Hey sexy, holla at me"...or "Damn girl wussup?" or whatever variation.


YOU: I think I went to high school with that guy. Is his name steve?
HER: no
YOU: crazy, he looks just like this guy named Steven Edwards that went to my high school. how was your halloween btw?

by adding btw (by the way) I felt it game it an even more natural sound and :D
Was that actual text used? If so she didn't give you much to work with. Maybe one angle would be to accuse her dating loads of men.A bit of role reversal.
no. i was just imagining how the convo might go (even though it never really goes how I expect). Thanks for your suggestion. Sounds really good. Im gonna put it to use.
Ok. good to rehearse things. The question you would ask would be closed. It maybe better to use an open question to generate more feedback.

Perhaps you could modify it and say "Why are you with Steve? One of the many men in your love life I see" Maybe a bit too creepy, too accusatory. Don't know. The only way is to try it.
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SirBishop
PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 8:37 am 
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Joined: Wed Oct 21, 2009 7:49 am
Posts: 23
Yahoo Messenger: abishop0629
AOL: bishopanthonyj
Location: Burbank
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Was that actual text used? If so she didn't give you much to work with. Maybe one angle would be to accuse her dating loads of men.A bit of role reversal.
no. i was just imagining how the convo might go (even though it never really goes how I expect). Thanks for your suggestion. Sounds really good. Im gonna put it to use.
Ok. good to rehearse things. The question you would ask would be closed. It maybe better to use an open question to generate more feedback.

Perhaps you could modify it and say "Why are you with Steve? One of the many men in your love life I see" Maybe a bit too creepy, too accusatory. Don't know. The only way is to try it.
im glad i found this forum to run shit by people. thx man. you're right, an open ended question is a better choice.
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